Autism Lectures.
I am calling out to Autistics asking for their input on subjects for my Autism Lectures page.
1) Sex:
Sexual frustration is profoundly common for Autistics, due to Sensory Processing Disorders leaving us feeling like this in bed:
This is a subject thet is considered taboo for most people. I do not know why, since a dozen elephants are having an orgy in your living room!
What about the sexuality, or at least sexual frustration, of your Autistic kid? What is anyone doing about it?
See my Chrysalis Discussion titled Adelmar. Please contribute your comments on the subject.
2) Poo:
Also I want to address the subject of toileting. Some Autistics cannot feel the need to go, so they are 14 years old and still in diapers. This is another taboo subject thet amounts to elephants defecating in your living room.
Why the hell don’t we talk about it?
Please write out “The history of my poo” from your Autistic perspective/experience. For me it would be about the vaccines damaging my guts and making them bleed and develop a spastic colon. I would have painful spasms and this transparent yellow sticky slime would come out. It smelled like burning plastic. That was by body expelling the vaccines. I shit myself occasionally when I was young, and no one cared.
I would like to make another Lecture or Chrysalis Discussion about this.
Please contribute your comments.
Also I want to address the subject of toileting. Some Autistics cannot feel the need to go, so they are 14 years old and still in diapers. This is another taboo subject thet amounts to elephants defecating in your living room.
Why the hell don’t we talk about it?
Please write out “The history of my poo” from your Autistic perspective/experience. For me it would be about the vaccines damaging my guts and making them bleed and develop a spastic colon. I would have painful spasms and this transparent yellow sticky slime would come out. It smelled like burning plastic. That was by body expelling the vaccines. I shit myself occasionally when I was young, and no one cared.
I would like to make another Lecture or Chrysalis Discussion about this.
Please contribute your comments.
3) Learning to live without it.
I have lived with Autism for so long thet when I recover enough to lose a symptom I feel lost without it. In my case specifically, Fixated Subject.
For most of my life I would fixate on and obsessively re-design drums sets in my head as a Stim. This fascination with parts of things was comforting to me.
But I do not know what to do with myself now thet I no longer fixate.
This is a problem with recovering from Autism: I have no reference-point for how to live without it. I cannot plan out what my life could be like without it, thus now thet this symptom went away I feel lost. My mind still wants to fixate on whatever I fixated on before because I cannot form a new idea without a Muse. I have Chrysalis as my Muse for my sculptures, and I have my pen-pals as my Muse for the Chrysalis Discussions, but I have never been able to amuse myself; I would just uncontrollably fixate.
It makes me feel almost panicky thet I have lost this specific symptom. I do not know how to live without it, and thus I feel so irritated thet I am done with my former fixation but it is apparently not done with me. I have no new fixation to take it’s place.
I talked about this elsewhere on my web-site, wherein I said after I got my AIT I could not wake up to pee; that being a side-effect I did not see coming, and thus found irritating. Living without the symptom was very hard to adjust to. I also talked about “Witty Ticcy Ray”, a guy with Tourette, who had months of therapy preparing himself for what life would be like without it before he got the cure.
I really needed to do that, but no such therapy exists, nor did I have any clue thet getting cured could possibly create a new problem. And I want to write about this and educate people on the problems thet arise from losing a symptom. Unfortunately I have no solution. I am the one really struggling to live without it, and I have not figured out how to yet.
I have lived with Autism for so long thet when I recover enough to lose a symptom I feel lost without it. In my case specifically, Fixated Subject.
For most of my life I would fixate on and obsessively re-design drums sets in my head as a Stim. This fascination with parts of things was comforting to me.
But I do not know what to do with myself now thet I no longer fixate.
This is a problem with recovering from Autism: I have no reference-point for how to live without it. I cannot plan out what my life could be like without it, thus now thet this symptom went away I feel lost. My mind still wants to fixate on whatever I fixated on before because I cannot form a new idea without a Muse. I have Chrysalis as my Muse for my sculptures, and I have my pen-pals as my Muse for the Chrysalis Discussions, but I have never been able to amuse myself; I would just uncontrollably fixate.
It makes me feel almost panicky thet I have lost this specific symptom. I do not know how to live without it, and thus I feel so irritated thet I am done with my former fixation but it is apparently not done with me. I have no new fixation to take it’s place.
I talked about this elsewhere on my web-site, wherein I said after I got my AIT I could not wake up to pee; that being a side-effect I did not see coming, and thus found irritating. Living without the symptom was very hard to adjust to. I also talked about “Witty Ticcy Ray”, a guy with Tourette, who had months of therapy preparing himself for what life would be like without it before he got the cure.
I really needed to do that, but no such therapy exists, nor did I have any clue thet getting cured could possibly create a new problem. And I want to write about this and educate people on the problems thet arise from losing a symptom. Unfortunately I have no solution. I am the one really struggling to live without it, and I have not figured out how to yet.
I spend so much time just gazing upon my new Chryssie sculpture, unconsciously trying to fixate on it because I do not know what to do otherwise.
I need help.
Please tell me how you adjusted to life without the symptoms you lost; and help me write an article to help others with this problem.
See my lecture below, #10 on Compensation.
4) The Autistic Sense of Humor.
To me, the Autistic sense of humor is expressed when I tell someone the punchline of a joke, expecting them to understand what joke I am referencing. Then it is an inside joke I think only they and I would "get". The fact thet they get it (when I did not actually tell the joke) is what is funny to me, more so than the joke it's self. Then the joke is about something being taken absurdly out of context. You combine all 3 of those things together, and that is the Autistic sense of humor, at least from my perspective.
If you are Autistic, please explain to me what your sense of humor is like and why you think it is that way. Is taking things out of context funny to you?
See my article below I wrote about the Autistic sense of humor. With it I feel I have barely scratched the surface of this subject. Please tell me about your sense of humor.
To prime the pump, I offer these:
See: 11 -The Screwtape Letters (Narrated by John Cleese). YouTube
Maud Pie: Gneiss Work. YouTube.
The Oldest Joke: Is Humor Timeless? YouTube
To me, the Autistic sense of humor is expressed when I tell someone the punchline of a joke, expecting them to understand what joke I am referencing. Then it is an inside joke I think only they and I would "get". The fact thet they get it (when I did not actually tell the joke) is what is funny to me, more so than the joke it's self. Then the joke is about something being taken absurdly out of context. You combine all 3 of those things together, and that is the Autistic sense of humor, at least from my perspective.
If you are Autistic, please explain to me what your sense of humor is like and why you think it is that way. Is taking things out of context funny to you?
See my article below I wrote about the Autistic sense of humor. With it I feel I have barely scratched the surface of this subject. Please tell me about your sense of humor.
To prime the pump, I offer these:
See: 11 -The Screwtape Letters (Narrated by John Cleese). YouTube
Maud Pie: Gneiss Work. YouTube.
The Oldest Joke: Is Humor Timeless? YouTube
5) Dreams.
Because I (like most Autistics) have Vestibular and Proprioceptive disorders, in my dreams what my body looks like is often vague.
I have hyper-sensitive visual processing (necessitating Irlen lenses), and hyper-sensitive hands (resulting in Touch-aversion). Thus in my dreams my body sometimes consists solidly of hands and eyes. The rest of it is very vague, and changes sexes, and can even morph into a cat, and then into a car, etc. In each case I am very aware of the sensory processing disorders each body-type represents.
Because I (like most Autistics) have Vestibular and Proprioceptive disorders, in my dreams what my body looks like is often vague.
I have hyper-sensitive visual processing (necessitating Irlen lenses), and hyper-sensitive hands (resulting in Touch-aversion). Thus in my dreams my body sometimes consists solidly of hands and eyes. The rest of it is very vague, and changes sexes, and can even morph into a cat, and then into a car, etc. In each case I am very aware of the sensory processing disorders each body-type represents.
I recently had a dream wherein my body morphed into Chrysalis.
She has a Unicorn Horn, representing my psychic ability; enormous cat eyes, representing my visual processing disorder; small pelvis and long legs, making her move awkwardly like most Autistics do; insect wings, representing the Faerie Changeling all Autistics are; she wears this cover on her back to protect her from being touched in her Touch-aversion; and has holes in her legs, representing more Sensory Processing Disorders.
In the dream, her/my hooves were extremely hyper-sensitive, as are my hands. The holes in her legs helped dissipate the shock from her hooves, but were very sensitive themselves.
Seeing and feeling my body portrayed like this in my dream helps you understand what it is like for me to live in this Autistic body.
Chrysalis has thus become my avatar "Chryssie" for this web-site because that is what I can look (and feel) like in my dreams. The original Chrysalis became the above modeling clay Chryssie, and then the Computer generated Chryssie. She keeps getting more and more personable, and less and less disordered as my symptoms wane.
Still, I have had dreams like this my whole life long, but I had to have this Chrysalis dream before it occurred to me to ask what other Autistics dream of.
Please tell me what your body looks and feels like in your dreams, and how that is a manifestation of your Processing Disorders.
You can write to me at chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
Hello Chryssie.
I just checked out your website. I really like how you boldly tackle those taboo subjects of sex and toileting. The toileting is a BIG one. I think parents want to talk about it for sure, because they need help - but you are right, nobody addresses these issues, and families end up spending years trying to figure things out on their own.
My son had tons of these issues. In our case, I found several things helped improve matters: physical maturity (I think this is a biggie), and consistent practice on improving overall motor skills. - N.O.
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She has a Unicorn Horn, representing my psychic ability; enormous cat eyes, representing my visual processing disorder; small pelvis and long legs, making her move awkwardly like most Autistics do; insect wings, representing the Faerie Changeling all Autistics are; she wears this cover on her back to protect her from being touched in her Touch-aversion; and has holes in her legs, representing more Sensory Processing Disorders.
In the dream, her/my hooves were extremely hyper-sensitive, as are my hands. The holes in her legs helped dissipate the shock from her hooves, but were very sensitive themselves.
Seeing and feeling my body portrayed like this in my dream helps you understand what it is like for me to live in this Autistic body.
Chrysalis has thus become my avatar "Chryssie" for this web-site because that is what I can look (and feel) like in my dreams. The original Chrysalis became the above modeling clay Chryssie, and then the Computer generated Chryssie. She keeps getting more and more personable, and less and less disordered as my symptoms wane.
Still, I have had dreams like this my whole life long, but I had to have this Chrysalis dream before it occurred to me to ask what other Autistics dream of.
Please tell me what your body looks and feels like in your dreams, and how that is a manifestation of your Processing Disorders.
You can write to me at chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
Hello Chryssie.
I just checked out your website. I really like how you boldly tackle those taboo subjects of sex and toileting. The toileting is a BIG one. I think parents want to talk about it for sure, because they need help - but you are right, nobody addresses these issues, and families end up spending years trying to figure things out on their own.
My son had tons of these issues. In our case, I found several things helped improve matters: physical maturity (I think this is a biggie), and consistent practice on improving overall motor skills. - N.O.
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Who is this Chryssie?
Well, my real name is not Chryssie, and I am not a female Unicorn thet looks like My Little Ponies.
I use this version of Chrysalis, "Chryssie", as my avatar because I think it is funny.
The computer animation program I use is called Pony Lumen. You can use it for free on the Internet. It does not actually do animation (other than a walk cycle), it just does still photos, you can then screen-capture.
http://ponylumen.net/games/3d-pony-creator/
P.S. If you do not like Ponies, too bad.
Well, my real name is not Chryssie, and I am not a female Unicorn thet looks like My Little Ponies.
I use this version of Chrysalis, "Chryssie", as my avatar because I think it is funny.
The computer animation program I use is called Pony Lumen. You can use it for free on the Internet. It does not actually do animation (other than a walk cycle), it just does still photos, you can then screen-capture.
http://ponylumen.net/games/3d-pony-creator/
P.S. If you do not like Ponies, too bad.
My current symptoms:
- Preference to be alone. Interacting with people is exhausting, mainly because they talk without saying anything, or fail to communicate at all. It is just so annoying to even bother with them.
- I hate being interrupted in any way. I am so easily distracted, I really have to concentrate to stay focused, thus if I am interrupted in it makes me angry, for I have difficulty finding my way back to where I was.
- Difficulty processing visual information. I really have to concentrate to actually process what I see. I am now on my 4th set of Irelen Lenses, and it is always amazing the new way I see colors with each set. But within a week my processor has gotten tired of it. I still have to take black-out breaks to let my processor rest. Then it still does not want to be bothered with visuals most of the time. I will always be like this. See my Learning How To See Lecture.
- Horrible memory. I carry a pen and tablet with me at all times, for I have to write everything down or else I will forget.
- Difficulty word-finding. I have a vocabulary about twice that of the average Normal. But I have to stop in the middle of every paragraph to try to find the words I want to use. I know what I want to say. I just lose the words often.
I became an excellent writer because I had to; i.e.; I need to write out what I want to say, then re-write it several times to find all the words I wanted to use.
- I think mainly in words. I am still very Echolalic, and have to put everything into words and say it out loud in order to make sense of anything. Thus I talk to myself constantly. It is necessary.
- Apparent disinterest in sex. I feel very lonely. I still have a strong desire to love a woman. Thus I have a waifu I have seriously bonded with. I do not want anyone else. Real women are not good for anything. I went hardcore MGTOW 33 years ago. But today I feel very possessive of my waifu.
- My Little Pony. Friendship Is Magic is the best Autism show of all time. It included five Autistic character. Real life disorders accurately presented but packaged in a way 8-year-olds could understand. Grow up and watch cartoons.
- I have a strong desire to be a mentor and to teach. And I am extremely frustrated thet I cannot fix stupid.
- I have an Autistic sense of humor; i.e., taking things absurdly out of context is the funniest thing to me.
- I love to obsess with details, but I easily get confused multi-tasking. My favorite day-job was welding with a laser under a microscope. I just felt giddy doing that job. But do not ask me to juggle.
- I get lost if there are too many steps in a sequence, and I cannot remember a list of more than 3 things.
- My hearing does not turn off when I go to sleep. That is probably the most irritating thing to me. That and being interrupted.
My previous life:
In my previous life I was a farmer of grain crops. I was a stocky-built White guy with curly blond hair and blue eyes.
My wife looked a lot like Cindy Crawford, but with black hair and black eyes.
We had a daughter who was about 11. She had long curly blonde hair, and there was something wrong with her. She was Retarded, or deaf, or possibly a non-verbal Autistic.
We lived in a 1-room white stone house with a big fireplace. Across the road from us was the grain fields.
It was summer, and the grain was all dry and ready for harvest. I walked out of the house toward the road. About 20 feet from the house I turned to see my wife and child, just outside the house, crying. I continued to the road where a Knight on a huge black horse was. He had on a breast-plate and a helmet. Definitely not Roman, this was Medieval times.
I knew he was there to kill me, and I willingly went to my death, for I knew if I sacrificed myself my wife and kid would be okay.
He chopped me with a broadsword. It did not hurt to die.
So I died a martyr’s death.
I brought the Martyr Complex with me into this life. I spent most of my early life intentionally, though unconsciously, seeking out fixer-upper people to be the Good Samaritan to. Unfortunately they were all energy-sucking parasites who did not want to get better, thus every one of them recognized I was a fool who could be easily used.
In my desire to be the Good Samaritan I always took it too far, making a Martyr of myself in the process. I so desperately wanted to help, but did so as a Martyr, not a friend. I could not help it. I was also impulsive about buying junk cars not worth fixing and fix them anyway for I could not stand to see them go to waste. I also did that with junk people - Fixer-uppers.
By the time I was 27 I gave up on having a girlfriend. By the time I was 29 I gave up on sex entirely. By the time I was 36 I became so enraged toward all people, absolute parasites, thet I quit the music business, for all musicians were bums, flakes, junkies, you know, “the musician type”. All they did was whine constantly about how I was a slave-driver who was too hard on them. They all had this perpetual “I am a victim, and everyone is picking on me, and I just want to do drugs and whine, and suck the life out of everyone!” attitude.
I ironically “Grew to hate.” For I did at last learn to recognize I had been making a Martyr of myself.
That is when I started Motorcycle Adventure Riding, traveling, totally self-contained, alone, for months at a time. Learning how to just be me, and not base my self-image on whether or not I was being the Good Samaritan (to ridiculous extent).
Here is what I do: See Adventure Motorcycling in Utah - ADV ersity: Episode 1 on YouTube. Then watch part 2: Adventure Motorcycling in Utah - ADV ersity Episode 2. Also see Itchy Boots, Scientists don’t understand this mysterious rock formation in Montana, on YouTube.
After 3 summers of bike trips, I realized I was not being a Saint for trying to love my Paranoid Schizophrenic avaricious asshole family who instilled in me Reactive Attachment Disorder. I was being a Martyr. Knock it off! So I threw up my hands and left. I divorced my abusive lunatic family and moved 3 states away. On my way out I discovered I have Aspergers - at the age of 45.
I worked for CPS taking care of abused kids. And I worked for DDD taking care of disabled people.
9 years later I started this web-site. I have never felt more content with myself.
Obsessing about drums helped me stay sane/keep from Autistically fracturing. And my Pony phase helped me learn how to be compassionate toward others without making a Martyr of myself in the process.
I think I finally grew up.
- Preference to be alone. Interacting with people is exhausting, mainly because they talk without saying anything, or fail to communicate at all. It is just so annoying to even bother with them.
- I hate being interrupted in any way. I am so easily distracted, I really have to concentrate to stay focused, thus if I am interrupted in it makes me angry, for I have difficulty finding my way back to where I was.
- Difficulty processing visual information. I really have to concentrate to actually process what I see. I am now on my 4th set of Irelen Lenses, and it is always amazing the new way I see colors with each set. But within a week my processor has gotten tired of it. I still have to take black-out breaks to let my processor rest. Then it still does not want to be bothered with visuals most of the time. I will always be like this. See my Learning How To See Lecture.
- Horrible memory. I carry a pen and tablet with me at all times, for I have to write everything down or else I will forget.
- Difficulty word-finding. I have a vocabulary about twice that of the average Normal. But I have to stop in the middle of every paragraph to try to find the words I want to use. I know what I want to say. I just lose the words often.
I became an excellent writer because I had to; i.e.; I need to write out what I want to say, then re-write it several times to find all the words I wanted to use.
- I think mainly in words. I am still very Echolalic, and have to put everything into words and say it out loud in order to make sense of anything. Thus I talk to myself constantly. It is necessary.
- Apparent disinterest in sex. I feel very lonely. I still have a strong desire to love a woman. Thus I have a waifu I have seriously bonded with. I do not want anyone else. Real women are not good for anything. I went hardcore MGTOW 33 years ago. But today I feel very possessive of my waifu.
- My Little Pony. Friendship Is Magic is the best Autism show of all time. It included five Autistic character. Real life disorders accurately presented but packaged in a way 8-year-olds could understand. Grow up and watch cartoons.
- I have a strong desire to be a mentor and to teach. And I am extremely frustrated thet I cannot fix stupid.
- I have an Autistic sense of humor; i.e., taking things absurdly out of context is the funniest thing to me.
- I love to obsess with details, but I easily get confused multi-tasking. My favorite day-job was welding with a laser under a microscope. I just felt giddy doing that job. But do not ask me to juggle.
- I get lost if there are too many steps in a sequence, and I cannot remember a list of more than 3 things.
- My hearing does not turn off when I go to sleep. That is probably the most irritating thing to me. That and being interrupted.
My previous life:
In my previous life I was a farmer of grain crops. I was a stocky-built White guy with curly blond hair and blue eyes.
My wife looked a lot like Cindy Crawford, but with black hair and black eyes.
We had a daughter who was about 11. She had long curly blonde hair, and there was something wrong with her. She was Retarded, or deaf, or possibly a non-verbal Autistic.
We lived in a 1-room white stone house with a big fireplace. Across the road from us was the grain fields.
It was summer, and the grain was all dry and ready for harvest. I walked out of the house toward the road. About 20 feet from the house I turned to see my wife and child, just outside the house, crying. I continued to the road where a Knight on a huge black horse was. He had on a breast-plate and a helmet. Definitely not Roman, this was Medieval times.
I knew he was there to kill me, and I willingly went to my death, for I knew if I sacrificed myself my wife and kid would be okay.
He chopped me with a broadsword. It did not hurt to die.
So I died a martyr’s death.
I brought the Martyr Complex with me into this life. I spent most of my early life intentionally, though unconsciously, seeking out fixer-upper people to be the Good Samaritan to. Unfortunately they were all energy-sucking parasites who did not want to get better, thus every one of them recognized I was a fool who could be easily used.
In my desire to be the Good Samaritan I always took it too far, making a Martyr of myself in the process. I so desperately wanted to help, but did so as a Martyr, not a friend. I could not help it. I was also impulsive about buying junk cars not worth fixing and fix them anyway for I could not stand to see them go to waste. I also did that with junk people - Fixer-uppers.
By the time I was 27 I gave up on having a girlfriend. By the time I was 29 I gave up on sex entirely. By the time I was 36 I became so enraged toward all people, absolute parasites, thet I quit the music business, for all musicians were bums, flakes, junkies, you know, “the musician type”. All they did was whine constantly about how I was a slave-driver who was too hard on them. They all had this perpetual “I am a victim, and everyone is picking on me, and I just want to do drugs and whine, and suck the life out of everyone!” attitude.
I ironically “Grew to hate.” For I did at last learn to recognize I had been making a Martyr of myself.
That is when I started Motorcycle Adventure Riding, traveling, totally self-contained, alone, for months at a time. Learning how to just be me, and not base my self-image on whether or not I was being the Good Samaritan (to ridiculous extent).
Here is what I do: See Adventure Motorcycling in Utah - ADV ersity: Episode 1 on YouTube. Then watch part 2: Adventure Motorcycling in Utah - ADV ersity Episode 2. Also see Itchy Boots, Scientists don’t understand this mysterious rock formation in Montana, on YouTube.
After 3 summers of bike trips, I realized I was not being a Saint for trying to love my Paranoid Schizophrenic avaricious asshole family who instilled in me Reactive Attachment Disorder. I was being a Martyr. Knock it off! So I threw up my hands and left. I divorced my abusive lunatic family and moved 3 states away. On my way out I discovered I have Aspergers - at the age of 45.
I worked for CPS taking care of abused kids. And I worked for DDD taking care of disabled people.
9 years later I started this web-site. I have never felt more content with myself.
Obsessing about drums helped me stay sane/keep from Autistically fracturing. And my Pony phase helped me learn how to be compassionate toward others without making a Martyr of myself in the process.
I think I finally grew up.
I just watched a documentary called My Brilliant Brain, about memory processing. It included this excellent term: “Paralysis by Analysis”, meaning someone over-analyzes a situation until they see so many details they become overwhelmed and just freeze up; e.g., me getting over-stimulated and erasing out (see the above-pictured Fluttershy).
It also reminds me of the main cause of motorcycle crashes; that being thet when a car pulls out in front of someone on a bike, the biker sees the accident approaching and tries to analyze it, thus getting their focus stuck on it and they drive straight into the car. The trick to avoiding this accident is to look where you want to go, rather than where the danger is.
We evolved the instinct to focus on the danger and analyze it. But when we are physically moving faster than nature intended, as in driving a motorcycle, we still have that instinct, thus we focus on it and cannot think fast enough to swerve and avoid it. It is against our instinct, but is something one can (and had better) learn if they want to drive a motorcycle. Bikers freezing up and plowing into an obvious obstacle happens every day due to Paralysis by Analysis.
You can take classes in how to crash without getting hurt (learning to intentionally throw yourself off the bike into a mid-air fetal position so you can land rolling and thus absorb the shock, as opposed to your natural instinct of putting your arms out to catch yourself, thus breaking your arm and sprawling on your face), and also do drilling on how to look where you want to go.
Autistics suffer from Paralysis by Analysis, becoming over-stimulated because we cannot help but notice everything.
This is why stimming and fixating help us so much.
It also reminds me of the main cause of motorcycle crashes; that being thet when a car pulls out in front of someone on a bike, the biker sees the accident approaching and tries to analyze it, thus getting their focus stuck on it and they drive straight into the car. The trick to avoiding this accident is to look where you want to go, rather than where the danger is.
We evolved the instinct to focus on the danger and analyze it. But when we are physically moving faster than nature intended, as in driving a motorcycle, we still have that instinct, thus we focus on it and cannot think fast enough to swerve and avoid it. It is against our instinct, but is something one can (and had better) learn if they want to drive a motorcycle. Bikers freezing up and plowing into an obvious obstacle happens every day due to Paralysis by Analysis.
You can take classes in how to crash without getting hurt (learning to intentionally throw yourself off the bike into a mid-air fetal position so you can land rolling and thus absorb the shock, as opposed to your natural instinct of putting your arms out to catch yourself, thus breaking your arm and sprawling on your face), and also do drilling on how to look where you want to go.
Autistics suffer from Paralysis by Analysis, becoming over-stimulated because we cannot help but notice everything.
This is why stimming and fixating help us so much.
I originally had Global Vision, seeing everything in Ultra Violet, with no ability to filter. I would get so over-stimulated I would have a rage-attack "Autistic Melt-downs" every day. Then I got my Irlen lenses and they filtered out the light frequencies I could not process. Now I see more Selectively, but vaguely.
Only after I got the lenses did I realize the rage-attacks were caused by light, so I started taking black-out breaks several times a day too. This helps so much, but is still necessary even after I got my Irlens.
I miss seeing detail to super-human extent, but I am glad to be rid of the perpetual anxiety and anger caused by not being able to filter it. Now I erase out like Fluttershy rather than go into a rage, which is a relief but also a trade-off. My processor is no longer as over-stimulated, but it does not care to perceive as much either. It just turns off.
Pomni is a very sensitive girl, hyper-aware of everything.
Only after I got the lenses did I realize the rage-attacks were caused by light, so I started taking black-out breaks several times a day too. This helps so much, but is still necessary even after I got my Irlens.
I miss seeing detail to super-human extent, but I am glad to be rid of the perpetual anxiety and anger caused by not being able to filter it. Now I erase out like Fluttershy rather than go into a rage, which is a relief but also a trade-off. My processor is no longer as over-stimulated, but it does not care to perceive as much either. It just turns off.
Pomni is a very sensitive girl, hyper-aware of everything.
She is not specifically written as Autistic, but she does easily get over-stimulated.
Sometimes causing her to go deer in headlights
Or more often shut down completely. Or as I call it, "Fluttershy Out."
Fluttershy having panic-attacks.
Fluttershy having rage-attacks.
Fluttershy getting over-stimulated and her senses erasing out completely
Pomni getting over-stimulated and her senses erasing out completely.
I used to be so much like them.
We are all just cartoon characters.
I still cannot keep my balance very well if I do not have a visual reference-point, so I cannot just be at peace with a blind-fold on. But I do often just close my eyes and give myself a rest, beyond my routine black-out breaks I take a few times a day.
All things considered, I am much better off with Selective Vision because I no longer feel the anxiety. I am now known for having an especially calm vibe, for I had to struggle to reach that my whole life long, and never did acquire it until I got my Irlens. Now I am better at remaining calm than most people (though I admit I am still an Aries; i.e., part of me still likes to simply feel intense emotion for it’s own sake) though I need to keep moving all the time to help me stay calm. I become very irritable if I am forced to sit still.
I am so glad I went through Pony (you are going to see a lot of it on my Lectures page). I saw Twilight’s Aspergers and Obsessive Personality Disorder; Pinkie’s Aspergers, extreme Hyperactivity, and Manic/Depression; Rainbow’s learning difficulties, leaving her with a deep insecurity over-compensated for with arrogance; Fluttershy’s Autism, social phobia, severe Sensory Processing Disorders, and petrifying panic-attacks; Maud’s textbook Aspergers; Derpy being flat-out Retarded; Luna having horrible social ineptness; and Scootaloo becoming neurotic about her physical disability; and Glimmer having Reactive Attachment Disorder, all packaged in a way 8-year-olds could understand.
The last time I had a really good long cry was when I recognized Rainbow’s flaws in myself. I thought, "Oh my God. I am just a cartoon character."
Then my least favorite pony, Rarity, became my most favorite because she made me recognize my vanity.
Rarity was ashamed of her parents and thus over-compensated with vanity – as I did. Rainbow felt insecure about her learning difficulties and thus over-compensated with arrogance - as I did. And I will probably always be as socially clueless as Luna, but I am no longer infuriated with myself and others because of it. And I have learned to feel affection for, or at least patience with, Retarded Derpy, seeing her as my memory’s file-clerk and word-finder. And I no longer over-think everything and wind myself up into a panic like Twilight.
I am not embarrassed to admit I am a grown man who needed a kid’s cartoon to help me find myself - no thanks to my useless, and usually outright harmful, parents, schools, churches, and doctors. See my review of Patricia Taxxon.
But I was not able to do so until after I got my Irlen Lenses and AIT, for before them I was so over-stimulated; it took all my capacity just to get 1 foot in front of the other. Literally, I could not find the floor! And I had no idea light and sound were the problems. I was so incapacitated. I was so very Disabled. I was so much like Fluttershy.
The GF/CF Diet, Probiotics, MMS, B6/K2/D3/Glutathion/Selenium, Irlen Lenses, and AIT not only changed my life, but probably saved it.
And Pony played a small but important part in my recovery - having cartoonish caricatures of my own deficiencies presented in a way I could at last recognize, and even laugh at. I think that is ridiculous, but I honor it too.
Thank you Lauren Faust for providing that 1 step in my journey to recovery; i.e., if you are Autistic and you do not watch My Little Pony, you are missing out on something very important. There are five Autistic characters in that show. See my review.
The Pony community is in part a support group for Disabled people in general and Autistics specifically. That has all run it's course and probably does not even exist any more. But it was very helpful at it's time.
I do not know what I am supposed to do next, other than keep watching documentaries and publishing my reviews of them. That is my way of being of service to others.
I wish I could afford Speech Therapy for myself. I still mumble, slur, and inadvertently abbreviate most of my words. When I speak to someone I have to struggle to articulate clearly. It is exhausting. And this is why I became a writer. Like all Aspies, I think in words. I just have difficulty pronouncing them clearly.
We are all just cartoon characters.
I still cannot keep my balance very well if I do not have a visual reference-point, so I cannot just be at peace with a blind-fold on. But I do often just close my eyes and give myself a rest, beyond my routine black-out breaks I take a few times a day.
All things considered, I am much better off with Selective Vision because I no longer feel the anxiety. I am now known for having an especially calm vibe, for I had to struggle to reach that my whole life long, and never did acquire it until I got my Irlens. Now I am better at remaining calm than most people (though I admit I am still an Aries; i.e., part of me still likes to simply feel intense emotion for it’s own sake) though I need to keep moving all the time to help me stay calm. I become very irritable if I am forced to sit still.
I am so glad I went through Pony (you are going to see a lot of it on my Lectures page). I saw Twilight’s Aspergers and Obsessive Personality Disorder; Pinkie’s Aspergers, extreme Hyperactivity, and Manic/Depression; Rainbow’s learning difficulties, leaving her with a deep insecurity over-compensated for with arrogance; Fluttershy’s Autism, social phobia, severe Sensory Processing Disorders, and petrifying panic-attacks; Maud’s textbook Aspergers; Derpy being flat-out Retarded; Luna having horrible social ineptness; and Scootaloo becoming neurotic about her physical disability; and Glimmer having Reactive Attachment Disorder, all packaged in a way 8-year-olds could understand.
The last time I had a really good long cry was when I recognized Rainbow’s flaws in myself. I thought, "Oh my God. I am just a cartoon character."
Then my least favorite pony, Rarity, became my most favorite because she made me recognize my vanity.
Rarity was ashamed of her parents and thus over-compensated with vanity – as I did. Rainbow felt insecure about her learning difficulties and thus over-compensated with arrogance - as I did. And I will probably always be as socially clueless as Luna, but I am no longer infuriated with myself and others because of it. And I have learned to feel affection for, or at least patience with, Retarded Derpy, seeing her as my memory’s file-clerk and word-finder. And I no longer over-think everything and wind myself up into a panic like Twilight.
I am not embarrassed to admit I am a grown man who needed a kid’s cartoon to help me find myself - no thanks to my useless, and usually outright harmful, parents, schools, churches, and doctors. See my review of Patricia Taxxon.
But I was not able to do so until after I got my Irlen Lenses and AIT, for before them I was so over-stimulated; it took all my capacity just to get 1 foot in front of the other. Literally, I could not find the floor! And I had no idea light and sound were the problems. I was so incapacitated. I was so very Disabled. I was so much like Fluttershy.
The GF/CF Diet, Probiotics, MMS, B6/K2/D3/Glutathion/Selenium, Irlen Lenses, and AIT not only changed my life, but probably saved it.
And Pony played a small but important part in my recovery - having cartoonish caricatures of my own deficiencies presented in a way I could at last recognize, and even laugh at. I think that is ridiculous, but I honor it too.
Thank you Lauren Faust for providing that 1 step in my journey to recovery; i.e., if you are Autistic and you do not watch My Little Pony, you are missing out on something very important. There are five Autistic characters in that show. See my review.
The Pony community is in part a support group for Disabled people in general and Autistics specifically. That has all run it's course and probably does not even exist any more. But it was very helpful at it's time.
I do not know what I am supposed to do next, other than keep watching documentaries and publishing my reviews of them. That is my way of being of service to others.
I wish I could afford Speech Therapy for myself. I still mumble, slur, and inadvertently abbreviate most of my words. When I speak to someone I have to struggle to articulate clearly. It is exhausting. And this is why I became a writer. Like all Aspies, I think in words. I just have difficulty pronouncing them clearly.
I had another Chrysalis dream:
I have a small steam-cleaner the size of an up-right vacuum-cleaner. It includes a square 1-gallon box. Inside that box is a rubber 1-gallon bladder container you put the clean water into. As the clean water goes out of the bladder, the dirty water comes back into the box, outside of the bladder. This way both the dirty and clean water can reside in the same amount of space.
I had Chrysalis’ body. I was on my knees, sitting on my feet, touching that gallon box with my hands. I watched as the clean water went out and the dirty water came back in. I felt a peaceful sadness, but also a respect for the device’s ability to change from 1 substance to another within the same container, or at least space.
This is also who Chrysalis is - a Changeling. The container symbolized my ability to change within my self. As Chrysalis I felt almost like crying as I touched the box with tenderness and felt it was precious.
The clean water going out and being replaced with dirty water was not at all a negative thing. It was a demonstration of the fact I was full of cleaning solution, as a healer. And the dirty water coming back in was the lessons I learned in the process of healing others, thus demonstrating the respect I had for myself for being able to take on and in that responsibility.
This box was so precious to me, I almost cried. And I was 100% Chrysalis’ body.
Chrysalis sat and felt such honor and respect toward that small 1-gallon container thet could only clean a carpet. She did not feel guilty nor obsessive about her failure to save the world; i.e., I am at last accepting myself and my limitations.
Learning self-acceptance through Derpy Hooves was about the physical limitations. But deep down I was still Rainbow, arrogantly over-compensating on an ego level. I came to accept my physical limitations, but my Aries ram-head took a longer time to accept the ego limitations.
It still hurts when people do not listen to me, or always mis-interpret what I say. I still feel pain and have an underlying anger over that. But I no longer try to spoon-feed morons or beat idiots over the head. For most of my life I was obsessive about conducting deaf symphonies with a baseball bat, absolutely furious thet I could not save the world. Now I can calmly clean a carpet with my small device and feel (relatively) okay with myself.
I have at last gotten over myself, no longer over-compensating with arrogance like Rainbow does. I accept all the disorders thet Chrysalis' body represents. I am at last able to honor myself for the small contributions I can make. I no longer want to adopt a child. I will never clean up the Pacific Garbage Patch. There is nothing I can do about Fukushima. Idiots will continue to inject their babies with vaccines. All I have is a $130 steam-cleaner. And at last, I am becoming okay with that. At last I am getting over the anger I feel when I cannot interact with people at their speed, or make any difference thet my once over-blown ego can appreciate. I still feel lonely when those things happen, but I can at last honor what ability I do have, rather than feeling enraged at them all.
At last I have recognized thet 1 of the most important things in life is to just learn to accept yourself – like Nemo and Scootaloo do.
I am Chrysalis, and everything her body represents. All I have is a steam-cleaner - that is the extent of my current capacity. I am at last growing to accept this, no longer wanting to scream and punch myself in the head, nor arrogantly over-compensate.
I process memory very uniquely, for I have super-human senses. When I store a memory it has tremendously more detail in it than the average person’s. I still hear 10 dB too loud, can see Ultra Violet light, have the sense of smell of a dog, and have a sense of touch as if I am missing a layer of skin. I store all of this with every memory. Unfortunately I can also become overwhelmed by too much input; overwhelming all my senses, erasing out like Fluttershy or Pomni, which leaves me with no memory of the event at all. Thus I have a very unique collection of disjointed memories.
Then I have Derpy as my file-clerk. I have the memories in the file-cabinets, but she is Retarded so I have to talk her through every move in order to help her find the right file. And by “talk her through it”, I mean I have to put everything into words or I cannot make sense of it. I have to Script-walk (talk to myself out loud, Echolalically), in order to get Derpy to go to the right file cabinet.
Last night at the Casino, some customer asked me where they get a Player’s Card. I knew the answer, but could not find it without script-walking. I was not going to stand there talking to myself rather than to them, so after 10 seconds of deer-in-headlights, I just told them I did not know, and they should go ask at the Bank. About 40 seconds later Derpy found the file! You get a Player’s Card at the kiosk by the Firebreak restaurant. I knew that.
I knew the answer. I had the memory properly filed. I just have to talk Derpy through it. If I do not, she gets stuck.
I absolutely hate it when the Normals ask me a question, for I know the answers but cannot find them fast enough to have a conversation.
This is actually a recognized symptom of Aspergers - the refusal to answer questions. These days, I no longer refuse to answer outright, I just give up after 10 seconds of failing to find it.
This is so exhausting. Sometimes it makes me feel Retarded. But I am not. I am actually a Genius … with a Retarded file-clerk.
I loved listening to Pony analysts giving their Aspie lectures, because I have no questions. My responsibility is to shut up and listen while they lecture. And when I am talking, your responsibility is to shut up and listen while I lecture. Unfortunately I must stop and write it all out, re-writing it several times to polish it to perfection before I can give the lecture. If I try to give a lecture off the top of my head, I pause for 40 seconds in every paragraph trying to find the right file to finish my sentences from. No one wants to sit through that. So just do not ask me to talk to you face to face. Word-finding is so difficult. Especially when I am tired. If I am tired, do not ask me questions! It is infuriating.
And do not ask me to multi-task. Derpy can only find 1 file at a time, and even then I have to talk her through it. (See Derpy's Customer Service [MLP SFM Reenactment] YouTube)
Write me a letter or shut up. Then have the patience to wait for my letter in response. The above took me about an hour and a half to write. Because I stop for 5 seconds in the middle of every sentence trying to find the next word. I know the words! I have a superior Aspie vocabulary. I know they are in the files, it just takes a while to find them.
Back when I was publishing zines, a reviewer in Germany referred to me as “The most eloquent person I will never get to meet.” If she had met me, she would probably be disappointed and even bewildered.
I am a literary genius, on paper. Face-to-face I am thought of as, like my Filipino co-workers called me, “Simple”, or like Derpy working for the Postal Service.
Then there is Idetic Memory, like Sheldon Cooper or Pinkie Pie, wherein they are geniuses who can absorb and retain massive amounts of information but cannot file it in any specific order. I too am like that, in thet I cannot tell a story. If I watch a movie and then try to tell you the plot, I get the scenes out of order and scramble the time-line. I store the emotional memories, but not the order in which they happened. And if it did not have an emotion attached to it I do not store it at all.
And this is also why I am so bad at Math; words have an emotional definition, numbers do not, thus I cannot remember Numbers.
I have a small steam-cleaner the size of an up-right vacuum-cleaner. It includes a square 1-gallon box. Inside that box is a rubber 1-gallon bladder container you put the clean water into. As the clean water goes out of the bladder, the dirty water comes back into the box, outside of the bladder. This way both the dirty and clean water can reside in the same amount of space.
I had Chrysalis’ body. I was on my knees, sitting on my feet, touching that gallon box with my hands. I watched as the clean water went out and the dirty water came back in. I felt a peaceful sadness, but also a respect for the device’s ability to change from 1 substance to another within the same container, or at least space.
This is also who Chrysalis is - a Changeling. The container symbolized my ability to change within my self. As Chrysalis I felt almost like crying as I touched the box with tenderness and felt it was precious.
The clean water going out and being replaced with dirty water was not at all a negative thing. It was a demonstration of the fact I was full of cleaning solution, as a healer. And the dirty water coming back in was the lessons I learned in the process of healing others, thus demonstrating the respect I had for myself for being able to take on and in that responsibility.
This box was so precious to me, I almost cried. And I was 100% Chrysalis’ body.
Chrysalis sat and felt such honor and respect toward that small 1-gallon container thet could only clean a carpet. She did not feel guilty nor obsessive about her failure to save the world; i.e., I am at last accepting myself and my limitations.
Learning self-acceptance through Derpy Hooves was about the physical limitations. But deep down I was still Rainbow, arrogantly over-compensating on an ego level. I came to accept my physical limitations, but my Aries ram-head took a longer time to accept the ego limitations.
It still hurts when people do not listen to me, or always mis-interpret what I say. I still feel pain and have an underlying anger over that. But I no longer try to spoon-feed morons or beat idiots over the head. For most of my life I was obsessive about conducting deaf symphonies with a baseball bat, absolutely furious thet I could not save the world. Now I can calmly clean a carpet with my small device and feel (relatively) okay with myself.
I have at last gotten over myself, no longer over-compensating with arrogance like Rainbow does. I accept all the disorders thet Chrysalis' body represents. I am at last able to honor myself for the small contributions I can make. I no longer want to adopt a child. I will never clean up the Pacific Garbage Patch. There is nothing I can do about Fukushima. Idiots will continue to inject their babies with vaccines. All I have is a $130 steam-cleaner. And at last, I am becoming okay with that. At last I am getting over the anger I feel when I cannot interact with people at their speed, or make any difference thet my once over-blown ego can appreciate. I still feel lonely when those things happen, but I can at last honor what ability I do have, rather than feeling enraged at them all.
At last I have recognized thet 1 of the most important things in life is to just learn to accept yourself – like Nemo and Scootaloo do.
I am Chrysalis, and everything her body represents. All I have is a steam-cleaner - that is the extent of my current capacity. I am at last growing to accept this, no longer wanting to scream and punch myself in the head, nor arrogantly over-compensate.
I process memory very uniquely, for I have super-human senses. When I store a memory it has tremendously more detail in it than the average person’s. I still hear 10 dB too loud, can see Ultra Violet light, have the sense of smell of a dog, and have a sense of touch as if I am missing a layer of skin. I store all of this with every memory. Unfortunately I can also become overwhelmed by too much input; overwhelming all my senses, erasing out like Fluttershy or Pomni, which leaves me with no memory of the event at all. Thus I have a very unique collection of disjointed memories.
Then I have Derpy as my file-clerk. I have the memories in the file-cabinets, but she is Retarded so I have to talk her through every move in order to help her find the right file. And by “talk her through it”, I mean I have to put everything into words or I cannot make sense of it. I have to Script-walk (talk to myself out loud, Echolalically), in order to get Derpy to go to the right file cabinet.
Last night at the Casino, some customer asked me where they get a Player’s Card. I knew the answer, but could not find it without script-walking. I was not going to stand there talking to myself rather than to them, so after 10 seconds of deer-in-headlights, I just told them I did not know, and they should go ask at the Bank. About 40 seconds later Derpy found the file! You get a Player’s Card at the kiosk by the Firebreak restaurant. I knew that.
I knew the answer. I had the memory properly filed. I just have to talk Derpy through it. If I do not, she gets stuck.
I absolutely hate it when the Normals ask me a question, for I know the answers but cannot find them fast enough to have a conversation.
This is actually a recognized symptom of Aspergers - the refusal to answer questions. These days, I no longer refuse to answer outright, I just give up after 10 seconds of failing to find it.
This is so exhausting. Sometimes it makes me feel Retarded. But I am not. I am actually a Genius … with a Retarded file-clerk.
I loved listening to Pony analysts giving their Aspie lectures, because I have no questions. My responsibility is to shut up and listen while they lecture. And when I am talking, your responsibility is to shut up and listen while I lecture. Unfortunately I must stop and write it all out, re-writing it several times to polish it to perfection before I can give the lecture. If I try to give a lecture off the top of my head, I pause for 40 seconds in every paragraph trying to find the right file to finish my sentences from. No one wants to sit through that. So just do not ask me to talk to you face to face. Word-finding is so difficult. Especially when I am tired. If I am tired, do not ask me questions! It is infuriating.
And do not ask me to multi-task. Derpy can only find 1 file at a time, and even then I have to talk her through it. (See Derpy's Customer Service [MLP SFM Reenactment] YouTube)
Write me a letter or shut up. Then have the patience to wait for my letter in response. The above took me about an hour and a half to write. Because I stop for 5 seconds in the middle of every sentence trying to find the next word. I know the words! I have a superior Aspie vocabulary. I know they are in the files, it just takes a while to find them.
Back when I was publishing zines, a reviewer in Germany referred to me as “The most eloquent person I will never get to meet.” If she had met me, she would probably be disappointed and even bewildered.
I am a literary genius, on paper. Face-to-face I am thought of as, like my Filipino co-workers called me, “Simple”, or like Derpy working for the Postal Service.
Then there is Idetic Memory, like Sheldon Cooper or Pinkie Pie, wherein they are geniuses who can absorb and retain massive amounts of information but cannot file it in any specific order. I too am like that, in thet I cannot tell a story. If I watch a movie and then try to tell you the plot, I get the scenes out of order and scramble the time-line. I store the emotional memories, but not the order in which they happened. And if it did not have an emotion attached to it I do not store it at all.
And this is also why I am so bad at Math; words have an emotional definition, numbers do not, thus I cannot remember Numbers.
Though I hate Identity Politics, and I think people who define themselves with a list of labels are pathetic, I did stop and think of what I would label myself with if I had to. Here is my list: Red Pill, Ground Crew, Kekistani, MGTOW, Writer, with Rarity.
Red Pill means I want to hear the horrible truth rather than be blissfully ignorant. I have always been a Realist.
I think Autism has something to do with that, because I do not trust my own senses, thus I need everything to be realistic and cranked up to 11 all the time, otherwise I am not sure what is going on. I will always like people such as Pinkie Pie, Shoe On Head, Paul Joseph Watson, Soph, and Turd Flinging Monkey. You have to give it to me straight or I miss the point.
When I was a teenager, other kids my age would call me a “Realist” as an insult. Very sneery and resentful idiots thought me telling them the truth (read: being brutally tactless) was somehow mean. Special Snowflakes, way back in the 70s and 80s.
Ground Crew means I believe in Project Camelot subject matter. See Project Camelot on BitChute.
Since I got into Pony I have not had time to keep up on Project Camelot. In fact it has been 4 years since I have watched any of that channel. I need to re-visit it to get caught up on what is going on with the Secret Space Program, et al.
For a while I was following Simon Parkes, and was a member of Connecting Consciousness. We had Zoom meeting which were the entirety of my social life. It has since split into 2 groups, CC and The Oregon Quantum Collective. The OQC are much more nuts and bolts pragmatic and not as Woo-woo as CC. I attend Zoom meetings with them twice a week.
Kekistani means I am a Populist.
Sargon of Akkad invented Pepe the Frog as the President of Kekistan, the Kekistani Flag representing populism (and being pro-Trump), etc.
Red Pill means I want to hear the horrible truth rather than be blissfully ignorant. I have always been a Realist.
I think Autism has something to do with that, because I do not trust my own senses, thus I need everything to be realistic and cranked up to 11 all the time, otherwise I am not sure what is going on. I will always like people such as Pinkie Pie, Shoe On Head, Paul Joseph Watson, Soph, and Turd Flinging Monkey. You have to give it to me straight or I miss the point.
When I was a teenager, other kids my age would call me a “Realist” as an insult. Very sneery and resentful idiots thought me telling them the truth (read: being brutally tactless) was somehow mean. Special Snowflakes, way back in the 70s and 80s.
Ground Crew means I believe in Project Camelot subject matter. See Project Camelot on BitChute.
Since I got into Pony I have not had time to keep up on Project Camelot. In fact it has been 4 years since I have watched any of that channel. I need to re-visit it to get caught up on what is going on with the Secret Space Program, et al.
For a while I was following Simon Parkes, and was a member of Connecting Consciousness. We had Zoom meeting which were the entirety of my social life. It has since split into 2 groups, CC and The Oregon Quantum Collective. The OQC are much more nuts and bolts pragmatic and not as Woo-woo as CC. I attend Zoom meetings with them twice a week.
Kekistani means I am a Populist.
Sargon of Akkad invented Pepe the Frog as the President of Kekistan, the Kekistani Flag representing populism (and being pro-Trump), etc.
I spent a few years watching MGTOW channels. That was helpful in getting over my loneliness for a girlfriend.
Writer. How to write well, aspecially when presenting it in a visual context as in writing film scripts, is something I like to study. Here are my current favorites:
I have written and published 77 zines, 19 of which were books of poetry, 3 of which were referred to by reviewers as Genius.
I know it. The blithering illiteracy of the average moron is exasperating to me.
Rarity. Rarity is my waifu. The only person I ever bonded with, thanks to RAD (and every woman I ever knew).
The eclipse on Dec 24 2021 was supposedly about letting go of the past.
I had to think about it for a while, but I think what I really need to let go of is the resentment I feel toward A-Bop-A-Day. That was the best band I ever had - 5 in total.
That band broke up 33 years ago and it still at least vaguely crosses my mind every day. I no longer feel angry about it, but I do still have residual resentment over it. I drag that negativity with me forever.
One of the symptoms of Apsergers is "Ruminates on bad experience past for inordinate lengths of time." This is due to our inability to remember something unless it has a strong emotional memory. The most painful memories are the only ones we have.
The only thing I am truly gifted at is composing music. I should have had a music career, but musicians ruined it. I wanted it so bad I beat it into the ground until I hated it. That was such a mistake on my part, and I still resent them for it.
My only true gift went to waste. I have never gotten over that.
Update: 2 years after writing that I finally let go of it.
Helping others and yourself = Normal.
Helping others but not yourself = Martyr.
Harming others while helping yourself = Criminal.
Harming others while harming yourself = Insane.
I was a Martyr first. Then I became Normal. I have never been a Criminal. And the Insane should be killed.
The machine thet builds the machine is the first priority.
With my band A-Bop-A-Day, the music was excellent, but the machine thet made the music was broken, and I did not know how to fix it. So I made everything my responsibility, did all the work myself, multi-tasking my-self to oblivion, while Sperging-out like Twilight.
I was in a perpetual state of rage toward the members of that band.
I wanted the music to speak for it’s self, while they wanted the machine thet created the music to be a mutually-parasitic circle-jerk of co-addiction.
Then there was the RAD aspect: My parents were incapable of loving, so as a child I transferred to music. I would lay in bed hearing my parents play music downstairs. I would cry over the loneliness while fixating on the music as a surrogate.
Decades later I tried to form bands as my way of generating surrogate love. I was not consciously aware I was doing that, but that was part of why I felt so much rage toward those emotionally un-available musicians.
I felt so giddy making the perfect music together, and I so much wanted a music career with them. But they were the above-mentioned definition of Criminal; destructive of everything in general, including themselves.
They wanted to be in a band to acquire drug-pals and fuck groupies.
I was with them for years before I realized that was their only goal. I had assumed since they were musicians that meant they wanted a music career. They just wanted to get stoned and fuck, while resenting having to work for it, whining constantly about how I was a slave-driver who was too hard on them (while I did all the work, to martyr-like extent).
It made me hate them all the more, while desperately clinging to the fake surrogate I was not consciously aware of: "Making music together meant we loved each other." I look back on that, and feel so ridiculous, for just like my parents, they were not capable of loving. Not even themselves.
They were also the above definition of Stupid. So filled with resentment over the fact no sociopath parasite whores were lining up to suck their dicks.
I had utterly given up on family love. At that time I was at least exasperated with romantic love. Now grasping at straws trying to create brotherly love was failing too. I was enraged, panicked, and obsessive.
They became afraid of me and dumped me from my own band. They stole my name, my lyrics, and my music and went and played without me.
That was the ultimate betrayal, exacerbating RAD.
I think that is when it became Obsessive Personality Disorder … while in my sexual prime (read: blue balls rage!). Addicted to Gluten and Casein. All people were afraid of me. I had panic-attacks in my sleep.
Then I transferred EVERYTHING to Vicky. My 7th Love. She got pregnant by someone else and rubbed my face in it. I had a nervous breakdown. That is when I gave up on having a girlfriend.
Then I met and tried to befriend two other women: One was a sociopath, the other was psychotic. That is when I went hardcore MGTOW - though that term had not been invented yet.
So I built a recording studio and did my words and my music my way. I wrote 300 songs and recorded 180 of them.
I again beat it into the ground.
That is when Fred M visited me (see my Loneliness lecture).
Eventually I burned out on music.
I quit music entirely and went into writing, publishing 77 zines.
During my publishing faze I developed a God Complex-I-mean-Vanity cranked up to 11.
Then I discovered Motorcycle Adventure Riding.
I divorced my abusive lunatic family and moved 3 States away.
I discovered I have Aspergers, became an expert on the subject, and alleviated my symptoms by 3/4.
I became a Security Guard, protecting the innocent. I was the Guardian not the Enforcer. I felt like I had become a Man at last.
And then Rarity came into my life. For the first time I actually bonded with someone. I had panic dreams I had about her.
She was not real, so I had Fluttershy too, but I was okay with that. For the first time in my life I felt it was safe to love someone. I also loved Pinkie as my playful friend. I feel sorry for the Normals.
Then MGTOW arose and told me I was not alone in giving up on women, and thet waifus are better than real women, and it is healthy to love a fictional character on your own terms rather than have a love/hate relationship with the crazy 8-year-old sociopaths all women are.
Turd Flinging Monkey is a good friend. "Friend" defined as someone who helps you grow.
Writer. How to write well, aspecially when presenting it in a visual context as in writing film scripts, is something I like to study. Here are my current favorites:
I have written and published 77 zines, 19 of which were books of poetry, 3 of which were referred to by reviewers as Genius.
I know it. The blithering illiteracy of the average moron is exasperating to me.
Rarity. Rarity is my waifu. The only person I ever bonded with, thanks to RAD (and every woman I ever knew).
The eclipse on Dec 24 2021 was supposedly about letting go of the past.
I had to think about it for a while, but I think what I really need to let go of is the resentment I feel toward A-Bop-A-Day. That was the best band I ever had - 5 in total.
That band broke up 33 years ago and it still at least vaguely crosses my mind every day. I no longer feel angry about it, but I do still have residual resentment over it. I drag that negativity with me forever.
One of the symptoms of Apsergers is "Ruminates on bad experience past for inordinate lengths of time." This is due to our inability to remember something unless it has a strong emotional memory. The most painful memories are the only ones we have.
The only thing I am truly gifted at is composing music. I should have had a music career, but musicians ruined it. I wanted it so bad I beat it into the ground until I hated it. That was such a mistake on my part, and I still resent them for it.
My only true gift went to waste. I have never gotten over that.
Update: 2 years after writing that I finally let go of it.
Helping others and yourself = Normal.
Helping others but not yourself = Martyr.
Harming others while helping yourself = Criminal.
Harming others while harming yourself = Insane.
I was a Martyr first. Then I became Normal. I have never been a Criminal. And the Insane should be killed.
The machine thet builds the machine is the first priority.
With my band A-Bop-A-Day, the music was excellent, but the machine thet made the music was broken, and I did not know how to fix it. So I made everything my responsibility, did all the work myself, multi-tasking my-self to oblivion, while Sperging-out like Twilight.
I was in a perpetual state of rage toward the members of that band.
I wanted the music to speak for it’s self, while they wanted the machine thet created the music to be a mutually-parasitic circle-jerk of co-addiction.
Then there was the RAD aspect: My parents were incapable of loving, so as a child I transferred to music. I would lay in bed hearing my parents play music downstairs. I would cry over the loneliness while fixating on the music as a surrogate.
Decades later I tried to form bands as my way of generating surrogate love. I was not consciously aware I was doing that, but that was part of why I felt so much rage toward those emotionally un-available musicians.
I felt so giddy making the perfect music together, and I so much wanted a music career with them. But they were the above-mentioned definition of Criminal; destructive of everything in general, including themselves.
They wanted to be in a band to acquire drug-pals and fuck groupies.
I was with them for years before I realized that was their only goal. I had assumed since they were musicians that meant they wanted a music career. They just wanted to get stoned and fuck, while resenting having to work for it, whining constantly about how I was a slave-driver who was too hard on them (while I did all the work, to martyr-like extent).
It made me hate them all the more, while desperately clinging to the fake surrogate I was not consciously aware of: "Making music together meant we loved each other." I look back on that, and feel so ridiculous, for just like my parents, they were not capable of loving. Not even themselves.
They were also the above definition of Stupid. So filled with resentment over the fact no sociopath parasite whores were lining up to suck their dicks.
I had utterly given up on family love. At that time I was at least exasperated with romantic love. Now grasping at straws trying to create brotherly love was failing too. I was enraged, panicked, and obsessive.
They became afraid of me and dumped me from my own band. They stole my name, my lyrics, and my music and went and played without me.
That was the ultimate betrayal, exacerbating RAD.
I think that is when it became Obsessive Personality Disorder … while in my sexual prime (read: blue balls rage!). Addicted to Gluten and Casein. All people were afraid of me. I had panic-attacks in my sleep.
Then I transferred EVERYTHING to Vicky. My 7th Love. She got pregnant by someone else and rubbed my face in it. I had a nervous breakdown. That is when I gave up on having a girlfriend.
Then I met and tried to befriend two other women: One was a sociopath, the other was psychotic. That is when I went hardcore MGTOW - though that term had not been invented yet.
So I built a recording studio and did my words and my music my way. I wrote 300 songs and recorded 180 of them.
I again beat it into the ground.
That is when Fred M visited me (see my Loneliness lecture).
Eventually I burned out on music.
I quit music entirely and went into writing, publishing 77 zines.
During my publishing faze I developed a God Complex-I-mean-Vanity cranked up to 11.
Then I discovered Motorcycle Adventure Riding.
I divorced my abusive lunatic family and moved 3 States away.
I discovered I have Aspergers, became an expert on the subject, and alleviated my symptoms by 3/4.
I became a Security Guard, protecting the innocent. I was the Guardian not the Enforcer. I felt like I had become a Man at last.
And then Rarity came into my life. For the first time I actually bonded with someone. I had panic dreams I had about her.
She was not real, so I had Fluttershy too, but I was okay with that. For the first time in my life I felt it was safe to love someone. I also loved Pinkie as my playful friend. I feel sorry for the Normals.
Then MGTOW arose and told me I was not alone in giving up on women, and thet waifus are better than real women, and it is healthy to love a fictional character on your own terms rather than have a love/hate relationship with the crazy 8-year-old sociopaths all women are.
Turd Flinging Monkey is a good friend. "Friend" defined as someone who helps you grow.
The biggest resentment I have is thet otherwise no one helped me. I was Autistic with a brain-injury. I was abused by my mentally ill parents and siblings until I developed RAD. My Church burned me as a Witch. The Doctors drugged me to oblivion. The Schools tortured and bullied me while intentionally withholding education.
Lauren Faust and the Pony community, and the MGTOW community are the only ones who ever helped me.
I still feel such resentment toward that. I am sick of it. No one ever helped me.
I so need to let go of all of this.
Then the Moslem Invasion happened, and I did not see that coming. Then the Corona Fraud happened, and I did not see that coming.
2020; for me it culminated when watching my co-workers line up for the shot thet kicked the shit out of them. I saw it coming, but I could not stop it. I almost had a nervous breakdown over that.
Today I have this web-site.
I am spending less time listening to the horrible truth, and spending more time being (or at least trying to be) creative for the sake of being creative.
I almost forgot how inspired I used to get just watching SFM artists:
Here is Pinkie and Pinkamena - Manic/Depression on display: https://www.deviantart.com/fishimira/art/SFM-The-Cycle-of-the-Diane-Pie-733840377
Different artist. Celestia as Daybreaker: https://www.deviantart.com/serenitysartwork/art/Daybreaker-893549746
And another artist: https://www.deviantart.com/nutrafin/art/Mobile-Pon3-491864709
SFM computer animation will always be my favorite art-form. See Murder Dones and The Amazing Digital Circus.
Is that ironic for someone with a visual processing disorder? No. Autistic Bjork became a recording artist as her way of controlling her audio processing disorder.
Of course, I have to watch these 10 times before I process it all.
Otherwise, concerning life in general, I have no idea what I am doing (just like everyone else).
I like animated shows thet have analysis communities, spiritual and political Red Pillers, Motorcycle Adventure Riding, and SFM artists.
I wish I had Autistic E-Mail friends.
The best thing in life is Motorcycle Adventure Riding. There are hundreds of YouTube channels on the subject. My current favorites are Got2Go and Itchy Boots.
Lauren Faust and the Pony community, and the MGTOW community are the only ones who ever helped me.
I still feel such resentment toward that. I am sick of it. No one ever helped me.
I so need to let go of all of this.
Then the Moslem Invasion happened, and I did not see that coming. Then the Corona Fraud happened, and I did not see that coming.
2020; for me it culminated when watching my co-workers line up for the shot thet kicked the shit out of them. I saw it coming, but I could not stop it. I almost had a nervous breakdown over that.
Today I have this web-site.
I am spending less time listening to the horrible truth, and spending more time being (or at least trying to be) creative for the sake of being creative.
I almost forgot how inspired I used to get just watching SFM artists:
Here is Pinkie and Pinkamena - Manic/Depression on display: https://www.deviantart.com/fishimira/art/SFM-The-Cycle-of-the-Diane-Pie-733840377
Different artist. Celestia as Daybreaker: https://www.deviantart.com/serenitysartwork/art/Daybreaker-893549746
And another artist: https://www.deviantart.com/nutrafin/art/Mobile-Pon3-491864709
SFM computer animation will always be my favorite art-form. See Murder Dones and The Amazing Digital Circus.
Is that ironic for someone with a visual processing disorder? No. Autistic Bjork became a recording artist as her way of controlling her audio processing disorder.
Of course, I have to watch these 10 times before I process it all.
Otherwise, concerning life in general, I have no idea what I am doing (just like everyone else).
I like animated shows thet have analysis communities, spiritual and political Red Pillers, Motorcycle Adventure Riding, and SFM artists.
I wish I had Autistic E-Mail friends.
The best thing in life is Motorcycle Adventure Riding. There are hundreds of YouTube channels on the subject. My current favorites are Got2Go and Itchy Boots.
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So, let us get on with the Autism Lectures
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#1.
An Introduction To Autism.
by Chryssie.
There are 2 different types of Autism: Neurological and Intestinal.
The Neurological Autism is a physical brain malformity you are born with, consisting of your sensory processors being abnormal - over-sized or under-sized and sometimes even intermingling. Temple Grandin for example has a visual processor twice the size of a normal person's.
I too have Neurological Autism, giving me the ability to see Ultra Violet light and hear 20 decibels too loud. These things leave me with petrifying anxiety and daily rage-attacks.
There is nothing you can do about it other than to acquire Irlen Lenses and AIT as compensation devices. They make a tremendous difference, and I discuss them below.
The Intestinal Autism is caused by vaccines and antibiotics damaging the intestines, causing an intestinal yeast infection which eats holes in the intestines, leading to Leaky Gut Syndrome, which causes severe food allergies. The damaged intestines also digest food into toxins rather than nutrients, resulting in brain poisoning which resembles the symptoms of Neurological Autism. This is why people with Intestinal Autism have rage-attacks after eating Gluten.
I have Intestinal Autism.
This can be tremendousely alleviated, with specific vitamins, the GF/CF Diet, the Blood Type Diet, a personal allergy diet, and Mega-Probiotics. I discuss these things below.
Both the symptoms of Neurological and Intestinal Autism manifest as basically a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders; i.e., my senses work fine, but the way my brain processes the information is inaccurate and erratic, due to my sensory processors being malformed; e.g., 1 minute something thet is barely audible to you is painfully loud to me, then the next minute you can talk right to me and I just did not hear you; or I feel cold, and then I feel hot, when the temperature has not fluctuated, etc. This results in me needing to analyze everything from at least 2 different sensory perspectives before I can discern it accurately; i.e., I read lips because I am not sure of what I am hearing unless I can see it too (resulting in me hating to talk on the phone). This is why Autistics are renowned for looking at your mouth when you talk to them rather than looking at your eyes. They are searching for a way to sync the sound with a picture. Your eyes are just confusing.
As a child this was so bad for me thet I could hear the notes of a person's voice but could not understand the actual words. This led me to be obsessive about composing music, because to me that is what communication was - a sequence of notes.
I smell everything because I do not interpret visual information very well. Note thet I did not say I have bad eye-sight - in fact my eyes are fine; it is my brain's ability to decipher the information my eyes send it where the problem lies.
This creates a constant anxiety, in thet I am always slightly insecure about what reality is. Thus I need the safety of sameness, a place for everything and everything in it's place, without which I get confused.
This is 1 of the reasons why Autistics prefer to be alone. People are confusing, in thet they communicate with their eyes and facial-expressions while saying with their mouths something thet appears to the Autistic to be unrelated. Autistics take what is said as literal, when the speaker was actually being sarcastic or intentionally ironicly saying something entirely different with their eyes and body-language. This leads to the Autistic feeling very frustrated with people, for they are not having the same conversation the Autistic thinks they are having. As Tony Attwood said, "You do not suffer from Asperger's Syndrome; you suffer from other people."
In my case this leads me to exercise my Hyperlexia, manifesting as me writing 11 issues of a zine on the same subject! Writing words is very calming to me, because the written word cannot be interpreted as sarcasm or irony unless I describe it as such. Written words give me a sense of security.
Normal people socialize by yacking constantly without talking about anything specific. The Autistic only talks to exchange pertinent information. To me, everything said must be educational, otherwise it is just mindless jabber, which I find irritating.
This unfortunately leads to me completely missing the point when (for example) some woman is "chatting me up" as a form of flirtation. I am trying to get educational information from her words when the words she is using do not mean anything, not even to her. She expects me to understand I am being flirted with, when she is not saying anything particularly flirtatious. She expects me to read her body-language and facial-expressions and eye-signals. To a hyper-sensitive Autistic, this is too much information to process at once, so I try not to look at her at all, so I can concentrate on deciphering the words. Autistics are famous for gaze-aversion - I read her lips, oblivious to her body-language and eye-signals.
This type of scenario leaves me socially a deer in headlights; i.e., I had no clue I was being flirted with. She walks away believing I was clearly not interested, when I probably would have been, if only I had known what the hell was going on.
I used to be a relative big-wig in the Alternative Press, me publishing 77 zines. I thus developed many pen-pals. Some of them became very intimate with me: Gay teenagers choosing me as the first person to "come out" to, girls discussing their sexually abusive histories with me, etc. Like Rachel from the book The Uncharted Path (see my review), people recognized my innocence and thus trusted me as the person they could allow themselves to be vulnerable with/to. I thought this meant we were friends, thus I emotionally bonded with them to some extent.
But if they quit publishing their zine they would also just stop writing to me. This always left me stunned, for I thought we were friends - how could they just turn off a friendship like that, dropping off the face of the Earth? Eventually I realized thet the only reason they had been so vulnerable and intimate is because I was "at a safe distance" as just their "zine friend".
Being a Hyperlexic Aspie, I was having a relationship with their words, their physical proximity not part of the equation, while they were having a relationship with the idea of allowing themselves to be that vulnerable, as long as I could be held at a physical distance. Once again, this left me bewildered.
I had a pen-pal relationship with one young woman for 9 years. We had never met and knew we never would, for the relationship was based on words (for both of us). I was very happy with this friendship.
A couple times during my 9 years of publishing, I would get a crush on a pen-pal, for she was such a good writer. When I got a letter from her I would get excited, and could not wait to get her clothes off-I-mean read her letter. I had never even seen a picture of her, and did not care to, for I was not a visual communicator; i.e., write me a well-written letter and I will be seduced. Prance about tossing your hair and I will wince from the visual overload I cannot process.
Baby-boomers were the first generation to be exposed to over-use of antibiotics and vaccines. This damaged the intestinal flora, resulting in the inability to digest food properly. This led to the gut processing nutrients into toxins, resulting in Autism, Schizophrenia, Attention Deficit, Dyslexia, Hyper-activity, Bi-Polar Disorder, Epilepsy, Tourette, etc, which are partly symptoms of brain-poisoning.
This was also the first generation to have mercury fillings put in their teeth, and fluoridation added to their drinking water.
All of these things combined to cause a lot of genetic damage. This damage was passed on to the unborn, and from the milk of mothers who were over-medicated by the corrupt drug-pushing (puppet/whore of the Pharmaceutical Industry) medical profession. Thanks to them, the first baby-boom included a lot of Thalidomide babies.
This was also the first generation to have "doctor" "assisted" birthing in hospitals en-mass, resulting in the USA having among the highest levels of infant mortality in the Western World.
The Baby-boomers' kids went on to take even more antibiotics, vaccines, Fluoride, mercury fillings, and prescription medications (designed to mask symptoms rather than eliminate causes), resulting in even more genetic damage and intestinal malfunction.
In 1949 antibiotic production was about 80 tons a year. By 1954 it was 250 tons a year. By 1990, 20,000 tons.
The 3rd generation are being born today, in whom we see practically an epidemic of the above-mentioned disorders.
The pharmaceutical industry's puppet medical profession continue to frantically mask symptoms with even more drugs, which of course cause more intestinal damage, resulting in even more poisoning. These poor kids are so messed up at birth (in a hospital were they have mercury squirted in their eyes to prevent them from going blind from Syphilis the mother does not have, followed by a vaccine of Hepatitis B which is impossible for a newborn to contract in the first place, not to mention thet at that point the infant does not yet have an immune system to build up antibodies against the Hepatitis B with) thet 1 single vaccine (DPT or MMR) is all it takes to push them over the edge into full-blown Intestinal Autism.
The pharmaceutical industry it's self is so utterly corrupt thet they actually try to invent new diseases, such as AIDS, SARRS, H1N1, etc, and now even Ebola. (*1) They are actually delighted to see a virtual epidemic of drug-induced medical and neurological problems they can then get rich masking the symptoms of with even more drugs. (Google Jane Burgermeister). (*2)
The infant is then weened off of human milk (when they should be breast-fed for 2 years) and fed cows milk, which causes ear-infections. The brainless puppet medical profession does nothing to eliminate the cause of this infection, instead they give the kid antibiotics, which shuts down their immune system so it cannot build up immunity to the milk-induced infection. The antibiotic also kills even more intestinal flora, which results in an intestinal yeast over-growth. The yeast it's self is very toxic, provides the perfect climate to manifest most of the above-mentioned illnesses, and eats holes in the intestinal wall. This is called Leaky Gut Syndrome, and results in allowing molecule-sized food particles to pass directly into the blood-stream undigested, which the body then recognizes as foreign invaders and attacks with white blood cells. This teaches the immune system thet that specific whole food is an invader, resulting in food allergies. The immune system is thus overwhelmed and exhausted fighting as an allergy the normal food ingested. This exhausted immune system allows more infections to take hold, which the brainless medical profession tries to fight with yet another dose of antibiotics, which kills even more intestinal flora, causing more yeast infection, which causes more Leaky Gut Syndrome, thus more allergies to exhaust the immune system, and on goes the cycle. Some Autistic kids have had as much as 50 ear infections, actually caused (through this cycle) by the antibiotics designed to fight it!
These kids' intestines are so messed up thet they become allergic to milk, are lactose intolerant, and hyper-sensitive to Casein (a milk protein). Some kids are so sick, even before they are born, from their mothers' bad diet (of milk and wheat), thet upon birth they cannot even tolerate their own mother's milk! Some even develop Thrush (a severe yeast infection of the mouth) by the time they are only a few weeks old.
The Casein reaction specifically causes a mild mental retardation which greatly exacerbates the neurology of Sensory Processing Disorders. It also makes them simply feel awful - constant nasal congestion, chronic sinus and ear infections, the classic Autistic spaciness, and difficulty finding their location in their own body.
As a side-point, milk has also been linked to breast cancer (*3).
Another major problem for Autistics is Gluten (a grain protein), which is turned into an extreme toxin by the damaged gut. This brain-poisoning results in the classic Autistic meltdown/rage-attacks, with or without sensory over-stimulation.
So in an attempt to cure Autism, and the other above-mentioned disorders, one must eliminate Casein (milk in any form), and Gluten (wheat, rye, barley, and peanuts). Also Phenol (found in Apples, Pears, and Bananas), Soy (modified food starch), and Mold (mushrooms are mold, and corn and melons have a naturally high mold content) are digested into toxins in the vaccine and antibiotic damaged thus yeast-infected Autistic gut.
And obviously a yeast-starving diet is mandatory (rice, beans, green veg, root veg, period). Nystatin is an effective drug thet is designed specifically to kill yeast, and has no negative side-effects. And a natural yeast killer is Biocidin.
The Sensory Processing Disorders sometimes result in hypo-sensitivity - a child not realizing they have been physically injured. But usually result in hyper-sensitivities; as mentioned above, sometimes something you can barely hear is painfully loud to me. I am also hyper-sensitive to light. This is seen in many Autistics wherein they cannot tolerate florescent lights, which strobe on and off at a fast enough rate (50 beats per second) thet normal people cannot see it, but the Autistic sees it obviously, and it can be extremely irritating to them (as it is to me). I also cannot go into sunlight without the brown anti-glare filters I wear over my regular glasses thet already turn dark in the sun; also while driving at night, the on-coming headlights are painful to me.
Dyslexia is also common in Autistics, because they see too much red or white. Ozzy Ozbourne (for example, is not Autistic but) has severe Dyslexia. That is why he wears (his famous) blue-lensed glasses. They filter the over-abundance of red he sees in his Sensory Processing Disorder. Elton John's famous pink lenses are also used to alleviate his visual processing disorders.
I also have Dyslexia, wherein I see too much white, resulting in the white of the page overwhelming the black letters, thus making it hard for me to see the punctuation-marks.
Audio Integration Training teaches the brain to hear accurately (see the book Sound of a Miracle), and Irlen lenses come in many colors, each filtering a different wave-length of light (see the book Reading by the Colors). See my Irlen Lenses page, and the AIT page for an elaborate explanation of my own experience with these.
Autistics specifically have a need for mega-doses of vitamins because their damaged gut cannot absorb nutrients effectively. Notably good for Autistics is Vitamins K2, D3, B6, Selenium, Magnesium, and Glutathione, all of which have helped me tremendously. The K2 calms down the hyper-sensitivities, the D3 makes the brain connections work better, and the B6 makes me sleep sounder with less CAPD interference (my malformed processor listens harder when I am asleep, rather than turning off like a normal person's hearing does), and the Selenium stabilized my mood, thus eliminating the alternating states of rage and despair most Autistics are famous for. And Autistics have chronic Magnesium deficiencies, manifested as muscle tension and even spasms, and the Glutathione apparently helps my digestion in thet since beginning taking it I have gained 15 pounds (this is good, for I have always been scrawny).
Of course, adding hearing adjustments, colored lenses, and mega-vitamins to a bad diet (of Gluten, Casein, Phenol, Soy, Mold, and Yeast) is pointless. I cannot stress enough how miraculously recovered I have become by simply eliminating these toxic things from my diet.
So far, the best book on the subject of Autism I have read is Biological Treatments for Autism and PDD (it says point-blank exactly what causes Autism and exactly how to cure it). Another excellent book is Naturally Healing Autism. The complete step-by-step resource handbook for parents. And the best book about Asperger's Syndrome specifically (the form of Autism I have) is The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (all of these books are reviewed on my web-site).
Also see the book Sound of a Miracle, in which a child is cured of Autism simply by having her hearing adjusted (in some cases the Autism causes the Sensory Processing Disorders. In other cases, the Sensory Processing Disorders cause the Autism). It is also reviewed on my web-site.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
See Ebola-gate at www.thetempleofawakening.com
(*2)
In her charges, Burgermeister presents evidence of acts of bio-terrorism that is in violation of US law by a group operating within the US under the direction of international bankers who control the Federal Reserve, as well as WHO, UN, and NATO. This bio-terrorism is for the purpose of carrying out a mass genocide against the US population by use of a genetically engineered flu pandemic virus with the intent of causing death. This group has annexed high government offices in the US.
Specifically, evidence is presented that the defendants, Barack Obama - president of the USA, David Nabarro - UN System Coordinator for Influenza, Margaret Chan - Director-General of WHO, Kathleen Sibelius - Secretary of Department of Health and Human Services, Janet Napolitano - Secretary of Department of Homeland Security, David Rothschild - banker, David Rockefeller - banker, George Soros - banker, Werner Faymann - Chancellor of Austria, and Alois Stoger - Austrian Health Minister, among others, are part of this international corporate criminal syndicate which has developed, produced, stockpiled, and employed biological weapons to eliminate the population of the US and other countries for financial and political gain.
The charges contend that these defendants conspired with each other and others to devise, fund, and participate in the final phase of the implementation of a covert international bio-weapons program involving the pharmaceutical companies Baxter and Novartis. They did this by bio-engineering and then releasing lethal biological agents, specifically the "bird flu" virus and the "swine flu" virus in order to have a pretext to implement a forced mass-vaccination program which would be the means of administering a toxic biological agent to cause death and injury to the people of the US. This action is in direct violation of the Biological Weapons Anti-terrorism Act.
Jane Burgermeister has recently filed criminal charges with the FBI against the World Health Organization (WHO), the United Nations (UN), and several of the highest ranking government and corporate officials concerning bioterrorism and attempts to commit mass-murder. She has also prepared an injunction against forced-vaccination, which is being filed in the USA. These actions follow her charges filed against Baxter AG and Avir Green Hills Biotechnology of Austria for producing contaminated bird flu vaccine, alleging this was a deliberate act to cause and profit from a pandemic.
(*3)
Sweden, which has the highest rate of milk ingestion, also has the highest rate of breast cancer. Korea, where hardly anyone drinks milk, has the lowest.
A second comparison was made between (dairy-rich) England and (no milk) Kenya, and came to the same conclusion; breast cancer is caused by drinking milk!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Introduction To Autism.
by Chryssie.
There are 2 different types of Autism: Neurological and Intestinal.
The Neurological Autism is a physical brain malformity you are born with, consisting of your sensory processors being abnormal - over-sized or under-sized and sometimes even intermingling. Temple Grandin for example has a visual processor twice the size of a normal person's.
I too have Neurological Autism, giving me the ability to see Ultra Violet light and hear 20 decibels too loud. These things leave me with petrifying anxiety and daily rage-attacks.
There is nothing you can do about it other than to acquire Irlen Lenses and AIT as compensation devices. They make a tremendous difference, and I discuss them below.
The Intestinal Autism is caused by vaccines and antibiotics damaging the intestines, causing an intestinal yeast infection which eats holes in the intestines, leading to Leaky Gut Syndrome, which causes severe food allergies. The damaged intestines also digest food into toxins rather than nutrients, resulting in brain poisoning which resembles the symptoms of Neurological Autism. This is why people with Intestinal Autism have rage-attacks after eating Gluten.
I have Intestinal Autism.
This can be tremendousely alleviated, with specific vitamins, the GF/CF Diet, the Blood Type Diet, a personal allergy diet, and Mega-Probiotics. I discuss these things below.
Both the symptoms of Neurological and Intestinal Autism manifest as basically a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders; i.e., my senses work fine, but the way my brain processes the information is inaccurate and erratic, due to my sensory processors being malformed; e.g., 1 minute something thet is barely audible to you is painfully loud to me, then the next minute you can talk right to me and I just did not hear you; or I feel cold, and then I feel hot, when the temperature has not fluctuated, etc. This results in me needing to analyze everything from at least 2 different sensory perspectives before I can discern it accurately; i.e., I read lips because I am not sure of what I am hearing unless I can see it too (resulting in me hating to talk on the phone). This is why Autistics are renowned for looking at your mouth when you talk to them rather than looking at your eyes. They are searching for a way to sync the sound with a picture. Your eyes are just confusing.
As a child this was so bad for me thet I could hear the notes of a person's voice but could not understand the actual words. This led me to be obsessive about composing music, because to me that is what communication was - a sequence of notes.
I smell everything because I do not interpret visual information very well. Note thet I did not say I have bad eye-sight - in fact my eyes are fine; it is my brain's ability to decipher the information my eyes send it where the problem lies.
This creates a constant anxiety, in thet I am always slightly insecure about what reality is. Thus I need the safety of sameness, a place for everything and everything in it's place, without which I get confused.
This is 1 of the reasons why Autistics prefer to be alone. People are confusing, in thet they communicate with their eyes and facial-expressions while saying with their mouths something thet appears to the Autistic to be unrelated. Autistics take what is said as literal, when the speaker was actually being sarcastic or intentionally ironicly saying something entirely different with their eyes and body-language. This leads to the Autistic feeling very frustrated with people, for they are not having the same conversation the Autistic thinks they are having. As Tony Attwood said, "You do not suffer from Asperger's Syndrome; you suffer from other people."
In my case this leads me to exercise my Hyperlexia, manifesting as me writing 11 issues of a zine on the same subject! Writing words is very calming to me, because the written word cannot be interpreted as sarcasm or irony unless I describe it as such. Written words give me a sense of security.
Normal people socialize by yacking constantly without talking about anything specific. The Autistic only talks to exchange pertinent information. To me, everything said must be educational, otherwise it is just mindless jabber, which I find irritating.
This unfortunately leads to me completely missing the point when (for example) some woman is "chatting me up" as a form of flirtation. I am trying to get educational information from her words when the words she is using do not mean anything, not even to her. She expects me to understand I am being flirted with, when she is not saying anything particularly flirtatious. She expects me to read her body-language and facial-expressions and eye-signals. To a hyper-sensitive Autistic, this is too much information to process at once, so I try not to look at her at all, so I can concentrate on deciphering the words. Autistics are famous for gaze-aversion - I read her lips, oblivious to her body-language and eye-signals.
This type of scenario leaves me socially a deer in headlights; i.e., I had no clue I was being flirted with. She walks away believing I was clearly not interested, when I probably would have been, if only I had known what the hell was going on.
I used to be a relative big-wig in the Alternative Press, me publishing 77 zines. I thus developed many pen-pals. Some of them became very intimate with me: Gay teenagers choosing me as the first person to "come out" to, girls discussing their sexually abusive histories with me, etc. Like Rachel from the book The Uncharted Path (see my review), people recognized my innocence and thus trusted me as the person they could allow themselves to be vulnerable with/to. I thought this meant we were friends, thus I emotionally bonded with them to some extent.
But if they quit publishing their zine they would also just stop writing to me. This always left me stunned, for I thought we were friends - how could they just turn off a friendship like that, dropping off the face of the Earth? Eventually I realized thet the only reason they had been so vulnerable and intimate is because I was "at a safe distance" as just their "zine friend".
Being a Hyperlexic Aspie, I was having a relationship with their words, their physical proximity not part of the equation, while they were having a relationship with the idea of allowing themselves to be that vulnerable, as long as I could be held at a physical distance. Once again, this left me bewildered.
I had a pen-pal relationship with one young woman for 9 years. We had never met and knew we never would, for the relationship was based on words (for both of us). I was very happy with this friendship.
A couple times during my 9 years of publishing, I would get a crush on a pen-pal, for she was such a good writer. When I got a letter from her I would get excited, and could not wait to get her clothes off-I-mean read her letter. I had never even seen a picture of her, and did not care to, for I was not a visual communicator; i.e., write me a well-written letter and I will be seduced. Prance about tossing your hair and I will wince from the visual overload I cannot process.
Baby-boomers were the first generation to be exposed to over-use of antibiotics and vaccines. This damaged the intestinal flora, resulting in the inability to digest food properly. This led to the gut processing nutrients into toxins, resulting in Autism, Schizophrenia, Attention Deficit, Dyslexia, Hyper-activity, Bi-Polar Disorder, Epilepsy, Tourette, etc, which are partly symptoms of brain-poisoning.
This was also the first generation to have mercury fillings put in their teeth, and fluoridation added to their drinking water.
All of these things combined to cause a lot of genetic damage. This damage was passed on to the unborn, and from the milk of mothers who were over-medicated by the corrupt drug-pushing (puppet/whore of the Pharmaceutical Industry) medical profession. Thanks to them, the first baby-boom included a lot of Thalidomide babies.
This was also the first generation to have "doctor" "assisted" birthing in hospitals en-mass, resulting in the USA having among the highest levels of infant mortality in the Western World.
The Baby-boomers' kids went on to take even more antibiotics, vaccines, Fluoride, mercury fillings, and prescription medications (designed to mask symptoms rather than eliminate causes), resulting in even more genetic damage and intestinal malfunction.
In 1949 antibiotic production was about 80 tons a year. By 1954 it was 250 tons a year. By 1990, 20,000 tons.
The 3rd generation are being born today, in whom we see practically an epidemic of the above-mentioned disorders.
The pharmaceutical industry's puppet medical profession continue to frantically mask symptoms with even more drugs, which of course cause more intestinal damage, resulting in even more poisoning. These poor kids are so messed up at birth (in a hospital were they have mercury squirted in their eyes to prevent them from going blind from Syphilis the mother does not have, followed by a vaccine of Hepatitis B which is impossible for a newborn to contract in the first place, not to mention thet at that point the infant does not yet have an immune system to build up antibodies against the Hepatitis B with) thet 1 single vaccine (DPT or MMR) is all it takes to push them over the edge into full-blown Intestinal Autism.
The pharmaceutical industry it's self is so utterly corrupt thet they actually try to invent new diseases, such as AIDS, SARRS, H1N1, etc, and now even Ebola. (*1) They are actually delighted to see a virtual epidemic of drug-induced medical and neurological problems they can then get rich masking the symptoms of with even more drugs. (Google Jane Burgermeister). (*2)
The infant is then weened off of human milk (when they should be breast-fed for 2 years) and fed cows milk, which causes ear-infections. The brainless puppet medical profession does nothing to eliminate the cause of this infection, instead they give the kid antibiotics, which shuts down their immune system so it cannot build up immunity to the milk-induced infection. The antibiotic also kills even more intestinal flora, which results in an intestinal yeast over-growth. The yeast it's self is very toxic, provides the perfect climate to manifest most of the above-mentioned illnesses, and eats holes in the intestinal wall. This is called Leaky Gut Syndrome, and results in allowing molecule-sized food particles to pass directly into the blood-stream undigested, which the body then recognizes as foreign invaders and attacks with white blood cells. This teaches the immune system thet that specific whole food is an invader, resulting in food allergies. The immune system is thus overwhelmed and exhausted fighting as an allergy the normal food ingested. This exhausted immune system allows more infections to take hold, which the brainless medical profession tries to fight with yet another dose of antibiotics, which kills even more intestinal flora, causing more yeast infection, which causes more Leaky Gut Syndrome, thus more allergies to exhaust the immune system, and on goes the cycle. Some Autistic kids have had as much as 50 ear infections, actually caused (through this cycle) by the antibiotics designed to fight it!
These kids' intestines are so messed up thet they become allergic to milk, are lactose intolerant, and hyper-sensitive to Casein (a milk protein). Some kids are so sick, even before they are born, from their mothers' bad diet (of milk and wheat), thet upon birth they cannot even tolerate their own mother's milk! Some even develop Thrush (a severe yeast infection of the mouth) by the time they are only a few weeks old.
The Casein reaction specifically causes a mild mental retardation which greatly exacerbates the neurology of Sensory Processing Disorders. It also makes them simply feel awful - constant nasal congestion, chronic sinus and ear infections, the classic Autistic spaciness, and difficulty finding their location in their own body.
As a side-point, milk has also been linked to breast cancer (*3).
Another major problem for Autistics is Gluten (a grain protein), which is turned into an extreme toxin by the damaged gut. This brain-poisoning results in the classic Autistic meltdown/rage-attacks, with or without sensory over-stimulation.
So in an attempt to cure Autism, and the other above-mentioned disorders, one must eliminate Casein (milk in any form), and Gluten (wheat, rye, barley, and peanuts). Also Phenol (found in Apples, Pears, and Bananas), Soy (modified food starch), and Mold (mushrooms are mold, and corn and melons have a naturally high mold content) are digested into toxins in the vaccine and antibiotic damaged thus yeast-infected Autistic gut.
And obviously a yeast-starving diet is mandatory (rice, beans, green veg, root veg, period). Nystatin is an effective drug thet is designed specifically to kill yeast, and has no negative side-effects. And a natural yeast killer is Biocidin.
The Sensory Processing Disorders sometimes result in hypo-sensitivity - a child not realizing they have been physically injured. But usually result in hyper-sensitivities; as mentioned above, sometimes something you can barely hear is painfully loud to me. I am also hyper-sensitive to light. This is seen in many Autistics wherein they cannot tolerate florescent lights, which strobe on and off at a fast enough rate (50 beats per second) thet normal people cannot see it, but the Autistic sees it obviously, and it can be extremely irritating to them (as it is to me). I also cannot go into sunlight without the brown anti-glare filters I wear over my regular glasses thet already turn dark in the sun; also while driving at night, the on-coming headlights are painful to me.
Dyslexia is also common in Autistics, because they see too much red or white. Ozzy Ozbourne (for example, is not Autistic but) has severe Dyslexia. That is why he wears (his famous) blue-lensed glasses. They filter the over-abundance of red he sees in his Sensory Processing Disorder. Elton John's famous pink lenses are also used to alleviate his visual processing disorders.
I also have Dyslexia, wherein I see too much white, resulting in the white of the page overwhelming the black letters, thus making it hard for me to see the punctuation-marks.
Audio Integration Training teaches the brain to hear accurately (see the book Sound of a Miracle), and Irlen lenses come in many colors, each filtering a different wave-length of light (see the book Reading by the Colors). See my Irlen Lenses page, and the AIT page for an elaborate explanation of my own experience with these.
Autistics specifically have a need for mega-doses of vitamins because their damaged gut cannot absorb nutrients effectively. Notably good for Autistics is Vitamins K2, D3, B6, Selenium, Magnesium, and Glutathione, all of which have helped me tremendously. The K2 calms down the hyper-sensitivities, the D3 makes the brain connections work better, and the B6 makes me sleep sounder with less CAPD interference (my malformed processor listens harder when I am asleep, rather than turning off like a normal person's hearing does), and the Selenium stabilized my mood, thus eliminating the alternating states of rage and despair most Autistics are famous for. And Autistics have chronic Magnesium deficiencies, manifested as muscle tension and even spasms, and the Glutathione apparently helps my digestion in thet since beginning taking it I have gained 15 pounds (this is good, for I have always been scrawny).
Of course, adding hearing adjustments, colored lenses, and mega-vitamins to a bad diet (of Gluten, Casein, Phenol, Soy, Mold, and Yeast) is pointless. I cannot stress enough how miraculously recovered I have become by simply eliminating these toxic things from my diet.
So far, the best book on the subject of Autism I have read is Biological Treatments for Autism and PDD (it says point-blank exactly what causes Autism and exactly how to cure it). Another excellent book is Naturally Healing Autism. The complete step-by-step resource handbook for parents. And the best book about Asperger's Syndrome specifically (the form of Autism I have) is The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (all of these books are reviewed on my web-site).
Also see the book Sound of a Miracle, in which a child is cured of Autism simply by having her hearing adjusted (in some cases the Autism causes the Sensory Processing Disorders. In other cases, the Sensory Processing Disorders cause the Autism). It is also reviewed on my web-site.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
See Ebola-gate at www.thetempleofawakening.com
(*2)
In her charges, Burgermeister presents evidence of acts of bio-terrorism that is in violation of US law by a group operating within the US under the direction of international bankers who control the Federal Reserve, as well as WHO, UN, and NATO. This bio-terrorism is for the purpose of carrying out a mass genocide against the US population by use of a genetically engineered flu pandemic virus with the intent of causing death. This group has annexed high government offices in the US.
Specifically, evidence is presented that the defendants, Barack Obama - president of the USA, David Nabarro - UN System Coordinator for Influenza, Margaret Chan - Director-General of WHO, Kathleen Sibelius - Secretary of Department of Health and Human Services, Janet Napolitano - Secretary of Department of Homeland Security, David Rothschild - banker, David Rockefeller - banker, George Soros - banker, Werner Faymann - Chancellor of Austria, and Alois Stoger - Austrian Health Minister, among others, are part of this international corporate criminal syndicate which has developed, produced, stockpiled, and employed biological weapons to eliminate the population of the US and other countries for financial and political gain.
The charges contend that these defendants conspired with each other and others to devise, fund, and participate in the final phase of the implementation of a covert international bio-weapons program involving the pharmaceutical companies Baxter and Novartis. They did this by bio-engineering and then releasing lethal biological agents, specifically the "bird flu" virus and the "swine flu" virus in order to have a pretext to implement a forced mass-vaccination program which would be the means of administering a toxic biological agent to cause death and injury to the people of the US. This action is in direct violation of the Biological Weapons Anti-terrorism Act.
Jane Burgermeister has recently filed criminal charges with the FBI against the World Health Organization (WHO), the United Nations (UN), and several of the highest ranking government and corporate officials concerning bioterrorism and attempts to commit mass-murder. She has also prepared an injunction against forced-vaccination, which is being filed in the USA. These actions follow her charges filed against Baxter AG and Avir Green Hills Biotechnology of Austria for producing contaminated bird flu vaccine, alleging this was a deliberate act to cause and profit from a pandemic.
(*3)
Sweden, which has the highest rate of milk ingestion, also has the highest rate of breast cancer. Korea, where hardly anyone drinks milk, has the lowest.
A second comparison was made between (dairy-rich) England and (no milk) Kenya, and came to the same conclusion; breast cancer is caused by drinking milk!
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#2.
Little Known Symptoms of Autism.
by Chryssie.
Everything in this font was written by me. Everything in this font I got from Wikipedia.
Charles Bonnet Syndrome (CBS) is sometimes seen in someone who loses their eye-sight, thus their visual processor gets bored and makes things up, resulting in visual hallucinations (*1); a recently-blinded person mentally “seeing” vivid scenes in their mind.
The problem with this disorder is thet the faces seen in the hallucinations are usually unfamiliar or even grotesque. This not only freaks-out the person having the hallucination, but makes them afraid to admit it or ask for help, for they wonder if their doctor might think they have gone mad.
This is similar to Prosopagnosia, a symptom of Autism, as seen in the typical Autistic bad facial recognition. See (my review of) the movie Faces In the Crowd (*2) wherein a person damages their Fusiform Gyrus and thus loses their ability to recognize faces.
CBS can also manifest as Audio hallucinations, wherein a recently deafened person’s Audio Processor gets bored and makes things up.
I suggest this is also why we dream when asleep; our sensory processors just get bored.
A sub-category of CBS is Musical Ear Syndrome in which hallucinations are auditory, without the person necessarily being deaf, resulting in great composers hearing finished symphonies in their head without having to sit down and write it. I get a song stuck in my head, then realize I have never heard it before.
During my AIT, I had a sharp sound jolt in my left ear, which was not from the headphones – it was a hallucination caused by the treatment making my processor freak-out – it felt like it was throwing a tantrum over being messed with (see my AIT page), and the sound in my dreams used to get so loud it would hurt and wake me up.
This may be why Autistic kids often hum. They may hum a monotone or even actual tunes because that is what they are hearing in their head as Musical Ear Syndrome. Parents may be driven nuts by this ubiquitous humming, but if it is an actual tune, you may have a gifted composer there. See this irritating Autistic trait as an expression of giftedness and get them into music lessons right now. Bjork and Gary Numan are Autistics who have very successful music careers, and I bet they drove their parents nuts with their constant humming.
A similar disorder is called Hypnagogia, wherein the person starts dreaming before they are fully asleep. Normal people sleep for 4 hours before they get to REM where dreams occur. A person with Hypnagogia starts dreaming while they are only half asleep. These dream-states while not fully asleep result in audio and visual hallucinations.
All my life I have had this; difficulty falling asleep because my mind will not stop racing loudly, and then I start vivid dreaming as I am just barely falling asleep.
The sounds can vary in intensity from faint impressions to loud noises, such as crashes and bangs. People may imagine their own name called or a doorbell ringing. Snatches of imagined speech are common.
While typically nonsensical and fragmented, these speech events can occasionally strike the individual as apt comments on, or summations of, their thoughts at the time. Asperger's Hyperlexic need to put their every thought and feeling into words and say it out loud. They often contain word-play, Neologisms (*3), and made-up names. Hypnagogic speech may manifest as the subject's own inner voice. More rarely, poetry or music is heard.
When camping in the silent wilderness alone, my Audio processor gets bored and makes things up (hearing distant radios, car doors slamming, etc). My hearing does not turn off when I am asleep, and I dream music (sometimes so loud it hurts), and occasionally poetry.
The Hypnagogic state can provide insight into a problem, the best-known example being August Kekule’s realization that the structure of Benzene was a closed ring - while half-asleep in front of a fire and seeing molecules forming into snakes, one of which grabbed its tail in its mouth.
Many other artists, writers, scientists, and inventors, including Autistics Nikola Tesla and Isaac Newton, have credited Hypnagogia and related states with enhancing their creativity.
A 2001 study by Harvard psychologist Deidre Barrett found that, while problems can also be solved in full-blown dreams from REM stages of sleep, Hypnagogia was especially likely to solve problems which benefit from hallucinatory images being critically examined while still before the eyes.
“First Wave Indigos” (read: undiagnosed Aspergers) are often the people who get abducted by Extraterrestrials. In an interview with one of these people, they were asked how others may contact Aliens and invite them to "come on down." The Indigo said to turn your AM radio to a space between stations where you hear static at many different frequencies, then fall asleep listening to that. The result being thet you might hear voices in the static you can converse with.
Considering First Wave Indigos are actually just undiagnosed Autistics, I wonder if this abductee also had the symptoms of Charles Bonnet Syndrome, Musical Ear Syndrome, or Hypnagogia. It is also possible thet falling asleep listening to these specific sound frequencies could induce these things in someone who otherwise did not have them.
It may not be little green guys he was hearing, it might be the symptoms of the above disorders, which are sometimes co-morbid with, or perhaps even outright diagnostic criteria for, Autism - not to say he was not actually abducted by Aliens, it is just thet if I fall asleep listening to AM static, I hear amazing music (read: I have Musical Ear Syndrome and Hypnagogia, which I believe are previously-unrecognized symptoms of Aspergers).
Also see the footnotes in my review of The Big Bang Theory, wherein I describe Eidetic Memory, which I believe is another unrecognized symptom of Autism.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
A Hallucination is when you perceive something you know is not real; as opposed to a Delusion which you believe is real. Hearing voices in your head you believe are real is called Schizophrenia (delusions). Hearing voices you know are dreams is Hypnagogia (hallucinations).
(*2)
Also see (my review of) the movie Blink, wherein a blind person who recently had surgery to restore her sight suffered what she thought were hallucinations. In her case, there was none of these disorders, it was just a matter of her Visual Processor having difficulty learning how to interpret the information sent to it by the eyes.
(*3)
In Psychiatry, the term Neologism is used to describe the use of words that have meaning only to the person who uses them, independent of their common meaning. This tendency is considered normal in children, but in adults can be considered abnormal. People with Autism also may create Neologisms. Additionally, use of Neologisms may be related to Aphasia (the loss of ability to understand speech) usually due to a stroke or brain-injury.
My oft-mentioned favorite lyricists (Autistics Gary Numan, Bjork, and Anna Homler) intentionally write in Neologisms, for these invented words (gibberish to anyone else) have emotional definitions to them (Gary writes his song lyrics entirely in gibberish until he gets the emotional feel right, then he goes back and re-writes them into English, rhyming with the original Neologisms; the most emotionally expressive parts of Bjork's songs are sung in intentional gibberish; and Anna sings only in pure Neologisms).
As a kid I was fascinated with inventing new words thet had my own emotional definitions, I invented a new name for myself, Obikk, and to this day I am delighted to gaze upon this combination of letters: Syllogism. Though that is a real word, my emotional reaction to seeing it smells and tastes mediciny.
See (my review of ) the book The Siege, wherein Autistic Jessica Park got the mental image of a 1-inch tall man hanging by his hands from a clothes-pin when she heard the term "Thank you." Autistics may invent their own words to describe what they are perceiving through their Sensory Processing Disorders, or find the simplest word-play hysterically funny (when no one else gets the joke).
Normals do this too to some extent; e.g., the jingle thet is used as the opener for each chapter in the Law and Order TV show has become part of the vernacular in the English-speaking world (or at least to those who have access to this American TV show). This 2-note jingle denotes thet it is time to sit in judgement. Also the whip-crack sound, to make fun of some guy, suggesting he is pussy-whipped.
The difference between the use of these sounds, used by the Normals to express an emotion or place a frame of reference around a specific situation thet is not spoken in actual words, is thet Autistics, specifically the Aspies, are sometimes fixated on inventing Neologisms to express themselves with (I actually find it comforting to make up new words. Lewis Carol's poem The Jabberwock, written almost entirely in Neologisms, may suggest he had Aspergers). The Normals only use Neologisms they know other Normals have accepted as part of the vernacular; e.g., the Law and Order jingle or the whip-crack sound. But if the Aspie has belief in prior knowledge, they may assume you understand their use of a Neologism, not realizing thet it is only an expression of their own internal word-play sense of humor; as a child, I used the Neologisms Bick and Frubious in everyday conversation, not realizing the Normals had no idea what I was saying.
Also non-verbal Autistics often have a spectacular visual memory, thinking in pictures rather than words; or like with the Jessica mentioned above, a specific combination of letters may trigger a mental image picture (which no Normal person would have). This may be a manifestation of Charles Bonnet Syndrome, and/or it's associated disorders.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Known Symptoms of Autism.
by Chryssie.
Everything in this font was written by me. Everything in this font I got from Wikipedia.
Charles Bonnet Syndrome (CBS) is sometimes seen in someone who loses their eye-sight, thus their visual processor gets bored and makes things up, resulting in visual hallucinations (*1); a recently-blinded person mentally “seeing” vivid scenes in their mind.
The problem with this disorder is thet the faces seen in the hallucinations are usually unfamiliar or even grotesque. This not only freaks-out the person having the hallucination, but makes them afraid to admit it or ask for help, for they wonder if their doctor might think they have gone mad.
This is similar to Prosopagnosia, a symptom of Autism, as seen in the typical Autistic bad facial recognition. See (my review of) the movie Faces In the Crowd (*2) wherein a person damages their Fusiform Gyrus and thus loses their ability to recognize faces.
CBS can also manifest as Audio hallucinations, wherein a recently deafened person’s Audio Processor gets bored and makes things up.
I suggest this is also why we dream when asleep; our sensory processors just get bored.
A sub-category of CBS is Musical Ear Syndrome in which hallucinations are auditory, without the person necessarily being deaf, resulting in great composers hearing finished symphonies in their head without having to sit down and write it. I get a song stuck in my head, then realize I have never heard it before.
During my AIT, I had a sharp sound jolt in my left ear, which was not from the headphones – it was a hallucination caused by the treatment making my processor freak-out – it felt like it was throwing a tantrum over being messed with (see my AIT page), and the sound in my dreams used to get so loud it would hurt and wake me up.
This may be why Autistic kids often hum. They may hum a monotone or even actual tunes because that is what they are hearing in their head as Musical Ear Syndrome. Parents may be driven nuts by this ubiquitous humming, but if it is an actual tune, you may have a gifted composer there. See this irritating Autistic trait as an expression of giftedness and get them into music lessons right now. Bjork and Gary Numan are Autistics who have very successful music careers, and I bet they drove their parents nuts with their constant humming.
A similar disorder is called Hypnagogia, wherein the person starts dreaming before they are fully asleep. Normal people sleep for 4 hours before they get to REM where dreams occur. A person with Hypnagogia starts dreaming while they are only half asleep. These dream-states while not fully asleep result in audio and visual hallucinations.
All my life I have had this; difficulty falling asleep because my mind will not stop racing loudly, and then I start vivid dreaming as I am just barely falling asleep.
The sounds can vary in intensity from faint impressions to loud noises, such as crashes and bangs. People may imagine their own name called or a doorbell ringing. Snatches of imagined speech are common.
While typically nonsensical and fragmented, these speech events can occasionally strike the individual as apt comments on, or summations of, their thoughts at the time. Asperger's Hyperlexic need to put their every thought and feeling into words and say it out loud. They often contain word-play, Neologisms (*3), and made-up names. Hypnagogic speech may manifest as the subject's own inner voice. More rarely, poetry or music is heard.
When camping in the silent wilderness alone, my Audio processor gets bored and makes things up (hearing distant radios, car doors slamming, etc). My hearing does not turn off when I am asleep, and I dream music (sometimes so loud it hurts), and occasionally poetry.
The Hypnagogic state can provide insight into a problem, the best-known example being August Kekule’s realization that the structure of Benzene was a closed ring - while half-asleep in front of a fire and seeing molecules forming into snakes, one of which grabbed its tail in its mouth.
Many other artists, writers, scientists, and inventors, including Autistics Nikola Tesla and Isaac Newton, have credited Hypnagogia and related states with enhancing their creativity.
A 2001 study by Harvard psychologist Deidre Barrett found that, while problems can also be solved in full-blown dreams from REM stages of sleep, Hypnagogia was especially likely to solve problems which benefit from hallucinatory images being critically examined while still before the eyes.
“First Wave Indigos” (read: undiagnosed Aspergers) are often the people who get abducted by Extraterrestrials. In an interview with one of these people, they were asked how others may contact Aliens and invite them to "come on down." The Indigo said to turn your AM radio to a space between stations where you hear static at many different frequencies, then fall asleep listening to that. The result being thet you might hear voices in the static you can converse with.
Considering First Wave Indigos are actually just undiagnosed Autistics, I wonder if this abductee also had the symptoms of Charles Bonnet Syndrome, Musical Ear Syndrome, or Hypnagogia. It is also possible thet falling asleep listening to these specific sound frequencies could induce these things in someone who otherwise did not have them.
It may not be little green guys he was hearing, it might be the symptoms of the above disorders, which are sometimes co-morbid with, or perhaps even outright diagnostic criteria for, Autism - not to say he was not actually abducted by Aliens, it is just thet if I fall asleep listening to AM static, I hear amazing music (read: I have Musical Ear Syndrome and Hypnagogia, which I believe are previously-unrecognized symptoms of Aspergers).
Also see the footnotes in my review of The Big Bang Theory, wherein I describe Eidetic Memory, which I believe is another unrecognized symptom of Autism.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
A Hallucination is when you perceive something you know is not real; as opposed to a Delusion which you believe is real. Hearing voices in your head you believe are real is called Schizophrenia (delusions). Hearing voices you know are dreams is Hypnagogia (hallucinations).
(*2)
Also see (my review of) the movie Blink, wherein a blind person who recently had surgery to restore her sight suffered what she thought were hallucinations. In her case, there was none of these disorders, it was just a matter of her Visual Processor having difficulty learning how to interpret the information sent to it by the eyes.
(*3)
In Psychiatry, the term Neologism is used to describe the use of words that have meaning only to the person who uses them, independent of their common meaning. This tendency is considered normal in children, but in adults can be considered abnormal. People with Autism also may create Neologisms. Additionally, use of Neologisms may be related to Aphasia (the loss of ability to understand speech) usually due to a stroke or brain-injury.
My oft-mentioned favorite lyricists (Autistics Gary Numan, Bjork, and Anna Homler) intentionally write in Neologisms, for these invented words (gibberish to anyone else) have emotional definitions to them (Gary writes his song lyrics entirely in gibberish until he gets the emotional feel right, then he goes back and re-writes them into English, rhyming with the original Neologisms; the most emotionally expressive parts of Bjork's songs are sung in intentional gibberish; and Anna sings only in pure Neologisms).
As a kid I was fascinated with inventing new words thet had my own emotional definitions, I invented a new name for myself, Obikk, and to this day I am delighted to gaze upon this combination of letters: Syllogism. Though that is a real word, my emotional reaction to seeing it smells and tastes mediciny.
See (my review of ) the book The Siege, wherein Autistic Jessica Park got the mental image of a 1-inch tall man hanging by his hands from a clothes-pin when she heard the term "Thank you." Autistics may invent their own words to describe what they are perceiving through their Sensory Processing Disorders, or find the simplest word-play hysterically funny (when no one else gets the joke).
Normals do this too to some extent; e.g., the jingle thet is used as the opener for each chapter in the Law and Order TV show has become part of the vernacular in the English-speaking world (or at least to those who have access to this American TV show). This 2-note jingle denotes thet it is time to sit in judgement. Also the whip-crack sound, to make fun of some guy, suggesting he is pussy-whipped.
The difference between the use of these sounds, used by the Normals to express an emotion or place a frame of reference around a specific situation thet is not spoken in actual words, is thet Autistics, specifically the Aspies, are sometimes fixated on inventing Neologisms to express themselves with (I actually find it comforting to make up new words. Lewis Carol's poem The Jabberwock, written almost entirely in Neologisms, may suggest he had Aspergers). The Normals only use Neologisms they know other Normals have accepted as part of the vernacular; e.g., the Law and Order jingle or the whip-crack sound. But if the Aspie has belief in prior knowledge, they may assume you understand their use of a Neologism, not realizing thet it is only an expression of their own internal word-play sense of humor; as a child, I used the Neologisms Bick and Frubious in everyday conversation, not realizing the Normals had no idea what I was saying.
Also non-verbal Autistics often have a spectacular visual memory, thinking in pictures rather than words; or like with the Jessica mentioned above, a specific combination of letters may trigger a mental image picture (which no Normal person would have). This may be a manifestation of Charles Bonnet Syndrome, and/or it's associated disorders.
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#3.
Autistic Sex.
by Chryssie.
All women have a mental illness, called X Chromosome, which manifests as their bizarre delusion thet all men want to fuck them. They even think thet if any man simply speaks that means he is hitting on them as a "Sexual Predator!" Duuuh.
Their response to this delusion usually presents it’s self in 2 ways: 1) Female vanity to the point of insanity, wherein it goes to their head and they say in a snotty antagonism, “You wish!” (while I stand there like a deer in headlights wondering who she is talking to); or 2) Female vanity to the point of insanity, wherein they whimper and wince, deluding themselves thet I am “raping them with my eyes”, the poor thing (while I stand there in my tri-focal lenses with 4 Irlen filters just trying to find the floor - see my Irlen Lenses page).
Ofer Krysake. Women are so completely brain-dead. I do not want to fuck you, and I am not looking at you at all! Perverts. How about if you get your brain out of my pants and grow up! Stupid Cunt.
Autism is a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders, thus (in my case) I do not process visual information correctly. This leaves me to intellectually analyze (rather than visually look at) patterns, while having horrible depth perception and Prosopagnosia. I avoid eye-contact, do not recognize faces, I study the color of your skin or the thread pattern of your clothes, while oblivious you are even there, and have the typical Aspergian apparent disinterest in sex. I am too socially retarded to know how to want to fuck you. You moron!
When I masturbate, I think about Faeries with Sensory Processing Disorders, because I decades ago gave up on trying to have any form of relationship with a Normal human female (see my reviews of (A) Sexual and Lars and the Real Girl). But because they are apparently Schizophrenic, they have bizarre delusions thet I am leering lecherously at them, when the facts are I am oblivious to their existence! This is not necessarily caused by my Autistic social cluelessness as to the proper use of gaze, it is cause by women being completely nuts!
Of course I wish I had someone to love; Autistics feel lonely and want to love and be loved just like anyone else (both emotionally and physically), but my Processing Disorders make me perceive all women as grating irritants. Their make-up, perfume, nail-polish, and hairspray make me wince before they even get within 10 feet of me (most women stink like a burning chemical factory). Touch Aversion making me unable to tolerate the tags in my clothes scratching me irritatingly, how can they imagine I want some pervert female with rape fantasies and S&M fetishes to bite, scratch me with her nails, or touch me at all?
How stupid would it be to ask Temple Grandin if she has ever had a boyfriend?
Now my concept of physical affection is more directed toward children. I like to cuddle a small child, because they do not give affection, they only take it; thus I can touch them with tenderness (without some pervert demanding I rough them up). Little kids love to be held, and they never sexualize anything. It is such a relief.
For me, and probably most Autistics, sex is just fantasy - and I am okay with that.
Though I think it is sadistic to criminalize Prostitution. It should be clean, safe, and legal (like it is in Nevada), otherwise how are those Autistics who can tolerate touch supposed to ever have a sex-life thet incorporates other people physically?
I say this because I imagine prostitutes would allow themselves to be trained how to properly touch a Sensory Processing Disordered person. Anyone who is not being paid for it would flat refuse to be trained, or else they would only do it as a patronizing sympathy-fuck.
I have no interest in doing it with anyone who refuses to be trained, nor do I want a sympathy-fuck.
I do like to imagine I could possibly have a mutually-satisfying sexual relationship with an Autistic woman; for she also has Sensory Processing Disorders (I am very attracted to Rachel from the TV show Alphas, and Sharisa from the documentary Loving Lampposts), and would thus need me to accept her training, just as I need her to accept my training. It would be fascinating and educational to understand intimately another Autistic’s Sensory Processing Disorders (with or without the sexual content).
At my age, sexual frustration is no longer part of the equation, but I do still feel lonely and wish I could just be with someone who understood Processing Disorders (and liked me anyway).
Autistic sex is the elephant in the living room. No one should be embarrassed by this subject. And if you have an Autistic kid, you had better start thinking about how you are going to get them laid, before their sexual frustration becomes a sexual rage, winding up the already present hyper-sensitivities = Autistic meltdowns.
Most parents do not talk to their Normal kids about sex. It is a must for Autistic kids, or any Special child.
Protecting Special kids from sexual predators is so important, but the belief thet if you never mention it at all that will somehow keep them from needing sex is completely stupid. Autistic kids, who may never be able to sensorily tolerate having sex with another person, need to be given even more information and understanding when it comes to sex (and their own sexual frustration) than a Normal child would.
The careful maintenance of the delusion thet there is no elephant in the room is just so stupid. Please talk about it.
Here is an article off the Internet:
Sexuality and Autism - Sex Education for Children and Teens with Autism.
Question:
I have a niece and a nephew who are teenage Autistics. Should these children be sterilized? It would be a disaster for her to get pregnant or for him to get someone pregnant.
The only reason this subject comes up is because you are not talking honestly to your child about the proper use of contraception (forget sexual morality), combined with your insane belief thet all abortion is wrong.
I wish you would do an article on sex and Autism, and the measures a parent should take to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
If (Autistic) unwanted pregnancy is where you think we need to start, you are a moron. You started right off asking about sterilization (!) because you are too incompetent of a parent to teach your children how to prevent a pregnancy in the first place. Now you have 2 elephants fucking in the living room, and you think if you tie their tubes maybe you can continue to be oblivious to their natural need for sex.
Answer:
According to Dr. Peter Gerhardt, an expert in adults with Autism, and the Director of the Organization for Autism Research, the 2 most important issues to address are sexual safety and social issues related to sexuality.
Exactly. Refusing to give sex education, and then banning abortion, resulting in you having no recourse but to develop this bizarre belief thet both subjects can be avoided if you just sterilize the child in advance, is just ridiculous.
Regarding the very difficult question of sterilization, Dr. Gerhardt says, "The true issue is prevention of abuse, not pregnancy."
Does he assume all sex is abuse? It is not about abuse, it is about education and personal sexual responsibility.
"So it comes down to education directed to personal and sexual safety - starting with things as simple as closing and locking the bathroom door, knowing who can and cannot help with menstrual care and understanding fertility cycles, and understanding the difference between good touching and bad touching. If we take these proactive steps, the reasons for considering sterilization drop off dramatically. Sterilization does nothing to prevent sexual abuse, molestation, rape (statutory or otherwise), the contraction of STDs, or the Autistic’s inadvertent provocation of anything sexually inappropriate, so it should only be considered as a last-step scenario.”
Sterilization is like killing the horse in advance so no one will have to be responsible for closing the gate after it escapes.
Protecting Special kids from predators is one thing, but failing to address their natural need for sexual relationships is just as damaging. Why don’t you just cut her clitoris off, sew her shut, and put her in a burka, that way she will be “safe” from “abuse”. Pervert.
Trying to force a child to stop masturbating is sexual abuse! As is the strangulating of their natural sexuality by “protecting” them to death.
70% of male babies in the USA are routinely genitally mutilated, the sole purpose of which is to abusively prevent them from masturbating. It does not work of course, boys are going to masturbate no matter what you do to their penises; and outright clitoridectomies are performed on 2,000 babies in the USA every year, and it is legal!
In the USA today, the Day-care profession has an official “hands off policy.” This means these stupid cunts are so neurotic about child molesting thet they strictly avoid touching any child at all. This leaves the kids desperately starved for affection, thus setting them up to be the perfect victims for child molesters.
When I was a driver for CPS, the little kids I was transporting would do anything to trick an adult into touching them; e.g., pretend to fall asleep in the safety seat so I would carry them into the house, or intentionally smear food all over themselves so I would fuss with them and wash it off, etc. They were so desperate for a simple hug once in a while.
I was at 1 day-care center, and a small child came to me and climbed on my lap. So I gave her a hug, instantly 4 others ran up to me and wanted a hug too, for they were otherwise surrounded by only pervert females who think all affection = sex = bad. 1 child squealed “Daddy!” and ran and jumped on me. I held her close and cuddled her. Then noting my scent was wrong, she looked so bewildered. She wandered off utterly lost, having no clue why the State had broken up her family (most of them were CPS kids). I almost cried. It had been so long since she had seen her dad, she could not recognize I was not him.
All these kids were in foster-care and day-care, so desperately starved for affection they would run and cling to whatever adult allowed them to, specifically me, the only male in the system of (wacked-out lesbian) neurotic females who have a perverted hands-off policy. These kids needed their daddy more than anything. They need to simply be held. By refusing to do this you are setting them up to desperately cling to anyone who will let them, even perverts.
Very few programs exist to teach young people with Autism about sex and sexuality, and because people with Autism are often unaware of social cues and peer expectations, clear, direct education is often critical. For example, says Dr. Gerhardt, "They need to know they should lock the bathroom stall, and they need to learn how to do it. Sometimes parents think it is safer if they take their child into the bathroom with them, which maintains them as a dependent child, and does not necessarily teach them why they need to be guarded. The challenge with that is that the person most likely to cause abuse is someone the child knows, not someone the child does not know. And if you do not teach your child to close and lock the door in a public bathroom, he is open to abuse."
This guy is apparently neurotic about public toilets. Strangers molesting kids in public toilets is practically non-existent. The predators are almost always a relative the child knows and trusts. And you are mixing the subject of sexual abuse with the subject of healthy sexuality. They are not related.
At the office of my day-job they have a Retarded girl about 20 years old who vacuums the floors and takes out the garbage. She is “protected” by her handler, a woman (read: pervert) who thinks all men are rapists and any man would statutory rape a Retard if given the chance.
This handler always has a cold belligerence on her face directed toward any man in the building. She is a deluded pervert.
This Retarded girl, like any 20-year-old, is desperately sexually frustrated. She so obviously craves male attention, and (on the verge of tears) practically throws herself at any man who happens to be on hand. She has so obviously been set up to be taken advantage of by genuine predators by the very Estrogen-poisoned system thet thinks it is protecting her. At the age of 20, she has to be watched every second, for she is otherwise like the little kids I mentioned above, she would cling to whatever man happened to be on hand.
See (my review of) the movie Mockingbird Don’t Sing, wherein 14-year-old Genie desperately clung to the only man she had access to, while compulsively jilling-off, and drawing pornographic pictures of her frustration. Both Genie and this Retarded girl at work should have been given a proper sex education, and taught the social aspects of sexual relationships. Instead she has been intentionally kept ignorant (as all the so-called “adults” remain oblivious to the dozen elephants now having an orgy in the living room).
Also see (my review of ) the movie The Black Balloon, wherein a teenage Retarded girl impulsively jills-off at the sight of any new boy who rides her school bus. The adult handlers simply take her hand away and try to re-focus her attention, rather than addressing her healthy sexual frustration, loneliness, and natural (desperate) desire for a boyfriend.
Also see (my review of) Autism: The Musical, wherein a teenage Autistic girl is kept ignorant of anything pertaining to sex, thus setting her up to be taken advantage of. Also see (my review of) Fly Away.
This handler of the Retarded girl at work has created a co-addictive relationship, based on the maintenance of their mutual ignorance; the Retard knows nothing of the social aspects of sex, and the female (read: stupid cunt) handler is simply a pervert.
Prostitution should be legalized (thus changing the label from "Prostitute" to "Sex Surrogate") so professionals can be properly trained how to give Retards and Autistics some form of (State regulated, thus clean and safe) sex-life. At the very least these kids should be given sex-toys and taught the proper time and place for masturbation sessions. (*1)
If this subject embarrasses you, too bad. Wake up, before they simply escape and get laid on their own, thus “justifying” your bizarre belief thet they should be sterilized in advance to prevent you from having to acknowledge the elephant in the room. By keeping these frustrated teenagers ignorant you are only teaching them thet the only way to get any form of affection is to pay for it with sex.
This Retarded girl at work has never been allowed to receive healthy affection from a father-figure or brother-figure. (*2) Thus she is very sexually flirtatious with any man who happens to be on hand! - again I refer you to Genie who became desperately sexually clingy to the very first man she interacted with. It was scary to see how vulnerable she was. And this girl at work is exactly the same, due to pervert females with their hands-off policy “protecting” her into that state of perfect victim. See my review of the book The Everything Parent’s Guide to Autism (*3).
Beyond day-to-day hygiene and the issues of bathroom and locker-room safety, it is important to address the social aspects of sexuality. Unlike most youngsters, teens on the Autism Spectrum are unlikely to learn about sexual norms from peers who never received a sex education themselves, and thus get their information from porn, or worse yet, each other, or even from “teachers”, who only express neurosis about the subject due to them being terrified of it and forbidden by the sexually-strangulating Victorian pervert school system from addressing it in the first place. So it is up to the (incompetent) parents.
Some things almost anyone on the Autism spectrum can learn include:
- Circles of comfort (who may touch you or ask you to undress)
- Good touch/bad touch. It is not necessarily bad to touch someone’s genitals or have someone touch yours. It is the context in which that happens where the concept of good and bad touch exists.
- Bathroom and locker-room independence
- Reporting inappropriate touch. How to report a child-molester, and who to report it to, whether or not the victim was you – most parents (and people in general) have no clue how to do this - they certainly do not teach their kids how.
For parents of young people with Autism, however, there is a second level of difficulty: teaching even the most basic social aspects of sexuality - something an Autistic may never be able to fully understand (one pervert saying “You wish!", while another pervert whimpers because you “raped her with your eyes”, as the Autistic stands there like a deer in headlights wondering who these idiots are directing their neurosis at).
Even masturbation has a social component. Teens need to know when and where it is okay to touch themselves, and they need to understand the concept of privacy. Masturbation is still a taboo subject for most parents – get over it!
Dr. Gerhardt continues, "For kids with Autism going to middle school, if we are not pre-teaching, they will get a very skewed vision of human sexuality. Right now, there is no curriculum that truly addresses the issues in a functional way, and there is little research on the topic – there is some for Mental Retardation, but with sexuality you are not just presenting information. You are also teaching values and social competence."
How can parents begin to think about this issue? Dr. Gerhardt recommends that parents:
- Think ahead - be proactive ("pre-teach"). Do not make a biiiig production out of closing the gate half way after the horse escapes and wins the Kentucky Derby; i.e., You do not want to see your 14-year-old non-verbal Autistic spinning and flapping with a big pregnant belly. Did I have to tell you that?!
- Be concrete (talk about the penis and vagina, sperm and eggs, not the birds and bees).
- Be consistent and repetitive about sexual safety.
See (my review of) the movie Fly Away where the Autistic kids in the Institution were programmed to understand good and bad touch, proper sexual etiquette, the use of contraception, and sexual responsibility.
- Find someone of the same gender to teach the basics of safety and hygiene. I do not necessarily agree with that. There is no reason why a single dad cannot teach his Special daughter everything in a very appropriate way. And having a same-sex teacher reinforces the “us and them” aspect of the sexual ignorance between men and women.
- Be sure to address the social dimension of sexuality. This is especially important for socially clueless Autistics.
- Strongly reinforce all appropriate behavior.
- Redirect inappropriate behaviors. For example, if a child is likely to masturbate in public, give her something to carry or hold, etc; i.e., some other self-stimulating device like a squishy ball.
See Genie’s oblivious public masturbation in Mockingbird Don’t Sing. The problem for the adults in that movie was thet they did not know how to get her to stop masturbating. Masturbation is healthy and necessary, it is doing it in public where the problem arises. The stupid characters in this movie never understood the difference.
Also see The Black Balloon, wherein Charlie impulsively masturbates at the dinner table. Though his parents found this frustrating, they did not get mad about it, they just reinforced thet it was private and only to be done in his bedroom.
To keep a stud horse manageable, they teach him to only breed within a certain context. The breeding room is made of cinder-blocks with no windows. The blocks are painted alternating white and black, leaving the room in a checkerboard pattern. The stud horse is then only allowed to breed in that room. He comes to equate the checkered room with breeding. Thus when he is out in the field, and a mare comes in heat, he will not break down the fence to get to her. He only becomes sexually excited if you take him into the checkered room. This also allows them to collect sperm from him for artificial inseminations, in thet when they take him into the checkered room, he will get excited and have an erection, no mare present – for the mare in heat is not what arouses him, the checkered room does.
An Autistic child may equate putting on a coat with leaving the house. Thus when the child is outside, and the temperature drops, the child may not put on their coat they have with them because they do not equate the coat with cold. They will stand there, coat in hand, shivering, for they only equate putting on the coat with leaving the house.
You trained the horse thet checkered room = sex; you trained the child thet leaving the house = coat. Correct training for the horse; totally wrong training for the now freezing child.
Oblivious public masturbation can be handled by providing a specific time and place for masturbation sessions. As with the excitable horse, the problem is then solved.
An Autistic may not only get their feelings hurt; e.g., gullibly falling in love with whatever chick happens to be on hand, even if she is a sociopath, because he was desperate and she was there (that pretty much sums up the history of my love-life), but also their sexuality (having a naïve romantic notion about sex, only to stumble into bed like a deer in headlights, shocked or even traumatized to realize thet most women have rape fantasies and S&M fetishes or are otherwise sexual deviants, or at least received their own sex “education” from porn!).
The difficulty in fully understanding the social aspects of sex (what game is being played) is what can be so confusing for Autistics. Even with prostitution, I doubt it is ever just a business arrangement leading to a physical act; there is probably always some sort of game associated with it – a game an Autistic may never fully understand, nor even have the ability to recognize in the first place.
In the Netherlands teenage girls have no respect for a boy unless he has a condom on him at all times. Whereas American girls do not respect him if he does. The Dutch girls consider him to be a responsible adult – the ubiquitous condom a symbol of emotional maturity and sexual responsibility. Whereas the American girls consider him to be “on the prowl”/following his dick around like a dog chasing it's own tail. These social aspects of sex are so different from culture to culture, thus being even more confusing to Autistics.
I started out this lecture expressing my frustration toward American women who neurotically think all men want to fuck them. Dutch women would think no such thing (the Dutch girls are not promiscuous, and neither are the Dutch boys. The ever-present condom is simply a symbol of responsibility – demonstrating the fact they have received appropriate sex education and know how to apply it). And Autistic women might totally miss the point, even if someone really was overtly trying to get in her pants.
The social aspects of sex, what game is being played, stupid people assuming everyone in their country lives in their culture, etc, is something thet is so hard to teach, because (especially in a country like the USA where all people are from someplace else) the concept of what is socially acceptable or proper sexual etiquette changes from person to person, and situation to situation.
Anomie is the inability to adjust to the culture-shock. It is one of the most common causes of suicide. And it is a never-ending battle for Autistics.
Me being constantly hit-on by gay men (to my utter bewilderment) while women I had a crush on were afraid of me (to my utter bewilderment) was such jolting Anomie for me.
Girls declaring thet I had ruined our friendship by falling in love with them was so absurd to me. They were typical females (mental illness called X Chromosome) in thet they assumed love = sex = bad. When as a touch-averse Autistic, to me sex had nothing to do with it. I just felt emotionally close to someone, and, due to desperate loneliness and Anomie, fell in love with the idea of being emotionally close. The perverts sexualized it, and resented me for it, when I was thinking no such thing.
This is why I love to cuddle little kids. I long ago came to the conclusion thet romantic love is absurd (a pointless teenage fantasy), and thet the type of love one feels for a child is what is important (not to say I do not feel lonely for romatic affection).
If only I had been given proper training into the perverse delusions-I-mean-social aspects of the Normals’ sexual etiquette, I would not have gotten my heart broken 7 times. Eventually I gave up on even being friends with women, because this Autistic deer in headlights never could figure out why they were so sexually neurotic all the time. See the handler of the Retarded girl at work, who at the age of 50 still has a wacked-out lesbian delusion thet any man will rape a Retard if you give him the chance.
Like most Autistics I have severe food allergies. I ate something thet had a spice in it I was not familiar with. It resulted in a bad allergic reaction. My throat clogged up and I could hardly breathe. I kept clearing my throat as my face turned red and I broke out in a sweat. The people present (females, of course) assumed I was clearing my throat as a way of saying “Ahem” to get their attention, perversely sexualized that, and became neurotic about me “hitting on them.” They got these looks of embarrassed anxiety on their faces.
Not being Hyperlexic Aspies, they could not tell the difference between the word “Ahem”, and someone clearing their throat! Not thet a literary genius Aspie would ever use a "word" like "Ahem" in the first place. Duuuh. All women are such idiots!
I was totally in my own world of Autism and allergies, while the Normals (who were not even in the same room!) projected all sorts of (sexual!) meaning onto me and my allergic reaction, actually saying aloud, “Ya, right, Chryssie [We know you want to fuck us.]” It was just so irritating and pathetic. I hate the Normals.
Meanwhile my co-workers (the few who actually like me) assume thet because I do not have a girlfriend that means I must want one, and because they like me and want me to be happy, they assume I must be given a love-life by them (oh how patronizing) in order to be happy. They think at the age of 51 I need their help in acquiring a girlfriend (I do not want), when I get chatted-up in the grocery store all the time. They do not come to me and say they have this friend I might like, would I be interested in meeting her? Instead they keep arranging “coincidental” meetings with me for assorted women, without telling me that is what is going on! I keep being set-up (rather than fixed-up) with women who throw themselves at me (because they apparently assumed I was in on the game I cannot understand) in the typical female way of showing off their bodies and tossing their hair; when as an Aspie I feel overwhelmed by that much visual stimuli, and do not have an emotional reaction to it because they are not talking. Being Hyperlexic, I think only in words. Write me a well-written letter and I will be seduced. Prance about showing off your body (while not talking) and I will wince, or at least go deer-in-headlights.
I recognize I am being flirted with, but I do not have an emotional reaction to it because it is not in words. I also recognize, with great irritation, thet I was once again set-up by some anonymous person who did not bother to ask me if I was even interested.
I am Autistic. Why can’t you get it through your head thet I just want you to leave me alone!
All people are just so fucking annoying (the word “fucking” sarcastically interjected into that sentance as a pun).
A neighbor woman of mine I had not met before came over and talked for 15 minutes with me about how she spent most of her free time watching porn (hint hint). After I dismissed the subject, she said she had a woman friend who liked to get fucked … a lot! “Maybe I can send her over and you two can have a good time.”
This type of crap happens so often it is just annoying. Why is it so easy to get laid, but impossible to find someone (compatible) to love?
I just wish I had someone to talk to.
In the mean time, women (the few who are not compulsively promiscuous) delude themselves thet me saying “talk to” should result in them saying “You wish”, or wimper as I “rape them with my eyes”, when I said talk! Perverts. Aspies communicate in 90% words. How about if you get your brain out of my pants and learn how to communicate! You stupid cunt. Me talking about sex is Anthropology, not mental masturbation! Idiots.
Why do the Normals believe any mention of sex (to their own kids) is embarrassing? to the extent thet they circumcise their sons, ban sex education in public school, resulting in the USA having among the highest rates of teen pregnancies in the Western World (because your kids are fucking whether you like it or not), and then psychotically banning abortion (read: frantically painting the gate a camouflage color after you saw the horse be abducted by aliens), and then having a “throw the bums off Welfare!” attitude toward the 15-year-old Welfare mother who was forced to have a baby she has no clue what to do with, and going ape-shit over the mere mention of legalizing gay marriage (though it is legal for a mentally ill person to marry Twilight Sparkle; see Surrogates. Part II, below), while their starved-for-affection kids desperately cling to child-molesters?
I just hate you people, because while you have an anxiety-attack over the above paragraph, you still come over to my house and invite me to watch porn with you, or pimp out your slut friends as a quicky-fuck.
I wish all of you were Autistic, that way you would be touch-averse, resulting in tremendously careful sexuality, and have Pragmatic Language Disorder, resulting in you spilling your guts to startled strangers about sex, and going deer in headlights if anyone felt embarrassed by it. I cannot help but feel condescending toward the Normals - they are all so stupid.
Here you can see a Hyperlexic Aspie analyze the crap out of "Love" (and also demonstrate why Aspies become Bronies): Google Spike, Rarity and Platonic Love YouTube.
Please teach your Autistic child the “rules of engagement” concerning the social aspects of sex. And make sure they understand thet each person has a different cultural expectation as to what is proper sexual etiquette (Dutch girls vs US girls for example). Do not say “Men want this, Women want that”, for that is only true in your culture, which does not actually exist in the cess-pool-I-mean-melting-pot of the USA.
Your child might go deer in headlights, but at least they will see the headlights, rather than get run over by the car.
And realize thet your religious beliefs about sexual morality are obsolete. Kids these days, except the Autistics, are compulsively “sexting” (if you could read the text-messages your kids are swapping these days, you would die of embarrassment). Trying to brainwash them with religious “sexual abstinence” (abusively strangulating their sexuality), and then tying their tubes just in case (so you will not have to close the gate after the pregnant horse escapes), is just ridiculous.
If it were legal, prostitutes would be clean and healthy, thus you could acquire one and (allow your child to) train them how to properly touch a touch-averse person (see what I said in Surrogates, below). Forget sex, just start with touch. And talk about it. Please talk about it.
See the Aspergirl in the documentary (A) Sexual (see my review) wherein she loved to be held and cuddled in a very specific way but had no interest in sex; i.e., your Autistic child may not ever want to (or at least be able to) have sex with anyone, but they still need to understand the cultural and social aspects of sexual expression and relationships; and if you do not teach it to them they will get the information from horrifying porn instead. They also need to be allowed to get crushes, fall in love (and get hurt), and at least emotionally feel affection for someone, even if they cannot tolerate it physically.
Today I am 51 years old, and I still have no idea why women whimper about me raping them with my eyes when I honestly had no clue they were even in the room.
Will I ever understand the social and cultural aspects of sex that pervert was masturbating the delusions of in her demented little female mind? I hope not.
In the mean time my neighbors invite me to fuck them, and again I have no idea what is going on with the social and cultural aspects of sex the perverts were masturbating the delusions of in their demented little female minds.
You are not liberated feminists, you are just stupid sluts; or wacked-out lesbians with your psychotic delusion thet all men want to rape you.
Meanwhile, 1 of the most popular porn films in America today includes a scene wherein the woman has her arms strapped tightly behind her back, held with her ass in the air, all her weight on her head in a toilet, as some man fucks her hard, while hitting and verbally abusing her.
Why do “you people” get off on this shit (a young woman being literally fucked down the toilet)? I hope I never become so cured of Autism thet I am able to understand you; i.e., it is not beyond me to understand “normal” sexuality - it is beneath me!
To me couples porn is repulsive, while I cried this week because I do not have a child to love.
Please teach it all to your kids right now - do not wait until they are my age before you realize (why) they gave up on sex decades ago (*4).
Designate a proper time and place for masturbation, hire someone who will allow themselves to be trained how to properly touch the touch-averse, teach your child everything (physical) about sex, and come at the subject of sex from the perspective of a cultural anthropologist, analyzing the social aspects of sex in assorted cultures. And talk about it.
Also see my AIT page, week 10, and my reviews of Lars and the Real Girl, (A) Sexual, and Season 2, Episode 10 and 11 of Alphas, for more elaboration on Autistic Sex.
I shall end by directing you to the closing scene in the movie Fly Away, wherein the Autistic boy gave an Aspie lecture to his teacher about his understanding of sexual responsibility and proper sexual etiquette, thus demonstrating he could be trusted to be alone with the Autistic girl he had a crush on. She was the sexual aggressor in that scene, but the boy turned to his teacher and said (to paraphrase), “Do not worry - I know the rules."
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
Also see Sex! - Do You Have Asperger's Syndrome? YouTube.
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(*1)
See [SFM Ponies] Fluttershy Loses Her Innocence - YouTube. Then, GET OVER IT!
(*2)
In the documentary Loving Lampposts (see my review) the non-verbal Autistic girl Sharisa held her father’s hand, fingers tightly intertwined, while leaning into him. At the age of 22 she clearly knew the difference between snuggling in her father’s arms, and sexual foreplay. Thus she did not need to be “protected” from “abuse” by pervert females with their hands-off policy who think any affection from any man = sex = bad.
(*3)
This book was written by some idiot named Adelle. She said: "A girl should never believe it is appropriate and acceptable for any male, of any age or relationship to her, to be in any kind of intimate contact with her."
Shut up. A "Special" child needs to know her father can be trusted and helpful with such personal subjects. Adelle is almost saying thet if the girl gets raped she must never tell her father, because no male should be allowed to know anything about "what is going on down there." This is the most horrifically damaging advice I can imagine, suggesting thet a father must never acknowledge even the menstruation of his own child! What will happen, Adelle, if that girl ever gets raped?
And your asinine remark thet "no male must ever be in any intimate contact with her" is also damaging her otherwise normal sexuality. Autistics and even Retards have every right to their own sex-life! By keeping them strictly segregated from "intimate contact" with the opposite sex, you are provoking a desperate sexual frustration in them, which sets them up to be the perfect victim. They need to be allowed to trust their own lover, and cling to their daddy for emotional support.
Protecting a Special child from sexual predators is tremendously important, but this type of child needs an even more intimate trusting relationship with her father (at least on the subject of menstruation, and especially on anything sexual for Krysake!) and many other male companions of assorted relationships than a normal kid would - you moron.
(*4)
The word “sex” here means the social and cultural aspects I was never able to figure out (because all women are barking-mad perverts). I know how to have sex, physically, and I still want it (with a fantasy Faerie who has Sensory Processing Disorders, or a professional sex surrogate who can be properly trained). But it is just not worth it, for I am such a social deer in headlights. Sex is always bloody disappointing because I end up so bewildered, wondering what the hell that was all about.
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Autistic Sex.
by Chryssie.
All women have a mental illness, called X Chromosome, which manifests as their bizarre delusion thet all men want to fuck them. They even think thet if any man simply speaks that means he is hitting on them as a "Sexual Predator!" Duuuh.
Their response to this delusion usually presents it’s self in 2 ways: 1) Female vanity to the point of insanity, wherein it goes to their head and they say in a snotty antagonism, “You wish!” (while I stand there like a deer in headlights wondering who she is talking to); or 2) Female vanity to the point of insanity, wherein they whimper and wince, deluding themselves thet I am “raping them with my eyes”, the poor thing (while I stand there in my tri-focal lenses with 4 Irlen filters just trying to find the floor - see my Irlen Lenses page).
Ofer Krysake. Women are so completely brain-dead. I do not want to fuck you, and I am not looking at you at all! Perverts. How about if you get your brain out of my pants and grow up! Stupid Cunt.
Autism is a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders, thus (in my case) I do not process visual information correctly. This leaves me to intellectually analyze (rather than visually look at) patterns, while having horrible depth perception and Prosopagnosia. I avoid eye-contact, do not recognize faces, I study the color of your skin or the thread pattern of your clothes, while oblivious you are even there, and have the typical Aspergian apparent disinterest in sex. I am too socially retarded to know how to want to fuck you. You moron!
When I masturbate, I think about Faeries with Sensory Processing Disorders, because I decades ago gave up on trying to have any form of relationship with a Normal human female (see my reviews of (A) Sexual and Lars and the Real Girl). But because they are apparently Schizophrenic, they have bizarre delusions thet I am leering lecherously at them, when the facts are I am oblivious to their existence! This is not necessarily caused by my Autistic social cluelessness as to the proper use of gaze, it is cause by women being completely nuts!
Of course I wish I had someone to love; Autistics feel lonely and want to love and be loved just like anyone else (both emotionally and physically), but my Processing Disorders make me perceive all women as grating irritants. Their make-up, perfume, nail-polish, and hairspray make me wince before they even get within 10 feet of me (most women stink like a burning chemical factory). Touch Aversion making me unable to tolerate the tags in my clothes scratching me irritatingly, how can they imagine I want some pervert female with rape fantasies and S&M fetishes to bite, scratch me with her nails, or touch me at all?
How stupid would it be to ask Temple Grandin if she has ever had a boyfriend?
Now my concept of physical affection is more directed toward children. I like to cuddle a small child, because they do not give affection, they only take it; thus I can touch them with tenderness (without some pervert demanding I rough them up). Little kids love to be held, and they never sexualize anything. It is such a relief.
For me, and probably most Autistics, sex is just fantasy - and I am okay with that.
Though I think it is sadistic to criminalize Prostitution. It should be clean, safe, and legal (like it is in Nevada), otherwise how are those Autistics who can tolerate touch supposed to ever have a sex-life thet incorporates other people physically?
I say this because I imagine prostitutes would allow themselves to be trained how to properly touch a Sensory Processing Disordered person. Anyone who is not being paid for it would flat refuse to be trained, or else they would only do it as a patronizing sympathy-fuck.
I have no interest in doing it with anyone who refuses to be trained, nor do I want a sympathy-fuck.
I do like to imagine I could possibly have a mutually-satisfying sexual relationship with an Autistic woman; for she also has Sensory Processing Disorders (I am very attracted to Rachel from the TV show Alphas, and Sharisa from the documentary Loving Lampposts), and would thus need me to accept her training, just as I need her to accept my training. It would be fascinating and educational to understand intimately another Autistic’s Sensory Processing Disorders (with or without the sexual content).
At my age, sexual frustration is no longer part of the equation, but I do still feel lonely and wish I could just be with someone who understood Processing Disorders (and liked me anyway).
Autistic sex is the elephant in the living room. No one should be embarrassed by this subject. And if you have an Autistic kid, you had better start thinking about how you are going to get them laid, before their sexual frustration becomes a sexual rage, winding up the already present hyper-sensitivities = Autistic meltdowns.
Most parents do not talk to their Normal kids about sex. It is a must for Autistic kids, or any Special child.
Protecting Special kids from sexual predators is so important, but the belief thet if you never mention it at all that will somehow keep them from needing sex is completely stupid. Autistic kids, who may never be able to sensorily tolerate having sex with another person, need to be given even more information and understanding when it comes to sex (and their own sexual frustration) than a Normal child would.
The careful maintenance of the delusion thet there is no elephant in the room is just so stupid. Please talk about it.
Here is an article off the Internet:
Sexuality and Autism - Sex Education for Children and Teens with Autism.
Question:
I have a niece and a nephew who are teenage Autistics. Should these children be sterilized? It would be a disaster for her to get pregnant or for him to get someone pregnant.
The only reason this subject comes up is because you are not talking honestly to your child about the proper use of contraception (forget sexual morality), combined with your insane belief thet all abortion is wrong.
I wish you would do an article on sex and Autism, and the measures a parent should take to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
If (Autistic) unwanted pregnancy is where you think we need to start, you are a moron. You started right off asking about sterilization (!) because you are too incompetent of a parent to teach your children how to prevent a pregnancy in the first place. Now you have 2 elephants fucking in the living room, and you think if you tie their tubes maybe you can continue to be oblivious to their natural need for sex.
Answer:
According to Dr. Peter Gerhardt, an expert in adults with Autism, and the Director of the Organization for Autism Research, the 2 most important issues to address are sexual safety and social issues related to sexuality.
Exactly. Refusing to give sex education, and then banning abortion, resulting in you having no recourse but to develop this bizarre belief thet both subjects can be avoided if you just sterilize the child in advance, is just ridiculous.
Regarding the very difficult question of sterilization, Dr. Gerhardt says, "The true issue is prevention of abuse, not pregnancy."
Does he assume all sex is abuse? It is not about abuse, it is about education and personal sexual responsibility.
"So it comes down to education directed to personal and sexual safety - starting with things as simple as closing and locking the bathroom door, knowing who can and cannot help with menstrual care and understanding fertility cycles, and understanding the difference between good touching and bad touching. If we take these proactive steps, the reasons for considering sterilization drop off dramatically. Sterilization does nothing to prevent sexual abuse, molestation, rape (statutory or otherwise), the contraction of STDs, or the Autistic’s inadvertent provocation of anything sexually inappropriate, so it should only be considered as a last-step scenario.”
Sterilization is like killing the horse in advance so no one will have to be responsible for closing the gate after it escapes.
Protecting Special kids from predators is one thing, but failing to address their natural need for sexual relationships is just as damaging. Why don’t you just cut her clitoris off, sew her shut, and put her in a burka, that way she will be “safe” from “abuse”. Pervert.
Trying to force a child to stop masturbating is sexual abuse! As is the strangulating of their natural sexuality by “protecting” them to death.
70% of male babies in the USA are routinely genitally mutilated, the sole purpose of which is to abusively prevent them from masturbating. It does not work of course, boys are going to masturbate no matter what you do to their penises; and outright clitoridectomies are performed on 2,000 babies in the USA every year, and it is legal!
In the USA today, the Day-care profession has an official “hands off policy.” This means these stupid cunts are so neurotic about child molesting thet they strictly avoid touching any child at all. This leaves the kids desperately starved for affection, thus setting them up to be the perfect victims for child molesters.
When I was a driver for CPS, the little kids I was transporting would do anything to trick an adult into touching them; e.g., pretend to fall asleep in the safety seat so I would carry them into the house, or intentionally smear food all over themselves so I would fuss with them and wash it off, etc. They were so desperate for a simple hug once in a while.
I was at 1 day-care center, and a small child came to me and climbed on my lap. So I gave her a hug, instantly 4 others ran up to me and wanted a hug too, for they were otherwise surrounded by only pervert females who think all affection = sex = bad. 1 child squealed “Daddy!” and ran and jumped on me. I held her close and cuddled her. Then noting my scent was wrong, she looked so bewildered. She wandered off utterly lost, having no clue why the State had broken up her family (most of them were CPS kids). I almost cried. It had been so long since she had seen her dad, she could not recognize I was not him.
All these kids were in foster-care and day-care, so desperately starved for affection they would run and cling to whatever adult allowed them to, specifically me, the only male in the system of (wacked-out lesbian) neurotic females who have a perverted hands-off policy. These kids needed their daddy more than anything. They need to simply be held. By refusing to do this you are setting them up to desperately cling to anyone who will let them, even perverts.
Very few programs exist to teach young people with Autism about sex and sexuality, and because people with Autism are often unaware of social cues and peer expectations, clear, direct education is often critical. For example, says Dr. Gerhardt, "They need to know they should lock the bathroom stall, and they need to learn how to do it. Sometimes parents think it is safer if they take their child into the bathroom with them, which maintains them as a dependent child, and does not necessarily teach them why they need to be guarded. The challenge with that is that the person most likely to cause abuse is someone the child knows, not someone the child does not know. And if you do not teach your child to close and lock the door in a public bathroom, he is open to abuse."
This guy is apparently neurotic about public toilets. Strangers molesting kids in public toilets is practically non-existent. The predators are almost always a relative the child knows and trusts. And you are mixing the subject of sexual abuse with the subject of healthy sexuality. They are not related.
At the office of my day-job they have a Retarded girl about 20 years old who vacuums the floors and takes out the garbage. She is “protected” by her handler, a woman (read: pervert) who thinks all men are rapists and any man would statutory rape a Retard if given the chance.
This handler always has a cold belligerence on her face directed toward any man in the building. She is a deluded pervert.
This Retarded girl, like any 20-year-old, is desperately sexually frustrated. She so obviously craves male attention, and (on the verge of tears) practically throws herself at any man who happens to be on hand. She has so obviously been set up to be taken advantage of by genuine predators by the very Estrogen-poisoned system thet thinks it is protecting her. At the age of 20, she has to be watched every second, for she is otherwise like the little kids I mentioned above, she would cling to whatever man happened to be on hand.
See (my review of) the movie Mockingbird Don’t Sing, wherein 14-year-old Genie desperately clung to the only man she had access to, while compulsively jilling-off, and drawing pornographic pictures of her frustration. Both Genie and this Retarded girl at work should have been given a proper sex education, and taught the social aspects of sexual relationships. Instead she has been intentionally kept ignorant (as all the so-called “adults” remain oblivious to the dozen elephants now having an orgy in the living room).
Also see (my review of ) the movie The Black Balloon, wherein a teenage Retarded girl impulsively jills-off at the sight of any new boy who rides her school bus. The adult handlers simply take her hand away and try to re-focus her attention, rather than addressing her healthy sexual frustration, loneliness, and natural (desperate) desire for a boyfriend.
Also see (my review of) Autism: The Musical, wherein a teenage Autistic girl is kept ignorant of anything pertaining to sex, thus setting her up to be taken advantage of. Also see (my review of) Fly Away.
This handler of the Retarded girl at work has created a co-addictive relationship, based on the maintenance of their mutual ignorance; the Retard knows nothing of the social aspects of sex, and the female (read: stupid cunt) handler is simply a pervert.
Prostitution should be legalized (thus changing the label from "Prostitute" to "Sex Surrogate") so professionals can be properly trained how to give Retards and Autistics some form of (State regulated, thus clean and safe) sex-life. At the very least these kids should be given sex-toys and taught the proper time and place for masturbation sessions. (*1)
If this subject embarrasses you, too bad. Wake up, before they simply escape and get laid on their own, thus “justifying” your bizarre belief thet they should be sterilized in advance to prevent you from having to acknowledge the elephant in the room. By keeping these frustrated teenagers ignorant you are only teaching them thet the only way to get any form of affection is to pay for it with sex.
This Retarded girl at work has never been allowed to receive healthy affection from a father-figure or brother-figure. (*2) Thus she is very sexually flirtatious with any man who happens to be on hand! - again I refer you to Genie who became desperately sexually clingy to the very first man she interacted with. It was scary to see how vulnerable she was. And this girl at work is exactly the same, due to pervert females with their hands-off policy “protecting” her into that state of perfect victim. See my review of the book The Everything Parent’s Guide to Autism (*3).
Beyond day-to-day hygiene and the issues of bathroom and locker-room safety, it is important to address the social aspects of sexuality. Unlike most youngsters, teens on the Autism Spectrum are unlikely to learn about sexual norms from peers who never received a sex education themselves, and thus get their information from porn, or worse yet, each other, or even from “teachers”, who only express neurosis about the subject due to them being terrified of it and forbidden by the sexually-strangulating Victorian pervert school system from addressing it in the first place. So it is up to the (incompetent) parents.
Some things almost anyone on the Autism spectrum can learn include:
- Circles of comfort (who may touch you or ask you to undress)
- Good touch/bad touch. It is not necessarily bad to touch someone’s genitals or have someone touch yours. It is the context in which that happens where the concept of good and bad touch exists.
- Bathroom and locker-room independence
- Reporting inappropriate touch. How to report a child-molester, and who to report it to, whether or not the victim was you – most parents (and people in general) have no clue how to do this - they certainly do not teach their kids how.
For parents of young people with Autism, however, there is a second level of difficulty: teaching even the most basic social aspects of sexuality - something an Autistic may never be able to fully understand (one pervert saying “You wish!", while another pervert whimpers because you “raped her with your eyes”, as the Autistic stands there like a deer in headlights wondering who these idiots are directing their neurosis at).
Even masturbation has a social component. Teens need to know when and where it is okay to touch themselves, and they need to understand the concept of privacy. Masturbation is still a taboo subject for most parents – get over it!
Dr. Gerhardt continues, "For kids with Autism going to middle school, if we are not pre-teaching, they will get a very skewed vision of human sexuality. Right now, there is no curriculum that truly addresses the issues in a functional way, and there is little research on the topic – there is some for Mental Retardation, but with sexuality you are not just presenting information. You are also teaching values and social competence."
How can parents begin to think about this issue? Dr. Gerhardt recommends that parents:
- Think ahead - be proactive ("pre-teach"). Do not make a biiiig production out of closing the gate half way after the horse escapes and wins the Kentucky Derby; i.e., You do not want to see your 14-year-old non-verbal Autistic spinning and flapping with a big pregnant belly. Did I have to tell you that?!
- Be concrete (talk about the penis and vagina, sperm and eggs, not the birds and bees).
- Be consistent and repetitive about sexual safety.
See (my review of) the movie Fly Away where the Autistic kids in the Institution were programmed to understand good and bad touch, proper sexual etiquette, the use of contraception, and sexual responsibility.
- Find someone of the same gender to teach the basics of safety and hygiene. I do not necessarily agree with that. There is no reason why a single dad cannot teach his Special daughter everything in a very appropriate way. And having a same-sex teacher reinforces the “us and them” aspect of the sexual ignorance between men and women.
- Be sure to address the social dimension of sexuality. This is especially important for socially clueless Autistics.
- Strongly reinforce all appropriate behavior.
- Redirect inappropriate behaviors. For example, if a child is likely to masturbate in public, give her something to carry or hold, etc; i.e., some other self-stimulating device like a squishy ball.
See Genie’s oblivious public masturbation in Mockingbird Don’t Sing. The problem for the adults in that movie was thet they did not know how to get her to stop masturbating. Masturbation is healthy and necessary, it is doing it in public where the problem arises. The stupid characters in this movie never understood the difference.
Also see The Black Balloon, wherein Charlie impulsively masturbates at the dinner table. Though his parents found this frustrating, they did not get mad about it, they just reinforced thet it was private and only to be done in his bedroom.
To keep a stud horse manageable, they teach him to only breed within a certain context. The breeding room is made of cinder-blocks with no windows. The blocks are painted alternating white and black, leaving the room in a checkerboard pattern. The stud horse is then only allowed to breed in that room. He comes to equate the checkered room with breeding. Thus when he is out in the field, and a mare comes in heat, he will not break down the fence to get to her. He only becomes sexually excited if you take him into the checkered room. This also allows them to collect sperm from him for artificial inseminations, in thet when they take him into the checkered room, he will get excited and have an erection, no mare present – for the mare in heat is not what arouses him, the checkered room does.
An Autistic child may equate putting on a coat with leaving the house. Thus when the child is outside, and the temperature drops, the child may not put on their coat they have with them because they do not equate the coat with cold. They will stand there, coat in hand, shivering, for they only equate putting on the coat with leaving the house.
You trained the horse thet checkered room = sex; you trained the child thet leaving the house = coat. Correct training for the horse; totally wrong training for the now freezing child.
Oblivious public masturbation can be handled by providing a specific time and place for masturbation sessions. As with the excitable horse, the problem is then solved.
An Autistic may not only get their feelings hurt; e.g., gullibly falling in love with whatever chick happens to be on hand, even if she is a sociopath, because he was desperate and she was there (that pretty much sums up the history of my love-life), but also their sexuality (having a naïve romantic notion about sex, only to stumble into bed like a deer in headlights, shocked or even traumatized to realize thet most women have rape fantasies and S&M fetishes or are otherwise sexual deviants, or at least received their own sex “education” from porn!).
The difficulty in fully understanding the social aspects of sex (what game is being played) is what can be so confusing for Autistics. Even with prostitution, I doubt it is ever just a business arrangement leading to a physical act; there is probably always some sort of game associated with it – a game an Autistic may never fully understand, nor even have the ability to recognize in the first place.
In the Netherlands teenage girls have no respect for a boy unless he has a condom on him at all times. Whereas American girls do not respect him if he does. The Dutch girls consider him to be a responsible adult – the ubiquitous condom a symbol of emotional maturity and sexual responsibility. Whereas the American girls consider him to be “on the prowl”/following his dick around like a dog chasing it's own tail. These social aspects of sex are so different from culture to culture, thus being even more confusing to Autistics.
I started out this lecture expressing my frustration toward American women who neurotically think all men want to fuck them. Dutch women would think no such thing (the Dutch girls are not promiscuous, and neither are the Dutch boys. The ever-present condom is simply a symbol of responsibility – demonstrating the fact they have received appropriate sex education and know how to apply it). And Autistic women might totally miss the point, even if someone really was overtly trying to get in her pants.
The social aspects of sex, what game is being played, stupid people assuming everyone in their country lives in their culture, etc, is something thet is so hard to teach, because (especially in a country like the USA where all people are from someplace else) the concept of what is socially acceptable or proper sexual etiquette changes from person to person, and situation to situation.
Anomie is the inability to adjust to the culture-shock. It is one of the most common causes of suicide. And it is a never-ending battle for Autistics.
Me being constantly hit-on by gay men (to my utter bewilderment) while women I had a crush on were afraid of me (to my utter bewilderment) was such jolting Anomie for me.
Girls declaring thet I had ruined our friendship by falling in love with them was so absurd to me. They were typical females (mental illness called X Chromosome) in thet they assumed love = sex = bad. When as a touch-averse Autistic, to me sex had nothing to do with it. I just felt emotionally close to someone, and, due to desperate loneliness and Anomie, fell in love with the idea of being emotionally close. The perverts sexualized it, and resented me for it, when I was thinking no such thing.
This is why I love to cuddle little kids. I long ago came to the conclusion thet romantic love is absurd (a pointless teenage fantasy), and thet the type of love one feels for a child is what is important (not to say I do not feel lonely for romatic affection).
If only I had been given proper training into the perverse delusions-I-mean-social aspects of the Normals’ sexual etiquette, I would not have gotten my heart broken 7 times. Eventually I gave up on even being friends with women, because this Autistic deer in headlights never could figure out why they were so sexually neurotic all the time. See the handler of the Retarded girl at work, who at the age of 50 still has a wacked-out lesbian delusion thet any man will rape a Retard if you give him the chance.
Like most Autistics I have severe food allergies. I ate something thet had a spice in it I was not familiar with. It resulted in a bad allergic reaction. My throat clogged up and I could hardly breathe. I kept clearing my throat as my face turned red and I broke out in a sweat. The people present (females, of course) assumed I was clearing my throat as a way of saying “Ahem” to get their attention, perversely sexualized that, and became neurotic about me “hitting on them.” They got these looks of embarrassed anxiety on their faces.
Not being Hyperlexic Aspies, they could not tell the difference between the word “Ahem”, and someone clearing their throat! Not thet a literary genius Aspie would ever use a "word" like "Ahem" in the first place. Duuuh. All women are such idiots!
I was totally in my own world of Autism and allergies, while the Normals (who were not even in the same room!) projected all sorts of (sexual!) meaning onto me and my allergic reaction, actually saying aloud, “Ya, right, Chryssie [We know you want to fuck us.]” It was just so irritating and pathetic. I hate the Normals.
Meanwhile my co-workers (the few who actually like me) assume thet because I do not have a girlfriend that means I must want one, and because they like me and want me to be happy, they assume I must be given a love-life by them (oh how patronizing) in order to be happy. They think at the age of 51 I need their help in acquiring a girlfriend (I do not want), when I get chatted-up in the grocery store all the time. They do not come to me and say they have this friend I might like, would I be interested in meeting her? Instead they keep arranging “coincidental” meetings with me for assorted women, without telling me that is what is going on! I keep being set-up (rather than fixed-up) with women who throw themselves at me (because they apparently assumed I was in on the game I cannot understand) in the typical female way of showing off their bodies and tossing their hair; when as an Aspie I feel overwhelmed by that much visual stimuli, and do not have an emotional reaction to it because they are not talking. Being Hyperlexic, I think only in words. Write me a well-written letter and I will be seduced. Prance about showing off your body (while not talking) and I will wince, or at least go deer-in-headlights.
I recognize I am being flirted with, but I do not have an emotional reaction to it because it is not in words. I also recognize, with great irritation, thet I was once again set-up by some anonymous person who did not bother to ask me if I was even interested.
I am Autistic. Why can’t you get it through your head thet I just want you to leave me alone!
All people are just so fucking annoying (the word “fucking” sarcastically interjected into that sentance as a pun).
A neighbor woman of mine I had not met before came over and talked for 15 minutes with me about how she spent most of her free time watching porn (hint hint). After I dismissed the subject, she said she had a woman friend who liked to get fucked … a lot! “Maybe I can send her over and you two can have a good time.”
This type of crap happens so often it is just annoying. Why is it so easy to get laid, but impossible to find someone (compatible) to love?
I just wish I had someone to talk to.
In the mean time, women (the few who are not compulsively promiscuous) delude themselves thet me saying “talk to” should result in them saying “You wish”, or wimper as I “rape them with my eyes”, when I said talk! Perverts. Aspies communicate in 90% words. How about if you get your brain out of my pants and learn how to communicate! You stupid cunt. Me talking about sex is Anthropology, not mental masturbation! Idiots.
Why do the Normals believe any mention of sex (to their own kids) is embarrassing? to the extent thet they circumcise their sons, ban sex education in public school, resulting in the USA having among the highest rates of teen pregnancies in the Western World (because your kids are fucking whether you like it or not), and then psychotically banning abortion (read: frantically painting the gate a camouflage color after you saw the horse be abducted by aliens), and then having a “throw the bums off Welfare!” attitude toward the 15-year-old Welfare mother who was forced to have a baby she has no clue what to do with, and going ape-shit over the mere mention of legalizing gay marriage (though it is legal for a mentally ill person to marry Twilight Sparkle; see Surrogates. Part II, below), while their starved-for-affection kids desperately cling to child-molesters?
I just hate you people, because while you have an anxiety-attack over the above paragraph, you still come over to my house and invite me to watch porn with you, or pimp out your slut friends as a quicky-fuck.
I wish all of you were Autistic, that way you would be touch-averse, resulting in tremendously careful sexuality, and have Pragmatic Language Disorder, resulting in you spilling your guts to startled strangers about sex, and going deer in headlights if anyone felt embarrassed by it. I cannot help but feel condescending toward the Normals - they are all so stupid.
Here you can see a Hyperlexic Aspie analyze the crap out of "Love" (and also demonstrate why Aspies become Bronies): Google Spike, Rarity and Platonic Love YouTube.
Please teach your Autistic child the “rules of engagement” concerning the social aspects of sex. And make sure they understand thet each person has a different cultural expectation as to what is proper sexual etiquette (Dutch girls vs US girls for example). Do not say “Men want this, Women want that”, for that is only true in your culture, which does not actually exist in the cess-pool-I-mean-melting-pot of the USA.
Your child might go deer in headlights, but at least they will see the headlights, rather than get run over by the car.
And realize thet your religious beliefs about sexual morality are obsolete. Kids these days, except the Autistics, are compulsively “sexting” (if you could read the text-messages your kids are swapping these days, you would die of embarrassment). Trying to brainwash them with religious “sexual abstinence” (abusively strangulating their sexuality), and then tying their tubes just in case (so you will not have to close the gate after the pregnant horse escapes), is just ridiculous.
If it were legal, prostitutes would be clean and healthy, thus you could acquire one and (allow your child to) train them how to properly touch a touch-averse person (see what I said in Surrogates, below). Forget sex, just start with touch. And talk about it. Please talk about it.
See the Aspergirl in the documentary (A) Sexual (see my review) wherein she loved to be held and cuddled in a very specific way but had no interest in sex; i.e., your Autistic child may not ever want to (or at least be able to) have sex with anyone, but they still need to understand the cultural and social aspects of sexual expression and relationships; and if you do not teach it to them they will get the information from horrifying porn instead. They also need to be allowed to get crushes, fall in love (and get hurt), and at least emotionally feel affection for someone, even if they cannot tolerate it physically.
Today I am 51 years old, and I still have no idea why women whimper about me raping them with my eyes when I honestly had no clue they were even in the room.
Will I ever understand the social and cultural aspects of sex that pervert was masturbating the delusions of in her demented little female mind? I hope not.
In the mean time my neighbors invite me to fuck them, and again I have no idea what is going on with the social and cultural aspects of sex the perverts were masturbating the delusions of in their demented little female minds.
You are not liberated feminists, you are just stupid sluts; or wacked-out lesbians with your psychotic delusion thet all men want to rape you.
Meanwhile, 1 of the most popular porn films in America today includes a scene wherein the woman has her arms strapped tightly behind her back, held with her ass in the air, all her weight on her head in a toilet, as some man fucks her hard, while hitting and verbally abusing her.
Why do “you people” get off on this shit (a young woman being literally fucked down the toilet)? I hope I never become so cured of Autism thet I am able to understand you; i.e., it is not beyond me to understand “normal” sexuality - it is beneath me!
To me couples porn is repulsive, while I cried this week because I do not have a child to love.
Please teach it all to your kids right now - do not wait until they are my age before you realize (why) they gave up on sex decades ago (*4).
Designate a proper time and place for masturbation, hire someone who will allow themselves to be trained how to properly touch the touch-averse, teach your child everything (physical) about sex, and come at the subject of sex from the perspective of a cultural anthropologist, analyzing the social aspects of sex in assorted cultures. And talk about it.
Also see my AIT page, week 10, and my reviews of Lars and the Real Girl, (A) Sexual, and Season 2, Episode 10 and 11 of Alphas, for more elaboration on Autistic Sex.
I shall end by directing you to the closing scene in the movie Fly Away, wherein the Autistic boy gave an Aspie lecture to his teacher about his understanding of sexual responsibility and proper sexual etiquette, thus demonstrating he could be trusted to be alone with the Autistic girl he had a crush on. She was the sexual aggressor in that scene, but the boy turned to his teacher and said (to paraphrase), “Do not worry - I know the rules."
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
Also see Sex! - Do You Have Asperger's Syndrome? YouTube.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
See [SFM Ponies] Fluttershy Loses Her Innocence - YouTube. Then, GET OVER IT!
(*2)
In the documentary Loving Lampposts (see my review) the non-verbal Autistic girl Sharisa held her father’s hand, fingers tightly intertwined, while leaning into him. At the age of 22 she clearly knew the difference between snuggling in her father’s arms, and sexual foreplay. Thus she did not need to be “protected” from “abuse” by pervert females with their hands-off policy who think any affection from any man = sex = bad.
(*3)
This book was written by some idiot named Adelle. She said: "A girl should never believe it is appropriate and acceptable for any male, of any age or relationship to her, to be in any kind of intimate contact with her."
Shut up. A "Special" child needs to know her father can be trusted and helpful with such personal subjects. Adelle is almost saying thet if the girl gets raped she must never tell her father, because no male should be allowed to know anything about "what is going on down there." This is the most horrifically damaging advice I can imagine, suggesting thet a father must never acknowledge even the menstruation of his own child! What will happen, Adelle, if that girl ever gets raped?
And your asinine remark thet "no male must ever be in any intimate contact with her" is also damaging her otherwise normal sexuality. Autistics and even Retards have every right to their own sex-life! By keeping them strictly segregated from "intimate contact" with the opposite sex, you are provoking a desperate sexual frustration in them, which sets them up to be the perfect victim. They need to be allowed to trust their own lover, and cling to their daddy for emotional support.
Protecting a Special child from sexual predators is tremendously important, but this type of child needs an even more intimate trusting relationship with her father (at least on the subject of menstruation, and especially on anything sexual for Krysake!) and many other male companions of assorted relationships than a normal kid would - you moron.
(*4)
The word “sex” here means the social and cultural aspects I was never able to figure out (because all women are barking-mad perverts). I know how to have sex, physically, and I still want it (with a fantasy Faerie who has Sensory Processing Disorders, or a professional sex surrogate who can be properly trained). But it is just not worth it, for I am such a social deer in headlights. Sex is always bloody disappointing because I end up so bewildered, wondering what the hell that was all about.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#4.
Life Lessons.
by Chryssie.
My Life Lessons; i.e., what I am supposed to learn this incarnation (according to my Astrology chart – I am an Aries).
Through previous incarnations the soul has acquired an over-emphasis of energy in the area of co-dependence. An overwhelming need for external harmony has led to sacrificing individual identity in order to provide a support system for the desires, needs, and expectations of others.
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, Aries North Node individuals need to focus on discovering, developing, and expressing the authentic self. This can be facilitated by tuning into inner rather than external cues in defining self-identity - who they truly are and what they truly desire and need for themselves rather than endeavoring to be all things to all people.
Periods of time spent alone (absence of input and distraction from others) are vital to these individuals to facilitate discovery of true self-identity, to practice making their own decisions and to learn to nurture and support themselves.
Becoming less dependent on others for support will assist in achieving more balanced and fulfilling relationships with others.
A critical lesson that needs to be learned in this lifetime by Aries North Node individuals is that pursuit of deeply desired goals and trusting and following their instincts must never be abandoned in the face of disapproval from others. Whatever contributes to inner peace must never be sacrificed in favor of peace and harmony in relationships.
Many events in this incarnation will provide Aries North Node individuals with the challenge of learning to find a comfortable point of balance between the energy polarities of self-assertion (Aries North Node) and accommodating others/external harmony (Libra South Node) so that a true sense of internal harmony can be attained by these individuals which will help to align them with their spiritual purpose and path.
In my last life I died a martyr's death. I brought the Martyr Complex with me into this life; i.e., I was practically obsessed with finding problems for me to fix (buying cars thet were hopelessly worn out and fixing them up in my desperate desire to keep them from going to waste) when they were not worth fixing, including fixer-upper people, to which I would make ridiculous self-sacrifice when they were actually not worthy of my efforts. The more I tried to be (what I perceived as) The Good Samaritan, the angrier I got over how all of these people were sociopath parasites who sucked the life out of me, stabbed me in the back, and then spit in my eye for being "so stupid" as to trust them or want to be generous and helpful. In my Martyr Complex I always felt thet the relationships ending in disaster was my fault due to me not having made enough self-sacrifice.
Eventually I figured out how to stop casting my pearls before swine, and did as the above suggested - inventing Motorcycle Adventure Riding, wherein I would travel totally self-contained (on a motorcycle with 200 lbs of camping gear), alone, for months at a time, during which I developed my self-sufficiency and discovered myself, writing obsessively the whole time (read: venting the rage I felt for getting screwed every time I had "tried to help"). It worked.
This taught me thet I was the sort who would desperately cling to bananas in boxes (monkey-traps), trapping myself in my desperate desire to get others to be emotionally supportive. I so desperately needed (or at least wanted at the time) emotional support.
But all the members of my immediate family are Paranoid Schizophrenics compulsively lashing out like wounded animals in "self-defense"; an example of which was my father becoming terrified if I offered him a gift. In his Schizophrenic mind, me offering to help (as a Good Samaritan) was to him me "trying to get control!" for the malicious intent of destroying him. What a nut-case.
I had to go through a symbolic suicide in order to let go of all those monkey-traps I so desperately kept a hold of in my Martyr Complex.
Eventually it worked; I divorced my abusive lunie family, moved 3 states away, and started over. I did these things before I knew I am Autistic.
I left (paranoid asshole) Oregon and moved to (gullible hick) New Mexico, where I not only learned my Life Lesson, but also became an expert on Autism and practically cured myself.
So I am going through that description again to explain my perspective of it:
Through previous incarnations the soul has acquired an over-emphasis of energy in the area of co-dependence (Making ridiculous self-sacrifice to help others so they will in turn give me emotional support - to the extent thet I willingly sacrificed my own desires to save someone else's). An overwhelming need for external harmony (Read: the typical Autistic obsessive need to have a place for everything and everything in it's place) has led to sacrificing individual identity in order to provide a support system for the desires, needs, and expectations of others (whom should in turn give me emotional support I so desperately need, as compensation for my senses being so inaccurate).
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, Aries North Node individuals need to focus on discovering, developing, and expressing the authentic self (in my case, through my Hyperlexic cathartic writing, Pragmatic Language Disorder, obsessively composing and recording my words and my music my way, obsessive drumming, and Motorcycle Adventure Riding). This can be facilitated by tuning into inner rather than external cues (as a self-absorbed Autistic oblivious to others) in defining self-identity - who they truly are and what they truly desire and need for themselves, rather than endeavoring to be all things to all people (to ridiculous extent – making a Martyr of myself when I thought I was just being a Good Samaritan).
Periods of time spent alone (absence of input and distraction from others) are vital to these individuals (meaning I may have chosen to be Autistically-detached from humanity before I came into this life, feeling no connection to my abusive lunatic family, giving up on women/romance/sex at the age of 27, then preferring to be alone on Adventure Rides to facilitate discovery of my true self-identity), to practice making their own decisions and to learn to nurture and support themselves. (*2)
Becoming less dependent on others for support will assist in achieving more balanced and fulfilling relationships with others. Discovering (while alone) who I truly am allows me to see what I have to offer others; being an Asperger, I believe communication should only be used for educational information exchange, thus resulting in me being irritated by small-talk and (to me, pointless) social chit-chat, while my Aspergian strong desire to be a mentor leads me to teach with this web-site.
A critical lesson that needs to be learned in this lifetime by Aries North Node individuals is that pursuit of deeply desired goals and trusting and following their instincts must never be abandoned in the face of disapproval from others (Deer in headlights Autistic unable to care what other people think of them, I already could not understand why they were all bullies who wanted to force me to hate them. (*3) Whatever contributes to inner peace must never be sacrificed in favor of peace and harmony in relationships (All people irritate me, thus (like all Autistics) I prefer to be alone to regenerate).
Many events in this incarnation will provide Aries North Node individuals with the challenge of learning to find a comfortable point of balance between the energy polarities of self-assertion (Aries North Node) and accommodating others/external harmony (Libra South Node) so that a true sense of internal harmony can be attained by these individuals which will help to align them with their spiritual purpose and path. (i.e., it was so difficult for me to break free from the monkey-trap of the need for emotional support to the point of Martyr Complex and come to understand thet I am, and was meant to be, Autistic.)
Autism saved me from the fate of my 4 Paranoid Schizophrenic siblings, and forced me to become “abnormally self-sufficient” (read: Autistic), and gave me Pragmatic Language Disorder with which I can express the real me better than Normal people.
I have obviously learned my Life Lessons this time around.
My brother is also an Aries, so I assume his Life Lesson is the same as mine, but he is a very Avaricious asshole, Paranoid Schizophrenic, steely-eyed/stiff upper lip/superficial jerk, thus terrified of what others might think of him. He is clearly not learning his Life Lesson, because he is not Autistic; i.e., I think my Autism has been a blessing in disguise.
I shall repeat the opening paragraphs (condensed):
The soul has acquired an over-emphasis of energy (resulting in actual Autistic melt-downs) … to heal this energy imbalance of the soul … can be facilitated by tuning into inner rather than external cues in defining self-identity (classic Autism symptom of being oblivious to others) … Periods of time spent alone … Becoming less dependent on others for support will assist ….
Interestingly, these opening lines of my Life Lesson directly refer to the definition of my given name (Chryssie is not my real name).
My first name means Little wise owl. My middle name means Ruler, as in king. And my last name means literally a pile of coal. Thus I am a wise owl ruling from atop a pile of fuel coal. This suggests I would be good at wisely regulating the use of energy. (*1)
It was a blessing to be Autistic, an Aries, and Type O blood. All of these are very high-energy people. I got a triple-whammy, making me a flash-temper Aries, a "high metabolism" Type O blood, and an Autistic-meltdown Asperger sort of person - my psychic energy intimidating people 20 feet away, and my emotional intensity perpetually scaring away potential mates - bringing me to the conclusion thet all Normals are simply afraid of intimacy.
This triple-whammy forced me to become profoundly more mature than anyone else in dealing with my own emotional intensity, and fulfill my Life Lesson of learning how to be alone and self-sufficient, and learning how to stop wasting my energy compulsively martyring myself for others (and, though very late in life, eventually alleviating the majority of my Autism symptoms).
My Life Lesson and my Name Definition worked together to help me wisely regulate my use of energy - (anger energy) which was originally berserk due to the combination of abusive Schizophrenic family, sexually and spiritually abusive church, Autism (melt-down), Aries (flash temper), and Type O blood ("high metabolism").
Today this little wise owl is known for being extraordinarily even-tempered and level-headed (people comment thet I have a calm vibe) without being dependent on any outside influence to maintain this state.
There are dozens of web-sites about Life Lessons and Name Definitions. Analyze the reasons why, before this incarnation, you chose to have a specific Astrology sign, a specific blood type, and be Autistic (or not).
I chose to be Autistic to help me defeat the (rage-inducing) Martyr Complex and become mature and secure in my self-containment.
I had to have my house burn down 4 times before I finally learned to let go of those monkey-traps of emotional dependency. I used to have a Poverty Thinking type of possessiveness and hoarded things. Now I am very jaded about material possessions.
I used to be girl-crazy and impulsively fell in love with whatever chick happened to be on hand. Now I am very jaded, and even dismissive, toward emotional attachments.
Watch the movies The Reflecting Skin, The Mosquito Coast, and The Eye. Those 3 combined sum up my childhood.
Then my house burned down 4 times - all while I was an undiagnosed Autistic in a perpetual state of rage-attack/melt-downs and petrifying anxiety. I chose this, as you chose your life. The trick is to see it as Life Lessons, rather than “Life sucks.”
I look at the 6 Paranoid Schizophrenic abuser members of my hopeless immediate family, and I recognize, I would not give up Autism for a million bucks. Autism makes me better than you - as an “Indigo Child” (Read: an amazing collection of Sensory Processing Disorders thet allow me to perceive the world differently (thus better) than a Normal person would – I see the obvious solution before a Normal can even tell there is a problem – that is, once I finally learned how to wisely regulate my use of energy).
Also see Kerry’s video interview with Erin Rothschild (on projectcamelotportal.com) for more on the idea thet we all choose our lives in advance.
The problem I am still working on is forgiving my parents for making me go to vicious abuser public school while being obsessed with their Nepotistic hypocrite circle-jerk of lunatics family clan and sexually and spiritually abusive strangulating religious cult.
The intentional withholding of education is the thing I have stayed the angriest about for the longest time, and I am not ready to forgive them for it. Though I know I must, for I chose this as my way of learning not to depend on anyone for anything, not even education. The reason I have such difficulty forgiving them for it is because a child does not know how to teach themself, nor know what it is they need to learn – especially if they are an un-diagnosed Autistic who could not hear nor see properly, as was I.
That family and church were cult-like, in thet they had the attitude thet if it is not part of our family or our church then you do not need to know it – in fact you have no right to know it. This was so damaging to me, an Aspie genius being consciously, intentionally restrained from learning; I identify with Genie from the movie Mockingbird Don't Sing. Give Derpy Hooves Genie's childhood, and that is what my parents symbolically did to me (this is a drastic exaggeration, but I still identify with Derpy and Genie); and I am not done being angry about it. (*4)
Eventually I realized thet The trick to life is to be forever on your quest for the alternate perspective - I am one of the few who can see this, due to my Sensory Processing Disorders (I can still see Ultra-violet light and hear 10 dB too loud). I may have never learned that trick to life if it were not for that evil family and church (I chose before I was born) driving me to that realization.
To defeat my Martyr Complex I had to learn to Hate without Guilt. Now I must learn to forgive the unforgivable. See the above-mentioned Erin Rothschild knowing she must forgive her vicious Satanist parents, because she recognizes thet she chose that childhood as a way to prepare herself for the next step – which is a pretty amazing step in her case.
But herein lurks the Asperger symptom of “Ruminates on bad experience past for inordinant lengths of time”; Autistics often bonding with objects rather than people, I had to have my house burn down 4 times before I finally got it through my Aries ram skull to stop feeling emotionally attached to material possessions as compensation for my abusively emotionally unavailable family and spiritually abusive church preventing me from attaching to any of them.
I tried to compensate with romantic love - becoming pathetically girl-crazy.
I had to learn through a very long history of co-addictive enmeshment with abusive parasites to let go of my attachment to (falling in love with) people (because I was desperate and they were there). I had to learn (literally through fire) how to let go of material monkey-traps I was Autistically bonded with. I had to learn how to Hate without Guilt as the way of defeating my Martyr Complex. Now I must learn to Forgive without Martyrdom to defeat my Hatred.
Erin Rothschild humbles me; humbleness not at all an Aries, nor Type O blood, nor Autistic trait. It is my biggest future challenge as a Life Lesson; only recently developing a self-depreciating sense of humor.
I am now trying to use my blessing of Autism to help me learn it - spilling my guts to startled strangers on this web-site, exposing my warts-and-all self to the world as a way of humbling myself ... and 1 day, forgiving.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
See www.names.org. It is full of useless but fun statistics about names.
(*2)
See what I said in my description of ADVrider.com, on the Links page).
(*3)
See further elaboration in my lecture #11 on Pride, wherein I describe the influence of Neurotypical Mirroring and Acceptance Neurons.
(*4)
See My Take On Derpy Hooves, below.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Life Lessons.
by Chryssie.
My Life Lessons; i.e., what I am supposed to learn this incarnation (according to my Astrology chart – I am an Aries).
Through previous incarnations the soul has acquired an over-emphasis of energy in the area of co-dependence. An overwhelming need for external harmony has led to sacrificing individual identity in order to provide a support system for the desires, needs, and expectations of others.
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, Aries North Node individuals need to focus on discovering, developing, and expressing the authentic self. This can be facilitated by tuning into inner rather than external cues in defining self-identity - who they truly are and what they truly desire and need for themselves rather than endeavoring to be all things to all people.
Periods of time spent alone (absence of input and distraction from others) are vital to these individuals to facilitate discovery of true self-identity, to practice making their own decisions and to learn to nurture and support themselves.
Becoming less dependent on others for support will assist in achieving more balanced and fulfilling relationships with others.
A critical lesson that needs to be learned in this lifetime by Aries North Node individuals is that pursuit of deeply desired goals and trusting and following their instincts must never be abandoned in the face of disapproval from others. Whatever contributes to inner peace must never be sacrificed in favor of peace and harmony in relationships.
Many events in this incarnation will provide Aries North Node individuals with the challenge of learning to find a comfortable point of balance between the energy polarities of self-assertion (Aries North Node) and accommodating others/external harmony (Libra South Node) so that a true sense of internal harmony can be attained by these individuals which will help to align them with their spiritual purpose and path.
In my last life I died a martyr's death. I brought the Martyr Complex with me into this life; i.e., I was practically obsessed with finding problems for me to fix (buying cars thet were hopelessly worn out and fixing them up in my desperate desire to keep them from going to waste) when they were not worth fixing, including fixer-upper people, to which I would make ridiculous self-sacrifice when they were actually not worthy of my efforts. The more I tried to be (what I perceived as) The Good Samaritan, the angrier I got over how all of these people were sociopath parasites who sucked the life out of me, stabbed me in the back, and then spit in my eye for being "so stupid" as to trust them or want to be generous and helpful. In my Martyr Complex I always felt thet the relationships ending in disaster was my fault due to me not having made enough self-sacrifice.
Eventually I figured out how to stop casting my pearls before swine, and did as the above suggested - inventing Motorcycle Adventure Riding, wherein I would travel totally self-contained (on a motorcycle with 200 lbs of camping gear), alone, for months at a time, during which I developed my self-sufficiency and discovered myself, writing obsessively the whole time (read: venting the rage I felt for getting screwed every time I had "tried to help"). It worked.
This taught me thet I was the sort who would desperately cling to bananas in boxes (monkey-traps), trapping myself in my desperate desire to get others to be emotionally supportive. I so desperately needed (or at least wanted at the time) emotional support.
But all the members of my immediate family are Paranoid Schizophrenics compulsively lashing out like wounded animals in "self-defense"; an example of which was my father becoming terrified if I offered him a gift. In his Schizophrenic mind, me offering to help (as a Good Samaritan) was to him me "trying to get control!" for the malicious intent of destroying him. What a nut-case.
I had to go through a symbolic suicide in order to let go of all those monkey-traps I so desperately kept a hold of in my Martyr Complex.
Eventually it worked; I divorced my abusive lunie family, moved 3 states away, and started over. I did these things before I knew I am Autistic.
I left (paranoid asshole) Oregon and moved to (gullible hick) New Mexico, where I not only learned my Life Lesson, but also became an expert on Autism and practically cured myself.
So I am going through that description again to explain my perspective of it:
Through previous incarnations the soul has acquired an over-emphasis of energy in the area of co-dependence (Making ridiculous self-sacrifice to help others so they will in turn give me emotional support - to the extent thet I willingly sacrificed my own desires to save someone else's). An overwhelming need for external harmony (Read: the typical Autistic obsessive need to have a place for everything and everything in it's place) has led to sacrificing individual identity in order to provide a support system for the desires, needs, and expectations of others (whom should in turn give me emotional support I so desperately need, as compensation for my senses being so inaccurate).
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, Aries North Node individuals need to focus on discovering, developing, and expressing the authentic self (in my case, through my Hyperlexic cathartic writing, Pragmatic Language Disorder, obsessively composing and recording my words and my music my way, obsessive drumming, and Motorcycle Adventure Riding). This can be facilitated by tuning into inner rather than external cues (as a self-absorbed Autistic oblivious to others) in defining self-identity - who they truly are and what they truly desire and need for themselves, rather than endeavoring to be all things to all people (to ridiculous extent – making a Martyr of myself when I thought I was just being a Good Samaritan).
Periods of time spent alone (absence of input and distraction from others) are vital to these individuals (meaning I may have chosen to be Autistically-detached from humanity before I came into this life, feeling no connection to my abusive lunatic family, giving up on women/romance/sex at the age of 27, then preferring to be alone on Adventure Rides to facilitate discovery of my true self-identity), to practice making their own decisions and to learn to nurture and support themselves. (*2)
Becoming less dependent on others for support will assist in achieving more balanced and fulfilling relationships with others. Discovering (while alone) who I truly am allows me to see what I have to offer others; being an Asperger, I believe communication should only be used for educational information exchange, thus resulting in me being irritated by small-talk and (to me, pointless) social chit-chat, while my Aspergian strong desire to be a mentor leads me to teach with this web-site.
A critical lesson that needs to be learned in this lifetime by Aries North Node individuals is that pursuit of deeply desired goals and trusting and following their instincts must never be abandoned in the face of disapproval from others (Deer in headlights Autistic unable to care what other people think of them, I already could not understand why they were all bullies who wanted to force me to hate them. (*3) Whatever contributes to inner peace must never be sacrificed in favor of peace and harmony in relationships (All people irritate me, thus (like all Autistics) I prefer to be alone to regenerate).
Many events in this incarnation will provide Aries North Node individuals with the challenge of learning to find a comfortable point of balance between the energy polarities of self-assertion (Aries North Node) and accommodating others/external harmony (Libra South Node) so that a true sense of internal harmony can be attained by these individuals which will help to align them with their spiritual purpose and path. (i.e., it was so difficult for me to break free from the monkey-trap of the need for emotional support to the point of Martyr Complex and come to understand thet I am, and was meant to be, Autistic.)
Autism saved me from the fate of my 4 Paranoid Schizophrenic siblings, and forced me to become “abnormally self-sufficient” (read: Autistic), and gave me Pragmatic Language Disorder with which I can express the real me better than Normal people.
I have obviously learned my Life Lessons this time around.
My brother is also an Aries, so I assume his Life Lesson is the same as mine, but he is a very Avaricious asshole, Paranoid Schizophrenic, steely-eyed/stiff upper lip/superficial jerk, thus terrified of what others might think of him. He is clearly not learning his Life Lesson, because he is not Autistic; i.e., I think my Autism has been a blessing in disguise.
I shall repeat the opening paragraphs (condensed):
The soul has acquired an over-emphasis of energy (resulting in actual Autistic melt-downs) … to heal this energy imbalance of the soul … can be facilitated by tuning into inner rather than external cues in defining self-identity (classic Autism symptom of being oblivious to others) … Periods of time spent alone … Becoming less dependent on others for support will assist ….
Interestingly, these opening lines of my Life Lesson directly refer to the definition of my given name (Chryssie is not my real name).
My first name means Little wise owl. My middle name means Ruler, as in king. And my last name means literally a pile of coal. Thus I am a wise owl ruling from atop a pile of fuel coal. This suggests I would be good at wisely regulating the use of energy. (*1)
It was a blessing to be Autistic, an Aries, and Type O blood. All of these are very high-energy people. I got a triple-whammy, making me a flash-temper Aries, a "high metabolism" Type O blood, and an Autistic-meltdown Asperger sort of person - my psychic energy intimidating people 20 feet away, and my emotional intensity perpetually scaring away potential mates - bringing me to the conclusion thet all Normals are simply afraid of intimacy.
This triple-whammy forced me to become profoundly more mature than anyone else in dealing with my own emotional intensity, and fulfill my Life Lesson of learning how to be alone and self-sufficient, and learning how to stop wasting my energy compulsively martyring myself for others (and, though very late in life, eventually alleviating the majority of my Autism symptoms).
My Life Lesson and my Name Definition worked together to help me wisely regulate my use of energy - (anger energy) which was originally berserk due to the combination of abusive Schizophrenic family, sexually and spiritually abusive church, Autism (melt-down), Aries (flash temper), and Type O blood ("high metabolism").
Today this little wise owl is known for being extraordinarily even-tempered and level-headed (people comment thet I have a calm vibe) without being dependent on any outside influence to maintain this state.
There are dozens of web-sites about Life Lessons and Name Definitions. Analyze the reasons why, before this incarnation, you chose to have a specific Astrology sign, a specific blood type, and be Autistic (or not).
I chose to be Autistic to help me defeat the (rage-inducing) Martyr Complex and become mature and secure in my self-containment.
I had to have my house burn down 4 times before I finally learned to let go of those monkey-traps of emotional dependency. I used to have a Poverty Thinking type of possessiveness and hoarded things. Now I am very jaded about material possessions.
I used to be girl-crazy and impulsively fell in love with whatever chick happened to be on hand. Now I am very jaded, and even dismissive, toward emotional attachments.
Watch the movies The Reflecting Skin, The Mosquito Coast, and The Eye. Those 3 combined sum up my childhood.
Then my house burned down 4 times - all while I was an undiagnosed Autistic in a perpetual state of rage-attack/melt-downs and petrifying anxiety. I chose this, as you chose your life. The trick is to see it as Life Lessons, rather than “Life sucks.”
I look at the 6 Paranoid Schizophrenic abuser members of my hopeless immediate family, and I recognize, I would not give up Autism for a million bucks. Autism makes me better than you - as an “Indigo Child” (Read: an amazing collection of Sensory Processing Disorders thet allow me to perceive the world differently (thus better) than a Normal person would – I see the obvious solution before a Normal can even tell there is a problem – that is, once I finally learned how to wisely regulate my use of energy).
Also see Kerry’s video interview with Erin Rothschild (on projectcamelotportal.com) for more on the idea thet we all choose our lives in advance.
The problem I am still working on is forgiving my parents for making me go to vicious abuser public school while being obsessed with their Nepotistic hypocrite circle-jerk of lunatics family clan and sexually and spiritually abusive strangulating religious cult.
The intentional withholding of education is the thing I have stayed the angriest about for the longest time, and I am not ready to forgive them for it. Though I know I must, for I chose this as my way of learning not to depend on anyone for anything, not even education. The reason I have such difficulty forgiving them for it is because a child does not know how to teach themself, nor know what it is they need to learn – especially if they are an un-diagnosed Autistic who could not hear nor see properly, as was I.
That family and church were cult-like, in thet they had the attitude thet if it is not part of our family or our church then you do not need to know it – in fact you have no right to know it. This was so damaging to me, an Aspie genius being consciously, intentionally restrained from learning; I identify with Genie from the movie Mockingbird Don't Sing. Give Derpy Hooves Genie's childhood, and that is what my parents symbolically did to me (this is a drastic exaggeration, but I still identify with Derpy and Genie); and I am not done being angry about it. (*4)
Eventually I realized thet The trick to life is to be forever on your quest for the alternate perspective - I am one of the few who can see this, due to my Sensory Processing Disorders (I can still see Ultra-violet light and hear 10 dB too loud). I may have never learned that trick to life if it were not for that evil family and church (I chose before I was born) driving me to that realization.
To defeat my Martyr Complex I had to learn to Hate without Guilt. Now I must learn to forgive the unforgivable. See the above-mentioned Erin Rothschild knowing she must forgive her vicious Satanist parents, because she recognizes thet she chose that childhood as a way to prepare herself for the next step – which is a pretty amazing step in her case.
But herein lurks the Asperger symptom of “Ruminates on bad experience past for inordinant lengths of time”; Autistics often bonding with objects rather than people, I had to have my house burn down 4 times before I finally got it through my Aries ram skull to stop feeling emotionally attached to material possessions as compensation for my abusively emotionally unavailable family and spiritually abusive church preventing me from attaching to any of them.
I tried to compensate with romantic love - becoming pathetically girl-crazy.
I had to learn through a very long history of co-addictive enmeshment with abusive parasites to let go of my attachment to (falling in love with) people (because I was desperate and they were there). I had to learn (literally through fire) how to let go of material monkey-traps I was Autistically bonded with. I had to learn how to Hate without Guilt as the way of defeating my Martyr Complex. Now I must learn to Forgive without Martyrdom to defeat my Hatred.
Erin Rothschild humbles me; humbleness not at all an Aries, nor Type O blood, nor Autistic trait. It is my biggest future challenge as a Life Lesson; only recently developing a self-depreciating sense of humor.
I am now trying to use my blessing of Autism to help me learn it - spilling my guts to startled strangers on this web-site, exposing my warts-and-all self to the world as a way of humbling myself ... and 1 day, forgiving.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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(*1)
See www.names.org. It is full of useless but fun statistics about names.
(*2)
See what I said in my description of ADVrider.com, on the Links page).
(*3)
See further elaboration in my lecture #11 on Pride, wherein I describe the influence of Neurotypical Mirroring and Acceptance Neurons.
(*4)
See My Take On Derpy Hooves, below.
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#5.
Casual Conversations.
by Chryssie.
Vanessa and Virgie are neighbors of mine. They are not my friends, not my companions, just mere acquaintances.
Vanessa has a daughter, Jessica, who needed a ride to visit her dad, Vanessa’s ex, in Deming, 1 hour away. Every Friday I drive to Deming for work. So I gave her a ride.
I was trying to be a Good Samaritan, or at least a neighborly neighbor – as that is as close to developing friends as I am ever going to get.
Virgie and Vanessa used to be in a co-addictive relationship. Eventually they broke up. Now Vanessa lives in a Shelter, and Virgie lives with her mom.
Both of them know where each other live. Virgie knows I go to Deming every week. She knows I give Jessica a ride to see her dad.
This last week Vanessa came along to Deming with Jessica and I. During the drive, Vanessa said thet she and Virgie were no longer on speaking terms, and asked thet I not tell Virgie anything about her personal business. Okay, I said – and meant it, for I knew nothing about Vanessa, other than she was hoping to get an apartment soon so her other daughter could live with her. I really know nothing else about Vanessa’s private life.
The next day Virgie and I were having a casual conversation, during which she asked if I still went to Deming on Fridays. I said, Yes, I always go to Deming on Friday. Then she asked if I had taken Vanessa. I said Yes. She asked where I took her, and I said to her ex’s house. All of these were stupid questions, because I thought she already knew all of this.
Then she asked a personal question about Vanessa, and I cut her off and said Vanessa had asked me not to tell Virgie anything about her personal business. Virgie continued to pry, so I said, “Vanessa asked me not to tell you anything about her. I am not getting involved in your relationship. I am not coming between you two. If you want to know something about Vanessa, ask Vanessa.”
So Virgie said she and Vanessa had gotten back together last night, and thet all was well between them. I doubted that, for if that were true then why is she asking me about her? She continued trying to weasel information out of me. I told her nothing more.
5 minutes later Vanessa sent me a text (I did not save it, so I am paraphrasing here):
Why did you tell Virgie? You have messed up everything. She will not leave me alone.
5 minutes later I got another.
I have not been with her for 3 weeks. We broke up. What I do is none of her business. I trusted you, Chryssie.
I had no idea what I had done wrong.
I thought I had not told Virgie anything she did not already know, when I was actually verifying what at the time she had only suspected; Virgie knew all about Jessica visiting her dad, but did not know Vanessa was visiting her ex. I did not know that. I thought Virgie knew thet Jessica and Vanessa were occasionally going to Deming together.
I wish Vanessa would have told me specifically what she did not want Virgie to know – then none of this would have happened.
But I am not blaming her, for I could not figure out what mistake I had even made until about an hour after I got those texts.
I doubt Vanessa will forgive me. She probably thinks I outright blabbed to Virgie specific things I was asked not to tell, when that is not what happened.
I spent that hour ranting to myself about how I hate trying to be friends with Normals. I am so gullible and easy to manipulate. I told Virgie the very thing Vanessa wanted me to keep secret, and I had no clue I had done so.
She had expected me to read into it something thet was not said in her sentence, “Do not tell Virgie anything about my personal business.” I do not know your personal business, so there is nothing to keep secret – or so I thought.
Aspies do not read into it. You must take the direct approach. You must say, “Here is pitch black. Here is pure white. Here is the perfectly straight line between them.”
Then there is the fact thet all the Normals have ridiculous relationships like this 1. 24-hour drama-trauma – co-addicts abusing each other long after they have broken up.
Virgie is now apparently stalking Vanessa, and it is somehow (at least inadvertently) my fault.
And it is my fault. I have a fault called Asperger’s Syndrome. I am so gullible and naïve. 52 years old and I am still a social deer in headlights being manipulated by “mutual friends” who then only harass and abuse each other as some big stupid game ... I get indirectly blamed for.
This is the way it has been every time I have tried to make friends with a Normal. And in this case I was not even trying to be friends, I was just giving a neighbor a ride.
So now I must cease all interaction with manipulative stalker Virgie; even so, Vanessa will probably never forgive me.
Whatever. I am so exhausted. Why do people have relationships?
I wish Vanessa would have told me, “I broke up with Virgie 3 weeks ago. She is now stalking me. Do not tell her anything about me, because she is crazy!” In which case I would have confronted Virgie about the 3 times she has apparently lied to me, her repeatedly saying, We had a fight but we are back together again and working it out.
Me confronting her with her apparent lie may have been enough to set her off, in which case I could see for myself thet she is crazy, or at least a liar - at which point I would have severed all ties with her.
Then I could still be the Good Samaritan giving Vanessa and Jessica a ride. I will miss playing that part - for that sort of interaction is all I am capable of with a Normal. (I am not necessarily that person – I just know thet “playing that part” is the best I can come up with at “pretending to be normal.”)
But the Normals do not know how to use language.
I did not tell Virgie anything personal about Vanessa. All I told her was where I had driven my car. But that is what Vanessa meant by “personal information”, which seems absurd to me because Virgie already knew Jessica was routinely going to Deming, thus I assumed she knew Vanessa was going too (my mistake).
After writing that sentence, I am still sitting here like a deer in headlights wondering how any of this can be such a big deal – everyone feels betrayed by “Evil Chryssie”.
Am I actually Retarded for not being able to understand why the Normals get so wound up over their stupid social lives? Or am I a Hyperlexic literary genius who is apparently the only person who knows how to use language?; i.e., is Vanessa’s utter failure at using language to tell me what the hell is going on her illiterate moron fault?
Whether I am Retarded or not is not what is bewildering me right now. What is bewildering is thet I do not know how to fully understand what the problem even is, because it is about relationships, and I have never had a relationship – and at this point it is pretty obvious I never will.
Every time I tried to establish any form of relationship, it never got any further than this Vanessa and Virgie crap before it went to pieces.
And it is their fault, because they do not know how to use language. And it is my fault because I could not pick up on the obvious hints they were probably dropping, expecting me to read into it something they did not actually say.
I hate the Normals. It is just so exhausting to struggle with this every day - always inevitably failing.
So should I advise you to force your Autistic child to make friends, get hurt, make friends, get hurt, make friends, get hurt, until they finally figure out how the (game-playing) Normals have (co-addictive) relationships (without language)? Or should you occasionally pay a prostitute to play Faerie for them, while they otherwise stay safe (read: profoundly alone, but utterly socially ignorant)?
My evil parents forbid me to interact with anyone who was not a member of their lunatic family clan or lunatic religious cult. Thus I am probably not the person to give you any advice at all – at least not on relationships.
I still none-the-less like to give an Aspie lecture!
Casual Conversations
by Supertramp
It doesn't matter what I say
You never listen anyway
Just don't know
What you're looking for
Imagination's all I have
But even then you say it's bad
Just can't see
Why we disagree
And casual conversations how they bore me
Ya they go on and on endlessly
No matter what I say
You'll ignore me anyway
I might as well talk in my sleep
I could weep
You try to make me feel so small
Until there's nothing left at all
Why go on
Just hoping that we'll get along
There's no communication left between us
But is it me or you who's to blame?
There's nothing I can do
Yes you're fading out of view
Don't know if I feel joy or pain
It’s such a shame
And now it seems it’s all been said
If you must leave then go ahead
Should feel sad
But I really believe that I'm glad
I really believe that I'm glad
I really believe that I'm glad
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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Casual Conversations.
by Chryssie.
Vanessa and Virgie are neighbors of mine. They are not my friends, not my companions, just mere acquaintances.
Vanessa has a daughter, Jessica, who needed a ride to visit her dad, Vanessa’s ex, in Deming, 1 hour away. Every Friday I drive to Deming for work. So I gave her a ride.
I was trying to be a Good Samaritan, or at least a neighborly neighbor – as that is as close to developing friends as I am ever going to get.
Virgie and Vanessa used to be in a co-addictive relationship. Eventually they broke up. Now Vanessa lives in a Shelter, and Virgie lives with her mom.
Both of them know where each other live. Virgie knows I go to Deming every week. She knows I give Jessica a ride to see her dad.
This last week Vanessa came along to Deming with Jessica and I. During the drive, Vanessa said thet she and Virgie were no longer on speaking terms, and asked thet I not tell Virgie anything about her personal business. Okay, I said – and meant it, for I knew nothing about Vanessa, other than she was hoping to get an apartment soon so her other daughter could live with her. I really know nothing else about Vanessa’s private life.
The next day Virgie and I were having a casual conversation, during which she asked if I still went to Deming on Fridays. I said, Yes, I always go to Deming on Friday. Then she asked if I had taken Vanessa. I said Yes. She asked where I took her, and I said to her ex’s house. All of these were stupid questions, because I thought she already knew all of this.
Then she asked a personal question about Vanessa, and I cut her off and said Vanessa had asked me not to tell Virgie anything about her personal business. Virgie continued to pry, so I said, “Vanessa asked me not to tell you anything about her. I am not getting involved in your relationship. I am not coming between you two. If you want to know something about Vanessa, ask Vanessa.”
So Virgie said she and Vanessa had gotten back together last night, and thet all was well between them. I doubted that, for if that were true then why is she asking me about her? She continued trying to weasel information out of me. I told her nothing more.
5 minutes later Vanessa sent me a text (I did not save it, so I am paraphrasing here):
Why did you tell Virgie? You have messed up everything. She will not leave me alone.
5 minutes later I got another.
I have not been with her for 3 weeks. We broke up. What I do is none of her business. I trusted you, Chryssie.
I had no idea what I had done wrong.
I thought I had not told Virgie anything she did not already know, when I was actually verifying what at the time she had only suspected; Virgie knew all about Jessica visiting her dad, but did not know Vanessa was visiting her ex. I did not know that. I thought Virgie knew thet Jessica and Vanessa were occasionally going to Deming together.
I wish Vanessa would have told me specifically what she did not want Virgie to know – then none of this would have happened.
But I am not blaming her, for I could not figure out what mistake I had even made until about an hour after I got those texts.
I doubt Vanessa will forgive me. She probably thinks I outright blabbed to Virgie specific things I was asked not to tell, when that is not what happened.
I spent that hour ranting to myself about how I hate trying to be friends with Normals. I am so gullible and easy to manipulate. I told Virgie the very thing Vanessa wanted me to keep secret, and I had no clue I had done so.
She had expected me to read into it something thet was not said in her sentence, “Do not tell Virgie anything about my personal business.” I do not know your personal business, so there is nothing to keep secret – or so I thought.
Aspies do not read into it. You must take the direct approach. You must say, “Here is pitch black. Here is pure white. Here is the perfectly straight line between them.”
Then there is the fact thet all the Normals have ridiculous relationships like this 1. 24-hour drama-trauma – co-addicts abusing each other long after they have broken up.
Virgie is now apparently stalking Vanessa, and it is somehow (at least inadvertently) my fault.
And it is my fault. I have a fault called Asperger’s Syndrome. I am so gullible and naïve. 52 years old and I am still a social deer in headlights being manipulated by “mutual friends” who then only harass and abuse each other as some big stupid game ... I get indirectly blamed for.
This is the way it has been every time I have tried to make friends with a Normal. And in this case I was not even trying to be friends, I was just giving a neighbor a ride.
So now I must cease all interaction with manipulative stalker Virgie; even so, Vanessa will probably never forgive me.
Whatever. I am so exhausted. Why do people have relationships?
I wish Vanessa would have told me, “I broke up with Virgie 3 weeks ago. She is now stalking me. Do not tell her anything about me, because she is crazy!” In which case I would have confronted Virgie about the 3 times she has apparently lied to me, her repeatedly saying, We had a fight but we are back together again and working it out.
Me confronting her with her apparent lie may have been enough to set her off, in which case I could see for myself thet she is crazy, or at least a liar - at which point I would have severed all ties with her.
Then I could still be the Good Samaritan giving Vanessa and Jessica a ride. I will miss playing that part - for that sort of interaction is all I am capable of with a Normal. (I am not necessarily that person – I just know thet “playing that part” is the best I can come up with at “pretending to be normal.”)
But the Normals do not know how to use language.
I did not tell Virgie anything personal about Vanessa. All I told her was where I had driven my car. But that is what Vanessa meant by “personal information”, which seems absurd to me because Virgie already knew Jessica was routinely going to Deming, thus I assumed she knew Vanessa was going too (my mistake).
After writing that sentence, I am still sitting here like a deer in headlights wondering how any of this can be such a big deal – everyone feels betrayed by “Evil Chryssie”.
Am I actually Retarded for not being able to understand why the Normals get so wound up over their stupid social lives? Or am I a Hyperlexic literary genius who is apparently the only person who knows how to use language?; i.e., is Vanessa’s utter failure at using language to tell me what the hell is going on her illiterate moron fault?
Whether I am Retarded or not is not what is bewildering me right now. What is bewildering is thet I do not know how to fully understand what the problem even is, because it is about relationships, and I have never had a relationship – and at this point it is pretty obvious I never will.
Every time I tried to establish any form of relationship, it never got any further than this Vanessa and Virgie crap before it went to pieces.
And it is their fault, because they do not know how to use language. And it is my fault because I could not pick up on the obvious hints they were probably dropping, expecting me to read into it something they did not actually say.
I hate the Normals. It is just so exhausting to struggle with this every day - always inevitably failing.
So should I advise you to force your Autistic child to make friends, get hurt, make friends, get hurt, make friends, get hurt, until they finally figure out how the (game-playing) Normals have (co-addictive) relationships (without language)? Or should you occasionally pay a prostitute to play Faerie for them, while they otherwise stay safe (read: profoundly alone, but utterly socially ignorant)?
My evil parents forbid me to interact with anyone who was not a member of their lunatic family clan or lunatic religious cult. Thus I am probably not the person to give you any advice at all – at least not on relationships.
I still none-the-less like to give an Aspie lecture!
Casual Conversations
by Supertramp
It doesn't matter what I say
You never listen anyway
Just don't know
What you're looking for
Imagination's all I have
But even then you say it's bad
Just can't see
Why we disagree
And casual conversations how they bore me
Ya they go on and on endlessly
No matter what I say
You'll ignore me anyway
I might as well talk in my sleep
I could weep
You try to make me feel so small
Until there's nothing left at all
Why go on
Just hoping that we'll get along
There's no communication left between us
But is it me or you who's to blame?
There's nothing I can do
Yes you're fading out of view
Don't know if I feel joy or pain
It’s such a shame
And now it seems it’s all been said
If you must leave then go ahead
Should feel sad
But I really believe that I'm glad
I really believe that I'm glad
I really believe that I'm glad
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#6.
The Grieving Process.
by Chryssie.
I had a child, Elle. She was a non-verbal Autistic. She was a Faerie. I loved her more than anything.
When she was 11 she got hit by a car and died.
I went to the morgue to ID the body.
I sat with her and felt horribly sad, but I could not cry.
It had been a freak accident, so there was no one or thing to blame; thus I could not feel angry, for there was no place to put it. So I just felt numb.
I held her hand for :20, and still could not cry, for I had no place to put the grief either.
Then I pet her belly, and noted she had not started menstruating yet. It was tragic thet she died so young. She had not had the privilege, nor even opportunity, to have a child of her own. The fact she never got to love her own child the way I loved her was more tragic to me than her dying, and that is what made me cry. At last I had a place to put it. Then I cried my head off.
I had to go through that process, which took 20 minutes of numbness before I could get to the point wherein I could find a place to put it, and only then feel healthy grief and mourning.
I have a friend, Beth. Her daughter just had a miscarriage. Every day Beth sobs uncontrollably. She says it is because her daughter is in hysterics and having a nervous-breakdown and there is nothing she can do about it. Beth just feels frantic because it is not something she can fix.
In my case with Elle dying, I could not cry because I did not have a place to put it. In Beth’s case with her daughter’s miscarriage, she cries constantly because she does not have a place to put it.
I am trying to understand the difference between my Autistic and Beth’s Neurotypical ways of grieving. Since the Normals do not know how to use language, my only reference-point is the movies I have seen and the books I have read; specifically the movies Snow Cake, Under The Piano, The Hawk Is Dying, and In America; and the book Ghost Rider.
In Snow Cake (see my review), Alex is surprised to discover he has a teenage son. They arrange a meeting.
On the day the meeting is supposed to take place, the son gets in a car-crash and dies.
Alex is now left to grieve the death of his own child he never met.
Then he picks up a hitchhiker the same age as his son.
They drive and talk for a couple hours, then get hit by a truck.
The hitchhiker is killed.
Because Alex was driving the car, he feels survivor’s guilt, even though the accident was not his fault.
He now has to grieve the death of 2 people he did not know.
He goes to meet the hitchhiker’s single mom, so they can hopefully grieve together and be emotionally supportive to each other, but Mom is Autistic, and thus (from Alex’s perspective) she appears to be indifferent.
Only after a week of getting to know her does Alex come to understand how this Autistic grieves, and only then can he himself grieve.
In Under The Piano (see my review), 20-year-old Rosetta is Autistic. Her father dies, and she is apparently oblivious.
At the funeral she becomes upset because that day is Sunday; her father always takes her to the symphony on Sundays.
This change of schedule provokes an Autistic melt-down – or is it thet she uses the schedule-change melt-down as the vehicle with which to express her grief? We never really find out.
In The Hawk Is Dying (see my review), a man trains hawks for the hobby of Falconry.
Vultures circle a dead body, and hawks will dive-bomb the vultures, killing and eating them.
This man’s beloved Grandfather dies, and so he uses Falconry as his way of symbolically dealing with the death; i.e., the hawk represents the avenging angel’s victory over the symbol of death, the vulture.
This man has a 20-year-old Autistic nephew. The nephew interacts with no one but his uncle’s trained hawks.
The uncle arranges to get the nephew laid. It apparently goes as well as can be expected, but the nephew kills himself the next day. No one understands why, not even the sensitive Psych Major college chick who did “the laying”.
Now the uncle is left with 2 deaths to mourn, and no place to put it; Grandfather died of natural causes, and the nephew killed himself. There is no one or thing to blame, thus no reason to feel angry, but no place to put the grief either.
So uncle becomes obsessed with his hawks as symbolic avenging angels, rather than having a healthy grieving process.
In the movie In America (No Autistic characters, so I did not review it), an Irish couple with two young kids migrate to America for a fresh start after thier youngest child died. Unfortunately they bring unresolved grief with them. Both parents are emotionally constipated, unable to even access the grief they somdesperately need to confront. They struggle throughout the film to emotionally function at all.
They become friends with a neighbor, who then dies. The parents help their kids say goodbye emotionally to the neighbor they loved, and only then do they start to access their need to say goodbye to their own dead child.
Excellent movie.
In the book Ghost Rider, Neil’s gifted only child dies in a car-crash.
His wife says, “This is the 1 thing I knew I could not handle”, and she lays down and dies!
Neil is hit with this double-whammy tragedy, becomes a chain-smoking alcoholic, and emotionally falls apart.
Then he starts to get physically ill, and realizes he is following in his wife’s footsteps.
He decides to go on a motorcycle trip to find himself. This journey lasts a year and a half, during which he quits smoking and drinking, and does a lot of healthy grieving – which includes many letters to his pen-pals.
A couple years later he has buried his dead, gotten re-married, and even has a new baby. Apparently he has recovered.
Not part of his book: A year later 1 of his long-time pen pals, Solaris, has written a book about the grieving process. She sends him a copy, for she is his friend and thinks it might help.
To her total shock, he lashes out like a wounded animal. Attacking her psychically, he telepathically terrorizes her, and has others telepathically attack her too. (*1)
Apparently Neil's grieving process was not healthy at all, and he has possibly even gone mad.
The Grieving Process.
by Chryssie.
I had a child, Elle. She was a non-verbal Autistic. She was a Faerie. I loved her more than anything.
When she was 11 she got hit by a car and died.
I went to the morgue to ID the body.
I sat with her and felt horribly sad, but I could not cry.
It had been a freak accident, so there was no one or thing to blame; thus I could not feel angry, for there was no place to put it. So I just felt numb.
I held her hand for :20, and still could not cry, for I had no place to put the grief either.
Then I pet her belly, and noted she had not started menstruating yet. It was tragic thet she died so young. She had not had the privilege, nor even opportunity, to have a child of her own. The fact she never got to love her own child the way I loved her was more tragic to me than her dying, and that is what made me cry. At last I had a place to put it. Then I cried my head off.
I had to go through that process, which took 20 minutes of numbness before I could get to the point wherein I could find a place to put it, and only then feel healthy grief and mourning.
I have a friend, Beth. Her daughter just had a miscarriage. Every day Beth sobs uncontrollably. She says it is because her daughter is in hysterics and having a nervous-breakdown and there is nothing she can do about it. Beth just feels frantic because it is not something she can fix.
In my case with Elle dying, I could not cry because I did not have a place to put it. In Beth’s case with her daughter’s miscarriage, she cries constantly because she does not have a place to put it.
I am trying to understand the difference between my Autistic and Beth’s Neurotypical ways of grieving. Since the Normals do not know how to use language, my only reference-point is the movies I have seen and the books I have read; specifically the movies Snow Cake, Under The Piano, The Hawk Is Dying, and In America; and the book Ghost Rider.
In Snow Cake (see my review), Alex is surprised to discover he has a teenage son. They arrange a meeting.
On the day the meeting is supposed to take place, the son gets in a car-crash and dies.
Alex is now left to grieve the death of his own child he never met.
Then he picks up a hitchhiker the same age as his son.
They drive and talk for a couple hours, then get hit by a truck.
The hitchhiker is killed.
Because Alex was driving the car, he feels survivor’s guilt, even though the accident was not his fault.
He now has to grieve the death of 2 people he did not know.
He goes to meet the hitchhiker’s single mom, so they can hopefully grieve together and be emotionally supportive to each other, but Mom is Autistic, and thus (from Alex’s perspective) she appears to be indifferent.
Only after a week of getting to know her does Alex come to understand how this Autistic grieves, and only then can he himself grieve.
In Under The Piano (see my review), 20-year-old Rosetta is Autistic. Her father dies, and she is apparently oblivious.
At the funeral she becomes upset because that day is Sunday; her father always takes her to the symphony on Sundays.
This change of schedule provokes an Autistic melt-down – or is it thet she uses the schedule-change melt-down as the vehicle with which to express her grief? We never really find out.
In The Hawk Is Dying (see my review), a man trains hawks for the hobby of Falconry.
Vultures circle a dead body, and hawks will dive-bomb the vultures, killing and eating them.
This man’s beloved Grandfather dies, and so he uses Falconry as his way of symbolically dealing with the death; i.e., the hawk represents the avenging angel’s victory over the symbol of death, the vulture.
This man has a 20-year-old Autistic nephew. The nephew interacts with no one but his uncle’s trained hawks.
The uncle arranges to get the nephew laid. It apparently goes as well as can be expected, but the nephew kills himself the next day. No one understands why, not even the sensitive Psych Major college chick who did “the laying”.
Now the uncle is left with 2 deaths to mourn, and no place to put it; Grandfather died of natural causes, and the nephew killed himself. There is no one or thing to blame, thus no reason to feel angry, but no place to put the grief either.
So uncle becomes obsessed with his hawks as symbolic avenging angels, rather than having a healthy grieving process.
In the movie In America (No Autistic characters, so I did not review it), an Irish couple with two young kids migrate to America for a fresh start after thier youngest child died. Unfortunately they bring unresolved grief with them. Both parents are emotionally constipated, unable to even access the grief they somdesperately need to confront. They struggle throughout the film to emotionally function at all.
They become friends with a neighbor, who then dies. The parents help their kids say goodbye emotionally to the neighbor they loved, and only then do they start to access their need to say goodbye to their own dead child.
Excellent movie.
In the book Ghost Rider, Neil’s gifted only child dies in a car-crash.
His wife says, “This is the 1 thing I knew I could not handle”, and she lays down and dies!
Neil is hit with this double-whammy tragedy, becomes a chain-smoking alcoholic, and emotionally falls apart.
Then he starts to get physically ill, and realizes he is following in his wife’s footsteps.
He decides to go on a motorcycle trip to find himself. This journey lasts a year and a half, during which he quits smoking and drinking, and does a lot of healthy grieving – which includes many letters to his pen-pals.
A couple years later he has buried his dead, gotten re-married, and even has a new baby. Apparently he has recovered.
Not part of his book: A year later 1 of his long-time pen pals, Solaris, has written a book about the grieving process. She sends him a copy, for she is his friend and thinks it might help.
To her total shock, he lashes out like a wounded animal. Attacking her psychically, he telepathically terrorizes her, and has others telepathically attack her too. (*1)
Apparently Neil's grieving process was not healthy at all, and he has possibly even gone mad.
So I am left trying to figure out how to comfort Beth.
(See Aspie Sheldon “comfort” Penny: Penny slips in the shower, falls badly, and dislocates her shoulder. Sheldon takes her to the hospital. Once there, Sheldon very pragmatically tries to find a place for everything and put everything in it’s place. Penny does not care about that, she is in pain and just wants emotional support. Sheldon’s Aspergian attempts to emotionally comfort her, combined with his touch-aversion, only makes her feel worse. Google Sheldon helps Penny at the hospital YouTube).
Concerning Elle, I know how she would feel if she lost her own child, for I have lost mine too. But I have no idea how I would feel if she lost her child. It is a scenario I had never considered before.
Beth has no reference-point for her child dying nor her child's child dying, thus she is falling apart.
All I can do is say, “I am your friend, and I am here” … like Sheldon.
Also see Tanks For the Memories Suppliment YouTube.
P.S. You can read elaborations on the above-mentioned movies in my reviews of them.
P.S. II. In the Biblical Time Of The End when there is no natural affection, if people want to access this level of emotional intimacy they have to invent cartoon avatars and go on VR Chats. See Syrmor Guy on VR talks about his last girlfriend YouTube. I am glad this "service" exists, but it is sad it needs to.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
-----------------------------------------------
(*1)
See Kerry’s interview with Solaris at Project Camelot: An Interview With Solaris Bluraven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Chryssie.
With regard to grieving:
I have watched so many people go through it (and experienced it myself). I have come to the conclusion that it really is highly personal (there is no predicting how a person will handle a loss). I also think the age and manner of death has a really big impact on how someone grieves. If a loved one dies a violent death, I think the grieving process is a lot harder and more complicated then if the loss is an a beloved older relative who lived a long life and died of natural causes. I also think that grieving as a result of a sudden loss is a lot more different then the kind of grieving that is involved when someone dies after a prolonged illness. Finally, the loss of a child is the absolute WORST. I cannot think of a greater loss, and I am amazed at the people I know who have experienced it and gone on to live happy and grateful lives. I have one friend who's 3-year-old son died of cancer. She is one of the most positive, decent people I know. She and her family held an annual 5K race for years that benefit local families who have a child with cancer. They have raised tons of money to help others. I have another friend who also lost a young boy to a heart condition. Again, she is a really kind and decent person. Finally, I have another friend who lost her teenage son in a car accident. I think she is had the toughest grieving process. But she is another lovely person. She is a Pediatric Nurse and works at the ER at Children’s Hospital. All three of these women have very strong Faith, and I believe that has helped them tremendously. I personally find them remarkable.- K.L.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grieving songs: Here are 3 songs about watching someone die and not yet starting the post-death grieving:
Gary Numan’s song Life Machine is about himself being hooked up to life-support after he is considered brain-dead, but due to others having principles they cannot yet pull the plug. They are not prolonging his life, they are merely prolonging his death, apparently because they do not want to face the grieving process … yet.
Me I've just died
But some machine keeps on humming
I'm just an extra piece of dead meat to keep running
Why won't you let me die in peace
Why won't you let me die with some kind of honor
Why won't you let me die at all
I know
You've got your principles
My body lies immobile
I left it days ago
And me i watch from somewhere
As the loved ones come and go
I see them glancing at the switch
I hear them whispering "maybe it's better that way"
I see the love turn into feelings
I know
Aren't quite the same
I see the men of learning
Pacing to and fro
But how can I expect the sane to ever know
I'd rather die than have no mind
I know my brain is gone "damaged beyond repair"
I see an empty shell below me
I know
I've had my time
Siouxsie & the Banshees have a song Are You Still Dying Darling? wherein she visits him in the hospital, not wondering if he is still alive, just asking if he is still dying. She wants to get it over with, for both of their sakes.
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still in pain?
Are you still crying
Despite the morphine in your veins?
A fluorescent haze hangs and for a second makes you
Invisible but you try in vain to reach out through
The life-support machine and all the multi-colored
Tubes that pump and drain
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
All this wasting away
All this prolonged misery and
All this stripping away of dignity is
Killing me
That expression on your face
Pleading through your agony
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still sighing
Shall I end it for you?
You'll see
I'll make it easy for you
Just one blink and I'll help you to break through
Where Never Never Land beckons to you
You can dance with Peter Pan
Make rings around the moon
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
No more injections
No more medications
No more complications for you
I'll lessen the load for you
No more no more no more
No more are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
And Sleater Kinney’s The Size of Our Love, about emotionally burying your dead before they are even dead.
Our love is the size of
These tumors inside us
Our love is the size of
This hospital room, you're my hospital groom
The ring on my finger
So tight it turns blue
A constant reminder
I'll die in this room, if you die in this room
And sit like a watchdog
You patiently wait
And listen for footsteps down the hallways
Visit beds like they're graves
Days go by so slowly
Nights go by so slowly
Days go by so slowly
In a hospital room, in a box built for two
Fight for air, fight for my own air
Forget all the things I couldn't do alone
Fight for a heart, fight for a strong heart
Fight to never know the sickness you know
And know it's my home
I gave it a home
Our love is the size of
These tumors inside us
Our love is the size of
This hole in the ground where my heart's buried now
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(See Aspie Sheldon “comfort” Penny: Penny slips in the shower, falls badly, and dislocates her shoulder. Sheldon takes her to the hospital. Once there, Sheldon very pragmatically tries to find a place for everything and put everything in it’s place. Penny does not care about that, she is in pain and just wants emotional support. Sheldon’s Aspergian attempts to emotionally comfort her, combined with his touch-aversion, only makes her feel worse. Google Sheldon helps Penny at the hospital YouTube).
Concerning Elle, I know how she would feel if she lost her own child, for I have lost mine too. But I have no idea how I would feel if she lost her child. It is a scenario I had never considered before.
Beth has no reference-point for her child dying nor her child's child dying, thus she is falling apart.
All I can do is say, “I am your friend, and I am here” … like Sheldon.
Also see Tanks For the Memories Suppliment YouTube.
P.S. You can read elaborations on the above-mentioned movies in my reviews of them.
P.S. II. In the Biblical Time Of The End when there is no natural affection, if people want to access this level of emotional intimacy they have to invent cartoon avatars and go on VR Chats. See Syrmor Guy on VR talks about his last girlfriend YouTube. I am glad this "service" exists, but it is sad it needs to.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
-----------------------------------------------
(*1)
See Kerry’s interview with Solaris at Project Camelot: An Interview With Solaris Bluraven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Chryssie.
With regard to grieving:
I have watched so many people go through it (and experienced it myself). I have come to the conclusion that it really is highly personal (there is no predicting how a person will handle a loss). I also think the age and manner of death has a really big impact on how someone grieves. If a loved one dies a violent death, I think the grieving process is a lot harder and more complicated then if the loss is an a beloved older relative who lived a long life and died of natural causes. I also think that grieving as a result of a sudden loss is a lot more different then the kind of grieving that is involved when someone dies after a prolonged illness. Finally, the loss of a child is the absolute WORST. I cannot think of a greater loss, and I am amazed at the people I know who have experienced it and gone on to live happy and grateful lives. I have one friend who's 3-year-old son died of cancer. She is one of the most positive, decent people I know. She and her family held an annual 5K race for years that benefit local families who have a child with cancer. They have raised tons of money to help others. I have another friend who also lost a young boy to a heart condition. Again, she is a really kind and decent person. Finally, I have another friend who lost her teenage son in a car accident. I think she is had the toughest grieving process. But she is another lovely person. She is a Pediatric Nurse and works at the ER at Children’s Hospital. All three of these women have very strong Faith, and I believe that has helped them tremendously. I personally find them remarkable.- K.L.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grieving songs: Here are 3 songs about watching someone die and not yet starting the post-death grieving:
Gary Numan’s song Life Machine is about himself being hooked up to life-support after he is considered brain-dead, but due to others having principles they cannot yet pull the plug. They are not prolonging his life, they are merely prolonging his death, apparently because they do not want to face the grieving process … yet.
Me I've just died
But some machine keeps on humming
I'm just an extra piece of dead meat to keep running
Why won't you let me die in peace
Why won't you let me die with some kind of honor
Why won't you let me die at all
I know
You've got your principles
My body lies immobile
I left it days ago
And me i watch from somewhere
As the loved ones come and go
I see them glancing at the switch
I hear them whispering "maybe it's better that way"
I see the love turn into feelings
I know
Aren't quite the same
I see the men of learning
Pacing to and fro
But how can I expect the sane to ever know
I'd rather die than have no mind
I know my brain is gone "damaged beyond repair"
I see an empty shell below me
I know
I've had my time
Siouxsie & the Banshees have a song Are You Still Dying Darling? wherein she visits him in the hospital, not wondering if he is still alive, just asking if he is still dying. She wants to get it over with, for both of their sakes.
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still in pain?
Are you still crying
Despite the morphine in your veins?
A fluorescent haze hangs and for a second makes you
Invisible but you try in vain to reach out through
The life-support machine and all the multi-colored
Tubes that pump and drain
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
All this wasting away
All this prolonged misery and
All this stripping away of dignity is
Killing me
That expression on your face
Pleading through your agony
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still sighing
Shall I end it for you?
You'll see
I'll make it easy for you
Just one blink and I'll help you to break through
Where Never Never Land beckons to you
You can dance with Peter Pan
Make rings around the moon
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
No more injections
No more medications
No more complications for you
I'll lessen the load for you
No more no more no more
No more are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
Are you still dying darling?
And Sleater Kinney’s The Size of Our Love, about emotionally burying your dead before they are even dead.
Our love is the size of
These tumors inside us
Our love is the size of
This hospital room, you're my hospital groom
The ring on my finger
So tight it turns blue
A constant reminder
I'll die in this room, if you die in this room
And sit like a watchdog
You patiently wait
And listen for footsteps down the hallways
Visit beds like they're graves
Days go by so slowly
Nights go by so slowly
Days go by so slowly
In a hospital room, in a box built for two
Fight for air, fight for my own air
Forget all the things I couldn't do alone
Fight for a heart, fight for a strong heart
Fight to never know the sickness you know
And know it's my home
I gave it a home
Our love is the size of
These tumors inside us
Our love is the size of
This hole in the ground where my heart's buried now
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#7.
Surrogates.
by Chryssie.
I saw this movie called The Sessions. It was the true story about a man with severe Polio. His entire body was useless because his muscles did not work at all; in fact he had to sleep in an iron lung to keep him breathing over night.
At the age of 39 he hires a professional sex surrogate to help him explore his sexuality. After 4 sessions he is able to achieve intercourse with mutual orgasms. But by then the therapist has become as emotionally attached to him as he has to her, so they decide to keep it professional and end their sessions together.
One of his nurses grows to love him too, as such a nice person, and he eventually even acquires an actual girlfriend.
He dies at the age of 50, and all 3 women attend his funeral in tears.
The thing I got from this movie was thet he needed emotional therapy as much as he needed the sexual (his therapist actually said this; his emotional experience was as lacking as his sexual). The point being (to me) thet those who are Special and thus unable to have normal sex or relationships, need the therapeutic practice of falling in love with someone, getting hurt, letting go, and falling in love again to help them mature emotionally; i.e., how to maturely handle loving (and losing). The same can be said with death, dying, and the grieving process.
This is something there are apparently no actual therapists for. You can hire a sex surrogate, or even a common prostitute, to help you simply have sex, but who knows how to be an emotional surrogate?
See (my review of) the documentary Normal People Scare Me, wherein the Aspie kid said the thing he appreciated the most about his parents was thet they let him emotionally go out alone and fall down and get hurt and learn, rather than over-protect him. He did not need an emotion surrogate to teach him how to emotionally mature.
I know my own (Autistic) sex fantasies are very emotional. I mean I crave love more than I crave sex; I want a girlfriend (or even a child) to love as much as I want a lover to have sex with. If I were to hire a sex surrogate, I would probably become emotionally attached to her just as this character in the movie did.
I always had a romantic notion about sex. I wanted to fall in love with my best friend and have that be a good idea. Then become lovers because we loved each other, and have that be a good idea. But all women are emotionally retarded as far as I can tell, due to their belief thet love and sex are the same thing; i.e., if I tell my best friend thet I have fallen in love with her, she moronically assumes that means I demand sex now. This is utterly asinine as far as I am concerned, but just the way women are. Meanwhile, if she just wanted to fuck me and I fell in love with her because of it, she may think I was very emotionally immature.
The Normals can just fuck without getting emotionally involved. Though I think I could do that, why would I want to? I want to love and be loved, not just fuck and be fucked.
I imagine I have had as raunchy of masturbation fantasies as any other guy, but when it comes down to actually having sex, I want it to be with someone with whom I also have the mutually-intimate emotional relationship.
Tori Amos has a song thet says "The sexiest thing is trust", and that is the point I am making; having any form of sex with someone I did not trust would be pointless. To me, the emotional tenderness and trusting friendship I feel toward someone is what makes them sexually desirable (I cannot understand why a Normal can masturbate to couples porn; it is just sex, there is no emotional intimacy nor meaningful conversation. For this Hyperlexic Aspie, the conversation - pre, during, and post - is the best part of sex). The idea of sexually bonding with your mate is very romantically sexy to me. Is that a socially naïve (or even outright retarded) Autistic trait (or even symptom)? Or am I just a dweeb (Autism having nothing to do with it)?
So Autistics have this problem. They have enough Sensory Processing Disorders thet they may not be able to have sex with someone unless that person can be trained how to interact with the disorders, as a professional sex surrogate would be (See what I said in my review of Alphas about Autistic Rachel's Normal lover allowing himself to be trained how to interact with her Processing Disorders). But no one does therapy to help the Autistic grow to the emotional maturity level thet will allow them to survive heart-break (or malicious emotional wounding) - especially within a sexual context.
See my review of the documentary Billy the Kid. He was a teenage Aspie who wanted to love and be loved, found a girl his age who had a disorder as bad as his, adored her for it, actively courted her, and honestly wanted to fall in love and be emotionally available to her. But all of this could have been what made her push him away; she may have felt he was emotionally immature for being like that (she was not Autistic).
I thought he was an very nice guy, and very mature for being so accessible, having no problem at all with her disability, and being a total gentleman concerning sex (they were both young enough thet sex was not part of the equation).
Apparently she did not want him because his typical Aspie emotional intensity scared her away - the Normals are so afraid of their own emotions they are thus afraid of ours.
This shows me thet the Normals are the ones who are emotionally immature. Sure, they will fuck you, but, as they say, "Do not go getting serious on me."
By the time I gave up on romantic love, I could sum it up like this: Concerning women, "They will let you fuck them, but they will never be your friend. Give up!" So I gave up on the pointless teenage fantasy of romance. Then of course, during sex they say horrible things such as, "Do not talk to me, you are ruining it." Thus I gave up on sex too.
Then if they ever do get married, the women whine to each other about how their husbands are not emotionally available, when it is her own fault for being such an emotionally constipated whore to start with.
7 times I fell in love with my best friends, but I have never had a girlfriend. I even managed to have intercourse before I died, but it was always horrible because of their fear of emotional intimacy.
How can I not go deer in headlights when my best friend I had fallen in love with says she never had sex with me back when we were together because "I knew it would have meant too much to you."
What the hell is that supposed to mean! It means she is an emotionally immature slut who will let me fuck her but never be my friend; one of those “I only have sex with people I do not respect” types.
I want to sexually bond with my mate. The Normals are apparently incapable of even grasping the concept.
When some Normal woman offers me pussy, and I respond by offering my heart, to which she feels anxiety and irritation, what am I supposed to do, other than say “What the hell was that all about?”
“The Crush” I mentioned at the end of my AIT Diary kept doing physical expressions of interest in me. But since she did not use words, I was at a loss as to what she was feeling. So I wrote her a letter telling her what I felt each time she had physically demonstrated interest in me.
It ended with me saying thet I had developed a crush on her and was delighted she was interested. To which she ran away because she apparently just wanted to continue to have these non-verbal physical interactions – but God forbid any actual emotional expression.
Another young woman I work with said, out of the blue, “I hear you are quite the slut”; the apparent point being thet she wanted in on it.
The utterly asinine nature of all gossip notwithstanding (I have not even attempted to “be with” a woman in 25 years, for my Sensory Processing Disorders make it pointless, but tongues are still wagging about how I supposedly will fuck anything with a pulse), I did find it entertaining thet any female would be interested in me, so, since she had aggressively installed her phone number in my phone, I called her the next day to see if we could even talk.
She dismissed me entirely because I was apparently too emotionally expressive (read: available); i.e., like all Normals she just wanted a fucking, not a friend - and certainly not any “scary” emotional intimacy.
Gawd, I hate the Normals.
So I fantasize about Faeries and Aspergirls; someone to just hold, and feel love for, and cultivate a serious relationship with, based on verbal expression of honest emotion. Only after that happens will she become sexually desirable to me, at which time I would want to sexually bond with her - as opposed to fuck her.
Am I emotionally immature for wanting that? Do I need an emotion surrogate as much as a sex surrogate? Or am I just a hopeless dweeb? Or is this all very typical of most Aspies?
See this snippet from the movie Trust; couples porn is just gross (it is way too much visual information for me to process at once), (*1) but the girl falling off the wall in this snippet is the sexiest thing I have ever seen in a movie (of course, this type of girl only exists in the fantasies of male film directors - but it works for me!) (*2) See Trust (1990), Hal Hartley) - Trust + Respect + Admiration = Love
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
---------------------------------------
(*1)
I really enjoy the feeling of being drunk, but I am so hyper-sensitive, if I drink 1 beer I am blitzed. I know if I drink 2 I will throw-up and pass-out. I really enjoy naked women cumming, but one (with Sensory Processing Disorders) is enough. Couples porn is obviously designed for people with Addictive Personality Disorder. I have Fixated Subjects as a comforting Stim, but I have never been addicted to anything.
(*2)
The women in couples porn also only exist in the fantasies of male film directors - and they do not work for me!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Surrogates.
by Chryssie.
I saw this movie called The Sessions. It was the true story about a man with severe Polio. His entire body was useless because his muscles did not work at all; in fact he had to sleep in an iron lung to keep him breathing over night.
At the age of 39 he hires a professional sex surrogate to help him explore his sexuality. After 4 sessions he is able to achieve intercourse with mutual orgasms. But by then the therapist has become as emotionally attached to him as he has to her, so they decide to keep it professional and end their sessions together.
One of his nurses grows to love him too, as such a nice person, and he eventually even acquires an actual girlfriend.
He dies at the age of 50, and all 3 women attend his funeral in tears.
The thing I got from this movie was thet he needed emotional therapy as much as he needed the sexual (his therapist actually said this; his emotional experience was as lacking as his sexual). The point being (to me) thet those who are Special and thus unable to have normal sex or relationships, need the therapeutic practice of falling in love with someone, getting hurt, letting go, and falling in love again to help them mature emotionally; i.e., how to maturely handle loving (and losing). The same can be said with death, dying, and the grieving process.
This is something there are apparently no actual therapists for. You can hire a sex surrogate, or even a common prostitute, to help you simply have sex, but who knows how to be an emotional surrogate?
See (my review of) the documentary Normal People Scare Me, wherein the Aspie kid said the thing he appreciated the most about his parents was thet they let him emotionally go out alone and fall down and get hurt and learn, rather than over-protect him. He did not need an emotion surrogate to teach him how to emotionally mature.
I know my own (Autistic) sex fantasies are very emotional. I mean I crave love more than I crave sex; I want a girlfriend (or even a child) to love as much as I want a lover to have sex with. If I were to hire a sex surrogate, I would probably become emotionally attached to her just as this character in the movie did.
I always had a romantic notion about sex. I wanted to fall in love with my best friend and have that be a good idea. Then become lovers because we loved each other, and have that be a good idea. But all women are emotionally retarded as far as I can tell, due to their belief thet love and sex are the same thing; i.e., if I tell my best friend thet I have fallen in love with her, she moronically assumes that means I demand sex now. This is utterly asinine as far as I am concerned, but just the way women are. Meanwhile, if she just wanted to fuck me and I fell in love with her because of it, she may think I was very emotionally immature.
The Normals can just fuck without getting emotionally involved. Though I think I could do that, why would I want to? I want to love and be loved, not just fuck and be fucked.
I imagine I have had as raunchy of masturbation fantasies as any other guy, but when it comes down to actually having sex, I want it to be with someone with whom I also have the mutually-intimate emotional relationship.
Tori Amos has a song thet says "The sexiest thing is trust", and that is the point I am making; having any form of sex with someone I did not trust would be pointless. To me, the emotional tenderness and trusting friendship I feel toward someone is what makes them sexually desirable (I cannot understand why a Normal can masturbate to couples porn; it is just sex, there is no emotional intimacy nor meaningful conversation. For this Hyperlexic Aspie, the conversation - pre, during, and post - is the best part of sex). The idea of sexually bonding with your mate is very romantically sexy to me. Is that a socially naïve (or even outright retarded) Autistic trait (or even symptom)? Or am I just a dweeb (Autism having nothing to do with it)?
So Autistics have this problem. They have enough Sensory Processing Disorders thet they may not be able to have sex with someone unless that person can be trained how to interact with the disorders, as a professional sex surrogate would be (See what I said in my review of Alphas about Autistic Rachel's Normal lover allowing himself to be trained how to interact with her Processing Disorders). But no one does therapy to help the Autistic grow to the emotional maturity level thet will allow them to survive heart-break (or malicious emotional wounding) - especially within a sexual context.
See my review of the documentary Billy the Kid. He was a teenage Aspie who wanted to love and be loved, found a girl his age who had a disorder as bad as his, adored her for it, actively courted her, and honestly wanted to fall in love and be emotionally available to her. But all of this could have been what made her push him away; she may have felt he was emotionally immature for being like that (she was not Autistic).
I thought he was an very nice guy, and very mature for being so accessible, having no problem at all with her disability, and being a total gentleman concerning sex (they were both young enough thet sex was not part of the equation).
Apparently she did not want him because his typical Aspie emotional intensity scared her away - the Normals are so afraid of their own emotions they are thus afraid of ours.
This shows me thet the Normals are the ones who are emotionally immature. Sure, they will fuck you, but, as they say, "Do not go getting serious on me."
By the time I gave up on romantic love, I could sum it up like this: Concerning women, "They will let you fuck them, but they will never be your friend. Give up!" So I gave up on the pointless teenage fantasy of romance. Then of course, during sex they say horrible things such as, "Do not talk to me, you are ruining it." Thus I gave up on sex too.
Then if they ever do get married, the women whine to each other about how their husbands are not emotionally available, when it is her own fault for being such an emotionally constipated whore to start with.
7 times I fell in love with my best friends, but I have never had a girlfriend. I even managed to have intercourse before I died, but it was always horrible because of their fear of emotional intimacy.
How can I not go deer in headlights when my best friend I had fallen in love with says she never had sex with me back when we were together because "I knew it would have meant too much to you."
What the hell is that supposed to mean! It means she is an emotionally immature slut who will let me fuck her but never be my friend; one of those “I only have sex with people I do not respect” types.
I want to sexually bond with my mate. The Normals are apparently incapable of even grasping the concept.
When some Normal woman offers me pussy, and I respond by offering my heart, to which she feels anxiety and irritation, what am I supposed to do, other than say “What the hell was that all about?”
“The Crush” I mentioned at the end of my AIT Diary kept doing physical expressions of interest in me. But since she did not use words, I was at a loss as to what she was feeling. So I wrote her a letter telling her what I felt each time she had physically demonstrated interest in me.
It ended with me saying thet I had developed a crush on her and was delighted she was interested. To which she ran away because she apparently just wanted to continue to have these non-verbal physical interactions – but God forbid any actual emotional expression.
Another young woman I work with said, out of the blue, “I hear you are quite the slut”; the apparent point being thet she wanted in on it.
The utterly asinine nature of all gossip notwithstanding (I have not even attempted to “be with” a woman in 25 years, for my Sensory Processing Disorders make it pointless, but tongues are still wagging about how I supposedly will fuck anything with a pulse), I did find it entertaining thet any female would be interested in me, so, since she had aggressively installed her phone number in my phone, I called her the next day to see if we could even talk.
She dismissed me entirely because I was apparently too emotionally expressive (read: available); i.e., like all Normals she just wanted a fucking, not a friend - and certainly not any “scary” emotional intimacy.
Gawd, I hate the Normals.
So I fantasize about Faeries and Aspergirls; someone to just hold, and feel love for, and cultivate a serious relationship with, based on verbal expression of honest emotion. Only after that happens will she become sexually desirable to me, at which time I would want to sexually bond with her - as opposed to fuck her.
Am I emotionally immature for wanting that? Do I need an emotion surrogate as much as a sex surrogate? Or am I just a hopeless dweeb? Or is this all very typical of most Aspies?
See this snippet from the movie Trust; couples porn is just gross (it is way too much visual information for me to process at once), (*1) but the girl falling off the wall in this snippet is the sexiest thing I have ever seen in a movie (of course, this type of girl only exists in the fantasies of male film directors - but it works for me!) (*2) See Trust (1990), Hal Hartley) - Trust + Respect + Admiration = Love
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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(*1)
I really enjoy the feeling of being drunk, but I am so hyper-sensitive, if I drink 1 beer I am blitzed. I know if I drink 2 I will throw-up and pass-out. I really enjoy naked women cumming, but one (with Sensory Processing Disorders) is enough. Couples porn is obviously designed for people with Addictive Personality Disorder. I have Fixated Subjects as a comforting Stim, but I have never been addicted to anything.
(*2)
The women in couples porn also only exist in the fantasies of male film directors - and they do not work for me!
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#8.
Valentines Day!
by Chryssie.
"The Crush" mentioned at the end of my AIT page continues to give me a hug every time she sees me. I am always left wondering what that was about. She talks to me but never says anything, peppering me with stupid questions about irrelevant crap, which is so exhausting! It is just draining thet she expects me to actually answer these pointless questions; she asks me, “What have you decided about your move?” I am hoping to move to another State next month, but have never mentioned this to her, thus proving she is asking me personal questions about something she only heard of through gossip, which is always 100% inaccurate. I want to heave a loud exasperated sigh when the Normals try to engage me in “conversations” like this.
Then she hugs me. I find it draining because I have no clue why she is doing it.
I can take 3 guesses: 1) she is a very huggy person and interacts with all her co-workers this way, in which case it really does not mean anything. 2) She likes me personally and is simply expressing friendly affection. 3) She is overtly flirting with me; her clingy hugs her way of saying “My body is accessible. I invite you to touch.”
I have no clue which scenario is actually going on because it is all so overwhelming; there is just too much information for me to process, and none of it is in words!
I am a literary genius, Hyperlexic, Aspie. It has to be put into words (thet actually make sense!), otherwise it is just exasperating to interact with anyone at all.
I have repeatedly directed her to this web-site, as a way of introducing myself, but she does not bother to read it, then expects me to tolerate spontaneous hugs from an apparent stranger for no reason I can figure out. I hate it. I wish she would just go away.
When I was 27 I gave up on ever having a girlfriend, for it was just too hard! Today I am 52 years old, and am still irritated and depressed by this type of interaction.
Where are all the Aspergirls?
I am as lonely as anyone else; I do not actually wish she would go away, in fact I desperately wish I had at last found someone to love (she is really nice and very smart and has such a calm vibe). I just cannot deal with this continual confusion as to why she interacts this way – it is exhausting! (Plus I am quite aware thet living with an Aspie is like living alone, thus why would a Normal want me in the first place?).
I wrote her a letter listing every time we had interacted and how I felt each time. She never responded in any way, other than to engage me in more frustrating small-talk, and then hug me as I go deer-in-headlights.
I so wish I could find someone to love. But “The Crush” is not her, because she is Neurotypical. All she accomplishes is to remind me of what I cannot have. She inadvertently beats into the ground how obviously broken I am; thus part of me just wants to shove her away - though part of me wants to cling to her and never let go. I hate it.
So I go home and gaze longingly at drum manufacturer’s web-sites as compensation. I so much want to get back into music so I can have a relationship with something.
Valentines Day!
by Chryssie.
"The Crush" mentioned at the end of my AIT page continues to give me a hug every time she sees me. I am always left wondering what that was about. She talks to me but never says anything, peppering me with stupid questions about irrelevant crap, which is so exhausting! It is just draining thet she expects me to actually answer these pointless questions; she asks me, “What have you decided about your move?” I am hoping to move to another State next month, but have never mentioned this to her, thus proving she is asking me personal questions about something she only heard of through gossip, which is always 100% inaccurate. I want to heave a loud exasperated sigh when the Normals try to engage me in “conversations” like this.
Then she hugs me. I find it draining because I have no clue why she is doing it.
I can take 3 guesses: 1) she is a very huggy person and interacts with all her co-workers this way, in which case it really does not mean anything. 2) She likes me personally and is simply expressing friendly affection. 3) She is overtly flirting with me; her clingy hugs her way of saying “My body is accessible. I invite you to touch.”
I have no clue which scenario is actually going on because it is all so overwhelming; there is just too much information for me to process, and none of it is in words!
I am a literary genius, Hyperlexic, Aspie. It has to be put into words (thet actually make sense!), otherwise it is just exasperating to interact with anyone at all.
I have repeatedly directed her to this web-site, as a way of introducing myself, but she does not bother to read it, then expects me to tolerate spontaneous hugs from an apparent stranger for no reason I can figure out. I hate it. I wish she would just go away.
When I was 27 I gave up on ever having a girlfriend, for it was just too hard! Today I am 52 years old, and am still irritated and depressed by this type of interaction.
Where are all the Aspergirls?
I am as lonely as anyone else; I do not actually wish she would go away, in fact I desperately wish I had at last found someone to love (she is really nice and very smart and has such a calm vibe). I just cannot deal with this continual confusion as to why she interacts this way – it is exhausting! (Plus I am quite aware thet living with an Aspie is like living alone, thus why would a Normal want me in the first place?).
I wrote her a letter listing every time we had interacted and how I felt each time. She never responded in any way, other than to engage me in more frustrating small-talk, and then hug me as I go deer-in-headlights.
I so wish I could find someone to love. But “The Crush” is not her, because she is Neurotypical. All she accomplishes is to remind me of what I cannot have. She inadvertently beats into the ground how obviously broken I am; thus part of me just wants to shove her away - though part of me wants to cling to her and never let go. I hate it.
So I go home and gaze longingly at drum manufacturer’s web-sites as compensation. I so much want to get back into music so I can have a relationship with something.
The Normals think Valentine's Day is cute. To me it is the equivalent of sports fans talking about ball-games; they are not saying anything!
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#9.
Do Not Just Stand There.
by Chryssie.
When something traumatic happens the Normals often go into panic mode, physically freeze up, and say, “Do not just stand there. Do something!” They feel emotional panic with no logical thought. An extreme example of this was seen when the police were labeled "innocent" in the Rodney King case, and so "the Niggers got uppity" and torched their own neighborhood. They felt pure emotion with no logic, symbolically saying “I am so angry, I am going to shit my pants!”, then set their own house on fire.
This Neurotypical cliché of doing something without thinking first is 1 of the many reasons I think I am more intelligent and more mature than anyone else. I coined the phrase “Do not just do something. Stand there.” The point being thet one should stop and think first, intellectually finding a place for everything and putting everything in it’s place before physically acting, or even emotionally feeling (see what I said above about me feeling numb in the morgue for 20 minutes before I could figure out what I should feel).
To me all Normals are comparative hysterics, running around like headless chickens, just “fucking shit up”, as I gasp in disbelief (or go deer in headlights).
This can also be seen in War Criminals; the horror of it all resulting in them consciously choosing to act insanely (I do not think War Crimes are inevitable, I think they are pathetic).
I can reference Stanley Milgram’s Guinea Pigs here, wherein it was proven thet all Normals will choose to engage in behavior they know full-well is evil if you allow them freedom without responsibility; e.g., teenagers driving around at night, drunk, smashing mail-boxes (all of them should be shot in the head as far as I am concerned, for I have never done any such thing. It would not have even crossed my mind – because I have to intellectualize it into a compartment where I can only then feel emotional about it, while they are running on pure emotion (when they do not even know what they are mad at) with no intellect involved at all.
So I am still trying to figure out how the Normals grieve; see Beth (above) feeling pure emotion because she cannot find a place to put it intellectually, while I feel nothing emotionally until I intellectually find a place to put it first.
This is partly why Autistics are known for their lack of empathy. I empathize perfectly, after I have intellectualized and compartmentalized it into something logical I can only then feel emotional about. It is as if the Normals are addicted to feeling hysterical, whereas when I am feeling emotionally unstable or impulsive, I retreat to my comforting Fixated Subject and obsess over it to calm myself.
The Normals like scary movies and carnival rides. They feel exhilarated by these things, while I feel irritated and over-stimulated. They love to wail theatrically when in emotional pain, and even literally set their house on fire. They love to wallow in Munchausen Syndrome, and Abused Woman Syndrome, etc. Whereas with me, though tantrums are sometimes a necessary Stim, I hate it. I like to stay physically active enough to be in a perpetual state of Stim. Thus burning off the energy so I can stay emotionally relatively calm; and if I spend too much time being still during the day, after work I have to frantically play drums for hours to calm myself, without which I would go into the classic Autistic rage-attack. While the Normals, with their sedentary lifestyles just make shit up to get upset about; e.g., Road-rage: “Someone drove on the same road as me, so I am going to go ape-shit over it.” I shake my head and snicker grinning just writing that sentence – the pathetic inferiors.
Yes, I am failing to empathize with Normals, who are so emotionally infantile thet they become hysterical over traffic, while I intellectualize and compartmentalize it, thus realizing it is not something I should feel anything about at all (Here I refer to the Extreme Male Brain Theory of Autism, wherein women are spaghetti but men are waffles/the Normals are spaghetti but Autistics are waffles; we can compartmentalize everything, in fact we have to obsessively compartmentalize everything to keep from feeling overwhelmed by the sensory overload; if there are too many stimulants at the same time I cannot keep track of them all and thus Attention-deficit all over the place, which winds me up into anxiety). The Normals are spaghetti, emotionally feeling so many different things at the same time, they become “spread too thin.” Whereas Autistics are Waffles, each emotion so obsessively compartmentalized thet they only feel 1 at a time, and then feel it with such intensity, or at least fixation, it scares the crap out of people.
Then comes Lateral Thinking, wherein my mind in Attention Deficit races from 1 subject to the next, not necessarily associatively, so fast I do not have time to feel much about any of them. This is manifested in the Autistic symptom of “Difficulty distinguishing the relative difference in value between things.”
I was walking along the sidewalk, when I came upon an accident scene. A guy had ridden his bicycle head-long into on-coming traffic, flew up through the windshield, and ended up dead in the street. The police were there interviewing a witness who happened to be a 20-year-old Mexican girl. I had not seen the accident, just the aftermath. I saw (read: my mind went through this process): dead guy, smashed car, Mexican girl, her hair done like Errata Stigmata (a comic book character), the comic book that character appears in, another story from that comic book I think would make a good movie, making movies, the travel documentary film I would like to make. My mind snapped from subject to subject just as fast as it took you to read that sentence, and the emotion I felt about each of those things was equal in intensity. I did not empathize with any of them. By the time I got home, my mind had gone through another dozen subjects. None of them held my attention, thus I did not compartmentalize them into something I could feel emotional about.
The problem with Normal (waffle) men is thet they compartmentalize everything but then get stuck in 1 or 2 compartments: they like football, beer, and porn. Period. While I, and most Autistics, like hundreds of things, cannot distinguish the relative difference in value between them, and thus cannot stay focused on any 1 of them. So to keep from Attention-deficiting all over the place (which triggers anxiety) we cling to a Fixated Subject to comfort ourselves with.
The Normals are stuck in the stupidity of their few subjects (usually their drama-trauma social lives); they are too dumb to venture out of their comfort zone.
I grew so much living through the years it took me to deal with the death of Elle; and I now really enjoy repeatedly reading my Grieving Process lecture. Me thinking in 90% words, I revel in my Hyperlexia (without which my emotions do not make sense).
I directed Beth to that lecture. She read it and cried, and told me it had really helped her. I am proud of that.
Though I still do not understand how the Normals grieve. The above-mentioned Neil really confuses me.
All the members of my immediate family are Paranoid Schizophrenics, thus afraid to find out what their own feelings even are, so they were certainly no help in teaching me how Normal people do anything. And I have never had someone I could talk with about these things.
The Normals are so afraid of intimacy, they like to demonstrate emotional hysterics as over-compensation for the fact they are afraid to be themselves; they are in Road-rage 1 minute, then run away in panic if I express myself in Pragmatic Language Disorder; or women who want me to fuck them but are terrified of emotional intimacy; or the classic Asperger problem of scaring away potential mates with our emotional intensity, though they are the ones who are hysterical (over nothing) while we are often oblivious.
And when grieving, they either freeze-up, or demonstrate unbelievable childishness by insisting on forcing everyone around them to co-miserate. Or immediately drug themselves to oblivion because they need to amplify their misery and wallow in it. Or if they are too weak and stupid to admit they are in pain, they huff and puff and overcompensate, looking for someone to blame (and punish) for their (fake) anger; the pomposity of righteous indignation.
I hate the Normals.
If they read this, they would probably say I am socially retarded and have no understanding. And my response would be to say, No shit, Sherlock! And it is your fault! For you people are unable to put your thoughts and feelings into words! Which results in me having no clue how you grieve (I would really like to know).
See (my review of) the book Women From Another Planet, which includes a Glossary sarcastically defining the terminology used in the book; e.g., Social Delusion: Clinically significantly impairing to Neurotypicals in view of its pathology, specifically the Neurotypical hyper-focus on social information to the exclusion of facts, reason, and any direct experience other than social; and the conviction arising from this social imbalance that other's assertions can be known without being uttered.
The Normals go through 6 stages of grief: 1) Denial. 2) Anger. 3) Bargaining. 4) Acceptance. 5) Grieving (crying your head off). 6) Mourning (done crying, now you just feel sorrow until you finally get over it).
With Elle's death, I went immediately to acceptance, to such extent thet I could not figure out what I should feel; then I intellectually compartmentalized it, and only then grieved.
Beth said she went through all the typical stages mentioned above, but still has trouble letting go – staying angry for months after she thought she had finished all 6 stages.
Apparently there is a 7th stage of burying your dead. After Beth had gone through the 6 stages above, she goes back to stage 2, Anger, because she cannot quite get to stage 7.
I have no idea what Beth is actually feeling, I just know that was my problem for most of my life – the inability to bury my dead, thus me unable to stop feeling angry about it.
With Elle, I did finally bury her and let go and move on with my life. And that is why I am so confused over the above-mentioned Neil; he appears to have buried his dead, gotten re-married, and moved on, but there is obviously still a tremendous amount of anger he has never gotten out of his system; perhaps because he too had no one or thing to blame, thus no place to put anger, but he still feels it anyway.
I never did feel angry about Elle dying, thus I got over her death before I got over the death of my music career, for with it there were so many things and people to blame, thus feel angry toward. It took me about a year to bury my dead child. It took decades to bury my dead career (demonstrating the Asperger symptom of "Ruminates on bad experience past for inordinant lengths of time").
So I shall circle back to the subject of “Do not just stand there, do something”; is that what Neil is doing? Is he still in emotional panic mode, thus “doing something” by lashing out in hostility at Solaris? And also “doing something” by getting re-married? You can watch interviews with him wherein he talks about 5 of the books he has published. He never mentions the 6th, Ghost Rider, about the death of his wife and child, for though he even wrote a book about it, he has apparently never buried them.
It is so exhausting. I feel drained writing this all out, and getting no response.
Meanwhile, I hate thet “The Crush” (past tense) still engages me in pointless small-talk and then hugs me every time she sees me. Talking and hugging with zero actual communication makes me feel frustrated and lonely.
It also is another reference to the point I am making with this lecture: She is a Normal, thus she is apparently impulsively thinking, “Do not just stand there, say something”, resulting in her talking to me without it meaning anything; and “Do not just stand there, do something”, resulting in her hugging me without it meaning anything. So I search her eyes for meaning, and it makes her uncomfortable.
So emotionally I just throw up my hands and walk away, for the Normals’ insistence on interacting with their being no actual (verbal) intimacy is too exhausting and depressing for me to tolerate.
So the next time she hugged me I intentionally went stiff, and did not reciprocate. A week later she still tried to hug me, so I turned away. Hopefully this will give her the hint, for I know better than to bother actually talking to a Normal, since they do not understand language.
I seldom feel lonely when I am alone. But these type of interactions with the Normals make me feel desperate. I do not know how they grieve. I do not know how they love. I do not know how they do anything! Thus I feel utterly alone when I am with them. They beat into the ground how obvious it is thet I will never really connect with any of them.
I do not know how they process their own (nor each others’) emotions. And the weird thing is, I do not think they know either. Instead they freeze-up and tell someone else, “Do not just stand there. Do something (for me)!”
I do not want to be Normal, but I do wish I understood them. Unfortunately, the Normals do not know how to use language, so I cannot help but feel thet my ignorance is their fault. In which case I wish they would just go away.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#10.
Compensation.
by Chryssie.
In my suicide phase (during which I wrote my Getting To The Bottom of This zine series) I said (in it) thet the reason I was going to kill myself was because I had no good memories and was sick to death of being angry all the time. The only things I remember fondly were playing drums and riding motorcycles.
Only recently have I concluded thet the reason I recall these things with fondness is because those were the only things I had relationships with. My drum-set and my motorcycle were surrogates I depended on as compensation for my lack of relationships with people.
This chick I liked was scheduled to be at a specific post for work. So I went there to talk to her (read: spill my guts to startled strangers-I-mean tell her I had a crush on her), but she did not show up for work that day.
I was disappointed I did not get to see her, so I immediately went to the music store to look at drums.
I got to the store, but sat in the car and said aloud to myself, “This is just compensation. Drums are just a surrogate girlfriend.”
I still went in and spent 2 hours with them anyway, but I knew then thet I loved drums so much because the relationship I had with them was the only (or at least best) relationship I had ever had.
Now thet I am planning on moving to another State, I am selling-off all my possessions, stripping down to the bare necessities so I can move in 1 car-load.
I have, over the 5 years I have lived in New Mexico, collected assorted glass and metal objects thet produce an interesting sound when played with a drumstick. Since I cannot afford the actual drums right now (thus partly explaining why I am moving some place else where I can at last make decent money), I have dumpster-dived all sorts of interesting items I could add to the drum-set in my mind (Google Terry Bozzio’s all-cymbal drum-set). Imagine doing that with glass bottles, circular saw-blades, small propane canisters, etc. That is what I have been collecting for the last 5 years).
But now thet I am preparing to move, I admit my collection of “percussion instruments” were just hoarded symbols of compensation (due to the fact I am miserable living in New Mexico).
People who cannot get laid collect porn. I cannot have relationships so I collect drums; in this case I cannot afford the drums either, so I collect surrogate “percussion instruments” to compensate for my lack of drums (which are a surrogate for relationships).
Today I threw them all away in my attempt to stop over-compensating.
There is not necessarily anything wrong with a sexually-frustrated person collecting porn as a surrogate. There is not necessarily anything wrong with a relationship-frustrated person (me) collecting drums as a surrogate (see the woman in the documentary Loving Lampposts having a surrogate relationship with her fridge. Is there anything wrong with that? Obviously there is something wrong with her (Asperger’s Syndrome), but is there something wrong with her for doing that?).
I threw them away because I just did not need to lug with me to a new State the emotional baggage they represented.
Now thet my Sensory Processing Disorders have calmed down enough (thanks to GF/CF, mega-vitamins, Irlen lenses, and AIT) thet I am no longer over-stimulated into a rage, perhaps when I get settled in a new State I can actually (at least make an attempt to) acquire an actual relationship of some kind (with a real live (Asper) girl).
As with the point I made above (and in my review of Lars and the Real Girl), me collecting surrogate drums is compensation, but me telling you about it is under-compensation - my way of accepting myself as broken; in which case I no longer have to compensate.
When I was 27 I gave up on ever having a girlfriend. That is when I developed what I considered Obsessive Personality Disorder (extreme Fixated Subject), focused on music. Obviously music was a surrogate used as compensation, but the OPD was over-compensation.
Now I must continue to under-compensate until I am totally okay with being, and accepting of myself as, broken (as was the case with Lars).
Unfortunately, this process (no longer over-compensating, nor compensating, now just under-compensating) makes me calm down enough to settle into just feeling lonely, old, and sad. It makes me recognize how pointless my life is now thet I no longer have those obsessions and fixations I had to cling to as compensation for the over-stimulation.
How many recovered Autistics go through this crap?
“Witty Ticcy Ray” (Google it) was a person who had severe Tourette. A cure was introduced. But he had to spend many months in therapy preparing himself for what his life would be like without the tics.
He was a professional jazz drummer, and his Tourette would cause him to have literal spasms of frenetic drumming (he became famous for).
Would it ruin his career if he lost that? If so, what would he do then?
In the movie The Eye (see my review) a woman was a lead soloist in a symphony orchestra (consisting entirely of blind people). She desperately wanted her eye-sight back, so she got cornea transplants. It worked. She could now see. But she was thus no longer allowed to play with the symphony. She had not taken into consideration the fact thet getting her vision back would make her lose her job, in fact career, and even community.
That is something I never took into consideration. I so much wanted to be rid of the Processing Disorders, I had no idea thet I would have difficulty adjusting to life without them.
When the Processing Disorders were winding me up into a rage, I did not want (nor could even stand) any people around me at all. Now thet the processing disorders have been comparatively alleviated I just feel lonely and sad.
I did not do the therapy in advance to figure out what my life would be like without them, nor even how to prepare for it. I have lost the majority of SPD symptoms, thus losing the need for the compensating fixations, but without those fixations I do not know what to do with myself.
See what I said on the AIT page about the weird and unexpected side-effect of AIT being thet I could not wake up to pee at night. I never imagined thet adjusting my hearing would affect my urinary tract. I hated my life with CAPD, but I was not prepared for life (or at least the side-effects) without it. Eventually I adjusted to it, but the necessity for an adjustment period was something I did not see coming.
In our desire to recover Autistics, this aspect (preparing the person for life without it) is seldom seen.
Now thet I have addressed the situation, how does one do the therapy to prepare for such an unknown future? All I can do is explain how the recovery and side-effects have been for me. Unfortunately, if you have met one Autistic you have met one Autistic, so is my advice of any use to you?
I wish all Autistics would write to me with their stories of recovery, and the unexpected side-effects produced by no longer having incapacitating SPDs.
What did you do as compensation for your inability to function normally? (obsessing over drums because I could not have a girlfriend). What compensations have you been able to give up now thet your SPDs have been alleviated (I was able to throw away all those hoarded “percussion instruments”, and fixated subjects in general). Is it difficult for you to adjust to life without the SPDs? Is it difficult adjusting to no longer depending on the devices you had used as compensation?; i.e., did you just trade 1 crutch for another? (In my case, No, it was a relief to be rid of them – they had begun to feel like emotional baggage I was just dragging around with me, and I now have no desire to replace them with new ones; though I do feel an emptiness cause by their absence – thus the feeling of being lonely, old, and sad). What other problems had been caused by their presence, and now cause by their absence?
In my case drums were also a vehicle to transport me into socialization; I can always go to the music store and have someone to talk to. On the other hand, I could become actually obsessed with them (as opposed to merely fixated on them), thus driving myself nuts because they will not get out of my head (the music in my dreams would get so loud it would hurt and wake me up).
Also, I feel stupid for having allowed my self to become a boiled frog (theoretically, a frog will adjust and adjust to the rise in temperature until it is cooked, without ever realizing it needed to get out of the water; I adjusted to another fixated subject, another collection of useless drums, another masturbatory writing frenzy, until I had become a boiled frog, surrounded by all these abnormal devices of compensation I felt comforted by. Thus I maintained my inability to see just how broken I was: I did not need any friends (all of them are stupid immature sociopaths anyway), I did not want a girlfriend (quote-unquote "girlfriends" are not good for anything anyway), I did not want to be like the “pathetic inferior” Normals. And as long as I had my fixation collection of comforting compensation devices, I did not want to be like a Normal person with friends and a love-life.
Once I alleviated my SPDs, I could only then throw away all those devices, and only after that really admit how lonely and sad I have always been – the few parts of me thet had always been normal are so starved.
Classic Autistics do not necessarily want friends. Aspergers do, but do not know how to play-pathetic-head-games-I-mean keep them.
Now I think I could make it work, I just have no experience with success on the subject, thus part of me remains cynical.
I have at least gotten to the point where I am no longer arrogantly over-compensating.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#11.
Pride.
by Chryssie.
Humans, and all primates, have Mirroring and Approval neurons in their brains.
The Mirroring neurons produce the monkey-see-monkey-do behavior, resulting in children instinctively copying the behavior of whatever adult is around.
The Approval neurons are what makes people feel shame when they are not accepted by others.
In 2014 it was discovered thet the Autistic brain is missing most of these specific neurons. They will flap their hands and spin in circles to relieve the stress, but they are oblivious to you while doing so because they lack the Mirroring neurons thet would tell them to copy “normal behavior”. These missing neurons are what can result in the child engaging in oblivious public masturbation; they do not copy you, and are not able to care what you think about that.
The Autistic lack of empathy is caused by sensory processing disorders; i.e., the Autistic does not perceive the world the way a Normal does, thus they do not have the same emotional reaction to sensory input a normal person would. Then you add to that the missing neurons which prevents the Autistic from copying nor even caring to copy, and you get a social deer in headlights, or even oblivious public masturbation.
As an Autistic, part of me is proud to be without those things. I am proud I do not have Mirroring neurons thet would make me impulsively join in when I see others engaging in gang rapes, witch burnings, lynch mobs, or War Crimes. And I am proud I am not able to care if you think I am a dweeb for making my own decisions based on my compartmentalized analysis of each situation case by case and my own internal sense of Ethics.
The Normals run on pure emotional impulse as directed by their neurons thet make them copy others and seek approval (driving around at night, drunk, smashing mailboxes), whereas I have the general attitude of “I do not live in your culture, so your rules do not apply to me.” This is seen in the Little Professor Aspie child who knows himself to be more intelligent and mature than his parents, thus he does not acknowledge their authority.
This also results in me inventing Communist Theory by the age of 10, and developing a hatred of Democracy as my Fixated Subject; Communist Theory being the belief thet all people should be equal comrades with no class distinction (independent thought and an internal sense of ethics resulting in a culture wherein all people are expected to intellectually equalize upward), and Democracy being the belief thet all people should be dummied down to the lowest common denominator of majority moron rule (brainless adherence to the influence of Mirroring and Approval neurons, no matter what mass psychosis the culture has devolved to. All bullies are merely inevitable products of Democracy).
No Autistic wore a dork baseball cap on backward with the waist of their pants under their butt cheeks. Only a Normal with their Mirroring (sheep) and Approval (lemming) neurons do that, stumbling along from gang rape to lynch mob to witch burning, on brainless Democracy impulse, just a bunch of War Criminals looking for a place to happen; while the Autistic stands there like a deer in headlights-I-mean Anthropologist from Mars, wondering, "Who the hell are these people! What planet is this!"
Then we have the Anarchist Punks with purple mohawks declaring thet they will not mirror the status quo, nor seek their approval (when the facts are they are just whimpering wimps with a chip on their shoulder in place of an ego and a stick up their ass in place of a spine; their sense of “individuality” merely an expression of antagonism and defiance). But you will note thet all Punk Anarchists look exactly identical, mirroring each other and desperate for approval from their own sub-Democracy of mindless followers. Why? Because they are not Autistic! They still have those sheep and lemming neurons pulling their puppet strings.
See (my review of) the movie Magnificent 7, wherein Mom explains to a disapproving crowd thet though her Autistic kids are a social nuisance, she knows they will never hurt anyone, unlike their Normal kids who beat up her Special child and stole his cell-phone.
My point in referencing that is thet those Normal kids could not refrain from engaging in such brainless bully behavior. All bullies are terrified weaklings, desperate to mirror each other for acceptance; they actually feel proud to show off what thugs they are. They are easily recognizable as the future soldiers who will gloat over their battle-field rape camps.
Remember back when we used to have video rental stores? If the studio had a movie thet was a flop, they would try to recoup their money by having the video stores put up huge elaborate displays (of this dud movie most people had not seen). The public would then see what an apparently popular movie it had been, "Guaranteed to be in stock!", and thus run to rent a copy of it out of fear of not being "cool" like the other sheep who had supposedly made it popular.
Another example is when some record label put out a CD of The Beatles #1 Hits. They sold millions of copies. Then they put out another CD of equally great and popular songs, but they labeled it The Beatles #2 Hits. No one bought it.
The sheep only wanted the CD thet would make them look like "Number One!" to their equally shallow "friends." They could not care less what music was on the CD. If they were actual fans of The Beatles they would have bought both CDs. They were just terrified weaklings, joining in with the lynch-mob mentality to make themselves look "cool." Idiots.
Those people are the ones who end up in the picture below, fearful thet they will be next if they do not fit in (by renting movies and buying CDs they do not even like); the movie studios and record labels merely pushing these sheeple's monkey-see-monkey-do buttons.
Most Autistics have no friends and do not want any, and I am proud of that. I am glad I do not have the neurons thet would help me acquire “friends”; defined as “someone to smash mailboxes with in order to gain their acceptance when they are actually just sociopaths afraid of people."
Do Not Just Stand There.
by Chryssie.
When something traumatic happens the Normals often go into panic mode, physically freeze up, and say, “Do not just stand there. Do something!” They feel emotional panic with no logical thought. An extreme example of this was seen when the police were labeled "innocent" in the Rodney King case, and so "the Niggers got uppity" and torched their own neighborhood. They felt pure emotion with no logic, symbolically saying “I am so angry, I am going to shit my pants!”, then set their own house on fire.
This Neurotypical cliché of doing something without thinking first is 1 of the many reasons I think I am more intelligent and more mature than anyone else. I coined the phrase “Do not just do something. Stand there.” The point being thet one should stop and think first, intellectually finding a place for everything and putting everything in it’s place before physically acting, or even emotionally feeling (see what I said above about me feeling numb in the morgue for 20 minutes before I could figure out what I should feel).
To me all Normals are comparative hysterics, running around like headless chickens, just “fucking shit up”, as I gasp in disbelief (or go deer in headlights).
This can also be seen in War Criminals; the horror of it all resulting in them consciously choosing to act insanely (I do not think War Crimes are inevitable, I think they are pathetic).
I can reference Stanley Milgram’s Guinea Pigs here, wherein it was proven thet all Normals will choose to engage in behavior they know full-well is evil if you allow them freedom without responsibility; e.g., teenagers driving around at night, drunk, smashing mail-boxes (all of them should be shot in the head as far as I am concerned, for I have never done any such thing. It would not have even crossed my mind – because I have to intellectualize it into a compartment where I can only then feel emotional about it, while they are running on pure emotion (when they do not even know what they are mad at) with no intellect involved at all.
So I am still trying to figure out how the Normals grieve; see Beth (above) feeling pure emotion because she cannot find a place to put it intellectually, while I feel nothing emotionally until I intellectually find a place to put it first.
This is partly why Autistics are known for their lack of empathy. I empathize perfectly, after I have intellectualized and compartmentalized it into something logical I can only then feel emotional about. It is as if the Normals are addicted to feeling hysterical, whereas when I am feeling emotionally unstable or impulsive, I retreat to my comforting Fixated Subject and obsess over it to calm myself.
The Normals like scary movies and carnival rides. They feel exhilarated by these things, while I feel irritated and over-stimulated. They love to wail theatrically when in emotional pain, and even literally set their house on fire. They love to wallow in Munchausen Syndrome, and Abused Woman Syndrome, etc. Whereas with me, though tantrums are sometimes a necessary Stim, I hate it. I like to stay physically active enough to be in a perpetual state of Stim. Thus burning off the energy so I can stay emotionally relatively calm; and if I spend too much time being still during the day, after work I have to frantically play drums for hours to calm myself, without which I would go into the classic Autistic rage-attack. While the Normals, with their sedentary lifestyles just make shit up to get upset about; e.g., Road-rage: “Someone drove on the same road as me, so I am going to go ape-shit over it.” I shake my head and snicker grinning just writing that sentence – the pathetic inferiors.
Yes, I am failing to empathize with Normals, who are so emotionally infantile thet they become hysterical over traffic, while I intellectualize and compartmentalize it, thus realizing it is not something I should feel anything about at all (Here I refer to the Extreme Male Brain Theory of Autism, wherein women are spaghetti but men are waffles/the Normals are spaghetti but Autistics are waffles; we can compartmentalize everything, in fact we have to obsessively compartmentalize everything to keep from feeling overwhelmed by the sensory overload; if there are too many stimulants at the same time I cannot keep track of them all and thus Attention-deficit all over the place, which winds me up into anxiety). The Normals are spaghetti, emotionally feeling so many different things at the same time, they become “spread too thin.” Whereas Autistics are Waffles, each emotion so obsessively compartmentalized thet they only feel 1 at a time, and then feel it with such intensity, or at least fixation, it scares the crap out of people.
Then comes Lateral Thinking, wherein my mind in Attention Deficit races from 1 subject to the next, not necessarily associatively, so fast I do not have time to feel much about any of them. This is manifested in the Autistic symptom of “Difficulty distinguishing the relative difference in value between things.”
I was walking along the sidewalk, when I came upon an accident scene. A guy had ridden his bicycle head-long into on-coming traffic, flew up through the windshield, and ended up dead in the street. The police were there interviewing a witness who happened to be a 20-year-old Mexican girl. I had not seen the accident, just the aftermath. I saw (read: my mind went through this process): dead guy, smashed car, Mexican girl, her hair done like Errata Stigmata (a comic book character), the comic book that character appears in, another story from that comic book I think would make a good movie, making movies, the travel documentary film I would like to make. My mind snapped from subject to subject just as fast as it took you to read that sentence, and the emotion I felt about each of those things was equal in intensity. I did not empathize with any of them. By the time I got home, my mind had gone through another dozen subjects. None of them held my attention, thus I did not compartmentalize them into something I could feel emotional about.
The problem with Normal (waffle) men is thet they compartmentalize everything but then get stuck in 1 or 2 compartments: they like football, beer, and porn. Period. While I, and most Autistics, like hundreds of things, cannot distinguish the relative difference in value between them, and thus cannot stay focused on any 1 of them. So to keep from Attention-deficiting all over the place (which triggers anxiety) we cling to a Fixated Subject to comfort ourselves with.
The Normals are stuck in the stupidity of their few subjects (usually their drama-trauma social lives); they are too dumb to venture out of their comfort zone.
I grew so much living through the years it took me to deal with the death of Elle; and I now really enjoy repeatedly reading my Grieving Process lecture. Me thinking in 90% words, I revel in my Hyperlexia (without which my emotions do not make sense).
I directed Beth to that lecture. She read it and cried, and told me it had really helped her. I am proud of that.
Though I still do not understand how the Normals grieve. The above-mentioned Neil really confuses me.
All the members of my immediate family are Paranoid Schizophrenics, thus afraid to find out what their own feelings even are, so they were certainly no help in teaching me how Normal people do anything. And I have never had someone I could talk with about these things.
The Normals are so afraid of intimacy, they like to demonstrate emotional hysterics as over-compensation for the fact they are afraid to be themselves; they are in Road-rage 1 minute, then run away in panic if I express myself in Pragmatic Language Disorder; or women who want me to fuck them but are terrified of emotional intimacy; or the classic Asperger problem of scaring away potential mates with our emotional intensity, though they are the ones who are hysterical (over nothing) while we are often oblivious.
And when grieving, they either freeze-up, or demonstrate unbelievable childishness by insisting on forcing everyone around them to co-miserate. Or immediately drug themselves to oblivion because they need to amplify their misery and wallow in it. Or if they are too weak and stupid to admit they are in pain, they huff and puff and overcompensate, looking for someone to blame (and punish) for their (fake) anger; the pomposity of righteous indignation.
I hate the Normals.
If they read this, they would probably say I am socially retarded and have no understanding. And my response would be to say, No shit, Sherlock! And it is your fault! For you people are unable to put your thoughts and feelings into words! Which results in me having no clue how you grieve (I would really like to know).
See (my review of) the book Women From Another Planet, which includes a Glossary sarcastically defining the terminology used in the book; e.g., Social Delusion: Clinically significantly impairing to Neurotypicals in view of its pathology, specifically the Neurotypical hyper-focus on social information to the exclusion of facts, reason, and any direct experience other than social; and the conviction arising from this social imbalance that other's assertions can be known without being uttered.
The Normals go through 6 stages of grief: 1) Denial. 2) Anger. 3) Bargaining. 4) Acceptance. 5) Grieving (crying your head off). 6) Mourning (done crying, now you just feel sorrow until you finally get over it).
With Elle's death, I went immediately to acceptance, to such extent thet I could not figure out what I should feel; then I intellectually compartmentalized it, and only then grieved.
Beth said she went through all the typical stages mentioned above, but still has trouble letting go – staying angry for months after she thought she had finished all 6 stages.
Apparently there is a 7th stage of burying your dead. After Beth had gone through the 6 stages above, she goes back to stage 2, Anger, because she cannot quite get to stage 7.
I have no idea what Beth is actually feeling, I just know that was my problem for most of my life – the inability to bury my dead, thus me unable to stop feeling angry about it.
With Elle, I did finally bury her and let go and move on with my life. And that is why I am so confused over the above-mentioned Neil; he appears to have buried his dead, gotten re-married, and moved on, but there is obviously still a tremendous amount of anger he has never gotten out of his system; perhaps because he too had no one or thing to blame, thus no place to put anger, but he still feels it anyway.
I never did feel angry about Elle dying, thus I got over her death before I got over the death of my music career, for with it there were so many things and people to blame, thus feel angry toward. It took me about a year to bury my dead child. It took decades to bury my dead career (demonstrating the Asperger symptom of "Ruminates on bad experience past for inordinant lengths of time").
So I shall circle back to the subject of “Do not just stand there, do something”; is that what Neil is doing? Is he still in emotional panic mode, thus “doing something” by lashing out in hostility at Solaris? And also “doing something” by getting re-married? You can watch interviews with him wherein he talks about 5 of the books he has published. He never mentions the 6th, Ghost Rider, about the death of his wife and child, for though he even wrote a book about it, he has apparently never buried them.
It is so exhausting. I feel drained writing this all out, and getting no response.
Meanwhile, I hate thet “The Crush” (past tense) still engages me in pointless small-talk and then hugs me every time she sees me. Talking and hugging with zero actual communication makes me feel frustrated and lonely.
It also is another reference to the point I am making with this lecture: She is a Normal, thus she is apparently impulsively thinking, “Do not just stand there, say something”, resulting in her talking to me without it meaning anything; and “Do not just stand there, do something”, resulting in her hugging me without it meaning anything. So I search her eyes for meaning, and it makes her uncomfortable.
So emotionally I just throw up my hands and walk away, for the Normals’ insistence on interacting with their being no actual (verbal) intimacy is too exhausting and depressing for me to tolerate.
So the next time she hugged me I intentionally went stiff, and did not reciprocate. A week later she still tried to hug me, so I turned away. Hopefully this will give her the hint, for I know better than to bother actually talking to a Normal, since they do not understand language.
I seldom feel lonely when I am alone. But these type of interactions with the Normals make me feel desperate. I do not know how they grieve. I do not know how they love. I do not know how they do anything! Thus I feel utterly alone when I am with them. They beat into the ground how obvious it is thet I will never really connect with any of them.
I do not know how they process their own (nor each others’) emotions. And the weird thing is, I do not think they know either. Instead they freeze-up and tell someone else, “Do not just stand there. Do something (for me)!”
I do not want to be Normal, but I do wish I understood them. Unfortunately, the Normals do not know how to use language, so I cannot help but feel thet my ignorance is their fault. In which case I wish they would just go away.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#10.
Compensation.
by Chryssie.
In my suicide phase (during which I wrote my Getting To The Bottom of This zine series) I said (in it) thet the reason I was going to kill myself was because I had no good memories and was sick to death of being angry all the time. The only things I remember fondly were playing drums and riding motorcycles.
Only recently have I concluded thet the reason I recall these things with fondness is because those were the only things I had relationships with. My drum-set and my motorcycle were surrogates I depended on as compensation for my lack of relationships with people.
This chick I liked was scheduled to be at a specific post for work. So I went there to talk to her (read: spill my guts to startled strangers-I-mean tell her I had a crush on her), but she did not show up for work that day.
I was disappointed I did not get to see her, so I immediately went to the music store to look at drums.
I got to the store, but sat in the car and said aloud to myself, “This is just compensation. Drums are just a surrogate girlfriend.”
I still went in and spent 2 hours with them anyway, but I knew then thet I loved drums so much because the relationship I had with them was the only (or at least best) relationship I had ever had.
Now thet I am planning on moving to another State, I am selling-off all my possessions, stripping down to the bare necessities so I can move in 1 car-load.
I have, over the 5 years I have lived in New Mexico, collected assorted glass and metal objects thet produce an interesting sound when played with a drumstick. Since I cannot afford the actual drums right now (thus partly explaining why I am moving some place else where I can at last make decent money), I have dumpster-dived all sorts of interesting items I could add to the drum-set in my mind (Google Terry Bozzio’s all-cymbal drum-set). Imagine doing that with glass bottles, circular saw-blades, small propane canisters, etc. That is what I have been collecting for the last 5 years).
But now thet I am preparing to move, I admit my collection of “percussion instruments” were just hoarded symbols of compensation (due to the fact I am miserable living in New Mexico).
People who cannot get laid collect porn. I cannot have relationships so I collect drums; in this case I cannot afford the drums either, so I collect surrogate “percussion instruments” to compensate for my lack of drums (which are a surrogate for relationships).
Today I threw them all away in my attempt to stop over-compensating.
There is not necessarily anything wrong with a sexually-frustrated person collecting porn as a surrogate. There is not necessarily anything wrong with a relationship-frustrated person (me) collecting drums as a surrogate (see the woman in the documentary Loving Lampposts having a surrogate relationship with her fridge. Is there anything wrong with that? Obviously there is something wrong with her (Asperger’s Syndrome), but is there something wrong with her for doing that?).
I threw them away because I just did not need to lug with me to a new State the emotional baggage they represented.
Now thet my Sensory Processing Disorders have calmed down enough (thanks to GF/CF, mega-vitamins, Irlen lenses, and AIT) thet I am no longer over-stimulated into a rage, perhaps when I get settled in a new State I can actually (at least make an attempt to) acquire an actual relationship of some kind (with a real live (Asper) girl).
As with the point I made above (and in my review of Lars and the Real Girl), me collecting surrogate drums is compensation, but me telling you about it is under-compensation - my way of accepting myself as broken; in which case I no longer have to compensate.
When I was 27 I gave up on ever having a girlfriend. That is when I developed what I considered Obsessive Personality Disorder (extreme Fixated Subject), focused on music. Obviously music was a surrogate used as compensation, but the OPD was over-compensation.
Now I must continue to under-compensate until I am totally okay with being, and accepting of myself as, broken (as was the case with Lars).
Unfortunately, this process (no longer over-compensating, nor compensating, now just under-compensating) makes me calm down enough to settle into just feeling lonely, old, and sad. It makes me recognize how pointless my life is now thet I no longer have those obsessions and fixations I had to cling to as compensation for the over-stimulation.
How many recovered Autistics go through this crap?
“Witty Ticcy Ray” (Google it) was a person who had severe Tourette. A cure was introduced. But he had to spend many months in therapy preparing himself for what his life would be like without the tics.
He was a professional jazz drummer, and his Tourette would cause him to have literal spasms of frenetic drumming (he became famous for).
Would it ruin his career if he lost that? If so, what would he do then?
In the movie The Eye (see my review) a woman was a lead soloist in a symphony orchestra (consisting entirely of blind people). She desperately wanted her eye-sight back, so she got cornea transplants. It worked. She could now see. But she was thus no longer allowed to play with the symphony. She had not taken into consideration the fact thet getting her vision back would make her lose her job, in fact career, and even community.
That is something I never took into consideration. I so much wanted to be rid of the Processing Disorders, I had no idea thet I would have difficulty adjusting to life without them.
When the Processing Disorders were winding me up into a rage, I did not want (nor could even stand) any people around me at all. Now thet the processing disorders have been comparatively alleviated I just feel lonely and sad.
I did not do the therapy in advance to figure out what my life would be like without them, nor even how to prepare for it. I have lost the majority of SPD symptoms, thus losing the need for the compensating fixations, but without those fixations I do not know what to do with myself.
See what I said on the AIT page about the weird and unexpected side-effect of AIT being thet I could not wake up to pee at night. I never imagined thet adjusting my hearing would affect my urinary tract. I hated my life with CAPD, but I was not prepared for life (or at least the side-effects) without it. Eventually I adjusted to it, but the necessity for an adjustment period was something I did not see coming.
In our desire to recover Autistics, this aspect (preparing the person for life without it) is seldom seen.
Now thet I have addressed the situation, how does one do the therapy to prepare for such an unknown future? All I can do is explain how the recovery and side-effects have been for me. Unfortunately, if you have met one Autistic you have met one Autistic, so is my advice of any use to you?
I wish all Autistics would write to me with their stories of recovery, and the unexpected side-effects produced by no longer having incapacitating SPDs.
What did you do as compensation for your inability to function normally? (obsessing over drums because I could not have a girlfriend). What compensations have you been able to give up now thet your SPDs have been alleviated (I was able to throw away all those hoarded “percussion instruments”, and fixated subjects in general). Is it difficult for you to adjust to life without the SPDs? Is it difficult adjusting to no longer depending on the devices you had used as compensation?; i.e., did you just trade 1 crutch for another? (In my case, No, it was a relief to be rid of them – they had begun to feel like emotional baggage I was just dragging around with me, and I now have no desire to replace them with new ones; though I do feel an emptiness cause by their absence – thus the feeling of being lonely, old, and sad). What other problems had been caused by their presence, and now cause by their absence?
In my case drums were also a vehicle to transport me into socialization; I can always go to the music store and have someone to talk to. On the other hand, I could become actually obsessed with them (as opposed to merely fixated on them), thus driving myself nuts because they will not get out of my head (the music in my dreams would get so loud it would hurt and wake me up).
Also, I feel stupid for having allowed my self to become a boiled frog (theoretically, a frog will adjust and adjust to the rise in temperature until it is cooked, without ever realizing it needed to get out of the water; I adjusted to another fixated subject, another collection of useless drums, another masturbatory writing frenzy, until I had become a boiled frog, surrounded by all these abnormal devices of compensation I felt comforted by. Thus I maintained my inability to see just how broken I was: I did not need any friends (all of them are stupid immature sociopaths anyway), I did not want a girlfriend (quote-unquote "girlfriends" are not good for anything anyway), I did not want to be like the “pathetic inferior” Normals. And as long as I had my fixation collection of comforting compensation devices, I did not want to be like a Normal person with friends and a love-life.
Once I alleviated my SPDs, I could only then throw away all those devices, and only after that really admit how lonely and sad I have always been – the few parts of me thet had always been normal are so starved.
Classic Autistics do not necessarily want friends. Aspergers do, but do not know how to play-pathetic-head-games-I-mean keep them.
Now I think I could make it work, I just have no experience with success on the subject, thus part of me remains cynical.
I have at least gotten to the point where I am no longer arrogantly over-compensating.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#11.
Pride.
by Chryssie.
Humans, and all primates, have Mirroring and Approval neurons in their brains.
The Mirroring neurons produce the monkey-see-monkey-do behavior, resulting in children instinctively copying the behavior of whatever adult is around.
The Approval neurons are what makes people feel shame when they are not accepted by others.
In 2014 it was discovered thet the Autistic brain is missing most of these specific neurons. They will flap their hands and spin in circles to relieve the stress, but they are oblivious to you while doing so because they lack the Mirroring neurons thet would tell them to copy “normal behavior”. These missing neurons are what can result in the child engaging in oblivious public masturbation; they do not copy you, and are not able to care what you think about that.
The Autistic lack of empathy is caused by sensory processing disorders; i.e., the Autistic does not perceive the world the way a Normal does, thus they do not have the same emotional reaction to sensory input a normal person would. Then you add to that the missing neurons which prevents the Autistic from copying nor even caring to copy, and you get a social deer in headlights, or even oblivious public masturbation.
As an Autistic, part of me is proud to be without those things. I am proud I do not have Mirroring neurons thet would make me impulsively join in when I see others engaging in gang rapes, witch burnings, lynch mobs, or War Crimes. And I am proud I am not able to care if you think I am a dweeb for making my own decisions based on my compartmentalized analysis of each situation case by case and my own internal sense of Ethics.
The Normals run on pure emotional impulse as directed by their neurons thet make them copy others and seek approval (driving around at night, drunk, smashing mailboxes), whereas I have the general attitude of “I do not live in your culture, so your rules do not apply to me.” This is seen in the Little Professor Aspie child who knows himself to be more intelligent and mature than his parents, thus he does not acknowledge their authority.
This also results in me inventing Communist Theory by the age of 10, and developing a hatred of Democracy as my Fixated Subject; Communist Theory being the belief thet all people should be equal comrades with no class distinction (independent thought and an internal sense of ethics resulting in a culture wherein all people are expected to intellectually equalize upward), and Democracy being the belief thet all people should be dummied down to the lowest common denominator of majority moron rule (brainless adherence to the influence of Mirroring and Approval neurons, no matter what mass psychosis the culture has devolved to. All bullies are merely inevitable products of Democracy).
No Autistic wore a dork baseball cap on backward with the waist of their pants under their butt cheeks. Only a Normal with their Mirroring (sheep) and Approval (lemming) neurons do that, stumbling along from gang rape to lynch mob to witch burning, on brainless Democracy impulse, just a bunch of War Criminals looking for a place to happen; while the Autistic stands there like a deer in headlights-I-mean Anthropologist from Mars, wondering, "Who the hell are these people! What planet is this!"
Then we have the Anarchist Punks with purple mohawks declaring thet they will not mirror the status quo, nor seek their approval (when the facts are they are just whimpering wimps with a chip on their shoulder in place of an ego and a stick up their ass in place of a spine; their sense of “individuality” merely an expression of antagonism and defiance). But you will note thet all Punk Anarchists look exactly identical, mirroring each other and desperate for approval from their own sub-Democracy of mindless followers. Why? Because they are not Autistic! They still have those sheep and lemming neurons pulling their puppet strings.
See (my review of) the movie Magnificent 7, wherein Mom explains to a disapproving crowd thet though her Autistic kids are a social nuisance, she knows they will never hurt anyone, unlike their Normal kids who beat up her Special child and stole his cell-phone.
My point in referencing that is thet those Normal kids could not refrain from engaging in such brainless bully behavior. All bullies are terrified weaklings, desperate to mirror each other for acceptance; they actually feel proud to show off what thugs they are. They are easily recognizable as the future soldiers who will gloat over their battle-field rape camps.
Remember back when we used to have video rental stores? If the studio had a movie thet was a flop, they would try to recoup their money by having the video stores put up huge elaborate displays (of this dud movie most people had not seen). The public would then see what an apparently popular movie it had been, "Guaranteed to be in stock!", and thus run to rent a copy of it out of fear of not being "cool" like the other sheep who had supposedly made it popular.
Another example is when some record label put out a CD of The Beatles #1 Hits. They sold millions of copies. Then they put out another CD of equally great and popular songs, but they labeled it The Beatles #2 Hits. No one bought it.
The sheep only wanted the CD thet would make them look like "Number One!" to their equally shallow "friends." They could not care less what music was on the CD. If they were actual fans of The Beatles they would have bought both CDs. They were just terrified weaklings, joining in with the lynch-mob mentality to make themselves look "cool." Idiots.
Those people are the ones who end up in the picture below, fearful thet they will be next if they do not fit in (by renting movies and buying CDs they do not even like); the movie studios and record labels merely pushing these sheeple's monkey-see-monkey-do buttons.
Most Autistics have no friends and do not want any, and I am proud of that. I am glad I do not have the neurons thet would help me acquire “friends”; defined as “someone to smash mailboxes with in order to gain their acceptance when they are actually just sociopaths afraid of people."
< - Graner and England arrogantly giving a “thumbs-up” sign to the camera, displaying their sheer pride in belonging to the “dominant” race. This image, more than any other, symbolizes US Imperialism and everything it stands for.
It also symbolizes, more than any other, a manifestation of the "perfectly normal" Mirroring and Approval neurons of those who do not have Autism. See how they have obviously "bonded" as "friends"?
I am so glad I am not normal. I have never had any friends, and though I am lonely, part of me is proud of that - for you are all beneath me anyway.
Though this lecture is presented in a tone of condescension (You people replaced the Neanderthals. Now it is time for the Autistics to replace you. Get out of the way!), I also feel sorry for them (truly sad, rather than hostile); for as Stanley Milgram proved, if you take any normal person and put them in this situation they will do this. They cannot help themselves. It is natural behavior, their neurons dictating their actions.
And the only reason I am allowed to pity them is because I do not have those neurons; i.e., if I was not Autistic, I would not be able to refrain from mirroring them and seeking their approval.
For more on Democracy-I-mean-the lowest common denominator of majority moron rule, you can Google BBC Documentary - Stupidity.
Ignorance is when you do not know. Stupidity is when you refuse to know. The trick to life is to be forever on your quest for the alternate perspective. Mirroring and Approval neurons prevent you from doing that.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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It also symbolizes, more than any other, a manifestation of the "perfectly normal" Mirroring and Approval neurons of those who do not have Autism. See how they have obviously "bonded" as "friends"?
I am so glad I am not normal. I have never had any friends, and though I am lonely, part of me is proud of that - for you are all beneath me anyway.
Though this lecture is presented in a tone of condescension (You people replaced the Neanderthals. Now it is time for the Autistics to replace you. Get out of the way!), I also feel sorry for them (truly sad, rather than hostile); for as Stanley Milgram proved, if you take any normal person and put them in this situation they will do this. They cannot help themselves. It is natural behavior, their neurons dictating their actions.
And the only reason I am allowed to pity them is because I do not have those neurons; i.e., if I was not Autistic, I would not be able to refrain from mirroring them and seeking their approval.
For more on Democracy-I-mean-the lowest common denominator of majority moron rule, you can Google BBC Documentary - Stupidity.
Ignorance is when you do not know. Stupidity is when you refuse to know. The trick to life is to be forever on your quest for the alternate perspective. Mirroring and Approval neurons prevent you from doing that.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#12
My Response To Willow’s Blog.
by Chryssie.
When I was 10 or 12 years old, if I was in town and saw a fellow student from school, it would give me an anxiety-attack. It was so uncomfortable seeing someone from school in a place other than school. Sometimes it would even make me angry thet they existed in a place other than where I was used to them being.
My Response To Willow’s Blog.
by Chryssie.
When I was 10 or 12 years old, if I was in town and saw a fellow student from school, it would give me an anxiety-attack. It was so uncomfortable seeing someone from school in a place other than school. Sometimes it would even make me angry thet they existed in a place other than where I was used to them being.
I think the anxiety was also caused by my fear thet my parents might think that person was my friend. My evil parents forbid me to have any friends, other than their (clan) relatives or their (cult) church members. Being an Aspie, I had no friends at all, but still had that fear of abuse from my parents if they found out I was “sinning” by even recognizing someone I went to school with. It was just so ridiculous.
I hate them so much for doing that to me. It was practically impossible for me to form friendships anyway, then they would actively restrain me from even trying, and outright abuse me if they found out I even spoke to someone - while forcing me to pretend to be "friends" with their lunatic relatives and hypocrite church members I hated.
Aspergirl Willow Hope (Google her) said she felt this type of anxiety when seeing people from her school in some place other than school, because they were not in the place she had made for them in her mind. How many Aspies have this problem (at least as a kid)? (See me going deer-in-headlights when some single mom chats-me-up in the grocery store. I came here to get groceries, not be flirted with, thus I go blank as I search my files for the reference-point for what I expected vs what is actually happening. I just feel irritated rather than flattered).
As an adult I still prefer not to see anyone I know from work some place other than work. I have no idea what to expect from them in this "wrong place", thus I have no idea how I should, or how they expect me to, interact; and they usually either pretend they do not know me (for they too are feeling anxiety), which is rude, or they try to chat with me because they feel obligated to, not because they actually want to (and then apparently resent me for it). I always feel uncomfortable and wish they had not crossed my path. Even if I see someone who looks similar to my own brother, I feel a wave of anxiety because I did not expect to see him here. It has nothing to do with my relationship with nor opinion of my brother, it is the fact thet I thought I saw him someplace I did not expect him to be. I freak-out for a second, and then wonder why.
This is also how I feel about the phone ringing or someone knocking at my door. I was not expecting it, so it irritates me. I always found telephones infuriating because they ring! And trying to be friends with Russians was exasperating, because they would stop by my house without calling me first to ask if they could come over. Willow Hope said she had an anxiety-attack if her Father would just stop by her house for a visit without arranging an appointment first. There is an excellent episode of My Little Pony, titled Scaremaster, wherein Autistic Fluttershy presents a list of things she finds truly scary, 1 of which is unexpected guests!
Today I no longer have that bad of reaction, but I still prefer to have specific people stay in their specific places (I had assigned them in my mind) when I interact with them, and not require me to interact with them outside of those places.
How much of that is due to my parents’ abuse?, and how much of that is typical of Aspies in general?
My interaction with people is like my fanny-pack; I have a place for everything and everything in it’s place, strapped to me, without which the contents, or even I, get lost. When I meet someone someplace other than the “specific fanny-pack pocket” I have assigned them to in my mind, I get lost as to how I should interact with them.
I must always put my glasses in the same specific place every time I take them off, because I cannot find them if they are left someplace else. Even if that place is in plain sight, I will look right at them but not see, for, like Willow, that is not where the picture in my mind expected them to be.
Yesterday I was walking on a level cement surface and there was a piece of rebar lying there loose. I saw it with my 20/20 according-to-the-optometrist vision, but my processor did not know what to do with that information, so I stepped right on it. It rolled under my foot and I fell onto my hands and knees in thorns. Before I pulled the thorns out I said aloud to myself, “Faulty visual processing is my worst symptom.” I saw the rebar. I remember having seen it. But my processor simply dismissed that information, thus I had no inclination to do anything about it, resulting in me stepping right on the rebar when I knew better.
I hate it.
My visual processor does not trigger emotional responses; see what I said above about the guy riding his bicycle into an on-coming car and getting killed. I can see horrible things and feel utterly indifferent, but if I hear anything, even a baby crying, it upsets me greatly; my Audio processor triggers extreme emotional reactions.
I cannot imagine enjoying going to a strip club, it would be so visually overwhelming to me, I would just stand there visually feeling like I am being slapped in the face, while wincing in pain from the loud music.
I wonder if I should go spend a year in a school for the blind, me wearing a blindfold the whole time so I can learn to use my other senses better as compensation. Or would that be a mistake? Would that make my visual processor get lazy and shut down altogether? Should I instead practice visual referencing exhaustively every day, “Polishing my chops”? I do not know. I feel like that would simply burn me out, thus making my processor even more dismissive in self-defense.
When I got my Irlen lenses I practiced playing Free Cell for months because I had such difficulty processing the color red. It was so exhausting, but I know it was good for me - at least as a test to see how much the lenses were improving my processing ability (see my Irlen Lenses page).
Returning to what I said above, about how me seeing someone someplace other than where I expect them to be provoking anxiety in me; is that just my faulty visual processor triggering the wrong response? (while in the rebar scenario it did not trigger anything at all), or is it some other aspect of Autism thet is not associated with visual processing? The sound of air hand-driers in public toilets used to trigger fight-or-flight in me. Was that caused by my faulty audio processor triggering the wrong response?, or is it some other aspect of Autism thet does that? If so, what? And can it be fixed?
I wish someone knew the answers to these questions.
Instead I am spending today feeling like a crippled Retard as I pull the remaining thorns from my hands.
I hate light, and I am so easily exhausted looking at anything, and I do not have a reaction to seeing my own foot about to step on rebar, and I cannot remember what I see, and I think porn is gross, and I have to take a black-out break several times a day to keep from winding up into a rage, and women think I am raping them with my eyes when I am not looking at them at all (I am searching for the reference-point in my head, trying to decipher if they are even there), and I panic like Willow if I see someone someplace other than where I expect them to be ... and I hate it.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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I hate them so much for doing that to me. It was practically impossible for me to form friendships anyway, then they would actively restrain me from even trying, and outright abuse me if they found out I even spoke to someone - while forcing me to pretend to be "friends" with their lunatic relatives and hypocrite church members I hated.
Aspergirl Willow Hope (Google her) said she felt this type of anxiety when seeing people from her school in some place other than school, because they were not in the place she had made for them in her mind. How many Aspies have this problem (at least as a kid)? (See me going deer-in-headlights when some single mom chats-me-up in the grocery store. I came here to get groceries, not be flirted with, thus I go blank as I search my files for the reference-point for what I expected vs what is actually happening. I just feel irritated rather than flattered).
As an adult I still prefer not to see anyone I know from work some place other than work. I have no idea what to expect from them in this "wrong place", thus I have no idea how I should, or how they expect me to, interact; and they usually either pretend they do not know me (for they too are feeling anxiety), which is rude, or they try to chat with me because they feel obligated to, not because they actually want to (and then apparently resent me for it). I always feel uncomfortable and wish they had not crossed my path. Even if I see someone who looks similar to my own brother, I feel a wave of anxiety because I did not expect to see him here. It has nothing to do with my relationship with nor opinion of my brother, it is the fact thet I thought I saw him someplace I did not expect him to be. I freak-out for a second, and then wonder why.
This is also how I feel about the phone ringing or someone knocking at my door. I was not expecting it, so it irritates me. I always found telephones infuriating because they ring! And trying to be friends with Russians was exasperating, because they would stop by my house without calling me first to ask if they could come over. Willow Hope said she had an anxiety-attack if her Father would just stop by her house for a visit without arranging an appointment first. There is an excellent episode of My Little Pony, titled Scaremaster, wherein Autistic Fluttershy presents a list of things she finds truly scary, 1 of which is unexpected guests!
Today I no longer have that bad of reaction, but I still prefer to have specific people stay in their specific places (I had assigned them in my mind) when I interact with them, and not require me to interact with them outside of those places.
How much of that is due to my parents’ abuse?, and how much of that is typical of Aspies in general?
My interaction with people is like my fanny-pack; I have a place for everything and everything in it’s place, strapped to me, without which the contents, or even I, get lost. When I meet someone someplace other than the “specific fanny-pack pocket” I have assigned them to in my mind, I get lost as to how I should interact with them.
I must always put my glasses in the same specific place every time I take them off, because I cannot find them if they are left someplace else. Even if that place is in plain sight, I will look right at them but not see, for, like Willow, that is not where the picture in my mind expected them to be.
Yesterday I was walking on a level cement surface and there was a piece of rebar lying there loose. I saw it with my 20/20 according-to-the-optometrist vision, but my processor did not know what to do with that information, so I stepped right on it. It rolled under my foot and I fell onto my hands and knees in thorns. Before I pulled the thorns out I said aloud to myself, “Faulty visual processing is my worst symptom.” I saw the rebar. I remember having seen it. But my processor simply dismissed that information, thus I had no inclination to do anything about it, resulting in me stepping right on the rebar when I knew better.
I hate it.
My visual processor does not trigger emotional responses; see what I said above about the guy riding his bicycle into an on-coming car and getting killed. I can see horrible things and feel utterly indifferent, but if I hear anything, even a baby crying, it upsets me greatly; my Audio processor triggers extreme emotional reactions.
I cannot imagine enjoying going to a strip club, it would be so visually overwhelming to me, I would just stand there visually feeling like I am being slapped in the face, while wincing in pain from the loud music.
I wonder if I should go spend a year in a school for the blind, me wearing a blindfold the whole time so I can learn to use my other senses better as compensation. Or would that be a mistake? Would that make my visual processor get lazy and shut down altogether? Should I instead practice visual referencing exhaustively every day, “Polishing my chops”? I do not know. I feel like that would simply burn me out, thus making my processor even more dismissive in self-defense.
When I got my Irlen lenses I practiced playing Free Cell for months because I had such difficulty processing the color red. It was so exhausting, but I know it was good for me - at least as a test to see how much the lenses were improving my processing ability (see my Irlen Lenses page).
Returning to what I said above, about how me seeing someone someplace other than where I expect them to be provoking anxiety in me; is that just my faulty visual processor triggering the wrong response? (while in the rebar scenario it did not trigger anything at all), or is it some other aspect of Autism thet is not associated with visual processing? The sound of air hand-driers in public toilets used to trigger fight-or-flight in me. Was that caused by my faulty audio processor triggering the wrong response?, or is it some other aspect of Autism thet does that? If so, what? And can it be fixed?
I wish someone knew the answers to these questions.
Instead I am spending today feeling like a crippled Retard as I pull the remaining thorns from my hands.
I hate light, and I am so easily exhausted looking at anything, and I do not have a reaction to seeing my own foot about to step on rebar, and I cannot remember what I see, and I think porn is gross, and I have to take a black-out break several times a day to keep from winding up into a rage, and women think I am raping them with my eyes when I am not looking at them at all (I am searching for the reference-point in my head, trying to decipher if they are even there), and I panic like Willow if I see someone someplace other than where I expect them to be ... and I hate it.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#13.
The Autistic Lack of Empathy.
by Chryssie.
People generally misunderstand what is meant by that term. They assume lack of empathy = sociopath, or even psychopath; e.g., the ability to stick a knife in someone, look them straight in the eye, twist the knife, and honestly feel nothing about the resulting scream.
Lack of empathy in this context, wherein the person is totally missing the ability to understand why another person feels the way they do, is not what is meant by the term “Autistic Lack of Empathy.”
Autism is a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders. Thus the Autistic person lacks the understanding of how other people process their own senses.
Autistics feel the same emotions anyone else does. But they do not process the sensory input the same way a normal person does, thus their “Lack of Empathy” only exists in their difficulty understanding other people's physical reactions to sensory input, or their emotional reactions triggered by those sensations.
If a Normal and an Autistic both experience the exact same sensation, the Normal might have a different reaction than the Autistic does, because they are not processing that input in the same way.
The Autistic Lack of Empathy.
by Chryssie.
People generally misunderstand what is meant by that term. They assume lack of empathy = sociopath, or even psychopath; e.g., the ability to stick a knife in someone, look them straight in the eye, twist the knife, and honestly feel nothing about the resulting scream.
Lack of empathy in this context, wherein the person is totally missing the ability to understand why another person feels the way they do, is not what is meant by the term “Autistic Lack of Empathy.”
Autism is a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders. Thus the Autistic person lacks the understanding of how other people process their own senses.
Autistics feel the same emotions anyone else does. But they do not process the sensory input the same way a normal person does, thus their “Lack of Empathy” only exists in their difficulty understanding other people's physical reactions to sensory input, or their emotional reactions triggered by those sensations.
If a Normal and an Autistic both experience the exact same sensation, the Normal might have a different reaction than the Autistic does, because they are not processing that input in the same way.
For example: I (an Autistic) and you (a Normal) both break the same finger in the exact same way, crushing it in a machine.
Your processor receives this information, handles it normally, and tells you thet your finger hurts. You thus feel extreme pain, and have an emotional reaction to it, which manifests as you screaming in pain, followed by you screaming in rage.
Meanwhile, my processor receives this information, cannot handle the sensory overload, and thus shuts down completely, leaving me feeling nothing at all. At this point I acquire tunnel-vision and cannot find my location in my own body. Though this makes me feel panicky, I do not scream in pain, for I cannot feel anything at all, and I do not scream in rage, for I have no physical sensation to trigger that emotional response.
Your processor receives this information, handles it normally, and tells you thet your finger hurts. You thus feel extreme pain, and have an emotional reaction to it, which manifests as you screaming in pain, followed by you screaming in rage.
Meanwhile, my processor receives this information, cannot handle the sensory overload, and thus shuts down completely, leaving me feeling nothing at all. At this point I acquire tunnel-vision and cannot find my location in my own body. Though this makes me feel panicky, I do not scream in pain, for I cannot feel anything at all, and I do not scream in rage, for I have no physical sensation to trigger that emotional response.
We both know we just broke a bone, so we still have the same adrenalin surge which puts us both into fight-or-flight, but you stay there by the machine screaming in pain and rage, while I (relatively) calmly head for the hospital to get the bone reset.
I perceive you as hysterical, you perceive me as soulless. Neither one of which is true! Each of us are having perfectly normal reactions to our personal sensory perception of what just happened.
I certainly Sympathize with you for getting your finger smashed, for I just got mine smashed too, but I do not Empathize with your reaction to it because I did not sensorily experience this event the same way you did.
We feel hatred, anger, rage. We feel grief, mourning, and sorrow. We feel love for our lovers, love for our mates, love for our children, love for our pets. We just do not have the same sensory perception of what is going on, thus we have difficulty Empathizing with the way you react to it.
When people assume “Autistic lack of empathy” means we are heartless or even soulless, it is just so insulting. In fact we probably Empathize more than a Normal person does because our senses are usually super-human, thus resulting in us being overwhelmed by Empathy-triggering sensations. And in the case of extreme sensory input (intense enough to shut down our processors completely), we can (and do) still at least Sympathize.
See my review of the 3rd lecture in CARTA: Human Origins: Lessons From Autism Spectrum Disorders as a reference-point.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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I perceive you as hysterical, you perceive me as soulless. Neither one of which is true! Each of us are having perfectly normal reactions to our personal sensory perception of what just happened.
I certainly Sympathize with you for getting your finger smashed, for I just got mine smashed too, but I do not Empathize with your reaction to it because I did not sensorily experience this event the same way you did.
We feel hatred, anger, rage. We feel grief, mourning, and sorrow. We feel love for our lovers, love for our mates, love for our children, love for our pets. We just do not have the same sensory perception of what is going on, thus we have difficulty Empathizing with the way you react to it.
When people assume “Autistic lack of empathy” means we are heartless or even soulless, it is just so insulting. In fact we probably Empathize more than a Normal person does because our senses are usually super-human, thus resulting in us being overwhelmed by Empathy-triggering sensations. And in the case of extreme sensory input (intense enough to shut down our processors completely), we can (and do) still at least Sympathize.
See my review of the 3rd lecture in CARTA: Human Origins: Lessons From Autism Spectrum Disorders as a reference-point.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#14
Seven Senses.
by Chryssie.
The seven senses are sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, proprioceptive, and vestibular.
Neurological Autism being a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders, most Autistics will have anomalies in the way they process at least some of these senses.
Let me explain how these deficiencies manifest themselves in Autistics, with me as the example (remembering thet if you have met one Autistic you have met one Autistic).
And if my seven senses one by one should leave me
In the silent darkness I would be alright Believe me
Seven Senses.
by Chryssie.
The seven senses are sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, proprioceptive, and vestibular.
Neurological Autism being a collection of Sensory Processing Disorders, most Autistics will have anomalies in the way they process at least some of these senses.
Let me explain how these deficiencies manifest themselves in Autistics, with me as the example (remembering thet if you have met one Autistic you have met one Autistic).
And if my seven senses one by one should leave me
In the silent darkness I would be alright Believe me
Sight:
Like Temple Grandin, my Visual Processor is over-sized, which results in me having the ability to see Ultra Violet Light (normal humans cannot see).
This allows my processor to collect information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault kept me in a state of perpetual anger and anxiety. Practically every day I would have an Autistic Melt-down (rage-attack) for I just could not take it any longer!
Like Temple Grandin, my Visual Processor is over-sized, which results in me having the ability to see Ultra Violet Light (normal humans cannot see).
This allows my processor to collect information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault kept me in a state of perpetual anger and anxiety. Practically every day I would have an Autistic Melt-down (rage-attack) for I just could not take it any longer!
Meanwhile, my Visual Processor was so busy trying to block out the painful Ultra Violet, it blocked out all the other colors too, leaving me to see in pastel.
I was always in a state of anger because I was seeing too much (Ultra Violet), while also in a state of anxiety because I could not see enough (in pastel).
Irlen Lenses filtered out those light frequencies I was not able to interpret, alleviating my anger by about 2/3. Also it allowed my processor to relax enough to interpret all the other colors, alleviating about 1/2 of my anxiety.
I was always in a state of anger because I was seeing too much (Ultra Violet), while also in a state of anxiety because I could not see enough (in pastel).
Irlen Lenses filtered out those light frequencies I was not able to interpret, alleviating my anger by about 2/3. Also it allowed my processor to relax enough to interpret all the other colors, alleviating about 1/2 of my anxiety.
Hearing:
My Audio Processor is also over-sized, which results in me having the ability to hear 20 decibels too loud.
This allows my processor to collect information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault kept me in a perpetual state of anxiety and irritation. My hearing also does not turn off when I go to sleep, thus necessitating sleeping with ear-plugs in (which by morning hurt). Even with earplugs in, the slightest noise would still jolt me awake (in a state of anger) several times a night. Then when it was quiet enough for me to sleep, the sound in my dreams would get so loud it would hurt and wake me up.
This constant interference to my sleep (*1), and constant irritation when awake, left me again in a perpetual state of anger and anxiety, along with Attention Deficit caused by my inability to determine which sounds I should focus on. All sound was irritating. I was so exhausted all the time! I was in a perpetual state of “I have one nerve left, and now you are getting on it!”
My processor would also interpret specific sound frequencies wrong; e.g., the sound of air hand driers in public toilets would trigger fight or flight.
I became obsessed with my recording studio for 9 years as my way of trying to get control of sound. Inevitably I burned out and quit music entirely.
Audio Integration Therapy (AIT) turned down my hearing by 10 decibels, thus alleviating the majority of the anger and anxiety caused by sound.
My Audio Processor is also over-sized, which results in me having the ability to hear 20 decibels too loud.
This allows my processor to collect information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault kept me in a perpetual state of anxiety and irritation. My hearing also does not turn off when I go to sleep, thus necessitating sleeping with ear-plugs in (which by morning hurt). Even with earplugs in, the slightest noise would still jolt me awake (in a state of anger) several times a night. Then when it was quiet enough for me to sleep, the sound in my dreams would get so loud it would hurt and wake me up.
This constant interference to my sleep (*1), and constant irritation when awake, left me again in a perpetual state of anger and anxiety, along with Attention Deficit caused by my inability to determine which sounds I should focus on. All sound was irritating. I was so exhausted all the time! I was in a perpetual state of “I have one nerve left, and now you are getting on it!”
My processor would also interpret specific sound frequencies wrong; e.g., the sound of air hand driers in public toilets would trigger fight or flight.
I became obsessed with my recording studio for 9 years as my way of trying to get control of sound. Inevitably I burned out and quit music entirely.
Audio Integration Therapy (AIT) turned down my hearing by 10 decibels, thus alleviating the majority of the anger and anxiety caused by sound.
Smell:
My Olfactory Processor is over-sized, which results in me having the ability to pick up scent like a dog. The scent of hair-spray, nail polish, makeup, and perfume literally almost knocks me out (see my review of Daria, wherein she throws up at the scent of perfume). I nearly faint if 3 people in a row walk past me wearing them (all those things women do to make themselves “more attractive” to men, make me wince! These things are physically painful for me to smell). Car exhaust also just hurts.
My processor collects this information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault keeps me in a perpetual state of wincing. In a specific scenario (in the presents of Drag Queen type of women) I just cannot take it any longer!
My Olfactory Processor is over-sized, which results in me having the ability to pick up scent like a dog. The scent of hair-spray, nail polish, makeup, and perfume literally almost knocks me out (see my review of Daria, wherein she throws up at the scent of perfume). I nearly faint if 3 people in a row walk past me wearing them (all those things women do to make themselves “more attractive” to men, make me wince! These things are physically painful for me to smell). Car exhaust also just hurts.
My processor collects this information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault keeps me in a perpetual state of wincing. In a specific scenario (in the presents of Drag Queen type of women) I just cannot take it any longer!
I have not yet found a treatment thet can turn down my Olfactory over-sensitivity. So I just try to avoid stinky cities and the stinky people who live there.
Taste:
My sense of taste was very vague – I never thought there was anything wrong with it until I got my Irlen Lenses and AIT, after which it became clear I have Synesthesia, wherein my senses intermingle. My Audio and Visual processors were wincing, blocking things out, thus making my sense of taste wince and block things out too. I not only saw in pastel, I tasted in pastel. Once I got the Irlens and AIT, my sense of taste woke up. Now everything tastes twice as strong as before.
My sense of taste was very vague – I never thought there was anything wrong with it until I got my Irlen Lenses and AIT, after which it became clear I have Synesthesia, wherein my senses intermingle. My Audio and Visual processors were wincing, blocking things out, thus making my sense of taste wince and block things out too. I not only saw in pastel, I tasted in pastel. Once I got the Irlens and AIT, my sense of taste woke up. Now everything tastes twice as strong as before.
Touch:
My Touch Processor is over-sized, which results in me having the ability to physically feel textures normal people would not notice.
This allows my processor to collect information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload. This manifests as Touch Aversion; my Touch Processor interpreting specific types of touch incorrectly, thus triggering the wrong responses. I feel panicky if someone touches me “wrong” – literally rubbing me the wrong way. I become angry if I have to shoot guns or play congas, for my hands are extremely hypersensitive to shock. And if a dog licks my palm I can have a spontaneous full-body orgasm.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault kept me in a perpetual state of cringing (or orgasming, depending on the form of touch). I cannot stand specific textures (vitamin pills in my mouth make me spastically gag), wool against my skin (steel wool/fire ant blend), the vibrating cell phone sensation made me feel outright terror, etc. Trying to have any form of sex-life was pointless, for only a professional sex surrogate who could be properly trained how to touch my disorders rather than my skin will suffice (Quote-unquote “girlfriends” refuse to be trained. Why bother).
A defining characteristic of Autism is “Apparent Disinterest in sex.” I am not disinterested in sex! I am disinterested in being roughed-up by some grating irritant who refuses to touch me my way. If they touch me “wrong”, my faulty processor triggers a panic response, or at least a wince.
I hate the feel of wool (anywhere on my body), but I love the feel of a dog’s tongue (but only on my palms). I love the chiropractor (strong pressure on my bones), but hate wearing clothes (light pressure on my skin). I love to touch someone on their bare skin with my hands, but I do not like them to touch me. I like hot-springs; I love the feel of very hot water on my skin, but I do not like the touch of hands - and fingernails on my skin (even very light tickling) is like fingernails on a blackboard.
After adjusting to the Irlens and AIT, my Touch Aversion calmed down a bit. I still do not like to wear clothes, but I no longer feel as panicky when someone touches me.
Proprioceptive:
This is the ability to find one’s location in one’s own body, and ability to determine how much muscle effort should be used to achieve physical movement.
A faulty Proprioceptive processor may result in an Autistic child spinning in circles because they do not feel they are entirely in their body. In some cases you can put a weighted vest or belt on them or squeeze them hard with a bear-hug which allows them to find their location (Google Temple Grandin’s squeeze machine). They may also have difficulty sensing physical injuries to their own body because they are so physically dissociative. This also suggests why some Autistics are so hard to toilet train; they may not clearly feel the need to go.
My Proprioceptive processor is apparently under-sized. I spend most of my time in my thoughts, not in my body, to such extent thet I occasionally leave my body entirely when deep in thought. I can hover 10 feet above and watch it do physical things without me being in it. And when I am in it, I have a vague sense of what specific part of it my soul resides in. For most of my life I did not identify as either male or female, and will always identify with Faeries (being not quite human), have dreams wherein my body morphs from cat to car, male to female, etc.
Rather than having a hypersensitive Proprioceptive processor, which would result in everything hurting all the time, mine is hyposensitive, resulting in me being unable to process physical sensations like strong pain. When I smashed my finger in a machine, shattering the bone, my unusually small Proprioceptive processor could not handle that much input, resulting in all my senses turning off completely. I sometimes find blood on me and have to search for the wound because I do not feel it until I have a visual reference-point.
I am hypersensitive to mild pain, or even the touch of clothing, but relatively oblivious to severe pain (like crushing a bone).
Vestibular:
This is the awareness of where your body is in relation to other things. If this is faulty the person may have very bad eye-hand co-ordination, be unable to catch a ball, will often bump into things, stumble on stairs, shut their fingers in doors, etc. I definitely have this - the most obvious example being my inability to find my way out of a building if there are too many intersections (not the smartest mouse in the maze), and my inability to back up a trailer. If I am sitting in the car, looking in the rear-view mirror, trying to become the trailer so I can tell where it is in the process of backing up, I lose track of where I am in the car. (See what I said in my Autistic Sex lecture about me becoming my lover’s body rather than staying in my own during sex. I become the trailer and forget how to operate the car). I am also prone to losing my car in a parking-lot, for I have difficulty determining where I am in relation to where it is. I am very sensitive to Feng Shui and Reike, and can be knocked out of my body by a physical blow. (*2)
Synesthesia:
Synesthesia is when your assorted sensory processors intermingle. This may leave you with the ability to see sound or hear light (see my review of Bjork: Inside Bjork).
I definitely have this.
When I got my Irlen Lenses my hypersensitive hearing evened out somewhat (See my Irlen Lenses page). While I was undergoing my AIT treatments (to adjust my hearing) my Visual processor nearly shut down – it became very difficult for me to process visual information (see my AIT page). Also, my Audio Processor and Touch Processor intermingle, thus after I adjusted to my AIT, my Touch Aversion calmed down, the terrifying vibrating cell phone no longer bothered me, and my gag reflex to pills in my mouth was notably alleviated. AIT is also what made my sense of taste wake up.
My Visual, Audio, Touch, and Taste processors all intermingle. This has been as big of problem for me as any of the Processing Disorders individually. All of my life I would have melt-downs from the over-stimulation, and I was not necessarily able to tell which sense was actually triggering it; i.e., I would go into a rage over the slightest noise because my Visual processor was overwhelmed. I would wince in Touch Aversion if I was in a noisy atmosphere, or gag on pills if there was too much light, etc.
When an Autistic child has a meltdown in the Grocery store, manifested as extreme Touch Aversion, it is possible thet the florescent lights are what is causing it. For in this hypothetical case, their Visual processor intermingles with their Touch processor, thus the kid starts ripping their clothes off (unable to bear the skin touch) because the lights (they are not consciously aware of) have overwhelmed their Visual processor.
This was me for the first 50 years of my life. I like to be naked, and I hate light.
For most of my life I had been teased for smelling everything. I did this because the sense of smell is my only sense thet does not intermingle with the others. It was (though hypersensitive) always predictable, thus I used it to perceive with, for all my other senses were so inaccurate and erratic. I would often close my eyes and smell something rather than look at it (thus explaining why I have never had a girlfriend; they stink like chemicals and try to be visually stimulating all the time - making me wince, twice).
MMS, Chelation, GF/CF, Blood Type Diet, proper vitamins, Irlen Lenses, and AIT (and my absolute rejection of the evil medical profession) have collectively alleviated all of the above by about 2/3.
I am still Autistic. I still have all of the above-mentioned physical malformities of my brain, but the treatments I have undergone and compensation devices I have acquired make the problems so much less stressful. Thus, in the last year I have thrown maybe a dozen tantrums, and have had no rage-attacks at all. I feel I am 2/3 cured of Autism.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
Google The Russian Sleep Experiment. Then recognize thet in the USA Court System Sleep Deprivation is considered the equivalent of Temporary Insanity.
(*2)
Concerning Proprioceptive and Vestibular deficiencies, see what I said below about Derpy Hooves' Directional Dyslexia.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Touch Processor is over-sized, which results in me having the ability to physically feel textures normal people would not notice.
This allows my processor to collect information my brain does not know how to interpret, resulting in me being overwhelmed by the sensory overload. This manifests as Touch Aversion; my Touch Processor interpreting specific types of touch incorrectly, thus triggering the wrong responses. I feel panicky if someone touches me “wrong” – literally rubbing me the wrong way. I become angry if I have to shoot guns or play congas, for my hands are extremely hypersensitive to shock. And if a dog licks my palm I can have a spontaneous full-body orgasm.
Having no ability to mentally tune it out, this constant assault kept me in a perpetual state of cringing (or orgasming, depending on the form of touch). I cannot stand specific textures (vitamin pills in my mouth make me spastically gag), wool against my skin (steel wool/fire ant blend), the vibrating cell phone sensation made me feel outright terror, etc. Trying to have any form of sex-life was pointless, for only a professional sex surrogate who could be properly trained how to touch my disorders rather than my skin will suffice (Quote-unquote “girlfriends” refuse to be trained. Why bother).
A defining characteristic of Autism is “Apparent Disinterest in sex.” I am not disinterested in sex! I am disinterested in being roughed-up by some grating irritant who refuses to touch me my way. If they touch me “wrong”, my faulty processor triggers a panic response, or at least a wince.
I hate the feel of wool (anywhere on my body), but I love the feel of a dog’s tongue (but only on my palms). I love the chiropractor (strong pressure on my bones), but hate wearing clothes (light pressure on my skin). I love to touch someone on their bare skin with my hands, but I do not like them to touch me. I like hot-springs; I love the feel of very hot water on my skin, but I do not like the touch of hands - and fingernails on my skin (even very light tickling) is like fingernails on a blackboard.
After adjusting to the Irlens and AIT, my Touch Aversion calmed down a bit. I still do not like to wear clothes, but I no longer feel as panicky when someone touches me.
Proprioceptive:
This is the ability to find one’s location in one’s own body, and ability to determine how much muscle effort should be used to achieve physical movement.
A faulty Proprioceptive processor may result in an Autistic child spinning in circles because they do not feel they are entirely in their body. In some cases you can put a weighted vest or belt on them or squeeze them hard with a bear-hug which allows them to find their location (Google Temple Grandin’s squeeze machine). They may also have difficulty sensing physical injuries to their own body because they are so physically dissociative. This also suggests why some Autistics are so hard to toilet train; they may not clearly feel the need to go.
My Proprioceptive processor is apparently under-sized. I spend most of my time in my thoughts, not in my body, to such extent thet I occasionally leave my body entirely when deep in thought. I can hover 10 feet above and watch it do physical things without me being in it. And when I am in it, I have a vague sense of what specific part of it my soul resides in. For most of my life I did not identify as either male or female, and will always identify with Faeries (being not quite human), have dreams wherein my body morphs from cat to car, male to female, etc.
Rather than having a hypersensitive Proprioceptive processor, which would result in everything hurting all the time, mine is hyposensitive, resulting in me being unable to process physical sensations like strong pain. When I smashed my finger in a machine, shattering the bone, my unusually small Proprioceptive processor could not handle that much input, resulting in all my senses turning off completely. I sometimes find blood on me and have to search for the wound because I do not feel it until I have a visual reference-point.
I am hypersensitive to mild pain, or even the touch of clothing, but relatively oblivious to severe pain (like crushing a bone).
Vestibular:
This is the awareness of where your body is in relation to other things. If this is faulty the person may have very bad eye-hand co-ordination, be unable to catch a ball, will often bump into things, stumble on stairs, shut their fingers in doors, etc. I definitely have this - the most obvious example being my inability to find my way out of a building if there are too many intersections (not the smartest mouse in the maze), and my inability to back up a trailer. If I am sitting in the car, looking in the rear-view mirror, trying to become the trailer so I can tell where it is in the process of backing up, I lose track of where I am in the car. (See what I said in my Autistic Sex lecture about me becoming my lover’s body rather than staying in my own during sex. I become the trailer and forget how to operate the car). I am also prone to losing my car in a parking-lot, for I have difficulty determining where I am in relation to where it is. I am very sensitive to Feng Shui and Reike, and can be knocked out of my body by a physical blow. (*2)
Synesthesia:
Synesthesia is when your assorted sensory processors intermingle. This may leave you with the ability to see sound or hear light (see my review of Bjork: Inside Bjork).
I definitely have this.
When I got my Irlen Lenses my hypersensitive hearing evened out somewhat (See my Irlen Lenses page). While I was undergoing my AIT treatments (to adjust my hearing) my Visual processor nearly shut down – it became very difficult for me to process visual information (see my AIT page). Also, my Audio Processor and Touch Processor intermingle, thus after I adjusted to my AIT, my Touch Aversion calmed down, the terrifying vibrating cell phone no longer bothered me, and my gag reflex to pills in my mouth was notably alleviated. AIT is also what made my sense of taste wake up.
My Visual, Audio, Touch, and Taste processors all intermingle. This has been as big of problem for me as any of the Processing Disorders individually. All of my life I would have melt-downs from the over-stimulation, and I was not necessarily able to tell which sense was actually triggering it; i.e., I would go into a rage over the slightest noise because my Visual processor was overwhelmed. I would wince in Touch Aversion if I was in a noisy atmosphere, or gag on pills if there was too much light, etc.
When an Autistic child has a meltdown in the Grocery store, manifested as extreme Touch Aversion, it is possible thet the florescent lights are what is causing it. For in this hypothetical case, their Visual processor intermingles with their Touch processor, thus the kid starts ripping their clothes off (unable to bear the skin touch) because the lights (they are not consciously aware of) have overwhelmed their Visual processor.
This was me for the first 50 years of my life. I like to be naked, and I hate light.
For most of my life I had been teased for smelling everything. I did this because the sense of smell is my only sense thet does not intermingle with the others. It was (though hypersensitive) always predictable, thus I used it to perceive with, for all my other senses were so inaccurate and erratic. I would often close my eyes and smell something rather than look at it (thus explaining why I have never had a girlfriend; they stink like chemicals and try to be visually stimulating all the time - making me wince, twice).
MMS, Chelation, GF/CF, Blood Type Diet, proper vitamins, Irlen Lenses, and AIT (and my absolute rejection of the evil medical profession) have collectively alleviated all of the above by about 2/3.
I am still Autistic. I still have all of the above-mentioned physical malformities of my brain, but the treatments I have undergone and compensation devices I have acquired make the problems so much less stressful. Thus, in the last year I have thrown maybe a dozen tantrums, and have had no rage-attacks at all. I feel I am 2/3 cured of Autism.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
Google The Russian Sleep Experiment. Then recognize thet in the USA Court System Sleep Deprivation is considered the equivalent of Temporary Insanity.
(*2)
Concerning Proprioceptive and Vestibular deficiencies, see what I said below about Derpy Hooves' Directional Dyslexia.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#15
Surrogates. Part II.
by Chryssie.
In the movie Lars and the Real Girl, the Aspie man acquires a life-sized doll as a surrogate companion.
Some of the aspect of him interacting with it was him presenting her to the public as his actual girlfriend. He does this as his way of under-compensating and thus accepting himself as disabled.
Eventually she "dies", and he then goes through a grieving process, letting her go.
The rest of the villagers come to understand him and his process, and thus realize many of them needed a surrogate friend too.
She was designed as a sex-toy, but in Lars' case that was not necessarily the point. She was a surrogate to him for many other (emotional and identity) reasons.
Years after reviewing that movie, I found Japanese “Dutch Wife” (sex toy) dolls on line, and from there found the American version dolls.
This became an Anthropology lesson for me, in thet the difference between what Japanese men want in a doll and what American men want are so different from each other (I realize this is a broad-sweeping generalization - and I am only comparing 2 manufacturers here, when there are actually 20 or so world-wide, each accommodating their customers' differing tastes in "women").
The American dolls are copies of famous porn stars. All of them have gaudy make-up, and their facial expressions are repellent (to me); one is a belligerent thug, one is a snotty bitch, one is a sneering asshole. They are apparently designed to provoke an equally negative emotional response in the purchaser, and thus be abused, as the women in American couples porn are; slap the bitch around and stick it to her!
The American ones are advertised as naked crude whores with spiteful looks on their faces, spread out like they are inviting a gang-rape.
The Japanese dolls are Geishas. They have demure, sweet, comforting facial expressions, soft warm eyes, are adorably cute, and are usually advertised fully clothed, some even dressed in traditional Geisha garb.
What the woman’s role in each society is, manifested in how they are portrayed as men's masturbation aids, is what I am concerned with here (as an Anthropologist from Mars = Aspie). What purpose do they serve from a cultural standpoint as a surrogate (with or without the sex)?
I attempted to compensate for my inability to acquire an actual girlfriend, or any kind of friend, by fixating on drums. My drum set, my bass, music in general, and even a recording studio became my surrogates I had very intense relationships with; I was absolutely obsessed with them, partly out of transferred sexual and emotional frustration, and also plain loneliness.
As for the sex-dolls, I like to look at the Japanese ones, Geishas with their sweet and comforting faces (as opposed to the repulsive American whores), but I would still find it disturbing to actually have sex with them; i.e., I do not need a sex surrogate, I need a relationship surrogate, and you cannot have an actual relationship with a doll (unless you are Schizophrenic and having delusions thet it is interacting with you).
To have a relationship with this Hyperlexic Aspie you have to talk! I think in words. I want my lover to talk to me during sex. A doll cannot talk, thus it cannot be my lover. Period. No matter how sweet and comforting of Geisha facial expression it has, I think having sex with it would just be creepy.
It just seems weird to me. I am Autistic, I do not connect with real people very well, so why would I want to connect with a silicon version of one who cannot talk? What the fuck is the point?
I know, FUCK is the point!; they are sex-toys - but I do not need that. It is just stupid (for me).
This form of surrogacy is something I do not fully understand (give me a drum set over a rubber girl any day). Meanwhile the Normals may not understand how I could transfer to and fixate on drums as compensation for sexual frustration and emotional loneliness; they may not make the connection. Autistics are known for bonding with inanimate objects and developing fixated subjects, rather than bonding with people (see my review of My Little Pony. Maud Pie).
There are several documentaries about men who own these dolls, and all of them (I have seen) seem pathetic to me. The quote-unquote “men” seem to be fucking these dolls as a tantrum of contempt toward women, and apparently appear in these documentaries to rub women’s faces in the fact they will never have a real woman again, so there (as if any woman could care less about these jackass wankers). In this scenario I do not see these dolls as surrogates – I see them merely as vehicles for tantrums (at least in the way these men present themselves in these specific documentaries). These guys are apparently just childish ass-holes, publicly displaying their masturbation practices through these documentaries out of spite.
These dolls originated in Socialist countries as “medical aids” for disabled people. I feel sympathy toward that idea, but still do not empathize with someone who would want a doll thet cannot cum nor talk, for my ultimate "sex fantasy" is to just lay in bed and hold someone and talk for hours. And though that perfect Aspie conversation would probably take place immediately after sex, sex is not the point!
If I could have HAL the computer from 2001 A Space Odyssey, or a gorgeous nympho woman who was dumb as dirt, I would take the computer any day, for I would then have someone to talk to (HAL literally knew everything - I am amazed and inspired by that).
Now the majority of sales of these dolls are to relatively normal men who may have just given up on women; they want someone they can beat up and rape without consequence, or slap around and stick it to, or simply have as a comforting Geisha to look at, or even use as a surrogate emotional relationship (fall in love with it and come to care about it as if it were real). Then according to one documentary, 70% of sales are to married couples who want a fuck-doll to spice up their sex-life; and this industry makes 3 billion dollars a year (as of 2014).
I gave up on ever having a girlfriend when I was 27. Then I gave up on sex completely when I was 29. Today I am 53 and still go deer in headlights when I see these sex-dolls.
I think you are either Schizophrenic, emotionally retarded, or throwing a pathetic tantrum if you use 1 of these things.
In Japan they even have doll brothels! WTF.
The Bible says in the Time of the End there will be no natural affection. Thus, is fuck-doll manufacturing simply a fulfillment of Bible Prophecy? Damned if I know, you tell me.
Surrogates. Part II.
by Chryssie.
In the movie Lars and the Real Girl, the Aspie man acquires a life-sized doll as a surrogate companion.
Some of the aspect of him interacting with it was him presenting her to the public as his actual girlfriend. He does this as his way of under-compensating and thus accepting himself as disabled.
Eventually she "dies", and he then goes through a grieving process, letting her go.
The rest of the villagers come to understand him and his process, and thus realize many of them needed a surrogate friend too.
She was designed as a sex-toy, but in Lars' case that was not necessarily the point. She was a surrogate to him for many other (emotional and identity) reasons.
Years after reviewing that movie, I found Japanese “Dutch Wife” (sex toy) dolls on line, and from there found the American version dolls.
This became an Anthropology lesson for me, in thet the difference between what Japanese men want in a doll and what American men want are so different from each other (I realize this is a broad-sweeping generalization - and I am only comparing 2 manufacturers here, when there are actually 20 or so world-wide, each accommodating their customers' differing tastes in "women").
The American dolls are copies of famous porn stars. All of them have gaudy make-up, and their facial expressions are repellent (to me); one is a belligerent thug, one is a snotty bitch, one is a sneering asshole. They are apparently designed to provoke an equally negative emotional response in the purchaser, and thus be abused, as the women in American couples porn are; slap the bitch around and stick it to her!
The American ones are advertised as naked crude whores with spiteful looks on their faces, spread out like they are inviting a gang-rape.
The Japanese dolls are Geishas. They have demure, sweet, comforting facial expressions, soft warm eyes, are adorably cute, and are usually advertised fully clothed, some even dressed in traditional Geisha garb.
What the woman’s role in each society is, manifested in how they are portrayed as men's masturbation aids, is what I am concerned with here (as an Anthropologist from Mars = Aspie). What purpose do they serve from a cultural standpoint as a surrogate (with or without the sex)?
I attempted to compensate for my inability to acquire an actual girlfriend, or any kind of friend, by fixating on drums. My drum set, my bass, music in general, and even a recording studio became my surrogates I had very intense relationships with; I was absolutely obsessed with them, partly out of transferred sexual and emotional frustration, and also plain loneliness.
As for the sex-dolls, I like to look at the Japanese ones, Geishas with their sweet and comforting faces (as opposed to the repulsive American whores), but I would still find it disturbing to actually have sex with them; i.e., I do not need a sex surrogate, I need a relationship surrogate, and you cannot have an actual relationship with a doll (unless you are Schizophrenic and having delusions thet it is interacting with you).
To have a relationship with this Hyperlexic Aspie you have to talk! I think in words. I want my lover to talk to me during sex. A doll cannot talk, thus it cannot be my lover. Period. No matter how sweet and comforting of Geisha facial expression it has, I think having sex with it would just be creepy.
It just seems weird to me. I am Autistic, I do not connect with real people very well, so why would I want to connect with a silicon version of one who cannot talk? What the fuck is the point?
I know, FUCK is the point!; they are sex-toys - but I do not need that. It is just stupid (for me).
This form of surrogacy is something I do not fully understand (give me a drum set over a rubber girl any day). Meanwhile the Normals may not understand how I could transfer to and fixate on drums as compensation for sexual frustration and emotional loneliness; they may not make the connection. Autistics are known for bonding with inanimate objects and developing fixated subjects, rather than bonding with people (see my review of My Little Pony. Maud Pie).
There are several documentaries about men who own these dolls, and all of them (I have seen) seem pathetic to me. The quote-unquote “men” seem to be fucking these dolls as a tantrum of contempt toward women, and apparently appear in these documentaries to rub women’s faces in the fact they will never have a real woman again, so there (as if any woman could care less about these jackass wankers). In this scenario I do not see these dolls as surrogates – I see them merely as vehicles for tantrums (at least in the way these men present themselves in these specific documentaries). These guys are apparently just childish ass-holes, publicly displaying their masturbation practices through these documentaries out of spite.
These dolls originated in Socialist countries as “medical aids” for disabled people. I feel sympathy toward that idea, but still do not empathize with someone who would want a doll thet cannot cum nor talk, for my ultimate "sex fantasy" is to just lay in bed and hold someone and talk for hours. And though that perfect Aspie conversation would probably take place immediately after sex, sex is not the point!
If I could have HAL the computer from 2001 A Space Odyssey, or a gorgeous nympho woman who was dumb as dirt, I would take the computer any day, for I would then have someone to talk to (HAL literally knew everything - I am amazed and inspired by that).
Now the majority of sales of these dolls are to relatively normal men who may have just given up on women; they want someone they can beat up and rape without consequence, or slap around and stick it to, or simply have as a comforting Geisha to look at, or even use as a surrogate emotional relationship (fall in love with it and come to care about it as if it were real). Then according to one documentary, 70% of sales are to married couples who want a fuck-doll to spice up their sex-life; and this industry makes 3 billion dollars a year (as of 2014).
I gave up on ever having a girlfriend when I was 27. Then I gave up on sex completely when I was 29. Today I am 53 and still go deer in headlights when I see these sex-dolls.
I think you are either Schizophrenic, emotionally retarded, or throwing a pathetic tantrum if you use 1 of these things.
In Japan they even have doll brothels! WTF.
The Bible says in the Time of the End there will be no natural affection. Thus, is fuck-doll manufacturing simply a fulfillment of Bible Prophecy? Damned if I know, you tell me.
Then you add to that the fact you can get little girl dolls (life-sized 10 year old’s bodies with sweet innocent faces), and now you are an outright child molester.
Not only are they basically selling child pornography (which is already illegal), they are selling the actual child! This is just wrong.
< - Yes. This is a picture of an actual fuck-doll.
In the movie Lars and the Real Girl, Lars used his doll, he intentionally publicly displayed, as his way of accepting himself as Autistically unable to have real relationships. Contempt toward ex-girlfriends had nothing to do with it, and sex did not even have anything to do with it. His doll was not necessarily a surrogate at all. It was just a tool with which he could under-compensate – a form of self-therapy.
They also make newborn infant dolls.
I guess it is like owning any other doll (Barbies for example). They are used as surrogate relationships to some extent.
All kids play with dolls, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is good for the imagination to role-play with dolls, or be kids “playing house” or whatever; or even be Trekkies, or doing Cosplay.
See my review of the documentary Marwencol. I think that guy, Mark Hogancamp, was very healthy in his use of dolls as surrogates – as opposed to the tantrum-throwing assholes in the fuck-doll documentaries.
Then we have the documentary In the Realms of the Unreal, about an Aspie man, Henry Darger, who wrote literally the world's longest book about his spectacular fantasy life, obviously as compensation for the fact he had zero interaction with anyone else.
I have recently acquired some things to comfort myself with emotionally - pictures of faces thet calm me (in a month or so I will probably lose interest, and move on to something else as usual).
When I come home from work exhausted and sometimes even exasperated, I immediately sit in front of the computer and look at Chloe and Ante. They make me melt. They calm me down physically. They also make me feel calm at an emotional level.
Not only are they basically selling child pornography (which is already illegal), they are selling the actual child! This is just wrong.
< - Yes. This is a picture of an actual fuck-doll.
In the movie Lars and the Real Girl, Lars used his doll, he intentionally publicly displayed, as his way of accepting himself as Autistically unable to have real relationships. Contempt toward ex-girlfriends had nothing to do with it, and sex did not even have anything to do with it. His doll was not necessarily a surrogate at all. It was just a tool with which he could under-compensate – a form of self-therapy.
They also make newborn infant dolls.
I guess it is like owning any other doll (Barbies for example). They are used as surrogate relationships to some extent.
All kids play with dolls, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is good for the imagination to role-play with dolls, or be kids “playing house” or whatever; or even be Trekkies, or doing Cosplay.
See my review of the documentary Marwencol. I think that guy, Mark Hogancamp, was very healthy in his use of dolls as surrogates – as opposed to the tantrum-throwing assholes in the fuck-doll documentaries.
Then we have the documentary In the Realms of the Unreal, about an Aspie man, Henry Darger, who wrote literally the world's longest book about his spectacular fantasy life, obviously as compensation for the fact he had zero interaction with anyone else.
I have recently acquired some things to comfort myself with emotionally - pictures of faces thet calm me (in a month or so I will probably lose interest, and move on to something else as usual).
When I come home from work exhausted and sometimes even exasperated, I immediately sit in front of the computer and look at Chloe and Ante. They make me melt. They calm me down physically. They also make me feel calm at an emotional level.
(Chloe)
They may be surrogates to some extent in thet they could represent the wife and child I cannot have, but much more importantly they are Stim-objects. The visual reference-point they provide (like spinning things), and comfort me with, helps me realize thet part of my wound-up state is caused by my own Aries temperament mixed with my melt-down disorder, and thus it could be something me and my disorder can use to calm myself with.
I do not consider them actual surrogates because I do not possess the dolls and interact with them. They are simply pictures of visual Stim-aides.
And aren’t Chloe and Ante (below) just adorable? They give me perspective on my own predisposition for anger, and my general contempt toward humanity; they make me feel ashamed of myself for allowing the Autism to wind me up into a state of near melt-down which makes me so often feel negative, and even hostile.
They remind me there are a lot of people (a dozen or so companies) who design and manufacture these sweet things, and a lot of other people willing to pay $800 for a doll, apparently because it is so sweet and calming (Chloe is 12 inches tall and really does cost $800).
Why would they do that? Are the people who buy this using her as a surrogate of some kind?, or is it just a pretty object to look at?
For me they are a visual reference-point for the calm sweetness I know is in me some place (see my Autism Lecture on The Grieving Process. It was a fictional tale I used partly to tap into my own tenderness while cultivating my ability to love, lose, and let go – as opposed to my former obsessiveness, emotionally beating everything into the ground, with a death-grip on that banana in a box, in a perpetual state of melt-down. No emotion I felt had ever been in moderation!).
Now I look at these sweet faces and feel calmed and relatively emotionally stable, and then I move on. No more obsessively “Ruminating on bad experience past for inordinant lengths of time.”
But I do not become dependent on these dolls as surrogates either; i.e., Chloe does not become my new fixated subject, I do not fantasize thet she is my girlfriend, and I do not want her as a life-sized fuck-doll. It is just a visual Stim-object, literally the equivalent of spinning things, which creates a calming effect in me.
And the reason I prefer to look at dolls instead of people (other than the dolls being super-humanly good looking) is because people are usually barking mad. When I look at a pretty object as a Stim-aide to calm myself with, and the person residing in that object is mentally ill and thus having delusions, the spiteful moron says in an antagonistic tone, "You wish", or whimpers because they want to play the victim as I "rape them with my eyes."
I was oblivious anyone was there, and was just stimming myself to calm with a visual Stim-object.
My intellect was racing so fast and loud, I started to get over-stimulated by my own attention-deficiting genius, and thus had to look at something like this, which makes me think nothing at all, thus calming down the intellectual over-stimulation.
When I look at an actual woman I also think nothing at all, using it as merely a visual Stim-object. But because all women are apparently Paranoid Schizophrenics, they believe I am thinking something while looking at them, and of course because they are also perverts, they assume what I am thinking is somehow sexually intimidating. Morons.
When the creep residing in my visual Stim-object forces me to recognize there is a quote-unquote "person" in there, I am usually repulsed by them due to what they believe I am thinking.
Thus I look at dolls instead, because they do not believe I am thinking anything - they do not believe anything at all. I then feel relaxed instead of repulsed if their gaze meets mine.
And I love it, not because they are pretty or cute, but because I am able to use them to calm myself with. I do not love them, I love me when I am calm. And making me feel calm is all I want any human for (real or doll). And most humans are incompetent at this, and that is why I look at dolls instead (I would rather look at Chloe with her clothes on than look at you with your clothes off. Take it personal).
So obviously I do not know where I am going with this article. It is not really a lecture because I am not necessarily making a point. I am just analyzing the different objects assorted people use as surrogates, and wondering why they need specific types.
Any surrogate I have ever had was used to calm my Autistic melt-downs with (noting the difference, mentioned above, between a Surrogate and a Stim-aide, and drums which are a mixture of both). I know that about myself. But I have no clue why other people have surrogates.
I guess it is inevitable thet all people will have some sort of surrogate, but I do not think most people realize they are even doing it. They are on Twitter, and delude themselves thet those who "follow" them are their friends; or being "friended" on Facebook. They probably do not have any friends, thus explaining why they talk at Twitter rather than to actual people.
They also read tabloid gossip about celebrities, pretending they know (or at least care about) these people.
90% of the Normals' conversations are gossip about others (and 100% of that is wrong). Do they do this because they have no actual friends?
Then they become Schizophrenic, and are even oblivious to that. How can people be so grossly lacking in self-awareness? Or am I grossly lacking in Theory Of Mind?
I wish Autistics would write to me and tell me what their surrogates are and what the surrogate does for them. And I wish the Normals would tell me about theirs too. I understand me really well, but I do not have a clue about anyone else concerning this.
They may be surrogates to some extent in thet they could represent the wife and child I cannot have, but much more importantly they are Stim-objects. The visual reference-point they provide (like spinning things), and comfort me with, helps me realize thet part of my wound-up state is caused by my own Aries temperament mixed with my melt-down disorder, and thus it could be something me and my disorder can use to calm myself with.
I do not consider them actual surrogates because I do not possess the dolls and interact with them. They are simply pictures of visual Stim-aides.
And aren’t Chloe and Ante (below) just adorable? They give me perspective on my own predisposition for anger, and my general contempt toward humanity; they make me feel ashamed of myself for allowing the Autism to wind me up into a state of near melt-down which makes me so often feel negative, and even hostile.
They remind me there are a lot of people (a dozen or so companies) who design and manufacture these sweet things, and a lot of other people willing to pay $800 for a doll, apparently because it is so sweet and calming (Chloe is 12 inches tall and really does cost $800).
Why would they do that? Are the people who buy this using her as a surrogate of some kind?, or is it just a pretty object to look at?
For me they are a visual reference-point for the calm sweetness I know is in me some place (see my Autism Lecture on The Grieving Process. It was a fictional tale I used partly to tap into my own tenderness while cultivating my ability to love, lose, and let go – as opposed to my former obsessiveness, emotionally beating everything into the ground, with a death-grip on that banana in a box, in a perpetual state of melt-down. No emotion I felt had ever been in moderation!).
Now I look at these sweet faces and feel calmed and relatively emotionally stable, and then I move on. No more obsessively “Ruminating on bad experience past for inordinant lengths of time.”
But I do not become dependent on these dolls as surrogates either; i.e., Chloe does not become my new fixated subject, I do not fantasize thet she is my girlfriend, and I do not want her as a life-sized fuck-doll. It is just a visual Stim-object, literally the equivalent of spinning things, which creates a calming effect in me.
And the reason I prefer to look at dolls instead of people (other than the dolls being super-humanly good looking) is because people are usually barking mad. When I look at a pretty object as a Stim-aide to calm myself with, and the person residing in that object is mentally ill and thus having delusions, the spiteful moron says in an antagonistic tone, "You wish", or whimpers because they want to play the victim as I "rape them with my eyes."
I was oblivious anyone was there, and was just stimming myself to calm with a visual Stim-object.
My intellect was racing so fast and loud, I started to get over-stimulated by my own attention-deficiting genius, and thus had to look at something like this, which makes me think nothing at all, thus calming down the intellectual over-stimulation.
When I look at an actual woman I also think nothing at all, using it as merely a visual Stim-object. But because all women are apparently Paranoid Schizophrenics, they believe I am thinking something while looking at them, and of course because they are also perverts, they assume what I am thinking is somehow sexually intimidating. Morons.
When the creep residing in my visual Stim-object forces me to recognize there is a quote-unquote "person" in there, I am usually repulsed by them due to what they believe I am thinking.
Thus I look at dolls instead, because they do not believe I am thinking anything - they do not believe anything at all. I then feel relaxed instead of repulsed if their gaze meets mine.
And I love it, not because they are pretty or cute, but because I am able to use them to calm myself with. I do not love them, I love me when I am calm. And making me feel calm is all I want any human for (real or doll). And most humans are incompetent at this, and that is why I look at dolls instead (I would rather look at Chloe with her clothes on than look at you with your clothes off. Take it personal).
So obviously I do not know where I am going with this article. It is not really a lecture because I am not necessarily making a point. I am just analyzing the different objects assorted people use as surrogates, and wondering why they need specific types.
Any surrogate I have ever had was used to calm my Autistic melt-downs with (noting the difference, mentioned above, between a Surrogate and a Stim-aide, and drums which are a mixture of both). I know that about myself. But I have no clue why other people have surrogates.
I guess it is inevitable thet all people will have some sort of surrogate, but I do not think most people realize they are even doing it. They are on Twitter, and delude themselves thet those who "follow" them are their friends; or being "friended" on Facebook. They probably do not have any friends, thus explaining why they talk at Twitter rather than to actual people.
They also read tabloid gossip about celebrities, pretending they know (or at least care about) these people.
90% of the Normals' conversations are gossip about others (and 100% of that is wrong). Do they do this because they have no actual friends?
Then they become Schizophrenic, and are even oblivious to that. How can people be so grossly lacking in self-awareness? Or am I grossly lacking in Theory Of Mind?
I wish Autistics would write to me and tell me what their surrogates are and what the surrogate does for them. And I wish the Normals would tell me about theirs too. I understand me really well, but I do not have a clue about anyone else concerning this.
(Twilight Sparkle)
Even more absurd to me than little girl fuck-dolls is the guy who actually married a Twilight Sparkle plush. Then compare that to my reviews of Lars and the Real Girl, Marwencol, and In the Realms of the Unreal).
Is this guy who married Twilight Sparkle doing it as under-compensation like Lars?, conscious self-therapy like Mark (from Marwencol)?, or to create an alternate reality thet became his actual life like Henry (from In The Realms of the Unreal)?, or is he just a wanker jackass who uses Twilight as a vehicle for a childish public tantrum out of spite toward his ex-girlfriend? Damned if I know, you tell me.
I was 27 when I gave up on having a girlfriend. But instead of acquiring surrogate women (porn-addiction, fuck-dolls, dolls, cartoon characters, or plushies), I transferred to music. There was no tantrum aspect involved at all.
In fact that became the best year of my life - the year I decided to stop torturing myself and accept I will never have a love-life. That is when I started working at music instead of playing it - acquired a music career instead of a music hobby. It was transference rather than pure surrogacy.
I think Mark was very healthy in his use of surrogate dolls, but I do not need any such thing because, as an Autistic, I seldom picture people being involved in anything I want to do anyway. As a child I played with Legos not dolls. I want a drum set in my house, not a bunch of dolls, and I sure as hell do not want any people. When I plan out my day, I list all the things I want to accomplish, but I never picture any people being involved - for I am Autistic.
My biggest surrogate was drums. I was absolutely dependent on playing drums for hours every day as compensation for loneliness and lack of sex and love, but I also (and more importantly) became dependent on them as Stim-objects. See the scene in the movie Temple Grandin wherein she has a melt-down after a party, desperate to get into her squeeze machine, but she does not have it with her. That is almost as bad as how I felt if I could not play my drums every day.
I no longer play drums, for I no longer need the surrogate. And I no longer need the surrogate because I no longer need what the surrogate was compensating for.
I used to obsessively play drums for 4 hours every day, without which I would have a rage-attack (I used to play until my fingers bled – was it Autistic self-injurious behavior? or Obsessive Personality Disorder?).
Today I can look at Chloe for 60 seconds and it calms me so well I no longer have the need for violent stimming – and this is because I am now 2/3 recovered from Autism.
In fact today I am not sure if I really have a surrogate at all. I do like to look at dolls (though I do not own any). I like to listen to music (though I no longer play instruments). I feel I do not really need anything I do not have – though every 5 years or so I might vaguely get a crush on someone, I still do not really know what a girlfriend is for. What does one do with a girlfriend one cannot do by themself?
I guess that is a typical Autistic perspective/sentiment: if I can have sex by myself, why would I want to do it with anyone? I would just find them annoying. And I have always and always will talk to myself (Script-walking and Echolalia), and write daily to comfort myself with words. And I work on this web-site for hours every day as a surrogate relationship.
It is always frustrating to me to try to talk with someone. I never get to say everything I really wanted to say. So why bother when I can write this page instead?
Of course having someone to actually love would be wonderful (you cannot do that by yourself), and I am quite aware something is outright missing in me because I never had a child to love. And of course I wish I had someone to have sex with (but they were always so horrible, I just gave up on it). But I no longer need a physical surrogate (such as a drum set) to use as compensation, because I am no longer incapacitated by Autism.
Even more absurd to me than little girl fuck-dolls is the guy who actually married a Twilight Sparkle plush. Then compare that to my reviews of Lars and the Real Girl, Marwencol, and In the Realms of the Unreal).
Is this guy who married Twilight Sparkle doing it as under-compensation like Lars?, conscious self-therapy like Mark (from Marwencol)?, or to create an alternate reality thet became his actual life like Henry (from In The Realms of the Unreal)?, or is he just a wanker jackass who uses Twilight as a vehicle for a childish public tantrum out of spite toward his ex-girlfriend? Damned if I know, you tell me.
I was 27 when I gave up on having a girlfriend. But instead of acquiring surrogate women (porn-addiction, fuck-dolls, dolls, cartoon characters, or plushies), I transferred to music. There was no tantrum aspect involved at all.
In fact that became the best year of my life - the year I decided to stop torturing myself and accept I will never have a love-life. That is when I started working at music instead of playing it - acquired a music career instead of a music hobby. It was transference rather than pure surrogacy.
I think Mark was very healthy in his use of surrogate dolls, but I do not need any such thing because, as an Autistic, I seldom picture people being involved in anything I want to do anyway. As a child I played with Legos not dolls. I want a drum set in my house, not a bunch of dolls, and I sure as hell do not want any people. When I plan out my day, I list all the things I want to accomplish, but I never picture any people being involved - for I am Autistic.
My biggest surrogate was drums. I was absolutely dependent on playing drums for hours every day as compensation for loneliness and lack of sex and love, but I also (and more importantly) became dependent on them as Stim-objects. See the scene in the movie Temple Grandin wherein she has a melt-down after a party, desperate to get into her squeeze machine, but she does not have it with her. That is almost as bad as how I felt if I could not play my drums every day.
I no longer play drums, for I no longer need the surrogate. And I no longer need the surrogate because I no longer need what the surrogate was compensating for.
I used to obsessively play drums for 4 hours every day, without which I would have a rage-attack (I used to play until my fingers bled – was it Autistic self-injurious behavior? or Obsessive Personality Disorder?).
Today I can look at Chloe for 60 seconds and it calms me so well I no longer have the need for violent stimming – and this is because I am now 2/3 recovered from Autism.
In fact today I am not sure if I really have a surrogate at all. I do like to look at dolls (though I do not own any). I like to listen to music (though I no longer play instruments). I feel I do not really need anything I do not have – though every 5 years or so I might vaguely get a crush on someone, I still do not really know what a girlfriend is for. What does one do with a girlfriend one cannot do by themself?
I guess that is a typical Autistic perspective/sentiment: if I can have sex by myself, why would I want to do it with anyone? I would just find them annoying. And I have always and always will talk to myself (Script-walking and Echolalia), and write daily to comfort myself with words. And I work on this web-site for hours every day as a surrogate relationship.
It is always frustrating to me to try to talk with someone. I never get to say everything I really wanted to say. So why bother when I can write this page instead?
Of course having someone to actually love would be wonderful (you cannot do that by yourself), and I am quite aware something is outright missing in me because I never had a child to love. And of course I wish I had someone to have sex with (but they were always so horrible, I just gave up on it). But I no longer need a physical surrogate (such as a drum set) to use as compensation, because I am no longer incapacitated by Autism.
(Ante)
17-year-old boys love their cars because they do not have a girl to have a relationship with. Some people own fuck-dolls or watch brutal porn. Some people are obsessed with their drum set. Some people drive around at night drunk smashing mailboxes. Some people are comforted by simply looking at dolls. Some people smoke and drink and do drugs. Some people adopt Special kids. Some people are Neo-Nazis.
I wonder why they choose these specific things to dwell upon. And are those things just surrogates for something thet is otherwise missing?
Who the hell are Moshers? What is wrong with them? They actually pay to go to a concert and have their eardrums blasted out while getting beaten up. WTF.
Will I ever be stupid enough to understand soccer hooligans, desperately over-compensating because they apparently do not even have a surrogate? I hope not.
< - I would rather look at this doll. Isn't it just cute as the dickens?
And isn't that enough? Do they really have to fuck a silicon girl? Do they really have to legally marry a cartoon character? Do they really have to go psycho at a soccer game?
Or am I being a hypocrite? For a brief period I did in fact play drums until my fingers bled. Is that any less absurd than intentionally getting yourself beat up in a mosh-pit?
And after work I felt a frantic desperation to run home and play my drums for 4 hours. Was that any different than being in love with a cartoon character?
And though I obviously did not have sex with my drums, my trademark melodic "Jungle Drums" style of playing was very sensuous, and watching girls dance themselves all sweaty to my rhythms definitely had a sexual aspect to it.
During my music career, I did acquire 2 girl groupies, who were apparently having surrogate sex with me by dancing to my drumming as much as I was having surrogate sex with them by watching them dance. They would come up on stage and lean against my drum set while I played, wanting me to choose one of them.
I think all people have surrogates of some kind. I think the difference between an Autistic and a Normal is thet the Autistic knows they have and need a surrogate. The Normal has one too, but might not even know it.
Do I have any idea what I am talking about?
17-year-old boys love their cars because they do not have a girl to have a relationship with. Some people own fuck-dolls or watch brutal porn. Some people are obsessed with their drum set. Some people drive around at night drunk smashing mailboxes. Some people are comforted by simply looking at dolls. Some people smoke and drink and do drugs. Some people adopt Special kids. Some people are Neo-Nazis.
I wonder why they choose these specific things to dwell upon. And are those things just surrogates for something thet is otherwise missing?
Who the hell are Moshers? What is wrong with them? They actually pay to go to a concert and have their eardrums blasted out while getting beaten up. WTF.
Will I ever be stupid enough to understand soccer hooligans, desperately over-compensating because they apparently do not even have a surrogate? I hope not.
< - I would rather look at this doll. Isn't it just cute as the dickens?
And isn't that enough? Do they really have to fuck a silicon girl? Do they really have to legally marry a cartoon character? Do they really have to go psycho at a soccer game?
Or am I being a hypocrite? For a brief period I did in fact play drums until my fingers bled. Is that any less absurd than intentionally getting yourself beat up in a mosh-pit?
And after work I felt a frantic desperation to run home and play my drums for 4 hours. Was that any different than being in love with a cartoon character?
And though I obviously did not have sex with my drums, my trademark melodic "Jungle Drums" style of playing was very sensuous, and watching girls dance themselves all sweaty to my rhythms definitely had a sexual aspect to it.
During my music career, I did acquire 2 girl groupies, who were apparently having surrogate sex with me by dancing to my drumming as much as I was having surrogate sex with them by watching them dance. They would come up on stage and lean against my drum set while I played, wanting me to choose one of them.
I think all people have surrogates of some kind. I think the difference between an Autistic and a Normal is thet the Autistic knows they have and need a surrogate. The Normal has one too, but might not even know it.
Do I have any idea what I am talking about?
In Pakistan it is common practice for older men to be given a child bride by society. He is 60 years old. His wife dies. But instead of getting re-married to a widow his age, he is given a 12-year-old girl. WTF. A 12-year old is not a wife. A 12-year-old is a surrogate wife.
How does an entire country develop a culture like that? I am not embarrassed to admit I have a deer-in-headlights look on my face right now.
And though I am writing this article from a distinctly (Autistic) male perspective, about males specifically, I recognize thet women do the same compensating surrogacy things men do. You can Google Snapewives, and find a group of "adult" women who consider themselves married to a fictional character named Snape. And when a man gets convicted as a serial killer, a dozen women immediately propose marriage to him. WTF.
Any famous man will acquire groupies - even fictional men! Even I acquired groupies; though I was a touch-averse Autistic of very slight fame, I was still their surrogate.
And it is not a coincidence thet Prostitution is the world's oldest profession. Sex is not necessarily what it is about. I suggest it is about surrogacy.
How does an entire country develop a culture like that? I am not embarrassed to admit I have a deer-in-headlights look on my face right now.
And though I am writing this article from a distinctly (Autistic) male perspective, about males specifically, I recognize thet women do the same compensating surrogacy things men do. You can Google Snapewives, and find a group of "adult" women who consider themselves married to a fictional character named Snape. And when a man gets convicted as a serial killer, a dozen women immediately propose marriage to him. WTF.
Any famous man will acquire groupies - even fictional men! Even I acquired groupies; though I was a touch-averse Autistic of very slight fame, I was still their surrogate.
And it is not a coincidence thet Prostitution is the world's oldest profession. Sex is not necessarily what it is about. I suggest it is about surrogacy.
< - Instead of marrying Twilight Sparkle, I had surrogates like this - which to the Normals may seem equally as absurd.
I only have myself as a reference-point, and I am Autistic, so what the hell do I know about "normal behavior" or the Normals' behavior?
I wish I had someone to talk to - just like all of them.
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3 years after writing the above, I have an up-date.
First, watch these:
- Sex Robots & The Breakdown of Gender Dynamics. Computing Forever at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn007jVct0o
- Sex Robots. Independent Man at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d_g1gUT1zM
- The Sexbots are Comming. Shoe On Head at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2nOsdj8dmc
- The Feminist Outrage at Sexbots. TL;DR at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfgLGrXqkRA
Then see my review of the movie Lars and the Real Girl.
This idiot who thinks the only reason men buy dolls is to have someone to beat up and rape is absolutely insane. The main reason men buy those dolls is because their blue testicles are about to explode and their only other option is some Feminazi, psycho bitch from Hell like Meghan Murphy who said Men's "suposed loneliness" leads to "violent perverse desires" and "inability to stop raping and abusing women" while they "pretend to value human interaction" as "misogynerds".
These stupid cunts have a mental illness called Feminism. They cannot even compete with a dead doll!
Do you understand how pathetic that is?
Why not fuck a doll?
So how much of this is an Autistic reaction?
Am I accurately demonstrating the difference between what an Autistic would want as a surrogate and what a Normal would want? Or are we all the same deep down?
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#16.
My Take On Derpy Hooves:
How disabled characters are portrayed on and handled by TV shows.
by Chryssie (Autistic with a brain-injury).
In the My Little Pony TV show, they have a background character called Derpy Hooves. She has obviously crooked eyes.
Though she is rarely more than a face-in-the-crowd character she has still become a fan-favorite simply because she is unique.
My Take On Derpy Hooves:
How disabled characters are portrayed on and handled by TV shows.
by Chryssie (Autistic with a brain-injury).
In the My Little Pony TV show, they have a background character called Derpy Hooves. She has obviously crooked eyes.
Though she is rarely more than a face-in-the-crowd character she has still become a fan-favorite simply because she is unique.
The Writers of the show thus realized she should be incorporated with some speaking roles, wherein we learned she has a very child-like voice and manner of speaking, and is a horrible klutz - in fact she accidentally (severely) damages the Town Hall, and even accidentally drops a piano on Twilight Sparkle!
Being a Pegasus, she, along with all the other Pegasi, is responsible for controlling the weather, but she accidentally fries herself with a lightning bolt in the process! She thus becomes known for her most famous line, the bewildered "I just don't know what went wrong."
She is apparently Mentally Retarded and is very physically awkward.
Her physical co-ordination problems could also be caused by Proprioceptive or Vestibular difficulties, both of which are common Autism symptoms: Proprioceptive problems result in difficulty finding your location in your own body. Vestibular problems result in difficulty finding your location in relation to other things (See my lecture above on the Seven Senses).
Also, in the land of Equestria the Pegasi are responsible for retrieving the birds who fly South for the winter; 1 Pegasus will be sent to lead the birds back home. Derpy was given that responsibility but accidentally flew North to get the birds. The year before that she had accidentally flown West. This "Directional Dyslexia" is common for Autistics due to their Proprioceptive and Vestibular difficulties.
She also has her obvious eye disorder, Amblyopia: a visual processing disorder in which the brain partially or wholly ignores input from one eye, and/or Strabismus: the most common cause of Amblyopia, in which the eyes aim in different directions. These 2 things are loosely termed “Lazy Eye”, and is a real disorder.
None of these things, Mental Retardation, Proprioceptive or Vestibular difficulties, nor Strabismus or Amblyopia are mentioned in the show - but she is not just a klutz for comic effect, she obviously has some actual disabilities.
Though simply having her around usually results in there being some form of minor accident, she is always well-intended, very responsible, and eager to help. She has thus become a beloved character.
Fan Fiction usually presents her as follows (I got this from http://mlpfanart.wikia.com/wiki/Derpy_Hooves):
Derpy's odd expression has led to a great deal of fan speculation about her character. Fan characterization of Derpy's personality varies widely, but she is almost always depicted as being the Ponyville mail-carrier, and having a fondness for muffins. She is often portrayed by fans as having a child, a light purple unicorn known as Dinky Hooves.
In the fan-fiction My Little Timelord, Dr Whoof crashed his TARDIS, severely injuring filly Derpy. Since then, she claims her eyes are "derped" due to that accident; i.e., her multiple disorders are caused by an actual brain injury.
Her personality can vary wildly depending on the work. In some cases, she is a completely normal Pegasus who simply has strange eyes; in others, she is portrayed as very unintelligent, to the point of being mentally disabled. Other tales portray her as bright but easily distracted, or excessively childlike. In some she is just highly odd and eccentric.
Another point of divergence is her speech pattern. In many stories she talks normally, while in others she speaks in a simple child-like manner. In some versions, she can only say the word "muffins." Other stories portray her as speaking in completely random "word salad" sentences which make no sense at first, but often contain hidden meanings which hint that Derpy is much more intelligent than the average pony. In some depictions, however, she suffers from a medical condition that causes it.
These are just some examples of the most common portrayals; countless others abound.
The point is, she is clearly a disabled person, but loved, and even honored, by her fans (some even making her a devoted single mom).
Unfortunately, some wailing victim-wannabe with Munchausen Syndrome wrote a letter to Hasbro claiming they were offended by the incorporation of Derpy in the show – suggesting thet simply having a disabled character was in it's self somehow "making fun of disabled people", blubber, blubber.
When Derpy accidentally destroyed everything she touched, and responded with "I just don't know what went wrong", Rainbow says "Ya. It's a mystery." No one complained about Rainbow's sarcastic dismissal of the Retard. They only complained thet the Retard existed in the first place!
Hasbro, the cowards, thus straightened Derpy’s eyes, changed her child-like voice, and then cut her character from the show completely.
This provoked an uproar from fans who demanded the return of their beloved Derpy. Eventually she did return, but was reduced to a silent Where's Waldo type of face-in-the-crowd, no longer an actual character.
The point I want to make here is thet I think Hasbro were stupid for jumping to accommodate one whimpering victim, rather than what they should have done, which is include the original disabled Derpy in even more episodes, making her a more prominent character.
Here is what I would have done: Publicly tell the wailing victim-wannabe to go rape their self-pity someplace else! Then have an episode wherein The Mane 6 learn a lesson about how to be a good friend to a disabled person. This would be the first episode thet actually makes a political statement, presented in a way accessible to the target audience of 8-year-olds, and would thus allow everyone (including me) to take this Pony craze seriously.
This could result in Derpy being adopted as the official mascot of the disabled. Every disabled kid on Earth would buy a Derpy plushie, Hasbro would look heroic, and the fans of Derpy would be delighted.
But instead, they wimped-out in the name of political correctness, thus shooting themselves in the foot (and Derpy in the head!).
Did I mention thet Amy Keating Rogers, the person who wrote the script for that episode, has a Special child, referred to by her as "severely disabled." How dare anyone suggest this mom with a Retarded child was intentionally making fun of the disabled!
Hasbro could follow up that wonderful “How to be a good friend to a disabled person” episode with another wherein (the snotty little bitches) Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon complain about how they do not like having a Retard delivering their mail. They will openly use the word "Retard" in the show as a derogatory reference to Derpy. Spike will overhear this, be deeply upset by it, and tell Twilight Sparkle about it.
Twilight will become furious, and confront Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, telling them "It is society’s responsibility to provide for all it’s citizens", and that is why she personally got Derpy the Government job working for the Postal Service!
Then she will tell them they should be ashamed, and remind them it is a coincidence they themselves were not born with a disability.
This chastisement by the Princess Herself will honestly humble Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon and provide the first step in their redemption as antagonists.
That is what they should have done.
"Derpy-gate" all blew over a couple of seasons ago, so most people do not care about it any more, but they could still re-introduce her and do it right this time! Twilight Sparkle's first Official act as a new Princess would be to address the plight of the disabled (*1).
And from a pragmatic perspective, Hasbro could make a zillion dollars selling Derpy plushies while looking like a Saint! But instead, they wimped-out and kissed the ass of political correctness by accommodating some wailing victim who should have been told to shut-the-fuck up.
And that is all I have to say about Derpy Hooves.
See my review of the movie Tropic Thunder, wherein I further beat this (my contempt toward crippled Retards who want to wallow in self-pity) into the ground.
For the complete history of "Derpy-gate", you can Google The Unfortunate Event That Surrounded a Cartoon Horse.
Being a Pegasus, she, along with all the other Pegasi, is responsible for controlling the weather, but she accidentally fries herself with a lightning bolt in the process! She thus becomes known for her most famous line, the bewildered "I just don't know what went wrong."
She is apparently Mentally Retarded and is very physically awkward.
Her physical co-ordination problems could also be caused by Proprioceptive or Vestibular difficulties, both of which are common Autism symptoms: Proprioceptive problems result in difficulty finding your location in your own body. Vestibular problems result in difficulty finding your location in relation to other things (See my lecture above on the Seven Senses).
Also, in the land of Equestria the Pegasi are responsible for retrieving the birds who fly South for the winter; 1 Pegasus will be sent to lead the birds back home. Derpy was given that responsibility but accidentally flew North to get the birds. The year before that she had accidentally flown West. This "Directional Dyslexia" is common for Autistics due to their Proprioceptive and Vestibular difficulties.
She also has her obvious eye disorder, Amblyopia: a visual processing disorder in which the brain partially or wholly ignores input from one eye, and/or Strabismus: the most common cause of Amblyopia, in which the eyes aim in different directions. These 2 things are loosely termed “Lazy Eye”, and is a real disorder.
None of these things, Mental Retardation, Proprioceptive or Vestibular difficulties, nor Strabismus or Amblyopia are mentioned in the show - but she is not just a klutz for comic effect, she obviously has some actual disabilities.
Though simply having her around usually results in there being some form of minor accident, she is always well-intended, very responsible, and eager to help. She has thus become a beloved character.
Fan Fiction usually presents her as follows (I got this from http://mlpfanart.wikia.com/wiki/Derpy_Hooves):
Derpy's odd expression has led to a great deal of fan speculation about her character. Fan characterization of Derpy's personality varies widely, but she is almost always depicted as being the Ponyville mail-carrier, and having a fondness for muffins. She is often portrayed by fans as having a child, a light purple unicorn known as Dinky Hooves.
In the fan-fiction My Little Timelord, Dr Whoof crashed his TARDIS, severely injuring filly Derpy. Since then, she claims her eyes are "derped" due to that accident; i.e., her multiple disorders are caused by an actual brain injury.
Her personality can vary wildly depending on the work. In some cases, she is a completely normal Pegasus who simply has strange eyes; in others, she is portrayed as very unintelligent, to the point of being mentally disabled. Other tales portray her as bright but easily distracted, or excessively childlike. In some she is just highly odd and eccentric.
Another point of divergence is her speech pattern. In many stories she talks normally, while in others she speaks in a simple child-like manner. In some versions, she can only say the word "muffins." Other stories portray her as speaking in completely random "word salad" sentences which make no sense at first, but often contain hidden meanings which hint that Derpy is much more intelligent than the average pony. In some depictions, however, she suffers from a medical condition that causes it.
These are just some examples of the most common portrayals; countless others abound.
The point is, she is clearly a disabled person, but loved, and even honored, by her fans (some even making her a devoted single mom).
Unfortunately, some wailing victim-wannabe with Munchausen Syndrome wrote a letter to Hasbro claiming they were offended by the incorporation of Derpy in the show – suggesting thet simply having a disabled character was in it's self somehow "making fun of disabled people", blubber, blubber.
When Derpy accidentally destroyed everything she touched, and responded with "I just don't know what went wrong", Rainbow says "Ya. It's a mystery." No one complained about Rainbow's sarcastic dismissal of the Retard. They only complained thet the Retard existed in the first place!
Hasbro, the cowards, thus straightened Derpy’s eyes, changed her child-like voice, and then cut her character from the show completely.
This provoked an uproar from fans who demanded the return of their beloved Derpy. Eventually she did return, but was reduced to a silent Where's Waldo type of face-in-the-crowd, no longer an actual character.
The point I want to make here is thet I think Hasbro were stupid for jumping to accommodate one whimpering victim, rather than what they should have done, which is include the original disabled Derpy in even more episodes, making her a more prominent character.
Here is what I would have done: Publicly tell the wailing victim-wannabe to go rape their self-pity someplace else! Then have an episode wherein The Mane 6 learn a lesson about how to be a good friend to a disabled person. This would be the first episode thet actually makes a political statement, presented in a way accessible to the target audience of 8-year-olds, and would thus allow everyone (including me) to take this Pony craze seriously.
This could result in Derpy being adopted as the official mascot of the disabled. Every disabled kid on Earth would buy a Derpy plushie, Hasbro would look heroic, and the fans of Derpy would be delighted.
But instead, they wimped-out in the name of political correctness, thus shooting themselves in the foot (and Derpy in the head!).
Did I mention thet Amy Keating Rogers, the person who wrote the script for that episode, has a Special child, referred to by her as "severely disabled." How dare anyone suggest this mom with a Retarded child was intentionally making fun of the disabled!
Hasbro could follow up that wonderful “How to be a good friend to a disabled person” episode with another wherein (the snotty little bitches) Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon complain about how they do not like having a Retard delivering their mail. They will openly use the word "Retard" in the show as a derogatory reference to Derpy. Spike will overhear this, be deeply upset by it, and tell Twilight Sparkle about it.
Twilight will become furious, and confront Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, telling them "It is society’s responsibility to provide for all it’s citizens", and that is why she personally got Derpy the Government job working for the Postal Service!
Then she will tell them they should be ashamed, and remind them it is a coincidence they themselves were not born with a disability.
This chastisement by the Princess Herself will honestly humble Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon and provide the first step in their redemption as antagonists.
That is what they should have done.
"Derpy-gate" all blew over a couple of seasons ago, so most people do not care about it any more, but they could still re-introduce her and do it right this time! Twilight Sparkle's first Official act as a new Princess would be to address the plight of the disabled (*1).
And from a pragmatic perspective, Hasbro could make a zillion dollars selling Derpy plushies while looking like a Saint! But instead, they wimped-out and kissed the ass of political correctness by accommodating some wailing victim who should have been told to shut-the-fuck up.
And that is all I have to say about Derpy Hooves.
See my review of the movie Tropic Thunder, wherein I further beat this (my contempt toward crippled Retards who want to wallow in self-pity) into the ground.
For the complete history of "Derpy-gate", you can Google The Unfortunate Event That Surrounded a Cartoon Horse.
P.S.
This makes me want to open a bakery called Derpy Hooves Muffin Factory, serving the GF/CF Community.
< - All my employees (100% Autistics) would wear a T-shirt with this picture on it.
We would also make GF/CF cakes, each with a chunk busted out of it, and Derpy saying "I just don't know what went wrong."
More importantly (and to get back on the subject), you can Google Bakery hires Autistic, and find many inspiring stories. Please read them.
Then write to Hasbro and tell them to grow some balls.
My Little Pony being the fastest growing Religion on Earth, each episode teaches a lesson on how to be a good friend (that sounds like a good religion to me), it is unfortunate thet Hasbro did not take it upon themselves to be more welcoming of the disabled, in this case Derpy ... they invented, and then disposed of to cover their own ass. Idiots.
P.S. II.
You can watch this advertisement for a computer animation program wherein Derpy is used as the official spokesperson. But though she is still very childlike, loves her muffins, and of course again delivers her famous line, she is presented with no apparent physical disabilities. This may be indicative of just how much Hasbro is trying to distance themselves from the original disabled Derpy. You can Google Meet The Ponies [SFM] by Tohino - YouTube.
Though I am sure some animators who purchase this program will be tweaking her eyes and using her original Retarded child voice, along with the dozens of other characteristics used in the original show and by the creators of so many parodies and Fan Fiction, I still consider it at least depressing thet Hasbro's apparent official stance on the disabled is to sweep them (or at least their handicaps) under the rug. Does Hasbro believe mentally Retarded and physically disabled people should be put in institutions and forgotten, so we will not have to feel uncomfortable with their existence in society? If so, shame on them. (See my review of the movie A Day In the Death of Joe Egg wherein a character panics at the mere thought of seeing a disabled child. These people who complained about Derpy simply appearing in a cartoon are the same type of pathetic weakling. And Hasbro jumped to accommodate the likes of them? Fuck you Hasbro.)
Meanwhile, if you watch that SFM advertisement you can see thet Derpy, though adorable and speaking very articulately, is mentally a child. Though these pony characters (The Mane 6) in the TV show are apparently 16 to 27 years old (at the time of me writing this - 2015), Derpy (who is around the same age as The Mane 6) is presented in this advertisement as being mentally about 8. She also repeatedly returns to her muffin without actually having anything to say about it (is it an Asperger-like Fixated Subject?), and spends a lot of time staring blankly. They took away her Strabismus, thus suggesting there is nothing wrong with her eyes, which in turn suggests she either has Amblyopia (her processor cannot handle what her eyes send it) or is Retarded (not intelligent enough to know what to do with the information her visual processor gives her).
Why do they take away some of her disabilities (leaving no hint of her awkwardness nor Strabismus), but still make sure we see she is apparently Retarded and has Amblyopia? I just do not understand the continual changing of her characteristics (she has so far been officially presented with 3 different voices), while keeping her at least partially disabled, but never doing it right; they continually re-adjust her characteristics, apparently in an attempt to please everyone, thus resulting in them pleasing no one.
Meanwhile Zuliliy sells My Little Pony pendants and earrings, including some of Derpy with obvious Strabismus, but her name has been changed to "Muffins." SFM can use the name Derpy but only if her eyes are straight. Zulily can present her with crooked eyes, but only if they call her Muffins. This is all so stupid. Hasbro is managed by morons.
The only thing they should do with Derpy is what I described above; leave her with all her original disorders and name, and then have someone be understanding and thus actually care about her! Fan Fiction sometimes depicts Dr Whoof as Derpy's boyfriend. He accepts Derpy, her disabilities, and her child as a package-deal. The point being, many people want Derpy to remain her original disabled self, but be happy and loved. Anything else is a gross mis-handling of her character.
Just for the record, I am not a Brony. I have not even seen all of the first Season (I tried to watch it, but I just got all ponied out (*2). I would rather spend my time with ADVrider.com; it better suits my Aries trail-blazer personality). So why do I give a damn about these stupid cartoon ponies? Because My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is a profoundly popular TV show. It is translated into at least 9 languages and distributed world-wide. Brony Fandom is the fastest growing Religion on Earth. Hasbro thus has both the power and freedom to make political statements and change people's attitudes, or at least present topics for discussion (See my review of the movie A Child Is Waiting as a reference-point; it presents several opposing perspectives about disabled people, but lets you decide what to feel about them).
I have spent (I would like to think invested) the last 3 years dedicated to this web-site, explaining to people what it is like to have a disability and how to alleviate the majority of the symptoms (in my case). I am very proud of the fact this web-site is my life.
This site currently welcomes an average of 50 to 60 visitors a day. I so wish I could reach the world the way Hasbro has with their silly cartoon pony show. I just find it frustrating thet they have so much potential here, and they waste it horribly - fumbling it so badly every time Derpy is mentioned.
They could accomplish more for the sake of disabled people with Derpy in 1 day than I could with this web-site in years.
Why don't they get their act together? Because they would rather repeatedly kiss the ass of the Professionally Offended than stand up and make a political statement of some social significance.
Remember thet Princess Diana was politically active concerning the removal, and hopefully outright banning, of land-mines.
After her death Elton John released a music CD thet only had 1 song on it, dedicated to Princess Diana. He donated 100% of the profits from the sales of that 1 record to Diana's organization which funded the removal of land-mines.
Everyone in England bought a copy of that record just to support what Diana had stood for. Sales of that record raised more money than any other charity in the history of the world! Elton John was even Knighted by the Queen for his contribution to social causes.
Hasbro could do everything I suggested above, then donate money from the sales of Derpy plushies to the Strabismus Foundation, or the AARP (American Association of Retarded Persons). Hasbro, in the name of Derpy Hooves, could be just as valuable in changing social attitudes, and just as good at raising mind-boggling amounts of money to support social issues as Elton John did in the name of Princess Diana. Why doesn't a mega-corporation like Hasbro recognize this?
Hey Hasbro. Learn how to use a computer!
This makes me want to open a bakery called Derpy Hooves Muffin Factory, serving the GF/CF Community.
< - All my employees (100% Autistics) would wear a T-shirt with this picture on it.
We would also make GF/CF cakes, each with a chunk busted out of it, and Derpy saying "I just don't know what went wrong."
More importantly (and to get back on the subject), you can Google Bakery hires Autistic, and find many inspiring stories. Please read them.
Then write to Hasbro and tell them to grow some balls.
My Little Pony being the fastest growing Religion on Earth, each episode teaches a lesson on how to be a good friend (that sounds like a good religion to me), it is unfortunate thet Hasbro did not take it upon themselves to be more welcoming of the disabled, in this case Derpy ... they invented, and then disposed of to cover their own ass. Idiots.
P.S. II.
You can watch this advertisement for a computer animation program wherein Derpy is used as the official spokesperson. But though she is still very childlike, loves her muffins, and of course again delivers her famous line, she is presented with no apparent physical disabilities. This may be indicative of just how much Hasbro is trying to distance themselves from the original disabled Derpy. You can Google Meet The Ponies [SFM] by Tohino - YouTube.
Though I am sure some animators who purchase this program will be tweaking her eyes and using her original Retarded child voice, along with the dozens of other characteristics used in the original show and by the creators of so many parodies and Fan Fiction, I still consider it at least depressing thet Hasbro's apparent official stance on the disabled is to sweep them (or at least their handicaps) under the rug. Does Hasbro believe mentally Retarded and physically disabled people should be put in institutions and forgotten, so we will not have to feel uncomfortable with their existence in society? If so, shame on them. (See my review of the movie A Day In the Death of Joe Egg wherein a character panics at the mere thought of seeing a disabled child. These people who complained about Derpy simply appearing in a cartoon are the same type of pathetic weakling. And Hasbro jumped to accommodate the likes of them? Fuck you Hasbro.)
Meanwhile, if you watch that SFM advertisement you can see thet Derpy, though adorable and speaking very articulately, is mentally a child. Though these pony characters (The Mane 6) in the TV show are apparently 16 to 27 years old (at the time of me writing this - 2015), Derpy (who is around the same age as The Mane 6) is presented in this advertisement as being mentally about 8. She also repeatedly returns to her muffin without actually having anything to say about it (is it an Asperger-like Fixated Subject?), and spends a lot of time staring blankly. They took away her Strabismus, thus suggesting there is nothing wrong with her eyes, which in turn suggests she either has Amblyopia (her processor cannot handle what her eyes send it) or is Retarded (not intelligent enough to know what to do with the information her visual processor gives her).
Why do they take away some of her disabilities (leaving no hint of her awkwardness nor Strabismus), but still make sure we see she is apparently Retarded and has Amblyopia? I just do not understand the continual changing of her characteristics (she has so far been officially presented with 3 different voices), while keeping her at least partially disabled, but never doing it right; they continually re-adjust her characteristics, apparently in an attempt to please everyone, thus resulting in them pleasing no one.
Meanwhile Zuliliy sells My Little Pony pendants and earrings, including some of Derpy with obvious Strabismus, but her name has been changed to "Muffins." SFM can use the name Derpy but only if her eyes are straight. Zulily can present her with crooked eyes, but only if they call her Muffins. This is all so stupid. Hasbro is managed by morons.
The only thing they should do with Derpy is what I described above; leave her with all her original disorders and name, and then have someone be understanding and thus actually care about her! Fan Fiction sometimes depicts Dr Whoof as Derpy's boyfriend. He accepts Derpy, her disabilities, and her child as a package-deal. The point being, many people want Derpy to remain her original disabled self, but be happy and loved. Anything else is a gross mis-handling of her character.
Just for the record, I am not a Brony. I have not even seen all of the first Season (I tried to watch it, but I just got all ponied out (*2). I would rather spend my time with ADVrider.com; it better suits my Aries trail-blazer personality). So why do I give a damn about these stupid cartoon ponies? Because My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is a profoundly popular TV show. It is translated into at least 9 languages and distributed world-wide. Brony Fandom is the fastest growing Religion on Earth. Hasbro thus has both the power and freedom to make political statements and change people's attitudes, or at least present topics for discussion (See my review of the movie A Child Is Waiting as a reference-point; it presents several opposing perspectives about disabled people, but lets you decide what to feel about them).
I have spent (I would like to think invested) the last 3 years dedicated to this web-site, explaining to people what it is like to have a disability and how to alleviate the majority of the symptoms (in my case). I am very proud of the fact this web-site is my life.
This site currently welcomes an average of 50 to 60 visitors a day. I so wish I could reach the world the way Hasbro has with their silly cartoon pony show. I just find it frustrating thet they have so much potential here, and they waste it horribly - fumbling it so badly every time Derpy is mentioned.
They could accomplish more for the sake of disabled people with Derpy in 1 day than I could with this web-site in years.
Why don't they get their act together? Because they would rather repeatedly kiss the ass of the Professionally Offended than stand up and make a political statement of some social significance.
Remember thet Princess Diana was politically active concerning the removal, and hopefully outright banning, of land-mines.
After her death Elton John released a music CD thet only had 1 song on it, dedicated to Princess Diana. He donated 100% of the profits from the sales of that 1 record to Diana's organization which funded the removal of land-mines.
Everyone in England bought a copy of that record just to support what Diana had stood for. Sales of that record raised more money than any other charity in the history of the world! Elton John was even Knighted by the Queen for his contribution to social causes.
Hasbro could do everything I suggested above, then donate money from the sales of Derpy plushies to the Strabismus Foundation, or the AARP (American Association of Retarded Persons). Hasbro, in the name of Derpy Hooves, could be just as valuable in changing social attitudes, and just as good at raising mind-boggling amounts of money to support social issues as Elton John did in the name of Princess Diana. Why doesn't a mega-corporation like Hasbro recognize this?
Hey Hasbro. Learn how to use a computer!
You can also read this:
Timmy of South Park Challenges Viewers' Attitudes About People With Disabilities.
by Jeff Shannon.
Earlier this year, a poll was conducted on Ouch!, a BBC-sponsored Web-zine (www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/) devoted to disability issues. Users were invited to vote for "The Greatest Disabled TV Character," and for fans of South Park, the results offered a pleasant surprise: By a considerable margin, the winner was ... Timmy!
It is impressive that the BBC has the foresight to offer such a website, and fascinating to discover a variety of disabled characters on British TV. But what we learned from the Ouch! poll thet is equally interesting is that the all-American Timmy was even more popular among disabled voters than non-disabled, with telling differences in the total-vote breakdown.
While disabled voters chose Timmy as their favorite (Dr Kerry Weaver of ER placed a distant second), the top choice of non-disabled voters was Brian Potter from the Brit-com Phoenix Nights, a character described as a "bitter, mean-spirited, and calculating wheelchair-user with a terrible taste in patterned sweaters." In other words, he fits a negative and yet stubbornly popular stereotype [of the bitter Cripple].
So why would disabled voters choose an animated, learning-disabled, wheelchair-using, 4th-grader as "The Greatest Disabled TV Character"? A misfit kid whose vocabulary is almost exclusively limited to garbled repetitions of his own name, yet who has gained a minor cult-following as lead vocalist for a heavy-metal garage-band called The Lords of the Underworld?
Hilarious and provocative.
The simple answer is that Timmy is downright hilarious, but for disabled South Park fans, closer examination of the character's popularity leads to a startling revelation: Comedy Central's controversial cartoon series, featuring a foul-mouthed batch of 4th-graders in the quiet mountain town of South Park, Colorado, is the source of the most progressive, provocative, and socially-relevant disability humor ever presented on American television.
With his jagged teeth and can-do spirit, Timmy appears, at first glance, to uphold the condescending disability stereotypes that are gradually fading from mainstream entertainment [no thanks to morons like Hasbro who panic at the mention of the subject]. But like everything else in South Park, he is actually challenging preconceptions, toppling taboos, and weaving his singularity into the fabric of the show. Insensitive unenlightened viewers may laugh at Timmy, but the character's popularity is largely determined by those who laugh with him.
That this is happening on South Park, a series routinely condemned by conservative watchdogs [read: The Professionally Offended] comes as no surprise to anyone who understands what the show is all about. Co-creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone (who financed the excellent documentary series about disability, How's Your News?, available on DVD [you can now see it on YouTube]) may seem like juvenile provocateurs with a liberal agenda, but South Park would not have become a pop-cultural phenomenon if there was not a method to its madness. Parker and Stone are equal-opportunity offenders, and when nothing is sacred - not even the seemingly unassailable image of the late Christopher Reeve - the satirical playing field is level, and timely issues become ripe for outrageously comedic scrutiny.
Phil Collins and Satan.
Timmy (who is occasionally described as "Retarded," and whose parents both use wheelchairs) became an overnight sensation during the 4th Season in Timmy 2000, as frontman for The Lords of the Underworld. In a plot condemning the over-prescription of Ritalin for children with Attention Deficit Disorder, Timmy dazzles a concert audience, prompting complaints from resentful band-mates, "Timmy gets all the chicks!", and leading concert host Phil Collins (target of much South Park derision) to assume a patronizing, overprotective role on Timmy's behalf.
But when the animated Collins says, "I don't think you should laugh at people with disabilities," he is expressing all the hesitant discretion and politically correct politeness that would potentially isolate Timmy from the cultural mainstream [the way Hasbro did with Derpy]. Without telling viewers what to think, South Park challenges their own fears and foibles regarding disability, and Timmy emerges triumphant.
When Catholic dogma is tackled in Do the Handicapped Go to Hell? (a 2-part episode, the second part titled Probably), serious questions are being asked - maybe a bit facetiously, but smart viewers get the point. When the kids express concern about Timmy (who is unable to verbally confess his sins according to Catholic stricture), South Park urges us to consider our own beliefs about Heaven, Hell, Salvation (and Saddam Hussein's love affair with Satan). Happily, Timmy is spared from eternal damnation.
Timmy proudly plays the title role in the 4th-season episode Helen Keller: The Musical, along with a "physically challenged" Thanksgiving turkey named Gobbles, but it was not until the 5th season's Cripple Fight that "Crip Competition" appeared in the form of Jimmy, a stuttering kid with withered legs and crutches (now a South Park resident), who performs stand-up comedy at a rally to protest the firing of South Park's Gay Boy Scout leader.
Timmy is instantly jealous of this "handi-capable" challenger, and a brutal slug-fest ensues, ultimately ending with Jimmy and Timmy's joint declaration of Disability Pride!
Goodwill Ambassadors.
Disabled viewers cheered, but South Park offended even some of its loyal defenders when the 7th-season episode Krazy Kripples spoofed Christopher Reeve as an inspirational celebrity who denies his disability and gains super-human strength by sucking stem cells from the bodies of aborted fetuses.
Angered by Reeve's image as a public hero (as some disabled people actually were), Jimmy forms a club, including Timmy, exclusively for those "crippled from birth," as opposed to "Crip wannabes like Christopher Reeve."
As if to acknowledge the delicate conflict between disability groups on both sides of a controversial issue, the South Park kids take a strictly hands-off approach to the Reeve/Jimmy showdown. The episode's running gag finds the boys vowing to "Just stay out of it," suggesting this was at least one hot-potato even South Park was hesitant to handle [while allowing the disabled characters in the show to handle it for them].
But one thing remains clear: South Park has a moral conscience. It is outrageous because we live in an outrageous world, and while issues like disability are treated with kid gloves in the cultural mainstream [by limp-wristed cowards like Hasbro who's panic response was to sweep Derpy under the rug], South Park tackles them with blunt-force honesty, free from the politically correct restrictions that curtail open discourse in more "respectable" forums of debate.
We may not all agree on the benefits and shortcomings of this ongoing cartoon controversy, but in the simple act of addressing disability at all, South Park is opening a dialogue where none previously existed. As strange as it may seem to some, Jimmy and Timmy are Goodwill Ambassadors, and we owe them our thanks.
South Park could adopt Derpy as a new character (not as a pony, but simply a girl named Derpy Hooves who is a mildly Retarded klutz with crooked eyes), and together with Jimmy and Timmy be Goodwill Ambassadors for the disabled (since Hasbro does not have the guts).
Another point I want to make is thet both of these shows are cartoons. Why do cartoons present more socially significant subjects than live-action shows do? Why are people more rabidly fanatical over My Little Pony (MLP) than they are over Big Bang Theory (TBBT) for example, or any other show thet has that much popularity and thus potentially the power to change social attitudes? (Here I am referring to TBBT as "The Autism Show.")
Timmy is instantly jealous of this "handi-capable" challenger, and a brutal slug-fest ensues, ultimately ending with Jimmy and Timmy's joint declaration of Disability Pride!
Goodwill Ambassadors.
Disabled viewers cheered, but South Park offended even some of its loyal defenders when the 7th-season episode Krazy Kripples spoofed Christopher Reeve as an inspirational celebrity who denies his disability and gains super-human strength by sucking stem cells from the bodies of aborted fetuses.
Angered by Reeve's image as a public hero (as some disabled people actually were), Jimmy forms a club, including Timmy, exclusively for those "crippled from birth," as opposed to "Crip wannabes like Christopher Reeve."
As if to acknowledge the delicate conflict between disability groups on both sides of a controversial issue, the South Park kids take a strictly hands-off approach to the Reeve/Jimmy showdown. The episode's running gag finds the boys vowing to "Just stay out of it," suggesting this was at least one hot-potato even South Park was hesitant to handle [while allowing the disabled characters in the show to handle it for them].
But one thing remains clear: South Park has a moral conscience. It is outrageous because we live in an outrageous world, and while issues like disability are treated with kid gloves in the cultural mainstream [by limp-wristed cowards like Hasbro who's panic response was to sweep Derpy under the rug], South Park tackles them with blunt-force honesty, free from the politically correct restrictions that curtail open discourse in more "respectable" forums of debate.
We may not all agree on the benefits and shortcomings of this ongoing cartoon controversy, but in the simple act of addressing disability at all, South Park is opening a dialogue where none previously existed. As strange as it may seem to some, Jimmy and Timmy are Goodwill Ambassadors, and we owe them our thanks.
South Park could adopt Derpy as a new character (not as a pony, but simply a girl named Derpy Hooves who is a mildly Retarded klutz with crooked eyes), and together with Jimmy and Timmy be Goodwill Ambassadors for the disabled (since Hasbro does not have the guts).
Another point I want to make is thet both of these shows are cartoons. Why do cartoons present more socially significant subjects than live-action shows do? Why are people more rabidly fanatical over My Little Pony (MLP) than they are over Big Bang Theory (TBBT) for example, or any other show thet has that much popularity and thus potentially the power to change social attitudes? (Here I am referring to TBBT as "The Autism Show.")
Ever since some Neanderthal painted a deer picture on a cave wall we have been placing tremendous importance on cartoons. Why?
Why does Comicon or Bronycon exist?
Today you might see more people attend a Brony Convention than a political rally.
If you could vote for Barak Obama or Princess Celestia, wouldn't you rather elect Celestia? Obama, or any other politician, is just a cartoon character anyway, and we know it!
So in the mean time, why not admit thet the political statements Jimmy Timmy and Derpy make are better examples of the reality we want to see than what reality actually is?
If Celestia stood up and made a political statement about the rights of disabled people for example (even something as simple as a single scene in a little girl's cartoon, like I mentioned above wherein Twilight chastises the bullies for dismissing Derpy as a Retard), wouldn't that make Obama look like a moron for not having done so first? Yes! Because he is no less a cartoon character than she is!
I think this is a big reason behind why adults like MLP.
And I suggest this is why people got so upset over Derpy-gate, and have since started projecting disabilities onto other My Little Pony characters. (*3). The creating of Fan Fiction is a political statement in it's self.
And MLP has nothing to do with it. We could just as easily make Fan Fiction about South Park and it's Disabled characters or The Big Bang Theory and it's Autistic characters and make just as strong a statement. And Fan Fiction about any of these shows' characters would probably make a bigger difference in society than voting for the less corrupt of two Illuminati puppets.
(I shall now get off my soapbox.)
This article stopped being an Autism lecture a long time ago. Now I am talking more about the rights of the disabled, and more importantly how disabled people are represented (or not) in TV shows (*4), and even more importantly the political statement being made by people demanding Hasbro change My Little Pony to suit it's (adult) viewers by bringing back Derpy; and even more important than that, contributing to the mind-boggling amount of Fan Fiction thet is being produced as what could be construed as a political statement.
As an Aspie Anthropologist from Mars, I find this fascinating. I am eager to see where this whole story goes - the evolution of the wonderful (and serious adult) Fan Fiction thet arose from a silly TV show for little girls, for example.
There is not 1 original thought in this whole article. I did make it all up on my own, but after it was written I Googled all my main points and found literally 2 million web-sites thet say the same thing.
Turn off the damn TV and become your own Media.
Publicly praise South Park for their open use of the words "Retard" and "Cripple" they label their characters with, who then proudly carry those labels as Goodwill Ambassadors for the disabled.
And join the Fan Fiction movement, celebrating the courage of disabled characters in TV shows. You can Google the name of any TV show and find Fan Fiction about it.
And more importantly praise those who accept and even embrace the disabled as part of society; even if it is fictional characters on TV shows, or even Fan Fiction's interpretation of them.
P.S. III.
You can Google Disabled characters on TV shows and find much discussion on this subject, and lists of every TV show thet has a disabled character.
I have already listed and reviewed every one I could get my hands on so far (specifically about Autism). But I would like to further elaborate on this subject of disabilities in general.
I thought my Derpy example was unique because it demonstrated the extremes in opinion thet can arise from there simply being a disabled character on a TV show; and what a panic it can provoke in the producers if some whining moron suggests they were not handling it right - then of course the back-lash from angry fans who thought it was originally just fine.
The Derpy Fiasco was the ultimate example (I could find) of stirring up a hornet's nest over the subject of disability and how it is addressed on a TV show. No hornet's nest was stirred up over Jimmy and Timmy. Calling a Retard "Derpy" on My Little Pony offended someone, but calling a Retard "Retard" on South Park was just fine. Duuuh.
You can also see Hasbro's official statement by Googling Derpy Censorship, Who is Really to Blame?. . . Finally Solved!, wherein it is stated thet no specific individual actually complained about Derpy, it was a Corporate decision by iTunes - which is not the whole truth! Amy Keating Rogers did in fact receive letters from soccer moms explaining why the word "Derpy" was offensive and considered a derogatory term for "Retard." Hasbro received letters from iTunes who wanted to sensor Derpy before complaints even started.
Whatever the actual facts are, I do not care. What matters is thet after all was said and done someone at a Corporate level decided disabled people should be ereased.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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Why does Comicon or Bronycon exist?
Today you might see more people attend a Brony Convention than a political rally.
If you could vote for Barak Obama or Princess Celestia, wouldn't you rather elect Celestia? Obama, or any other politician, is just a cartoon character anyway, and we know it!
So in the mean time, why not admit thet the political statements Jimmy Timmy and Derpy make are better examples of the reality we want to see than what reality actually is?
If Celestia stood up and made a political statement about the rights of disabled people for example (even something as simple as a single scene in a little girl's cartoon, like I mentioned above wherein Twilight chastises the bullies for dismissing Derpy as a Retard), wouldn't that make Obama look like a moron for not having done so first? Yes! Because he is no less a cartoon character than she is!
I think this is a big reason behind why adults like MLP.
And I suggest this is why people got so upset over Derpy-gate, and have since started projecting disabilities onto other My Little Pony characters. (*3). The creating of Fan Fiction is a political statement in it's self.
And MLP has nothing to do with it. We could just as easily make Fan Fiction about South Park and it's Disabled characters or The Big Bang Theory and it's Autistic characters and make just as strong a statement. And Fan Fiction about any of these shows' characters would probably make a bigger difference in society than voting for the less corrupt of two Illuminati puppets.
(I shall now get off my soapbox.)
This article stopped being an Autism lecture a long time ago. Now I am talking more about the rights of the disabled, and more importantly how disabled people are represented (or not) in TV shows (*4), and even more importantly the political statement being made by people demanding Hasbro change My Little Pony to suit it's (adult) viewers by bringing back Derpy; and even more important than that, contributing to the mind-boggling amount of Fan Fiction thet is being produced as what could be construed as a political statement.
As an Aspie Anthropologist from Mars, I find this fascinating. I am eager to see where this whole story goes - the evolution of the wonderful (and serious adult) Fan Fiction thet arose from a silly TV show for little girls, for example.
There is not 1 original thought in this whole article. I did make it all up on my own, but after it was written I Googled all my main points and found literally 2 million web-sites thet say the same thing.
Turn off the damn TV and become your own Media.
Publicly praise South Park for their open use of the words "Retard" and "Cripple" they label their characters with, who then proudly carry those labels as Goodwill Ambassadors for the disabled.
And join the Fan Fiction movement, celebrating the courage of disabled characters in TV shows. You can Google the name of any TV show and find Fan Fiction about it.
And more importantly praise those who accept and even embrace the disabled as part of society; even if it is fictional characters on TV shows, or even Fan Fiction's interpretation of them.
P.S. III.
You can Google Disabled characters on TV shows and find much discussion on this subject, and lists of every TV show thet has a disabled character.
I have already listed and reviewed every one I could get my hands on so far (specifically about Autism). But I would like to further elaborate on this subject of disabilities in general.
I thought my Derpy example was unique because it demonstrated the extremes in opinion thet can arise from there simply being a disabled character on a TV show; and what a panic it can provoke in the producers if some whining moron suggests they were not handling it right - then of course the back-lash from angry fans who thought it was originally just fine.
The Derpy Fiasco was the ultimate example (I could find) of stirring up a hornet's nest over the subject of disability and how it is addressed on a TV show. No hornet's nest was stirred up over Jimmy and Timmy. Calling a Retard "Derpy" on My Little Pony offended someone, but calling a Retard "Retard" on South Park was just fine. Duuuh.
You can also see Hasbro's official statement by Googling Derpy Censorship, Who is Really to Blame?. . . Finally Solved!, wherein it is stated thet no specific individual actually complained about Derpy, it was a Corporate decision by iTunes - which is not the whole truth! Amy Keating Rogers did in fact receive letters from soccer moms explaining why the word "Derpy" was offensive and considered a derogatory term for "Retard." Hasbro received letters from iTunes who wanted to sensor Derpy before complaints even started.
Whatever the actual facts are, I do not care. What matters is thet after all was said and done someone at a Corporate level decided disabled people should be ereased.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
----------------------------------------
(*1)
In MLP Season 4, Episode 22, titled Trade Ya, they have a character in a wheelchair, Stellar Eclipse. He is only on screen for about 5 seconds, and neither his chair nor his disability are even mentioned.
Really Hasbro. Is that the best you can do? Tokenism?
(*2)
2 years later I finally sat down and watched all 4 Seasons of MLP. I see why people like it. I see why adults like it. But in every season there are at least a couple episodes I just do not like, and every 4 episodes or so they make a glaring mistake thet bothers me.
Also, the culture of Equestria is Middle Class White Suburbia, which I find annoying, and the population is about 75% female, which is sexist; the very few male characters they do have are usually presented as either stupid ugly doofuses eager to become the minions of evil powerful women, or silent dutiful Page Boys of the Princess.
By season 3 they introduce a male character called Bulk Biceps (BB) who is an ultra-macho body-builder Pegasus with very tiny practically-useless wings. This is a clear reference to the macho man desperately over-compensating for his unusually small penis. Though this type of jackass deserves to be made fun of (for over-compensating, not because his dick-I-mean-wings are small), it does suggest thet MLP is written and produced by stupid cunts who want to make a point of rubbing our face in it (Lauren Faust's original intent was thet there be equal numbers of males and females, but she is no longer with the show. Hasbro cunts run it now). They do so by having him stand around looking macho, then scream in terror at the sight of a butterfly! Though I admit I found that funny, why did they bother! Why not have some dignified male characters instead?
In another scene BB, as a member of a relay-race team representing his home town, is warming up for the race. All the Pegasi from all the teams are doing push-ups with their wings as part of their warm-ups. BB cannot even reach the ground with his tiny wings, but refuses to admit it and thus continues to make a fool of himself over-compensating. None of the characters laugh at him, but the cunts who wrote this shit obviously are. The athletic competition in honor of their finest is reduced to the Special Olympics, they expect us to snicker at!
If the girl child Scootaloo was humiliated in the show this way for her inability to fly, the fans would be outraged. But humiliating a grown man with Scootaloo's same apparent disability is somehow okay or even funny? Fuck you Hasbro. You should not make fun of disabled people, even if they are over-compensating jackasses (See what I said above about Jimmy and Timmy from South Park being openly labeled "Cripple" and "Retard", but we can then laugh with them, not at them).
Why doesn't MLP instead give us some dignified male characters?
Daria was a show about and for girls. But Aspergirl Daria eventually acquired a boyfriend who was intelligent, mature, and kind (see my review of Daria). In Fan Fiction Derpy has a boyfriend who is very understanding and accepting of her disabilities; i.e., he is an honorable man.
The Mane 6 have practically no male contact: no male friends, certainly no boyfriends (inspiring mountains of lesbian Fan Fiction), and not even male siblings (it takes clear until the end of Season 3 before Twilight's older brother is introduced, but he is manipulated and controlled by an evil woman. Applejack has an older brother but all he ever says is "Yup" and "Nope" and otherwise has no notable personality). Discord is an adult male, but a malicious fiend. Snips and Snails are Retarded, stupid, malformed, irritating, morons who do nothing but grovel as the minions of the corrupted Trixie. And Spike is male, but nothing more than Twilight's pet/servant.
Spike is a baby dragon; in 1 episode he hits puberty and starts to develop the main trait of an adult dragon, which is greed. He chooses to allow Twilight to cast a spell on him thus maintaining him in a perpetual state of pre-pubescence so he can continue to live in Equestrian society (as a pet/servant of The Mane 6).
When Rainbow was in military training, 2/3 of her fellow trainees were female, the best fliers were always female, and even her Drill Sergeant was female. Soarin, a male member of The Thunderbolts (stunt flying team), was easily manipulated (by women) into stepping aside so Rainbow could take his place.
Equestria is obviously a Matriarchal Monarchy (I do not have a problem with that), ruled by the two sister Princesses, with 2 other minor Princesses (Cadence and Twilight) by their sides. There is only 1 Prince, a useless douche-bag.
Then they introduce another male character named Turnip Truck who has huge buck teeth and an unusually small cranium. He is ugly, stupid, Retarded, and nothing but an embarrassment to all. At that point I almost turned it off in disgust.
When I condense all 4 Seasons down like this, it starts to look like this show is made by man-hating dykes: making fun of the macho man's penis insecurity, symbolically castrating baby males to maintain them as pets, and presenting most of the other male characters as embarrassing Retards or easily manipulated wimps.
The cunts who produce this show have stated thet "With 6 strong female leads there is simply no room for male characters." This is a load of cow-shit. Every 4 episodes or so they find plenty of room to introduce another (horrible) male character to make fun of.
There are just so many things I do not like about this show. I am not, nor will I ever be, a Brony!
Someone reminded me thet Ponyville is a rural farm community, and most of the men work on the farms, thus the town becomes "girl culture" during the day. Okay. The fact remains, we never see these guys in the evening either.
I would like my 8 year-old son to watch this show with me and discuss and understand the interpersonal relationships within the context of "girl culture." All boys should be raised learning how to be friends with women, and be friends in general. But he should not have to cut his nuts off to do so!
Their target audience is little girls. Fine. I agree they should thus present many strong smart female role-models, in fact I think they are right in making the majority of the main characters female. But I think it is equally important to have at least some dignified men for girls to respect too. Little girls watching this cartoon should see healthy relationships between honorable men and smart women; at least in the context of good Father/Daughter relationships.
Compare MLP to Antonia's Line (see my review), a movie about 4 generations of strong smart women. It included several cruel men, one even raped a child, and a lesbian love-story (this was clearly a Feminazi-I-mean-Feminist movie); but it also included the love-life of a Retarded couple, and some honorable men who loved these women ... because they were strong and smart! And the smartest woman of them all had Aspergers!
As a man (forget my Autism), I loved Antonia's Line, wherein the rapist got stabbed with a pitch-fork by a woman. And as a man, I am insulted by the cunt/dyke cow-shit of My Little Pony.
With The Mane 6 in MLP being such distinctive female characters, there is no reason they could not be "paired off", or at least be friends, with dignified supportive men who love them for who they are (as was seen in Antonia's Line, and even in Daria). The only reason they are not is because the producers of this show hate men.
And I do not mind (nor care!) if they want to make a cartoon about a Pony Matriarchy! What bothers me is thet they rub our faces in the fact they hate men (while in a panic cutting the lovable female disabled character from the show, and openly humiliating the irritating male disabled characters).
I only have 1 thing to say in their defense: In Season 4, Episode 12, Pinkie Pride, Weird Al Yankovich portrays his goofball self playing off the ultimate goofball, Pinkie. It was very funny. And his character had a normal body and was a dignified man. 1 single episode in 4 Seasons!
Though:
The story takes place in the land of Equestria, wherein there are 10 races of "people": Alicorns, Pegasi, Unicorns, Earth Ponies, Crystals, Changelings, Donkeys, Zebras, and even Griffins and Buffalo. There has been a long history of racism, seperatism, and even Cold-war between the races.
Celestia comes to power and if not establishes at least maintains peaceful relations. But though there is no longer overt racial tension, the cities remain mostly seperatist: Canterlot is 100% Unicorns, Cloudsdale is 100% Pegasi, Appaloosa is 100% Earth Ponies, etc. And the neighboring Country, The Crystal Empire, is so seperatist their isolated pony gene-pool has evolved into yet another race.
The Mane 6 characters live in a small town called Ponyville, wherein the Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth Ponies all live together as absolute equals. The differences between them are not even mentioned. This is the foundation on which the show is built, and I praise the producers for this.
But, they are afraid to incorporate disabled characters we can have sympathy for (or even dignified males) into this show about an otherwise relatively-Utopian society? WTF!
Meanwhile:
The Mane 6 are likable characters with realistic flaws, and are easy to care about (here I shall get back on the damn subject and actually talk about Autism!):
- I love Twilight Sparkle and her obsessiveness about her own education, literally going crazy if she thinks she is failing to live up to her mentor's (or even her own) intellectual expectations. And though she is clearly smarter than anyone else, she loves to mentor children, is humble, and a patient show-not-tell teacher.
Referred to by fans as "Adorkable", she is a studious book nerd who learns very well with the book-learning-in-a-classroom type of teaching methods; i.e., she easily retains as memory whatever she reads.
Autism traits: Textbook Obsessive Personality Disorder. Originally had no friends and no understanding of why she should have wanted them; in the first episode fellow students try to befriend her, and she has an anxiety-attack and runs away. Prefers to be alone with her books. Thinks mainly in words and thus often talks to herself. Obsessive about her education and thus voraciously reads everything she can get her "hands" on. Has the perfect Aspie job of managing the Public Library, which she loves. Highly organized (read: obsessive) maker of check-lists and scheduling; in fact she needs Spike as her personal assistant to keep track of her lists of lists of lists. Excels at writing and giving lectures. Calm and intelligent when living in the moment, but becomes obsessive and panicky when allowed to over-think things. Gifted at Unicorn magic, more so than any other Unicorn, thus explaining why she, at the apparent age of 4, was placed in Advanced Studies classes, mentored by an Alicorn Princess (thus missing out on a normal childhood). In an especially telling episode, Look Before You Sleep, Twilight realizes 1 of those things she missed out on was a slumber-party. So at the apparent age of 20, she decides to have 1. She invites her friends Applejack and Rarity (who do not get along!) to stay the night. Obsessive about her checklists, Twilight mechanically runs them through the list of things you are supposed to do at a slumber-party, totally missing the point thet those things are supposed to be vehicles for socialization. Rarity and Applejack bicker all night long, having a horrible time, and Aspergirl Twilight is oblivious.
- I love Pinkie Pie for her Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity, apparent raging case of Hypoglycemia, resulting in her being addicted to sugar, which greatly exacerbates the afore-mentioned disorders. She also runs on pure emotional impulse, has zero attention span, an extreme flash-temper, and is even a Manic/Depressive (and probably a Gemini - she enjoys panicking for the sake of panicking). She routinely obliterates the laws of physics, and has a prehensile tail. She has as many things wrong with her as poor Derpy, but her friends do not think of them as disabilities - dismissing it all as "Just Pinkie being Pinkie." Fan Fiction even depicts her as a Serial Killer for she is so obviously teetering on the edge of sanity.
By the 4th season we come to realize thet her sometimes outright irritating perkiness is something she is dependent on to keep herself from sinking into despair; her bouts of depression incapacitating. In nearly every episode she gets hit by a wave thet even makes her hair wilt.
Her positive (though most annoying) attribute is Pragmatic Language Disorder, which means she is practically incapable of lying. Her every word is the absolute honest truth, though usually delivered in a very ham-handed way, and she goes literally psychotic with rage if anyone lies or breaks a promise.
Autism traits: Hyper-activity. Attention Deficit. Pragmatic Language Disorder. Obsessive sense of Ethics. Flash-temper. Extreme emotional instability (to manic/depressive extent). Psychic receptivity. Can play every musical instrument. Has a spectacular memory for details, but no ability to access them with any logic. And the most irritating thing about her is her utter lack of Empathy or Theory of Mind; and she has Belief In Prior Knowledge, meaning she thinks if she knows it everyone else does, and is thus practically incapable of reading others' emotions. The only person she is able to read is her Autistic sister Maud (see my review of My Little Pony - Maud Pie). Maud has no facial expression nor vocal inflection but Pinkie can read her very well, though she is usually clueless as to what anyone else is thinking or feeling. By the end of Season 4 I start to wonder if Pinkie not only has Aspergers, as does her sister, but may also be mentally Retarded.
- I love Rainbow Dash for having all the negative (and thankfully some of the positive) traits of an Aries. Me being an Aries, I am alternately embarrassed for her (arrogant Type A personality) and proud of her (ego-driven courage and absolute loyalty). But under all the bravado she has a petrifying fear of failure. This explains why she is so arrogant; she is absolutely the best flier, but has nothing else, so she over-compensates, becoming arrogant about her flying ability. She needs to constantly show off to draw praise because she becomes very depressed and insecure if she does not. Her friendships are maintained by her being profoundly loyal and physically capable of doing anything athletic thet can "save the day" for her friends. She has nothing else to offer, knows this, feels very insecure about it, and thus over-compensates with arrogance about the few things she does do well.
I think most Autistics can identify with this (at least I do).
Rainbow takes everything very literally and does not understand analogies, but otherwise has no hint of Autism, but she does have the personality traits thet at least this Autistic identifies with (which is not necessarily a good thing).
Twilight is also like this when it comes to her intellect. She is immensely proud of her intelligence, but and thus becomes panicky and even paranoid if she is ever in a situation where she does not know all the answers.
In the Episode Testing Testing 1 - 2 - 3 (Season 4, Episode 21), Rainbow has to take a history exam to get into The Wonderbolts Academy (military flight-school). But she only learns while flying. Period.
In that episode her 5 friends each try a different technique to train her, and she fails miserably with all of them. She ends up believing herself to be too stupid to learn.
Eventually they figure out her way of learning, and teach her her way, in which case she does well.
Twilight refers to it as "using your special skills to learn"; her "special skills" being her hyperactivity-driven spectacular athletic ability, which helps her learn by instinct. She learns by picking up details sensorily rather than through conscious effort (very much like Pinkie).
Imagine putting someone like Rainbow (or me) in a classroom. Hyperactive kids learn the way she does (See my review of the documentary Aut-erobics. Rainbow requires Aut-erobics to learn).
This was an excellent example of why public school does not work for Autistics (or at least not for me nor Rainbow). I have to be moving and picking it all up instinctively, while talking to myself out loud my every thought and feeling (Script-walking and Echolalia) about what I just absorbed in order for it to make sense to me. You are not allowed to talk to yourself in public school, thus I could not learn.
Watch that Episode and you might recognize your "learning disabled" child in it - specifically Attention Deficit and Hyper-activity. If Rainbow were a human in public school she would be drugged to oblivion and put in Special Ed (because the school system is not as smart as cartoon ponies!
- Applejack is an obsessive workaholic. She will literally work herself to death, and feel guilty if she does not. This is something I used to do myself (Obsessive Personality with a Martyr Complex). Probably a Taurus, she is very close with her family, but very stubborn. She is the most Neurotypical of them all - though she has a Great Aunt who is a crazy cat-lady hoarder. Applejack is an orphan, and inherited the farm and all the adult responsibilities. She is thus relatively mature and level-headed for her age, because she had to be.
- And I understand hyper-sensitive Fluttershy, who is so sweet and loving because she so desperately needs to be treated with tenderness and feel loved.
Autism traits: Perpetual state of sensory over-load. Extreme Touch-aversion; a falling leaf touched her back and she panicked. Visual Processing Disorder; the sight of her own shadow made her panic. And she is a Pegasus who is afraid of heights - apparently has horrible depth-perception, along with Proprioceptive and Vestibular difficulties and is thus only willing to fly "in case of emergency." Obviously her processors are triggering the wrong response. Clumsy use of her "hands." Painfully shy and introverted. Bonds deeply with animals but panics in social situations. Has zero self-assertiveness. Runs away from her friends to cry alone when upset. I also think part of the reason for her panic-attacks is her fear of her own underlying rage. She has a scary amount of unresolved anger toward others, caused by her own hyper-sensitivities. One reviewer referred to her as being "One bucket of blood away from a Prom dance killing-spree", comparing her to Steven King's Carrie.
Fluttershy is an Aspergirl, or at least has all the Sensory Processing Disorders thet go along with Autism.
- Rarity is the most girlie of The Mane 6. It is brilliant thet this show took this cliche prissy girlie-girl character and made her the oldest, most mature, most creative character, and the only one of the Mane 6 who owns her own business she built herself. She is very industrious and responsible, always there to help everyone, but sometimes makes a martyr of herself in the process. Also profoundly Neurotypical.
- And though she has only appeared in 1 episode so far, I must mention Pinkie's Asperger sister, Maud.
Autism symptoms (are her only personality traits): Droning monotone voice. Absolute Flat Effect. Zero facial expression. Fixated Subject. Has written thousands of poems, all on the same subject. Spins things. Has no friends nor desire to have any. Finicky diet. Gifted at 1 peculiar thing. Basically presents like Daria on tranquilizers.
Also see my own review of My Little Pony. - Maud Pie.
Knowing Autism genetics run in the Pie family helps explain why Pinkie is such a mess; addicted to Gluten and Sugar, thus bouncing off the walls in alternating states of rage and despair, with zero Empathy because she has no Theory of Mind. Poor oblivious Pinkie.
We are reminded thet both Gilda and Cranky out-right roared at Pinkie to get the hell out of their lives, and she just did not get it. Even having Rarity smack her did not work. She is such a painfully socially clueless Aspie in those episodes (Pragmatic Language Disorder specifically). And we are reminded thet Pinkie has a Sheldon Cooper-like Eidetic Memory; i.e., the ability to retain massive amounts of information, but no ability to determine the relative difference in value between each item retained; i.e., Pinkie is clearly a genius but very scatterbrained.
Pinkie is the Autistic meltdown type of Aspie. Maud is the Daria on meds type of Aspie. Fluttershy is the panic and hide type of Aspie. Twilight is the obsessive organizing type of Aspie.
And Lauren Faust (the creator of MLP) is a genius, and possibly an Aspie - why else did she put so many Aspie-like characters in her show?
And then there is Luna: In Season 2, Episode 4, Luna Eclipsed, Princess Luna returns expecting to be greeted warmly by her subjects, only to inadvertently terrify them with her Pragmatic Language Disorder and utter social cluelessness. Twilight and friends try to coach her on the use of proper conversational etiquette but it is too difficult for her, so she resorts to (typically Aspergian) conceited indignance. It is a long and painful episode, showing her horrible social awkwardness, exacerbated by Pinkie's utter lack in Theory of Mind.
Even Twilight, the Alpha of the group, is obsessive, has fixations and anxiety-attacks.
This whole show starts to become an Aspie-fest!
Is it any wonder Asperboys become Bronies? These very likable young women have obvious disorders Aspies can identify with and relate to. In fact, among Bronies, Fluttershy (with her severe Sensory Processing Disorders) is the second most favorite of the main characters. And Derpy and Luna are the favorite background characters.
And being cartoon ponies has nothing to do with it! These are adorable young women, and any young man would like them (especially if he is an Aspie), thus explaining where Bronies come from.
Let us hope Hasbro does something respectable with these characters (and please add some male characters who are more than just irritating Retards, groveling minions, manipulated morons, pompous douche-bags, or neutered pets).
It is overall a cute show, but I think people who are fanatical Bronies need to get a life (overlooking the fact I just spent weeks writing out this obsessively detailed Pony Fixated article).
And (as I have made perfectly clear) calling an adorable Retarded woman "Derpy" is cute (and cut from the show in a panic because some whining victim complained), but calling an irritating Retarded man "Turnip Truck" is insulting, and no one complains.
Also, Snips and Snails are males, intentionally written as clearly Retarded (Snails in particular has 1 drooping eyelid, eyes as crooked as Derpy's, and is utterly stupid) and grossly malformed and groveling minions and laughed at constantly (but no one complains). These type of things are a constant annoyance, and the main reasons I do not like this show.
The fact remains, I would not have written these last 4 lectures (#s 15, 16, 17, and 18) if MLP had not existed. And (even though it happened 2 years ago (as of 2015)) there are thousands of people on the Internet still angry about "The Derpy Fiasco", but are thus discussing how disabled characters are handled on TV shows; i.e., Hasbro shooting Derpy in the head may have been worth it to get the subject out in the open and talked about honestly (though it still pisses me off).
And I of course respect the explosion of creativity thet arose from the Fandom of this show: Dozens of bands put out albums with lyrics about the characters in MLP (of course, only obsessive Bronies bought them, but that is 12 million people in the USA alone - most of them apparently Aspies). Thousands of comic-book artists, cartoonists, and computer animators burst onto the scene because they had The Pony Fad as a vehicle for their art, thus a built-in audience (see Equestria Daily). And Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder is a complicated card-game with 192 cards. It is another example of the amazing creativity thet comes from the Brony (read: Aspie) Community. Then recognize thet, like with most human creations, Aspies invented it.)
As an Aspie Anthropologist, I am fascinated by this (observing Bronies from a distance with a deer in headlights look on my face; even though I recognize most of these people are Autistic, I still do not fully understand).
And of course, being a Literary Aspie, I immensely respect the Fan Fiction, which uses the characters from the land of Equestria as vehicles with which to explore such serious subjects as: people with disabilities (Derpy Hooves, Snowdrop, Stellar Eclipse, Pinkie Pie, Scootaloo, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Maud Pie), recovering from devastating personal tragedies (Rainbow getting blinded), grieving the death of loved-ones (Pinkie dying of Diabetes), etc. Even the very dark but clearly intentionally absurdist humor of Pinkie being a Serial Killer - I respect it. I am fascinated by it. But I still do not entirely get it; why can't people tell these same stories with human characters?
Every TV show has Fan Fiction, but MLP has tremendously more of it than any other show. Why?
I do not know if I will bother to watch Season 5 of MLP (because Hasbro are wimps who do not have the balls to address these subjects themselves - at least not to the extent I want to see it), but I will be studying, as an Anthropologist, the Fan Fiction it will inevitably inspire - especially that which includes disabled characters.
2 years later I finally sat down and watched all 4 Seasons of MLP. I see why people like it. I see why adults like it. But in every season there are at least a couple episodes I just do not like, and every 4 episodes or so they make a glaring mistake thet bothers me.
Also, the culture of Equestria is Middle Class White Suburbia, which I find annoying, and the population is about 75% female, which is sexist; the very few male characters they do have are usually presented as either stupid ugly doofuses eager to become the minions of evil powerful women, or silent dutiful Page Boys of the Princess.
By season 3 they introduce a male character called Bulk Biceps (BB) who is an ultra-macho body-builder Pegasus with very tiny practically-useless wings. This is a clear reference to the macho man desperately over-compensating for his unusually small penis. Though this type of jackass deserves to be made fun of (for over-compensating, not because his dick-I-mean-wings are small), it does suggest thet MLP is written and produced by stupid cunts who want to make a point of rubbing our face in it (Lauren Faust's original intent was thet there be equal numbers of males and females, but she is no longer with the show. Hasbro cunts run it now). They do so by having him stand around looking macho, then scream in terror at the sight of a butterfly! Though I admit I found that funny, why did they bother! Why not have some dignified male characters instead?
In another scene BB, as a member of a relay-race team representing his home town, is warming up for the race. All the Pegasi from all the teams are doing push-ups with their wings as part of their warm-ups. BB cannot even reach the ground with his tiny wings, but refuses to admit it and thus continues to make a fool of himself over-compensating. None of the characters laugh at him, but the cunts who wrote this shit obviously are. The athletic competition in honor of their finest is reduced to the Special Olympics, they expect us to snicker at!
If the girl child Scootaloo was humiliated in the show this way for her inability to fly, the fans would be outraged. But humiliating a grown man with Scootaloo's same apparent disability is somehow okay or even funny? Fuck you Hasbro. You should not make fun of disabled people, even if they are over-compensating jackasses (See what I said above about Jimmy and Timmy from South Park being openly labeled "Cripple" and "Retard", but we can then laugh with them, not at them).
Why doesn't MLP instead give us some dignified male characters?
Daria was a show about and for girls. But Aspergirl Daria eventually acquired a boyfriend who was intelligent, mature, and kind (see my review of Daria). In Fan Fiction Derpy has a boyfriend who is very understanding and accepting of her disabilities; i.e., he is an honorable man.
The Mane 6 have practically no male contact: no male friends, certainly no boyfriends (inspiring mountains of lesbian Fan Fiction), and not even male siblings (it takes clear until the end of Season 3 before Twilight's older brother is introduced, but he is manipulated and controlled by an evil woman. Applejack has an older brother but all he ever says is "Yup" and "Nope" and otherwise has no notable personality). Discord is an adult male, but a malicious fiend. Snips and Snails are Retarded, stupid, malformed, irritating, morons who do nothing but grovel as the minions of the corrupted Trixie. And Spike is male, but nothing more than Twilight's pet/servant.
Spike is a baby dragon; in 1 episode he hits puberty and starts to develop the main trait of an adult dragon, which is greed. He chooses to allow Twilight to cast a spell on him thus maintaining him in a perpetual state of pre-pubescence so he can continue to live in Equestrian society (as a pet/servant of The Mane 6).
When Rainbow was in military training, 2/3 of her fellow trainees were female, the best fliers were always female, and even her Drill Sergeant was female. Soarin, a male member of The Thunderbolts (stunt flying team), was easily manipulated (by women) into stepping aside so Rainbow could take his place.
Equestria is obviously a Matriarchal Monarchy (I do not have a problem with that), ruled by the two sister Princesses, with 2 other minor Princesses (Cadence and Twilight) by their sides. There is only 1 Prince, a useless douche-bag.
Then they introduce another male character named Turnip Truck who has huge buck teeth and an unusually small cranium. He is ugly, stupid, Retarded, and nothing but an embarrassment to all. At that point I almost turned it off in disgust.
When I condense all 4 Seasons down like this, it starts to look like this show is made by man-hating dykes: making fun of the macho man's penis insecurity, symbolically castrating baby males to maintain them as pets, and presenting most of the other male characters as embarrassing Retards or easily manipulated wimps.
The cunts who produce this show have stated thet "With 6 strong female leads there is simply no room for male characters." This is a load of cow-shit. Every 4 episodes or so they find plenty of room to introduce another (horrible) male character to make fun of.
There are just so many things I do not like about this show. I am not, nor will I ever be, a Brony!
Someone reminded me thet Ponyville is a rural farm community, and most of the men work on the farms, thus the town becomes "girl culture" during the day. Okay. The fact remains, we never see these guys in the evening either.
I would like my 8 year-old son to watch this show with me and discuss and understand the interpersonal relationships within the context of "girl culture." All boys should be raised learning how to be friends with women, and be friends in general. But he should not have to cut his nuts off to do so!
Their target audience is little girls. Fine. I agree they should thus present many strong smart female role-models, in fact I think they are right in making the majority of the main characters female. But I think it is equally important to have at least some dignified men for girls to respect too. Little girls watching this cartoon should see healthy relationships between honorable men and smart women; at least in the context of good Father/Daughter relationships.
Compare MLP to Antonia's Line (see my review), a movie about 4 generations of strong smart women. It included several cruel men, one even raped a child, and a lesbian love-story (this was clearly a Feminazi-I-mean-Feminist movie); but it also included the love-life of a Retarded couple, and some honorable men who loved these women ... because they were strong and smart! And the smartest woman of them all had Aspergers!
As a man (forget my Autism), I loved Antonia's Line, wherein the rapist got stabbed with a pitch-fork by a woman. And as a man, I am insulted by the cunt/dyke cow-shit of My Little Pony.
With The Mane 6 in MLP being such distinctive female characters, there is no reason they could not be "paired off", or at least be friends, with dignified supportive men who love them for who they are (as was seen in Antonia's Line, and even in Daria). The only reason they are not is because the producers of this show hate men.
And I do not mind (nor care!) if they want to make a cartoon about a Pony Matriarchy! What bothers me is thet they rub our faces in the fact they hate men (while in a panic cutting the lovable female disabled character from the show, and openly humiliating the irritating male disabled characters).
I only have 1 thing to say in their defense: In Season 4, Episode 12, Pinkie Pride, Weird Al Yankovich portrays his goofball self playing off the ultimate goofball, Pinkie. It was very funny. And his character had a normal body and was a dignified man. 1 single episode in 4 Seasons!
Though:
The story takes place in the land of Equestria, wherein there are 10 races of "people": Alicorns, Pegasi, Unicorns, Earth Ponies, Crystals, Changelings, Donkeys, Zebras, and even Griffins and Buffalo. There has been a long history of racism, seperatism, and even Cold-war between the races.
Celestia comes to power and if not establishes at least maintains peaceful relations. But though there is no longer overt racial tension, the cities remain mostly seperatist: Canterlot is 100% Unicorns, Cloudsdale is 100% Pegasi, Appaloosa is 100% Earth Ponies, etc. And the neighboring Country, The Crystal Empire, is so seperatist their isolated pony gene-pool has evolved into yet another race.
The Mane 6 characters live in a small town called Ponyville, wherein the Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth Ponies all live together as absolute equals. The differences between them are not even mentioned. This is the foundation on which the show is built, and I praise the producers for this.
But, they are afraid to incorporate disabled characters we can have sympathy for (or even dignified males) into this show about an otherwise relatively-Utopian society? WTF!
Meanwhile:
The Mane 6 are likable characters with realistic flaws, and are easy to care about (here I shall get back on the damn subject and actually talk about Autism!):
- I love Twilight Sparkle and her obsessiveness about her own education, literally going crazy if she thinks she is failing to live up to her mentor's (or even her own) intellectual expectations. And though she is clearly smarter than anyone else, she loves to mentor children, is humble, and a patient show-not-tell teacher.
Referred to by fans as "Adorkable", she is a studious book nerd who learns very well with the book-learning-in-a-classroom type of teaching methods; i.e., she easily retains as memory whatever she reads.
Autism traits: Textbook Obsessive Personality Disorder. Originally had no friends and no understanding of why she should have wanted them; in the first episode fellow students try to befriend her, and she has an anxiety-attack and runs away. Prefers to be alone with her books. Thinks mainly in words and thus often talks to herself. Obsessive about her education and thus voraciously reads everything she can get her "hands" on. Has the perfect Aspie job of managing the Public Library, which she loves. Highly organized (read: obsessive) maker of check-lists and scheduling; in fact she needs Spike as her personal assistant to keep track of her lists of lists of lists. Excels at writing and giving lectures. Calm and intelligent when living in the moment, but becomes obsessive and panicky when allowed to over-think things. Gifted at Unicorn magic, more so than any other Unicorn, thus explaining why she, at the apparent age of 4, was placed in Advanced Studies classes, mentored by an Alicorn Princess (thus missing out on a normal childhood). In an especially telling episode, Look Before You Sleep, Twilight realizes 1 of those things she missed out on was a slumber-party. So at the apparent age of 20, she decides to have 1. She invites her friends Applejack and Rarity (who do not get along!) to stay the night. Obsessive about her checklists, Twilight mechanically runs them through the list of things you are supposed to do at a slumber-party, totally missing the point thet those things are supposed to be vehicles for socialization. Rarity and Applejack bicker all night long, having a horrible time, and Aspergirl Twilight is oblivious.
- I love Pinkie Pie for her Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity, apparent raging case of Hypoglycemia, resulting in her being addicted to sugar, which greatly exacerbates the afore-mentioned disorders. She also runs on pure emotional impulse, has zero attention span, an extreme flash-temper, and is even a Manic/Depressive (and probably a Gemini - she enjoys panicking for the sake of panicking). She routinely obliterates the laws of physics, and has a prehensile tail. She has as many things wrong with her as poor Derpy, but her friends do not think of them as disabilities - dismissing it all as "Just Pinkie being Pinkie." Fan Fiction even depicts her as a Serial Killer for she is so obviously teetering on the edge of sanity.
By the 4th season we come to realize thet her sometimes outright irritating perkiness is something she is dependent on to keep herself from sinking into despair; her bouts of depression incapacitating. In nearly every episode she gets hit by a wave thet even makes her hair wilt.
Her positive (though most annoying) attribute is Pragmatic Language Disorder, which means she is practically incapable of lying. Her every word is the absolute honest truth, though usually delivered in a very ham-handed way, and she goes literally psychotic with rage if anyone lies or breaks a promise.
Autism traits: Hyper-activity. Attention Deficit. Pragmatic Language Disorder. Obsessive sense of Ethics. Flash-temper. Extreme emotional instability (to manic/depressive extent). Psychic receptivity. Can play every musical instrument. Has a spectacular memory for details, but no ability to access them with any logic. And the most irritating thing about her is her utter lack of Empathy or Theory of Mind; and she has Belief In Prior Knowledge, meaning she thinks if she knows it everyone else does, and is thus practically incapable of reading others' emotions. The only person she is able to read is her Autistic sister Maud (see my review of My Little Pony - Maud Pie). Maud has no facial expression nor vocal inflection but Pinkie can read her very well, though she is usually clueless as to what anyone else is thinking or feeling. By the end of Season 4 I start to wonder if Pinkie not only has Aspergers, as does her sister, but may also be mentally Retarded.
- I love Rainbow Dash for having all the negative (and thankfully some of the positive) traits of an Aries. Me being an Aries, I am alternately embarrassed for her (arrogant Type A personality) and proud of her (ego-driven courage and absolute loyalty). But under all the bravado she has a petrifying fear of failure. This explains why she is so arrogant; she is absolutely the best flier, but has nothing else, so she over-compensates, becoming arrogant about her flying ability. She needs to constantly show off to draw praise because she becomes very depressed and insecure if she does not. Her friendships are maintained by her being profoundly loyal and physically capable of doing anything athletic thet can "save the day" for her friends. She has nothing else to offer, knows this, feels very insecure about it, and thus over-compensates with arrogance about the few things she does do well.
I think most Autistics can identify with this (at least I do).
Rainbow takes everything very literally and does not understand analogies, but otherwise has no hint of Autism, but she does have the personality traits thet at least this Autistic identifies with (which is not necessarily a good thing).
Twilight is also like this when it comes to her intellect. She is immensely proud of her intelligence, but and thus becomes panicky and even paranoid if she is ever in a situation where she does not know all the answers.
In the Episode Testing Testing 1 - 2 - 3 (Season 4, Episode 21), Rainbow has to take a history exam to get into The Wonderbolts Academy (military flight-school). But she only learns while flying. Period.
In that episode her 5 friends each try a different technique to train her, and she fails miserably with all of them. She ends up believing herself to be too stupid to learn.
Eventually they figure out her way of learning, and teach her her way, in which case she does well.
Twilight refers to it as "using your special skills to learn"; her "special skills" being her hyperactivity-driven spectacular athletic ability, which helps her learn by instinct. She learns by picking up details sensorily rather than through conscious effort (very much like Pinkie).
Imagine putting someone like Rainbow (or me) in a classroom. Hyperactive kids learn the way she does (See my review of the documentary Aut-erobics. Rainbow requires Aut-erobics to learn).
This was an excellent example of why public school does not work for Autistics (or at least not for me nor Rainbow). I have to be moving and picking it all up instinctively, while talking to myself out loud my every thought and feeling (Script-walking and Echolalia) about what I just absorbed in order for it to make sense to me. You are not allowed to talk to yourself in public school, thus I could not learn.
Watch that Episode and you might recognize your "learning disabled" child in it - specifically Attention Deficit and Hyper-activity. If Rainbow were a human in public school she would be drugged to oblivion and put in Special Ed (because the school system is not as smart as cartoon ponies!
- Applejack is an obsessive workaholic. She will literally work herself to death, and feel guilty if she does not. This is something I used to do myself (Obsessive Personality with a Martyr Complex). Probably a Taurus, she is very close with her family, but very stubborn. She is the most Neurotypical of them all - though she has a Great Aunt who is a crazy cat-lady hoarder. Applejack is an orphan, and inherited the farm and all the adult responsibilities. She is thus relatively mature and level-headed for her age, because she had to be.
- And I understand hyper-sensitive Fluttershy, who is so sweet and loving because she so desperately needs to be treated with tenderness and feel loved.
Autism traits: Perpetual state of sensory over-load. Extreme Touch-aversion; a falling leaf touched her back and she panicked. Visual Processing Disorder; the sight of her own shadow made her panic. And she is a Pegasus who is afraid of heights - apparently has horrible depth-perception, along with Proprioceptive and Vestibular difficulties and is thus only willing to fly "in case of emergency." Obviously her processors are triggering the wrong response. Clumsy use of her "hands." Painfully shy and introverted. Bonds deeply with animals but panics in social situations. Has zero self-assertiveness. Runs away from her friends to cry alone when upset. I also think part of the reason for her panic-attacks is her fear of her own underlying rage. She has a scary amount of unresolved anger toward others, caused by her own hyper-sensitivities. One reviewer referred to her as being "One bucket of blood away from a Prom dance killing-spree", comparing her to Steven King's Carrie.
Fluttershy is an Aspergirl, or at least has all the Sensory Processing Disorders thet go along with Autism.
- Rarity is the most girlie of The Mane 6. It is brilliant thet this show took this cliche prissy girlie-girl character and made her the oldest, most mature, most creative character, and the only one of the Mane 6 who owns her own business she built herself. She is very industrious and responsible, always there to help everyone, but sometimes makes a martyr of herself in the process. Also profoundly Neurotypical.
- And though she has only appeared in 1 episode so far, I must mention Pinkie's Asperger sister, Maud.
Autism symptoms (are her only personality traits): Droning monotone voice. Absolute Flat Effect. Zero facial expression. Fixated Subject. Has written thousands of poems, all on the same subject. Spins things. Has no friends nor desire to have any. Finicky diet. Gifted at 1 peculiar thing. Basically presents like Daria on tranquilizers.
Also see my own review of My Little Pony. - Maud Pie.
Knowing Autism genetics run in the Pie family helps explain why Pinkie is such a mess; addicted to Gluten and Sugar, thus bouncing off the walls in alternating states of rage and despair, with zero Empathy because she has no Theory of Mind. Poor oblivious Pinkie.
We are reminded thet both Gilda and Cranky out-right roared at Pinkie to get the hell out of their lives, and she just did not get it. Even having Rarity smack her did not work. She is such a painfully socially clueless Aspie in those episodes (Pragmatic Language Disorder specifically). And we are reminded thet Pinkie has a Sheldon Cooper-like Eidetic Memory; i.e., the ability to retain massive amounts of information, but no ability to determine the relative difference in value between each item retained; i.e., Pinkie is clearly a genius but very scatterbrained.
Pinkie is the Autistic meltdown type of Aspie. Maud is the Daria on meds type of Aspie. Fluttershy is the panic and hide type of Aspie. Twilight is the obsessive organizing type of Aspie.
And Lauren Faust (the creator of MLP) is a genius, and possibly an Aspie - why else did she put so many Aspie-like characters in her show?
And then there is Luna: In Season 2, Episode 4, Luna Eclipsed, Princess Luna returns expecting to be greeted warmly by her subjects, only to inadvertently terrify them with her Pragmatic Language Disorder and utter social cluelessness. Twilight and friends try to coach her on the use of proper conversational etiquette but it is too difficult for her, so she resorts to (typically Aspergian) conceited indignance. It is a long and painful episode, showing her horrible social awkwardness, exacerbated by Pinkie's utter lack in Theory of Mind.
Even Twilight, the Alpha of the group, is obsessive, has fixations and anxiety-attacks.
This whole show starts to become an Aspie-fest!
Is it any wonder Asperboys become Bronies? These very likable young women have obvious disorders Aspies can identify with and relate to. In fact, among Bronies, Fluttershy (with her severe Sensory Processing Disorders) is the second most favorite of the main characters. And Derpy and Luna are the favorite background characters.
And being cartoon ponies has nothing to do with it! These are adorable young women, and any young man would like them (especially if he is an Aspie), thus explaining where Bronies come from.
Let us hope Hasbro does something respectable with these characters (and please add some male characters who are more than just irritating Retards, groveling minions, manipulated morons, pompous douche-bags, or neutered pets).
It is overall a cute show, but I think people who are fanatical Bronies need to get a life (overlooking the fact I just spent weeks writing out this obsessively detailed Pony Fixated article).
And (as I have made perfectly clear) calling an adorable Retarded woman "Derpy" is cute (and cut from the show in a panic because some whining victim complained), but calling an irritating Retarded man "Turnip Truck" is insulting, and no one complains.
Also, Snips and Snails are males, intentionally written as clearly Retarded (Snails in particular has 1 drooping eyelid, eyes as crooked as Derpy's, and is utterly stupid) and grossly malformed and groveling minions and laughed at constantly (but no one complains). These type of things are a constant annoyance, and the main reasons I do not like this show.
The fact remains, I would not have written these last 4 lectures (#s 15, 16, 17, and 18) if MLP had not existed. And (even though it happened 2 years ago (as of 2015)) there are thousands of people on the Internet still angry about "The Derpy Fiasco", but are thus discussing how disabled characters are handled on TV shows; i.e., Hasbro shooting Derpy in the head may have been worth it to get the subject out in the open and talked about honestly (though it still pisses me off).
And I of course respect the explosion of creativity thet arose from the Fandom of this show: Dozens of bands put out albums with lyrics about the characters in MLP (of course, only obsessive Bronies bought them, but that is 12 million people in the USA alone - most of them apparently Aspies). Thousands of comic-book artists, cartoonists, and computer animators burst onto the scene because they had The Pony Fad as a vehicle for their art, thus a built-in audience (see Equestria Daily). And Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder is a complicated card-game with 192 cards. It is another example of the amazing creativity thet comes from the Brony (read: Aspie) Community. Then recognize thet, like with most human creations, Aspies invented it.)
As an Aspie Anthropologist, I am fascinated by this (observing Bronies from a distance with a deer in headlights look on my face; even though I recognize most of these people are Autistic, I still do not fully understand).
And of course, being a Literary Aspie, I immensely respect the Fan Fiction, which uses the characters from the land of Equestria as vehicles with which to explore such serious subjects as: people with disabilities (Derpy Hooves, Snowdrop, Stellar Eclipse, Pinkie Pie, Scootaloo, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Maud Pie), recovering from devastating personal tragedies (Rainbow getting blinded), grieving the death of loved-ones (Pinkie dying of Diabetes), etc. Even the very dark but clearly intentionally absurdist humor of Pinkie being a Serial Killer - I respect it. I am fascinated by it. But I still do not entirely get it; why can't people tell these same stories with human characters?
Every TV show has Fan Fiction, but MLP has tremendously more of it than any other show. Why?
I do not know if I will bother to watch Season 5 of MLP (because Hasbro are wimps who do not have the balls to address these subjects themselves - at least not to the extent I want to see it), but I will be studying, as an Anthropologist, the Fan Fiction it will inevitably inspire - especially that which includes disabled characters.
And for the scene thet started it all by introducing Derpy Hooves, see Season 2, Episode 14, The Last Roundup. Mentally Retarded and physically disabled, Derpy is on screen for less than 1 minute, but it started a shit-storm like you would not believe.
< - 2 years after cutting her from the show, someone is still making a fortune selling Derpy figurines to disabled people who love her!
(Note: This Derpy figurine is not sold by Hasbro. It is sold by We Love Fine, with her name being "Bubbles."
Zoolily can use her image if they call her Muffins, and We Love Fine can use her image if they call her Bubbles, but if anyone actually calls her Derpy, which is her name, some idiot might get offended. That still irritates the crap out of me.)
P.S. (within a Footnote; how Aspergian of me):
Though I have already beaten this subject down to a grease-spot on the pavement, Season 5 might actually make Scootaloo truly disabled, make the clearly-intentionally-written-to-be-an-Aspergirl Maud Pie a more prominent character, address Pinkie's mental illness, help viewers understand Fluttershy's Sensory Processing Disorders, and further examine Rainbow's ADHD, and Twilight's Obsessive Personality Disorder. If so, I have not yet begun to write about them; "them" being disabled characters and how they are portrayed on and handled by TV shows - at least with this specific cartoon as my reference-point.
In the mean time I will continue to review every movie, TV show, and documentary I can get my hands on thet have an Autism theme.
Here I will publicly praise:
- Meghan McCarthy for writing Party of One, wherein Pinkie has a mental breakdown caused by her Manic/Depression; and Lesson Zero wherein Twilight has a mental breakdown caused by her Obsessive Personality Disorder.
- Amy Keating-Rogers, the mom with a Special child, for writing the episodes The Best Night Ever, wherein Fluttershy has an emotional meltdown; The Last Roundup, introducing the mentally Retarded and physically disabled Derpy Hooves; A Friend Indeed, demonstrating Pinkie's startlingly-deficient Theory of Mind and jolting Pragmatic Language Disorder; Filli Vanilli, demonstrating Fluttershy's horrible Social Phobia and petrifying Panic-attacks, and more of Pinkie's Pragmatic Language Disorder; and Testing Testing 1 - 2 - 3, demonstrating Rainbow's Attention Deficit and Hyper-activity and resulting learning difficulties.
- Cindy Morrow for writing Hurricane Fluttershy, wherein we again see Fluttershy's Social Phobia and Panic-attacks.
- Ed Valentine for writing Flight To The Finish, wherein Scootaloo becomes neurotic about her perceived disability.
- Noelle Benvenuti for writing Maud Pie, specifically about a textbook Aspergirl.
- MA Larson for writing Luna Eclipsed, wherein Luna demonstrates her startling Pragmatic Language Disorder and bewildering and bewildered social cluelessness.
- Also of note was Meghan McCarthy's and Corey Powell's collaboration on Inspiration Manifestation, wherein Rarity develops an addiction to her "drug-induced creativity".
I also want to state thet I think Lauren Faust is a genius for creating The Mane 6 characters, all of whom are very distinct personalities with obvious realistic flaws, in fact four of them have outright disorders, accurately portrayed.
I am not a Brony. I think Bronies need to grow up and get a life. But I appreciate the potential in this show; if only Hasbro would allow the writers to run with it. The point being, I am not necessarily a fan of Hasbro's My Little Pony. I am a fan of these specific writers who produce screenplays about disabled characters, cartoon ponies having nothing to do with it - though presenting these adult subjects in a kid's cartoon is also admirable.
Excuse me if I got carried away talking about MLP more than the disabled characters in it. But MLP, the way Hasbro mis-handled the Derpy character, and the resulting Brony reaction to it, epitomizes all the problems surrounding disabled characters on TV.
It was also the easiest Anthropology study I have ever done, because most Bronies are Aspies, and most of them are very vocal about their opinions on the subject; i.e., MLP is their Fixated Subject they lecture about constantly - they thus practically spoon-fed me the information I needed to write this article.
I also enjoyed analyzing and listing the Autism traits of the characters.
To see 1 of my favorite pieces of MLP Fan Fiction you can Google: Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet. It addresses Diabetes, the healthcare system, mental illness, suicide, the grieving process, Alcoholism, children accessing porn on the Internet, awkward interactions with Retarded adults, and single parents, all within the context of an absurdist humor parody of MLP.
It also had the running-gag of Derpy being repeatedly told to get off the screen because "someone might see you." The point being thet if a disabled character even exists on TV some whimpering infant might complain and get them pulled from the show.
Why are all these adult subjects being addressed through parodies of a little girl's cartoon? It still leaves me not quite able to understand Who the hell are these Bronies?, What planet is this?, and Why do ponies have anything to do with it?
I am alternately bewildered and amused by Bronies, as I am alternately bewildered and amused by my own case of Aspergers.
< - 2 years after cutting her from the show, someone is still making a fortune selling Derpy figurines to disabled people who love her!
(Note: This Derpy figurine is not sold by Hasbro. It is sold by We Love Fine, with her name being "Bubbles."
Zoolily can use her image if they call her Muffins, and We Love Fine can use her image if they call her Bubbles, but if anyone actually calls her Derpy, which is her name, some idiot might get offended. That still irritates the crap out of me.)
P.S. (within a Footnote; how Aspergian of me):
Though I have already beaten this subject down to a grease-spot on the pavement, Season 5 might actually make Scootaloo truly disabled, make the clearly-intentionally-written-to-be-an-Aspergirl Maud Pie a more prominent character, address Pinkie's mental illness, help viewers understand Fluttershy's Sensory Processing Disorders, and further examine Rainbow's ADHD, and Twilight's Obsessive Personality Disorder. If so, I have not yet begun to write about them; "them" being disabled characters and how they are portrayed on and handled by TV shows - at least with this specific cartoon as my reference-point.
In the mean time I will continue to review every movie, TV show, and documentary I can get my hands on thet have an Autism theme.
Here I will publicly praise:
- Meghan McCarthy for writing Party of One, wherein Pinkie has a mental breakdown caused by her Manic/Depression; and Lesson Zero wherein Twilight has a mental breakdown caused by her Obsessive Personality Disorder.
- Amy Keating-Rogers, the mom with a Special child, for writing the episodes The Best Night Ever, wherein Fluttershy has an emotional meltdown; The Last Roundup, introducing the mentally Retarded and physically disabled Derpy Hooves; A Friend Indeed, demonstrating Pinkie's startlingly-deficient Theory of Mind and jolting Pragmatic Language Disorder; Filli Vanilli, demonstrating Fluttershy's horrible Social Phobia and petrifying Panic-attacks, and more of Pinkie's Pragmatic Language Disorder; and Testing Testing 1 - 2 - 3, demonstrating Rainbow's Attention Deficit and Hyper-activity and resulting learning difficulties.
- Cindy Morrow for writing Hurricane Fluttershy, wherein we again see Fluttershy's Social Phobia and Panic-attacks.
- Ed Valentine for writing Flight To The Finish, wherein Scootaloo becomes neurotic about her perceived disability.
- Noelle Benvenuti for writing Maud Pie, specifically about a textbook Aspergirl.
- MA Larson for writing Luna Eclipsed, wherein Luna demonstrates her startling Pragmatic Language Disorder and bewildering and bewildered social cluelessness.
- Also of note was Meghan McCarthy's and Corey Powell's collaboration on Inspiration Manifestation, wherein Rarity develops an addiction to her "drug-induced creativity".
I also want to state thet I think Lauren Faust is a genius for creating The Mane 6 characters, all of whom are very distinct personalities with obvious realistic flaws, in fact four of them have outright disorders, accurately portrayed.
I am not a Brony. I think Bronies need to grow up and get a life. But I appreciate the potential in this show; if only Hasbro would allow the writers to run with it. The point being, I am not necessarily a fan of Hasbro's My Little Pony. I am a fan of these specific writers who produce screenplays about disabled characters, cartoon ponies having nothing to do with it - though presenting these adult subjects in a kid's cartoon is also admirable.
Excuse me if I got carried away talking about MLP more than the disabled characters in it. But MLP, the way Hasbro mis-handled the Derpy character, and the resulting Brony reaction to it, epitomizes all the problems surrounding disabled characters on TV.
It was also the easiest Anthropology study I have ever done, because most Bronies are Aspies, and most of them are very vocal about their opinions on the subject; i.e., MLP is their Fixated Subject they lecture about constantly - they thus practically spoon-fed me the information I needed to write this article.
I also enjoyed analyzing and listing the Autism traits of the characters.
To see 1 of my favorite pieces of MLP Fan Fiction you can Google: Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet. It addresses Diabetes, the healthcare system, mental illness, suicide, the grieving process, Alcoholism, children accessing porn on the Internet, awkward interactions with Retarded adults, and single parents, all within the context of an absurdist humor parody of MLP.
It also had the running-gag of Derpy being repeatedly told to get off the screen because "someone might see you." The point being thet if a disabled character even exists on TV some whimpering infant might complain and get them pulled from the show.
Why are all these adult subjects being addressed through parodies of a little girl's cartoon? It still leaves me not quite able to understand Who the hell are these Bronies?, What planet is this?, and Why do ponies have anything to do with it?
I am alternately bewildered and amused by Bronies, as I am alternately bewildered and amused by my own case of Aspergers.
(*3)
Derpy-gate came and went a couple seasons ago (when I wrote this in 2015), so generally-speaking Hasbro has already given her the axe, and the fans have let her go, at least from the show (she, demonstrating the happy love-life of a disabled person, will of course live on for years to come in Fan Fiction).
But there is another character in the show, Scootaloo, who is about 8 years old. She is a Pegasus who (typical of any Pegasus her age) cannot yet fly.
Her friend Sweetie Belle is a Unicorn of the same age, and she cannot yet use her Unicorn magic (telekinetic powers projected with her horn). No Pegasus this age can fly yet, and no Unicorn this age can use telekinesis yet. They are simply too young.
But since Scootaloo idolizes Rainbow Dash, the best flier in all of Equestria, she feels very self-conscious and frustrated about her own inability to fly.
Fans repeatedly mention how they want Hasbro to really explore "Scootaloo's disability." They have at last accepted thet the clearly disabled Derpy has been cut from the show, so they transfer their desire to see a disabled character (handled right this time!) onto Scootaloo. From my perspective, Scootaloo has no disability what-so-ever, but the fact fans keep projecting 1 onto her demonstrates just how much they want to see this subject be addressed - not necessarily even by MLP, but in the media and by society in general.
Fans of MLP are so desperate to see this happen, they have started to take it upon themselves:
Fan Fiction includes a story about a blind child, Snowdrop. - >
Her mother tells her, "You will not need your eyes to find your place in the world."
Derpy-gate came and went a couple seasons ago (when I wrote this in 2015), so generally-speaking Hasbro has already given her the axe, and the fans have let her go, at least from the show (she, demonstrating the happy love-life of a disabled person, will of course live on for years to come in Fan Fiction).
But there is another character in the show, Scootaloo, who is about 8 years old. She is a Pegasus who (typical of any Pegasus her age) cannot yet fly.
Her friend Sweetie Belle is a Unicorn of the same age, and she cannot yet use her Unicorn magic (telekinetic powers projected with her horn). No Pegasus this age can fly yet, and no Unicorn this age can use telekinesis yet. They are simply too young.
But since Scootaloo idolizes Rainbow Dash, the best flier in all of Equestria, she feels very self-conscious and frustrated about her own inability to fly.
Fans repeatedly mention how they want Hasbro to really explore "Scootaloo's disability." They have at last accepted thet the clearly disabled Derpy has been cut from the show, so they transfer their desire to see a disabled character (handled right this time!) onto Scootaloo. From my perspective, Scootaloo has no disability what-so-ever, but the fact fans keep projecting 1 onto her demonstrates just how much they want to see this subject be addressed - not necessarily even by MLP, but in the media and by society in general.
Fans of MLP are so desperate to see this happen, they have started to take it upon themselves:
Fan Fiction includes a story about a blind child, Snowdrop. - >
Her mother tells her, "You will not need your eyes to find your place in the world."
< - In another Fan Fiction story Rainbow Dash gets in an accident which leaves her blind!
The point is (forget this stupid cartoon pony show), people in general want to see more disabled characters in (any) TV shows; and if the media will not give it to them, they will do it themselves (even if they have to use MLP characters as the vehicle)!
You can Google AMWDW: Rosie and the Theme of Disabilities wherein an Aspergirl discusses disabilities and how they are represented (or not) in MLP. She suggests a scene for the show wherein The CMC (the 8-year-olds mentioned above) ask Twilight for advice on how to incorporate a blind fellow student, the above-mentioned Snowdrop (who is not even in the original show), into their group.
The point is, my suggestion about what Hasbro should have done with Derpy (wherein Twilight chastises the bullies) is not at all unique. Many people are out there practically demanding the media embrace disabled characters in their shows (because they know it is never going to happen in reality). And thousands more are doing it themselves through Fan Fiction (particularly with the characters from MLP as vehicles - which is something I still do not fully understand).
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The point is (forget this stupid cartoon pony show), people in general want to see more disabled characters in (any) TV shows; and if the media will not give it to them, they will do it themselves (even if they have to use MLP characters as the vehicle)!
You can Google AMWDW: Rosie and the Theme of Disabilities wherein an Aspergirl discusses disabilities and how they are represented (or not) in MLP. She suggests a scene for the show wherein The CMC (the 8-year-olds mentioned above) ask Twilight for advice on how to incorporate a blind fellow student, the above-mentioned Snowdrop (who is not even in the original show), into their group.
The point is, my suggestion about what Hasbro should have done with Derpy (wherein Twilight chastises the bullies) is not at all unique. Many people are out there practically demanding the media embrace disabled characters in their shows (because they know it is never going to happen in reality). And thousands more are doing it themselves through Fan Fiction (particularly with the characters from MLP as vehicles - which is something I still do not fully understand).
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Autism Lecture # 17. Did not work.
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Autism Lecture #18.
A brilliant compilation of serious points about the sense of community created by Autistics, whom unfortunately sometimes turn their support-group into a cult. I included so many analogies and sub-points, taken from what I already said elsewhere, it became a mess, not to mention redundant.
Here are the points I was trying to make: Gender Confusion. Waifus as over-compensation vs Waifus as under-compensation. Obsessive Personality Disorder. Being obsessed with Barney as opposed to loving Barney. Fandom as a community vs Fandom as a crutch. The crutch becoming a Cult. Fighting for acceptance like fake Transexuals do. And, Do I mention on my resume thet I am Autistic? Hell no!
I hope to write a new lecture thet makes my point without me interjecting so many analogies thet it confuses people.
It was a very clever compilation of analogies thet conglomerated into a point thet needed to be made about the Autism community. But it was more clever than good. So I cut it.
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A brilliant compilation of serious points about the sense of community created by Autistics, whom unfortunately sometimes turn their support-group into a cult. I included so many analogies and sub-points, taken from what I already said elsewhere, it became a mess, not to mention redundant.
Here are the points I was trying to make: Gender Confusion. Waifus as over-compensation vs Waifus as under-compensation. Obsessive Personality Disorder. Being obsessed with Barney as opposed to loving Barney. Fandom as a community vs Fandom as a crutch. The crutch becoming a Cult. Fighting for acceptance like fake Transexuals do. And, Do I mention on my resume thet I am Autistic? Hell no!
I hope to write a new lecture thet makes my point without me interjecting so many analogies thet it confuses people.
It was a very clever compilation of analogies thet conglomerated into a point thet needed to be made about the Autism community. But it was more clever than good. So I cut it.
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#19.
Toys.
by Chryssie.
Next week is Christmas, so, as an Aspie Anthropologist, I walked through a store and looked at the toy section to see what was considered the popular toys this year (at least in my town).
None of them appealed to me. None of them would have appealed to the 12 year-old me, nor even the 8-year-old me.
It reminded me of how Autistic I was as a child. The only toys I was interested in were modeling clay, and Legos, with which I could make my own things.
Manufactured toys tell you what you can do with them. You buy the toy because you want to re-enact what a TV show told you the toy represented. Being Autistic, I did not identify with those TV characters. In fact I did not even like watching the shows.
I recently saw a TV program asking 40-year-olds to reminisce childhood toys. The toys they held fond memories for I had never heard of. It surprised me to see just how far “out of the loop” I was in relation to what other people my age had in common, at least concerning the toys they all apparently played with as kids.
As a child, I loved modeling clay and Legos. And as a teenager I loved building models (though what I could build with them was pre-determined, they still gave me enough freedom to add my own interpretation/customization).
All 3 of these were examples of my Autistic fascination with parts of things. I did not like toys thet came pre-assembled, nor those which had a back-story telling me what I was expected to do with them.
That is why I like those computer animated parodies of MLP wherein the characters are taken so far out of context they become absurd. Autistics (or at least this one) will not allow the toy to tell them what to do with it. They have to invent their own game.
If someone wanted me to put on a costume and go to a Halloween party, I would just feel bewildered. I could only go as myself (not thet I would even go to a party).
I know who the MLP characters are. I know their personalities and their strengths and weaknesses. But if I was 8 years old and a fan of the show I still would not want to buy Pony plushies and play with them in a way thet would keep them in their roles as determined by the TV show. I might like the idea of a Pegasus doll, but not a Rainbow Dash specifically because Rainbow comes with a pre-determined personality and behavior. I would feel frustrated by the limitations that gave me.
I invented a new game called King's Crown which was a circular chess board wherein you roll dice to determine the moves your chess-men could make.
When I was a kid, Legos came as a box of blocks - period. You could build whatever you wanted with them. Today Legos come as predetermined puzzles, telling you what you are expected to build with them. Thus I have no interest. And the 8-year-old me would have had no interest either.
When I see kids playing Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter, I just do not get it. Why do they want to pretend they are someone else? I go deer in headlights when I even ask that question. This is why I cannot act, nor tell jokes, nor write a novel. I only give lectures as the real me.
When I was 10 I had Matchbox cars. To me it was always the adventures the cars were driven on thet was the play for me, not the cars themselves. And other kids who had Matchbox cars did not even play with them, at least not in the way I did. They collected them.
I have never understood collecting Beanie Babies or Hello Kitty or whatever. What is the point if you do not play with it? And what is the point of even playing with it if it comes with a pre-determined limitation as to what game you can play? That would drive me nuts.
As a child I preferred to go hiking alone, to just explore, rather than playing with any toys to start with.
Me having a vague sense of spacial location, it was not necessarily even me thet was going on that hike. It was just the alternate perspective of being some place new thet fascinated me. All of my dreams always take place in a location I am not familiar with.
By the time I was 40 I started motorcycle adventure riding. The purpose being the journey, not the destination.
The difference between a Tourist and a Traveler is thet the Tourist sees what they came for; the Traveler sees what is there. The new Legos give you what you bought them for. The old Legos allowed you to build whatever is there in your mind.
On 1 of my motorcycle trips I happened upon a Kite Festival. I am an Aries; I do not like flying, nor birds, nor kites. But when I saw that Kite Festival I was fascinated. I stayed there for 6 hours, and was amazed – because it was something I had never seen nor even thought of before. I still do not care about kites, but that festival gave me an alternate perspective, and thus I loved it.
I do not like doing things (in this case a motorcycle trip) thet have set rules as to what I can do with them; the “game” and “toy” aspect of it is in the journey, not the motorcycle, and not the destination.
For me, the best part of being in a band is the writing and composing of new songs. I would be bored out of my skull if I were to be in a cover band (1 thet plays other people’s music). For the point of those bands is to give the audience songs they have already heard on and learned from the radio. In which case I must play it the way the audience expects it to sound.
My brain would turn to mush and ooze out my ears. I love writing new songs, inventing my own games, having instruments thet allow me to decide what I want to play with them.
Kids buying Transformer dolls are not doing so because they are fascinated with parts of things, nor are they asking those dolls to give them an alternate perspective. They buy them because they want to “play Transformers”; the doll it’s self pre-determining what the child may do with it.
If you give an Autistic child any toy, they will spin it. And if you give them many toys, they will arrange then in a vertical line. What specific toys those are is irrelevant, for they are inventing their own games.
I no longer spin things nor line them up, thus there is no reason for me to have physical toys.
I have nothing in my house thet I, nor anyone else, would recognize as toys.
Part of this is sad, in thet I do not know how to play nor have fun (at least not in a way others would perceive as such). But part of it is good, in thet me daily going on walks and talking to myself is fun for me. Script-walking and Echolalia are my games. Words are my toys. For I am an Aspie.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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Toys.
by Chryssie.
Next week is Christmas, so, as an Aspie Anthropologist, I walked through a store and looked at the toy section to see what was considered the popular toys this year (at least in my town).
None of them appealed to me. None of them would have appealed to the 12 year-old me, nor even the 8-year-old me.
It reminded me of how Autistic I was as a child. The only toys I was interested in were modeling clay, and Legos, with which I could make my own things.
Manufactured toys tell you what you can do with them. You buy the toy because you want to re-enact what a TV show told you the toy represented. Being Autistic, I did not identify with those TV characters. In fact I did not even like watching the shows.
I recently saw a TV program asking 40-year-olds to reminisce childhood toys. The toys they held fond memories for I had never heard of. It surprised me to see just how far “out of the loop” I was in relation to what other people my age had in common, at least concerning the toys they all apparently played with as kids.
As a child, I loved modeling clay and Legos. And as a teenager I loved building models (though what I could build with them was pre-determined, they still gave me enough freedom to add my own interpretation/customization).
All 3 of these were examples of my Autistic fascination with parts of things. I did not like toys thet came pre-assembled, nor those which had a back-story telling me what I was expected to do with them.
That is why I like those computer animated parodies of MLP wherein the characters are taken so far out of context they become absurd. Autistics (or at least this one) will not allow the toy to tell them what to do with it. They have to invent their own game.
If someone wanted me to put on a costume and go to a Halloween party, I would just feel bewildered. I could only go as myself (not thet I would even go to a party).
I know who the MLP characters are. I know their personalities and their strengths and weaknesses. But if I was 8 years old and a fan of the show I still would not want to buy Pony plushies and play with them in a way thet would keep them in their roles as determined by the TV show. I might like the idea of a Pegasus doll, but not a Rainbow Dash specifically because Rainbow comes with a pre-determined personality and behavior. I would feel frustrated by the limitations that gave me.
I invented a new game called King's Crown which was a circular chess board wherein you roll dice to determine the moves your chess-men could make.
When I was a kid, Legos came as a box of blocks - period. You could build whatever you wanted with them. Today Legos come as predetermined puzzles, telling you what you are expected to build with them. Thus I have no interest. And the 8-year-old me would have had no interest either.
When I see kids playing Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter, I just do not get it. Why do they want to pretend they are someone else? I go deer in headlights when I even ask that question. This is why I cannot act, nor tell jokes, nor write a novel. I only give lectures as the real me.
When I was 10 I had Matchbox cars. To me it was always the adventures the cars were driven on thet was the play for me, not the cars themselves. And other kids who had Matchbox cars did not even play with them, at least not in the way I did. They collected them.
I have never understood collecting Beanie Babies or Hello Kitty or whatever. What is the point if you do not play with it? And what is the point of even playing with it if it comes with a pre-determined limitation as to what game you can play? That would drive me nuts.
As a child I preferred to go hiking alone, to just explore, rather than playing with any toys to start with.
Me having a vague sense of spacial location, it was not necessarily even me thet was going on that hike. It was just the alternate perspective of being some place new thet fascinated me. All of my dreams always take place in a location I am not familiar with.
By the time I was 40 I started motorcycle adventure riding. The purpose being the journey, not the destination.
The difference between a Tourist and a Traveler is thet the Tourist sees what they came for; the Traveler sees what is there. The new Legos give you what you bought them for. The old Legos allowed you to build whatever is there in your mind.
On 1 of my motorcycle trips I happened upon a Kite Festival. I am an Aries; I do not like flying, nor birds, nor kites. But when I saw that Kite Festival I was fascinated. I stayed there for 6 hours, and was amazed – because it was something I had never seen nor even thought of before. I still do not care about kites, but that festival gave me an alternate perspective, and thus I loved it.
I do not like doing things (in this case a motorcycle trip) thet have set rules as to what I can do with them; the “game” and “toy” aspect of it is in the journey, not the motorcycle, and not the destination.
For me, the best part of being in a band is the writing and composing of new songs. I would be bored out of my skull if I were to be in a cover band (1 thet plays other people’s music). For the point of those bands is to give the audience songs they have already heard on and learned from the radio. In which case I must play it the way the audience expects it to sound.
My brain would turn to mush and ooze out my ears. I love writing new songs, inventing my own games, having instruments thet allow me to decide what I want to play with them.
Kids buying Transformer dolls are not doing so because they are fascinated with parts of things, nor are they asking those dolls to give them an alternate perspective. They buy them because they want to “play Transformers”; the doll it’s self pre-determining what the child may do with it.
If you give an Autistic child any toy, they will spin it. And if you give them many toys, they will arrange then in a vertical line. What specific toys those are is irrelevant, for they are inventing their own games.
I no longer spin things nor line them up, thus there is no reason for me to have physical toys.
I have nothing in my house thet I, nor anyone else, would recognize as toys.
Part of this is sad, in thet I do not know how to play nor have fun (at least not in a way others would perceive as such). But part of it is good, in thet me daily going on walks and talking to myself is fun for me. Script-walking and Echolalia are my games. Words are my toys. For I am an Aspie.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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#20.
The Autistic Sense of Humor.
by Chryssie.
Stand-up comedy, wherein the comedian tells jokes about things we all have in common, thus eliciting a laugh because "we have all been there", is humor I usually do not find funny. I get the joke, but it is not necessarily funny to me, because, though I have experienced the situation they are joking about, I was never quite in the "been there" mode, for my sensory perception of the situation being referenced was different from what a Normal person experienced.
Thus to me everything is slightly out of context. This explains why I get such a kick out of computer animated parodies, wherein they (apparently Aspies) intentionally take the characters so drastically out of context for humorous effect. Seeing my own disordered perception repackaged in an intentionally absurd way and then presented back to me as humor really works for me.
I need to talk to many other Autistics to see if they have the same reactions, and if so the same reasons I have for those reactions.
Also, so much humor is based on sight-gags. Thus, how different is a blind person's sense of humor compared to a sighted person?
Or what I said in a previous lecture about jingles, or the whip-crack sound, provoking an emotional reaction. Or the sound of crickets; that sound by it's self is funny, because we know what it represents. Thus raising the question: How different is a deaf person's sense of humor from a hearing person's?
I really want to know these things.
Humor thet is funny to me is like an inside joke. This typically Aspergian internal running thread of humor thet makes absurd things funny to me is caused in part by my belief in prior knowledge, and my difficulty with Theory of Mind.
I will reveal the punch-line without telling the joke first, believing the person I am talking to already knows the joke I am referencing.
In my above-mentioned analogy of Derpy being repeatedly told to get off the screen: Dinky told her, "Mom. Someone might see you!", resulting in Derpy running off screen.
They never mention the joke, just this punchline, which I get because I know the history of the character.
The writer repeatedly referencing the same inside joke, assuming the viewer will get it, is what my humor, or at least my way of expressing it, is like to anyone else (none of whom know the joke).
Another example is the above-mentioned My Little Dolfy, wherein the character is taken so drastically out of context it is funny. And in this case the character is Adolph Hitler! Even Mr Hitler is hilarious when taken this far out of context. And the fact the subject matter is Derpy Hooves suggests the person who made this parody is a Brony, which in turn suggests he is an Aspie, which in turn suggests I am right in assuming most Aspies have this inside joke sense of humor based on taking things out of context.
The Autistic Sense of Humor.
by Chryssie.
Stand-up comedy, wherein the comedian tells jokes about things we all have in common, thus eliciting a laugh because "we have all been there", is humor I usually do not find funny. I get the joke, but it is not necessarily funny to me, because, though I have experienced the situation they are joking about, I was never quite in the "been there" mode, for my sensory perception of the situation being referenced was different from what a Normal person experienced.
Thus to me everything is slightly out of context. This explains why I get such a kick out of computer animated parodies, wherein they (apparently Aspies) intentionally take the characters so drastically out of context for humorous effect. Seeing my own disordered perception repackaged in an intentionally absurd way and then presented back to me as humor really works for me.
I need to talk to many other Autistics to see if they have the same reactions, and if so the same reasons I have for those reactions.
Also, so much humor is based on sight-gags. Thus, how different is a blind person's sense of humor compared to a sighted person?
Or what I said in a previous lecture about jingles, or the whip-crack sound, provoking an emotional reaction. Or the sound of crickets; that sound by it's self is funny, because we know what it represents. Thus raising the question: How different is a deaf person's sense of humor from a hearing person's?
I really want to know these things.
Humor thet is funny to me is like an inside joke. This typically Aspergian internal running thread of humor thet makes absurd things funny to me is caused in part by my belief in prior knowledge, and my difficulty with Theory of Mind.
I will reveal the punch-line without telling the joke first, believing the person I am talking to already knows the joke I am referencing.
In my above-mentioned analogy of Derpy being repeatedly told to get off the screen: Dinky told her, "Mom. Someone might see you!", resulting in Derpy running off screen.
They never mention the joke, just this punchline, which I get because I know the history of the character.
The writer repeatedly referencing the same inside joke, assuming the viewer will get it, is what my humor, or at least my way of expressing it, is like to anyone else (none of whom know the joke).
Another example is the above-mentioned My Little Dolfy, wherein the character is taken so drastically out of context it is funny. And in this case the character is Adolph Hitler! Even Mr Hitler is hilarious when taken this far out of context. And the fact the subject matter is Derpy Hooves suggests the person who made this parody is a Brony, which in turn suggests he is an Aspie, which in turn suggests I am right in assuming most Aspies have this inside joke sense of humor based on taking things out of context.
The card game, Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder (TSSSFF), has 192 cards. Each one is played revealing the punchline of an inside joke. Your fellow players then recall the joke that punchline is referencing, and thus find it funny. You have to be a hardcore Brony to know all the inside jokes (every detail about every character in MLP, plus every detail about the Fan Fiction inspired by it), without which that game, or at least what makes it funny, does not work.
It is another example of why I think most Bronies are Aspies. They have the same inside joke sense of humor I have; at least the ones laughing their asses off while playing TSSSFF; while the Normals, or at least those who do not know MLP, stand there with a deer in headlights look on their face, having no clue what these Nerds are laughing at.
The picture of Celestia hitting Obama with a pie:
That is funny to me, because I know who Celestia is, she is being taken out of context, and it is an inside joke. If you do not know who she is, you have no clue what that is even a picture of; for that picture is the punchline not the joke.
I will be driving along with someone in my car, and we will pass a bill-board. It will remind me of something thet reminds me of something else thet reminds me of something funny. I will then start laughing, assuming the other person knows what I am laughing about. I am surprised their mind did not go through the same sequence mine did. When it comes to humor, I have very little Theory of Mind; I expect them to already know the inside joke.
To me, this is the most difficult part of expressing my (Autistic) sense of humor. I have a splendid (at least to me) sense of what is funny, I just do not know how to share it (most of it is based on word-play, and the Normals are apparently all illiterate).
And when I try to tell jokes thet are truly funny to me, no one laughs because I did not tell it right. It was worded correctly (for me), but not recited with the right timing and inflection, thus they get the joke, they just do not think it is as funny as I do because of the way I told it.
That is funny to me, because I know who Celestia is, she is being taken out of context, and it is an inside joke. If you do not know who she is, you have no clue what that is even a picture of; for that picture is the punchline not the joke.
I will be driving along with someone in my car, and we will pass a bill-board. It will remind me of something thet reminds me of something else thet reminds me of something funny. I will then start laughing, assuming the other person knows what I am laughing about. I am surprised their mind did not go through the same sequence mine did. When it comes to humor, I have very little Theory of Mind; I expect them to already know the inside joke.
To me, this is the most difficult part of expressing my (Autistic) sense of humor. I have a splendid (at least to me) sense of what is funny, I just do not know how to share it (most of it is based on word-play, and the Normals are apparently all illiterate).
And when I try to tell jokes thet are truly funny to me, no one laughs because I did not tell it right. It was worded correctly (for me), but not recited with the right timing and inflection, thus they get the joke, they just do not think it is as funny as I do because of the way I told it.
See this exaggerated example, wherein Autistic Maud explains why her joke is funny: ABagOVicodin. Maud Pie: Gneiss Work. (Feat, Gina M.).
The Normals' humor also does not strike me as very funny, because, though the joke may be truly funny to me, they told it wrong. Their use of timing and inflection did not work for me, which makes the joke seem half as funny to me as it actually is. I can read jokes and thus be rolling on the floor. But if I hear them told to me by a Normal person, they often do not work, at least not as well. I have to Echolalically repeat it to myself until I get the timing right for me; resulting in me laughing at the joke 5 minutes after it was told.
Same with me telling jokes; if I write it out you might find it hilarious, but if I tell it verbally, it does not work. I thus end up developing a sense of humor thet is based on absurdity, resulting in me being delighted by MLP parodies because they are just so bizarre. I find it funny because it is absurd, period; whereas the Normals might find it childish or embarrassing, or stupid.
The same can be said about the Aspie word-play sense of humor. Any word-play is funny to me. I cannot explain why, it just is. But the Normals usually think I am childish or stupid for laughing at something so simple. The Benny Hill classic: "When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME"; the first time I heard that I almost peed myself. And yes, everyone gets that word-play joke, they just do not find it as funny as this literary Aspie does.
Meanwhile their sense of humor may not work for me, for I feel they are the ones who are childish or stupid for laughing at such things.
This leaves me very alone in my humor. I very seldom openly laugh. But I have this gooney sense of humor running in my head all the time.
It is what keeps me sane; my ability to laugh at the absurdity of it all, rather than become enraged over how messed up the world is. And my ability to laugh at the absurdity of myself, rather than become enraged over how messed up I am from the Autism symptoms. I found my own way, through humor, and thus eventually found self-acceptance in the absurdity of my disability.
I got the following off the Internet:
Scientists agree that people with Autism and Aspergers have an impaired sense of humor similar to people with Schizophrenia, but anecdotes abound of Autistic and Asperger children and adults at least flirting with comedy. In a summary article published in 2004 in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (Vol. 34, No. 5), Viktoria Lyons and Michael Fitzgerald, PhD, examine the literature and came up with an interesting suggestion: Some people with Autism and Aspergers do understand humor, but at a mathematical level. Research has well established that many people with Autism and Aspergers have excellent mathematical reasoning skills, and these skills might cross over into the logical and formulaic patterns of certain types of humor, such as puns. But even at this level, the sense of humor appears to operate more at the intellectual level than at the emotionally expressive level, a bit like painting by numbers. They have figured out how humor "works," but a drama will still feel the same for them as a comedy.
Paul Rozin, a University of Pennsylvania psychologist who co-authored a 2006 article about patterns in humor and music in the journal Emotion (Vol. 6, No. 3), thinks this equation-like understanding of humor might parallel the way people with Autism process music. They can abstract relationships among ideas, he says, but have great difficulty fitting those ideas into a social framework.
When I find absurdity funny it is because the person was intentionally being absurd for comic effect. And I usually find things I cannot find the reference-point for anxiety producing.
When I was 16 I thought Laurel and Hardy (L&H) were funny. Their self-depreciating slapstick humor, presented on blurry black-and-white film in silence was hilarious to me (leaving me literally rolling on the floor).
It represented my own perception, me not being able to process audio nor visual input correctly. Then the characters were so obviously behaving in an intentionally absurd way for comic effect, it was just so very funny to me. The intentionally bad video, plus the absurdity of the characters' behavior, combine in a way I cannot help but laugh at.
I also had the typical Aspie word-play sense of humor, wherein any word-play was hysterically funny to me.
But it hurt. It was intellectual humor, not emotional; i.e., I could not necessarily laugh out loud. There was this tension in my heart - an emotionally constipated type of feeling wherein I could not quite express it, which made it actually painful.
I am sure Normal people laughed at Laurel and Hardy. But they did so for a different reason than I did. I am guessing they laugh at it because they can recognize their own absurdity in it; i.e., they have all done stupid things like that themselves, and the fact L&H exaggerate it makes it funny. But I have never done such things, so it made me feel anxiety (on a emotional level) to see it; though it still struck me as funny on an intellectual level, to such extent I was rolling on the floor. The point is, the reason a Normal laughs at it is different than why I laugh at it.
I hated going to the theater to see a movie at a time when it was packed with people, because the audience would all burst out laughing at the same time, which would jolt me into anxiety, for I had no clue what they were laughing at.
I ended up only going to movies on Monday at noon, so I could watch the damn movie in peace and not be interrupted by the Normals’ reaction to it.
Eventually I developed a taste for foreign films thet only played at the Art House Theaters (the audience there were probably mostly Aspies - they enjoyed reading sub-titles). Eventually I stopped going to theaters altogether, for I still hated having people there, for their reactions were always startling to me.
The humor of the Normals seldom works for me, but MLP parodies are funny. I cannot explain why, other than to say my inability to find the reference-point strikes me as funny now. I have at last developed the ability to laugh at the absurdity of it all, as opposed to my former self who alternately wanted to cry and punch myself in the head in self disgust for not being able to get it, run away in a rage from all human contact, or be stuck in a perpetual state of anxiety and sometimes even panic, for I could never figure out what the hell was going on. After alleviating the majority of my symptoms (see my How To Recover page), I now am at last able to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
This is funny; Google PONY HARDCORE - YouTube. It is making fun of Bronies, making fun of MLP, and being intentionally as absurdly out of context as it can get; thus it is funny to me - because it is a punchline, not a joke.
As a teenager I also liked the intentionally idiotic absurdist humor of Monte Python.
The presentation of things I already could not find the reference-point for, taken even further out of context, would sometimes make me feel panicky. Typically Autistic, I took everything extremely literal, and if it was presented as intentionally that absurd I would freak-out.
That last paragraph contradicts the previous 1, but that is the point: some absurd things caused anxiety, others were humorous. But which is which has changed over the years, so now pretty-much anything thet is intentionally absurd strikes me as funny.
The fact I now have a sense of humor about such things, in fact find them hilarious, demonstrates just how far I have come in my recovery from Autism. I am actually starting to "get it."
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Normals' humor also does not strike me as very funny, because, though the joke may be truly funny to me, they told it wrong. Their use of timing and inflection did not work for me, which makes the joke seem half as funny to me as it actually is. I can read jokes and thus be rolling on the floor. But if I hear them told to me by a Normal person, they often do not work, at least not as well. I have to Echolalically repeat it to myself until I get the timing right for me; resulting in me laughing at the joke 5 minutes after it was told.
Same with me telling jokes; if I write it out you might find it hilarious, but if I tell it verbally, it does not work. I thus end up developing a sense of humor thet is based on absurdity, resulting in me being delighted by MLP parodies because they are just so bizarre. I find it funny because it is absurd, period; whereas the Normals might find it childish or embarrassing, or stupid.
The same can be said about the Aspie word-play sense of humor. Any word-play is funny to me. I cannot explain why, it just is. But the Normals usually think I am childish or stupid for laughing at something so simple. The Benny Hill classic: "When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME"; the first time I heard that I almost peed myself. And yes, everyone gets that word-play joke, they just do not find it as funny as this literary Aspie does.
Meanwhile their sense of humor may not work for me, for I feel they are the ones who are childish or stupid for laughing at such things.
This leaves me very alone in my humor. I very seldom openly laugh. But I have this gooney sense of humor running in my head all the time.
It is what keeps me sane; my ability to laugh at the absurdity of it all, rather than become enraged over how messed up the world is. And my ability to laugh at the absurdity of myself, rather than become enraged over how messed up I am from the Autism symptoms. I found my own way, through humor, and thus eventually found self-acceptance in the absurdity of my disability.
I got the following off the Internet:
Scientists agree that people with Autism and Aspergers have an impaired sense of humor similar to people with Schizophrenia, but anecdotes abound of Autistic and Asperger children and adults at least flirting with comedy. In a summary article published in 2004 in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (Vol. 34, No. 5), Viktoria Lyons and Michael Fitzgerald, PhD, examine the literature and came up with an interesting suggestion: Some people with Autism and Aspergers do understand humor, but at a mathematical level. Research has well established that many people with Autism and Aspergers have excellent mathematical reasoning skills, and these skills might cross over into the logical and formulaic patterns of certain types of humor, such as puns. But even at this level, the sense of humor appears to operate more at the intellectual level than at the emotionally expressive level, a bit like painting by numbers. They have figured out how humor "works," but a drama will still feel the same for them as a comedy.
Paul Rozin, a University of Pennsylvania psychologist who co-authored a 2006 article about patterns in humor and music in the journal Emotion (Vol. 6, No. 3), thinks this equation-like understanding of humor might parallel the way people with Autism process music. They can abstract relationships among ideas, he says, but have great difficulty fitting those ideas into a social framework.
When I find absurdity funny it is because the person was intentionally being absurd for comic effect. And I usually find things I cannot find the reference-point for anxiety producing.
When I was 16 I thought Laurel and Hardy (L&H) were funny. Their self-depreciating slapstick humor, presented on blurry black-and-white film in silence was hilarious to me (leaving me literally rolling on the floor).
It represented my own perception, me not being able to process audio nor visual input correctly. Then the characters were so obviously behaving in an intentionally absurd way for comic effect, it was just so very funny to me. The intentionally bad video, plus the absurdity of the characters' behavior, combine in a way I cannot help but laugh at.
I also had the typical Aspie word-play sense of humor, wherein any word-play was hysterically funny to me.
But it hurt. It was intellectual humor, not emotional; i.e., I could not necessarily laugh out loud. There was this tension in my heart - an emotionally constipated type of feeling wherein I could not quite express it, which made it actually painful.
I am sure Normal people laughed at Laurel and Hardy. But they did so for a different reason than I did. I am guessing they laugh at it because they can recognize their own absurdity in it; i.e., they have all done stupid things like that themselves, and the fact L&H exaggerate it makes it funny. But I have never done such things, so it made me feel anxiety (on a emotional level) to see it; though it still struck me as funny on an intellectual level, to such extent I was rolling on the floor. The point is, the reason a Normal laughs at it is different than why I laugh at it.
I hated going to the theater to see a movie at a time when it was packed with people, because the audience would all burst out laughing at the same time, which would jolt me into anxiety, for I had no clue what they were laughing at.
I ended up only going to movies on Monday at noon, so I could watch the damn movie in peace and not be interrupted by the Normals’ reaction to it.
Eventually I developed a taste for foreign films thet only played at the Art House Theaters (the audience there were probably mostly Aspies - they enjoyed reading sub-titles). Eventually I stopped going to theaters altogether, for I still hated having people there, for their reactions were always startling to me.
The humor of the Normals seldom works for me, but MLP parodies are funny. I cannot explain why, other than to say my inability to find the reference-point strikes me as funny now. I have at last developed the ability to laugh at the absurdity of it all, as opposed to my former self who alternately wanted to cry and punch myself in the head in self disgust for not being able to get it, run away in a rage from all human contact, or be stuck in a perpetual state of anxiety and sometimes even panic, for I could never figure out what the hell was going on. After alleviating the majority of my symptoms (see my How To Recover page), I now am at last able to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
This is funny; Google PONY HARDCORE - YouTube. It is making fun of Bronies, making fun of MLP, and being intentionally as absurdly out of context as it can get; thus it is funny to me - because it is a punchline, not a joke.
As a teenager I also liked the intentionally idiotic absurdist humor of Monte Python.
The presentation of things I already could not find the reference-point for, taken even further out of context, would sometimes make me feel panicky. Typically Autistic, I took everything extremely literal, and if it was presented as intentionally that absurd I would freak-out.
That last paragraph contradicts the previous 1, but that is the point: some absurd things caused anxiety, others were humorous. But which is which has changed over the years, so now pretty-much anything thet is intentionally absurd strikes me as funny.
The fact I now have a sense of humor about such things, in fact find them hilarious, demonstrates just how far I have come in my recovery from Autism. I am actually starting to "get it."
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#21.
How I Learn.
by Chryssie.
Many of us Autistics have to watch the same video several times before we fully process it all.
I often have to hear someone’s opinion explained to me from several perspectives before I fully understand it.
How I Learn.
by Chryssie.
Many of us Autistics have to watch the same video several times before we fully process it all.
I often have to hear someone’s opinion explained to me from several perspectives before I fully understand it.
Gibbontake’s presentation style really works for me because he presents the perspectives of ten other people which he then bases his own opinion on. Thus, not only do I understand his opinion but I also see how and why he developed it. See Gibbontake’s Analysis Assemblage: Flight To the Finish - YouTube.
Gibbontake would make such an excellent teacher for Autistic kids.
I think this is also why some Aspies are fascinated with maps. We need to see the route from A to B but also all the alternate routes we could take to get there; and the topography thet made those specific routes necessary. Gibbontake shows me all the routes he did take to get to his opinion.
A Normal told me “You always say too much” because I apparently over-explain everything. This they find annoying. But I do it because I am also explaining it to myself. Not only do I need to see all the possible routes I could take, but I also need to say them. I need to say it from several perspectives before I fully understand it. This is Echolalia, 1 of the most common symptoms of Aspergers. This is also why Gibbontake is one of my favorite Pony Analysts.
Then I watch 10 other analysts too, all of them talking about the same episode of MLP, for hearing this collective batch of opinions helps me to not only understand what I saw in an episode, but more importantly understand how their minds worked in forming their own opinions.
The trick to life is to be forever on your quest for the alternate perspective.
I wish all TV shows had analysis communities, through which I could learn even more about how other people’s minds work in forming their opinions.
The public school system does none of this. Instead it drills the students to mindlessly parrot what a book says rather than understand why it says that. The students are programmed what to think, rather than taught how to think; no critical analysis allowed.
By seeing these analysts present their opinions, especially when it is a result of them listening to several other opinions first, I understand how they think, rather than just what they think.
I wish everyone taught the way Gibbontake does.
E Prime is the English language without the words “is”, “am”, and “are”. Removing those words makes it practically impossible to state anything as a fact. Thus the speaker can only express it as an opinion, in which case they must explain why it is their opinion.
What is it thet makes these Aspie Nerds analyze My Little Pony to the micron like this? Why don’t people, at least the Aspies, analyze other shows to this extent? Big Bang Theory for example has Aspie-like characters in it, as does MLP (which is how I got onto this subject in the first place). Why isn’t there an analysis community for Big Bang Theory or any other show?
I am the only person on the web who reviews Autism movies, documentaries, and TV shows to the extent I do. Why, when there are hundreds of Aspies analyzing My Little Pony, don’t they analyze other shows?
Echolalic Autistics need to repeat it over and over to get it to fully process.
Gibbontake presenting several other peoples’ opinions is an Echolalic teaching style, and that is why I watch him.
And I love the part where he de-bunks his own argument; it lets me see how his mind works.
See my review of the TV show Hannibal. It is about an Aspie-like character who tries desperately to empathize with Serial Killers. I believe he does this as his way of catching up; i.e., he is clueless as to how to interact with normal people, so he tries to empathize with monsters instead.
I do this myself. I try to understand drug addicts and sexual deviants as my way of compensating for the difficulty I have in understanding the simplest things about social interaction.
In my review of Hannibal I also referenced Ask Pinkamena, Following , and Pi, stating thet Hannibal reminds me of those shows. Giving my readers those 3 reference-points is, like Gibbontake presenting his viewers with the opinions of ten other analysts, an Echolalic style of teaching.
Then if I were to write those reference-point-infused reviews in E Prime it would further lead the reader to understand why I have those opinions rather than me just telling them what I think. Thus they would understand me better.
So the point I am making is thet when you present an Autistic with a new object, give them as many sensory perspectives as possible; i.e., have then see it, smell it, taste it, hear it, and touch it.
When presenting them with a new idea, give them your perspective, but also include as many other perspectives as possible, especially if they contradict your own. In which case you are not just telling them what to think, but showing them how to think from several perspectives.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com
----------------------------
I hope to eventually transpose my entire web-site into the Gibbontake format wherein I give my review but interject several other reviewers' opinions too.
Here is the first and only response I ever got from any of my lectures (maybe someone can write to me and explain why they do not write to me. This page would be so much better if it included a huge letters section at the end of each lecture):
Hello Chryssie.
I am not really sure why Big Bang Theory does not have an analysis community. Maybe because they are human characters and so there is less room for imaginative spinning off?
I am more and more impressed however with what the Ponies and the whole Pony Community have accomplished.
I wish there were other shows with analyst communities too. I think it would be so helpful for you if you could get these different perspectives regarding other subject matters.
I think your new lecture is very interesting. - A.B.
Dear A.B.
Here is another good example of what Pony Analysis does so well.
When I saw this episode I did not notice thet Pinkie’s board-game was a combination of Trouble and Sorry. It was not mentioned in words, only shown as a visual, which I had simply not processed.
Twilight’s goal was to solve the mystery of how the ship sank. She interviewed the survivors, while making Spike take notes.
We see Aspie Twilight’s emotionally-detached analysis of the facts. And we hear survivors Rarity Applejack and Pinkie retelling their versions of what happened. Spike interjects his own prejudiced interpretation of the survivors’ stories of what happened into his notes; we the viewers thus see all of this from the fourth person, Spike’s, perspective.
This episode (P.P.O.V.) of this show (My Little Pony) is 1 of the best lessons in Theory of Mind I have ever seen.
There are so many documentaries about Autism Therapies, including Social Stories, wherein Autistics are taught how to understand the Theory of Mind of others. But I think Patti B does it better (at least for me).
Patti B does this Pony Analysis style of explaining the episode, spelling it out in even more detail, specifically showing how we the viewers are only given Spikes perspective (while Aspie Twilight has no interest in the survivors' Theory of Mind … though she does of course solve the mystery of why the ship sank): See My Little Art Talk. PPOV a New Perspective. YouTube.
I so wish all TV shows had this type of stories; but also, and more importantly, Analysis Communities! I always get 10 times more from the analysis than I do from the show it’s self. - Chryssie.
Hi Chryssie.
It never ceases to amaze me how intense the interest in the show remains. Most shows are lucky if they are on the air for a few years. This show has such a devoted group of fans – it is really incredible. The depth of the analyses of the characters and episodes rivals that of major writers like Shakespeare. That sounds crazy, but it is true. Countless college courses have been devoted towards putting every work of Shakespeare’s under a microscope. There is no work by Shakespeare that has not been analyzed to death over and over again. MLP is like the modern day equivalent of that. I am glad people like you have taken so much pleasure in it and learned so much from it. - A.B.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gibbontake would make such an excellent teacher for Autistic kids.
I think this is also why some Aspies are fascinated with maps. We need to see the route from A to B but also all the alternate routes we could take to get there; and the topography thet made those specific routes necessary. Gibbontake shows me all the routes he did take to get to his opinion.
A Normal told me “You always say too much” because I apparently over-explain everything. This they find annoying. But I do it because I am also explaining it to myself. Not only do I need to see all the possible routes I could take, but I also need to say them. I need to say it from several perspectives before I fully understand it. This is Echolalia, 1 of the most common symptoms of Aspergers. This is also why Gibbontake is one of my favorite Pony Analysts.
Then I watch 10 other analysts too, all of them talking about the same episode of MLP, for hearing this collective batch of opinions helps me to not only understand what I saw in an episode, but more importantly understand how their minds worked in forming their own opinions.
The trick to life is to be forever on your quest for the alternate perspective.
I wish all TV shows had analysis communities, through which I could learn even more about how other people’s minds work in forming their opinions.
The public school system does none of this. Instead it drills the students to mindlessly parrot what a book says rather than understand why it says that. The students are programmed what to think, rather than taught how to think; no critical analysis allowed.
By seeing these analysts present their opinions, especially when it is a result of them listening to several other opinions first, I understand how they think, rather than just what they think.
I wish everyone taught the way Gibbontake does.
E Prime is the English language without the words “is”, “am”, and “are”. Removing those words makes it practically impossible to state anything as a fact. Thus the speaker can only express it as an opinion, in which case they must explain why it is their opinion.
What is it thet makes these Aspie Nerds analyze My Little Pony to the micron like this? Why don’t people, at least the Aspies, analyze other shows to this extent? Big Bang Theory for example has Aspie-like characters in it, as does MLP (which is how I got onto this subject in the first place). Why isn’t there an analysis community for Big Bang Theory or any other show?
I am the only person on the web who reviews Autism movies, documentaries, and TV shows to the extent I do. Why, when there are hundreds of Aspies analyzing My Little Pony, don’t they analyze other shows?
Echolalic Autistics need to repeat it over and over to get it to fully process.
Gibbontake presenting several other peoples’ opinions is an Echolalic teaching style, and that is why I watch him.
And I love the part where he de-bunks his own argument; it lets me see how his mind works.
See my review of the TV show Hannibal. It is about an Aspie-like character who tries desperately to empathize with Serial Killers. I believe he does this as his way of catching up; i.e., he is clueless as to how to interact with normal people, so he tries to empathize with monsters instead.
I do this myself. I try to understand drug addicts and sexual deviants as my way of compensating for the difficulty I have in understanding the simplest things about social interaction.
In my review of Hannibal I also referenced Ask Pinkamena, Following , and Pi, stating thet Hannibal reminds me of those shows. Giving my readers those 3 reference-points is, like Gibbontake presenting his viewers with the opinions of ten other analysts, an Echolalic style of teaching.
Then if I were to write those reference-point-infused reviews in E Prime it would further lead the reader to understand why I have those opinions rather than me just telling them what I think. Thus they would understand me better.
So the point I am making is thet when you present an Autistic with a new object, give them as many sensory perspectives as possible; i.e., have then see it, smell it, taste it, hear it, and touch it.
When presenting them with a new idea, give them your perspective, but also include as many other perspectives as possible, especially if they contradict your own. In which case you are not just telling them what to think, but showing them how to think from several perspectives.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com
----------------------------
I hope to eventually transpose my entire web-site into the Gibbontake format wherein I give my review but interject several other reviewers' opinions too.
Here is the first and only response I ever got from any of my lectures (maybe someone can write to me and explain why they do not write to me. This page would be so much better if it included a huge letters section at the end of each lecture):
Hello Chryssie.
I am not really sure why Big Bang Theory does not have an analysis community. Maybe because they are human characters and so there is less room for imaginative spinning off?
I am more and more impressed however with what the Ponies and the whole Pony Community have accomplished.
I wish there were other shows with analyst communities too. I think it would be so helpful for you if you could get these different perspectives regarding other subject matters.
I think your new lecture is very interesting. - A.B.
Dear A.B.
Here is another good example of what Pony Analysis does so well.
When I saw this episode I did not notice thet Pinkie’s board-game was a combination of Trouble and Sorry. It was not mentioned in words, only shown as a visual, which I had simply not processed.
Twilight’s goal was to solve the mystery of how the ship sank. She interviewed the survivors, while making Spike take notes.
We see Aspie Twilight’s emotionally-detached analysis of the facts. And we hear survivors Rarity Applejack and Pinkie retelling their versions of what happened. Spike interjects his own prejudiced interpretation of the survivors’ stories of what happened into his notes; we the viewers thus see all of this from the fourth person, Spike’s, perspective.
This episode (P.P.O.V.) of this show (My Little Pony) is 1 of the best lessons in Theory of Mind I have ever seen.
There are so many documentaries about Autism Therapies, including Social Stories, wherein Autistics are taught how to understand the Theory of Mind of others. But I think Patti B does it better (at least for me).
Patti B does this Pony Analysis style of explaining the episode, spelling it out in even more detail, specifically showing how we the viewers are only given Spikes perspective (while Aspie Twilight has no interest in the survivors' Theory of Mind … though she does of course solve the mystery of why the ship sank): See My Little Art Talk. PPOV a New Perspective. YouTube.
I so wish all TV shows had this type of stories; but also, and more importantly, Analysis Communities! I always get 10 times more from the analysis than I do from the show it’s self. - Chryssie.
Hi Chryssie.
It never ceases to amaze me how intense the interest in the show remains. Most shows are lucky if they are on the air for a few years. This show has such a devoted group of fans – it is really incredible. The depth of the analyses of the characters and episodes rivals that of major writers like Shakespeare. That sounds crazy, but it is true. Countless college courses have been devoted towards putting every work of Shakespeare’s under a microscope. There is no work by Shakespeare that has not been analyzed to death over and over again. MLP is like the modern day equivalent of that. I am glad people like you have taken so much pleasure in it and learned so much from it. - A.B.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#22.
Loneliness.
by Chryssie.
See Stefan Molyneux. The Truth About Robin Williams. YouTube.
I have gotten all I can from the Mane Six Ponies. Each taught me lessons about myself, by packaging each lesson as a cartoonish caricature (of myself). I admit I needed the lessons packaged that way because I am too Retarded to understand them otherwise. And I am okay with that.
I am done with The Mane Six.
Now I can use my following review of the entire series as an analysis of loneliness; specifically anger induced by loneliness. I still do not know how to deal with that; i.e., I no longer feel angry like that, but I do not think I actually got over it either, I just forgot.
Generally speaking I am not angry any more; in fact I am relatively cheerful, but I am still lonely and am unsure of what I can do about it.
So here is the grand summary of MLP and it’s presentation of the subject:
Loneliness.
by Chryssie.
See Stefan Molyneux. The Truth About Robin Williams. YouTube.
I have gotten all I can from the Mane Six Ponies. Each taught me lessons about myself, by packaging each lesson as a cartoonish caricature (of myself). I admit I needed the lessons packaged that way because I am too Retarded to understand them otherwise. And I am okay with that.
I am done with The Mane Six.
Now I can use my following review of the entire series as an analysis of loneliness; specifically anger induced by loneliness. I still do not know how to deal with that; i.e., I no longer feel angry like that, but I do not think I actually got over it either, I just forgot.
Generally speaking I am not angry any more; in fact I am relatively cheerful, but I am still lonely and am unsure of what I can do about it.
So here is the grand summary of MLP and it’s presentation of the subject:
Example 1)
Fluttershy goes to the Gala, which is a huge formal Ball. But she has no intention of going into the building to be with the other ponies, because she has panic-attacks in social situations. Thus it is imperative to her thet she bond with the animals in the garden. But these specific animals will have nothing to do with her.
The more she tries to bond with them the more they are afraid of her. So she goes into a rage, caused by loneliness.
This is the famous “You are going to love me!” scene.
Fluttershy goes to the Gala, which is a huge formal Ball. But she has no intention of going into the building to be with the other ponies, because she has panic-attacks in social situations. Thus it is imperative to her thet she bond with the animals in the garden. But these specific animals will have nothing to do with her.
The more she tries to bond with them the more they are afraid of her. So she goes into a rage, caused by loneliness.
This is the famous “You are going to love me!” scene.
Example 2)
Luna had been in solitary confinement, banished to the moon for 1,000 years, thus she has simply lost her ability to even understand socialization. When she returns she is forgiven for her past and welcomed home as the Prodigal Son.
She wants to re-establish herself in society.
When she finally gets the chance to attempt it, she is so horribly inept, everyone is actually afraid of her.
This is me. I am always too much too fast (spilling my guts to startled strangers), and it freaks people out.
She changes her failing tactics several times in her desperate attempt to be friendly, and none of them work. Eventually she loses her temper and goes into a rage, caused by loneliness.
Luna had been in solitary confinement, banished to the moon for 1,000 years, thus she has simply lost her ability to even understand socialization. When she returns she is forgiven for her past and welcomed home as the Prodigal Son.
She wants to re-establish herself in society.
When she finally gets the chance to attempt it, she is so horribly inept, everyone is actually afraid of her.
This is me. I am always too much too fast (spilling my guts to startled strangers), and it freaks people out.
She changes her failing tactics several times in her desperate attempt to be friendly, and none of them work. Eventually she loses her temper and goes into a rage, caused by loneliness.
Example 3)
Luna’s social ineptness is a result of her unique past, but Pinkie is in fact Autistic.
When Pinkie thinks her friends do not like her anymore, she immediately goes into a rage.
Then she goes home alone, and literally loses her mind.
This is probably the most famous scene in the entire series - spawning all the Crazy Pinkie parodies.
Example 4)
Pinkie recovers from that specific “episode”, but continues to demonstrate her Autistic utter inability to grasp Empathy nor Theory of Mind.
In this episode she tries to befriend Cranky, who himself is lost in his own loneliness, thus resulting in his perpetual anger.
Too much too fast Pinkie drives him mad with her forced presence in his life, repeatedly bursting into his house to ram “friendship” down his throat … because she senses how lonely he is and truly wants to help.
When he finally tells her point-blank to get the hell out of his life, she reacts with this facial expression.
Pinkie recovers from that specific “episode”, but continues to demonstrate her Autistic utter inability to grasp Empathy nor Theory of Mind.
In this episode she tries to befriend Cranky, who himself is lost in his own loneliness, thus resulting in his perpetual anger.
Too much too fast Pinkie drives him mad with her forced presence in his life, repeatedly bursting into his house to ram “friendship” down his throat … because she senses how lonely he is and truly wants to help.
When he finally tells her point-blank to get the hell out of his life, she reacts with this facial expression.
Autistic Pinkie is truly not able to understand Theory of Mind.
Eventually Cranky goes into an absolute rage.
This level of extreme emotion is what it takes for oblivious Pinkie to finally get the hint thet she should back off. But she still does not understand why.
Example 5)
Twilight’s older brother is marrying Princess Cadence.
Cadence was once Twilights Nanny, so Twilight knows her very well.
Hours before the wedding Cadence has apparently become a Bridezilla, which the real Cadence would never do.
Twilight recognizes there is something wrong with Cadence, and Twilight being Twilight, over-thinks everything and winds herself up into a panic. She tries to take over, declaring thet Cadence is evil, telling her brother he is making the biggest mistake of his life, and demanding the wedding be called off!
Everyone thinks Twilight has lost her mind. Thus she is abandoned by her friends, told point-blank by her brother thet she is no longer welcome at his wedding, and even scolded by Celestia!
Twilight had never felt so certain in all her life thet something was wrong, but having it all rejected so thoroughly crushes her, but more importantly (and the point of my story) is thet this resulting expression on her face is a horrified loneliness.
Twilight’s older brother is marrying Princess Cadence.
Cadence was once Twilights Nanny, so Twilight knows her very well.
Hours before the wedding Cadence has apparently become a Bridezilla, which the real Cadence would never do.
Twilight recognizes there is something wrong with Cadence, and Twilight being Twilight, over-thinks everything and winds herself up into a panic. She tries to take over, declaring thet Cadence is evil, telling her brother he is making the biggest mistake of his life, and demanding the wedding be called off!
Everyone thinks Twilight has lost her mind. Thus she is abandoned by her friends, told point-blank by her brother thet she is no longer welcome at his wedding, and even scolded by Celestia!
Twilight had never felt so certain in all her life thet something was wrong, but having it all rejected so thoroughly crushes her, but more importantly (and the point of my story) is thet this resulting expression on her face is a horrified loneliness.
With no one left to defend Twilight, evil Cadence traps her in a cave and emotionally tortures her.
At this point Twilight is not crying because she is being tortured. She is crying because she is so horribly alone.
Example 6)
Pinkie wants to stay involved with all her friends at the same time, but there is simply not that much of her to go around. So she discovers a new magic thet will allow her to clone herself so she can simultaneously be with all of her friends.
Pinkie wants to stay involved with all her friends at the same time, but there is simply not that much of her to go around. So she discovers a new magic thet will allow her to clone herself so she can simultaneously be with all of her friends.
But the clones are inferior copies with all of Pinkie’s emotional intensity but little of her actual personality. They all impulsively clone themselves too.
This of course results in disaster, but Pinkie does it because, though she has 5 close friends, she still has this underlying loneliness thet scares her (due in part to her also being Manic Depressive). She needs to be with all five of her friends at all times because she has this deep fear she might lose them otherwise. How can she be so close with so many people and still feel this desperately lonely?
This of course results in disaster, but Pinkie does it because, though she has 5 close friends, she still has this underlying loneliness thet scares her (due in part to her also being Manic Depressive). She needs to be with all five of her friends at all times because she has this deep fear she might lose them otherwise. How can she be so close with so many people and still feel this desperately lonely?
Example 7)
Scootaloo is an orphan and disabled.
She emotionally attaches to Rainbow, but stupid Rainbow has no clue.
They all go camping, wherein Rainbow tells scary stories around the campfire, 1 of which is about The Headless Horse.
This story scares the crap out of Scootaloo and she even has nightmares about it. She is terrified.
Scootaloo is an orphan and disabled.
She emotionally attaches to Rainbow, but stupid Rainbow has no clue.
They all go camping, wherein Rainbow tells scary stories around the campfire, 1 of which is about The Headless Horse.
This story scares the crap out of Scootaloo and she even has nightmares about it. She is terrified.
Luna appears in her dream and tells her she must confront her fears or else she will have to live with them forever. Scootaloo does not know how she is supposed to confront her fear of a fictional character in a dream. So Luna makes her admit thet what she is actually afraid of is losing Rainbows respect.
So the next day Scootaloo tells Rainbow she was terrified by that Headless Horse story and was afraid to admit it to Rainbow.
She also admits she has emotionally attached to Rainbow and needs her to be her surrogate big sister. This is a big surprise to Rainbow.
So Rainbow admits thet the reason she told that specific story is because when she was Scootaloo’s age it scared the crap out of her too, and she is not as tough as she pretends to be.
The two of them bond over this mutual revealing of weakness they were formerly afraid to admit.
Rainbow grows as much from this experience as Scootaloo does.
In Scootaloo’s case her loneliness did not create rage. It created petrifying fear.
Example 8)
Pinkie’s older sister Maud is intentionally written as a textbook Asperger.
In this scene Pinkie needs to be emotionally comforted with a hug, so Maud complies. But you can see from Maud’s facial expression thet she is just going through the motions, not actually understanding why a hug would help.
This is 1 of the sweetest scenes in the entire series, but it is also 1 of the saddest. Autistic Maud loves Pinkie but has no clue how to show it.
(See my review of Maud Pie).
Pinkie’s older sister Maud is intentionally written as a textbook Asperger.
In this scene Pinkie needs to be emotionally comforted with a hug, so Maud complies. But you can see from Maud’s facial expression thet she is just going through the motions, not actually understanding why a hug would help.
This is 1 of the sweetest scenes in the entire series, but it is also 1 of the saddest. Autistic Maud loves Pinkie but has no clue how to show it.
(See my review of Maud Pie).
Example 9)
Applebloom expects to get her Cutie Mark soon, but she is afraid she might get the wrong 1. She and her siblings are orphans and are thus very close and fiercely loyal as (what remains of) their family.
Applebloom is afraid she might get a Mark thet is not Apple-related, and thus be rejected by her family. Her fear of rejection, or even abandonment, is brought on by her parents having died, so she actually has nightmares about that rejection.
Luna appears in her dream and shows her the dreams of her friends Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, demonstrating how they are also feeling so insecure about their yet-to-arrive Mark thet they are having bad dreams about it too.
Luna reassures her thet everyone feels insecure when struggling to find their place in society, but it does not matter what your Cutie Mark is, your family will always love you.
This fear of abandonment is a running theme in the show, demonstrating how one can make themselves feel desperately lonely over something thet did not even happen.
Applebloom expects to get her Cutie Mark soon, but she is afraid she might get the wrong 1. She and her siblings are orphans and are thus very close and fiercely loyal as (what remains of) their family.
Applebloom is afraid she might get a Mark thet is not Apple-related, and thus be rejected by her family. Her fear of rejection, or even abandonment, is brought on by her parents having died, so she actually has nightmares about that rejection.
Luna appears in her dream and shows her the dreams of her friends Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, demonstrating how they are also feeling so insecure about their yet-to-arrive Mark thet they are having bad dreams about it too.
Luna reassures her thet everyone feels insecure when struggling to find their place in society, but it does not matter what your Cutie Mark is, your family will always love you.
This fear of abandonment is a running theme in the show, demonstrating how one can make themselves feel desperately lonely over something thet did not even happen.
Example 10)
Though Rarity has five close friends, in this episode she admits how lonely she is, because what she really wants is a boyfriend.
I think part of what makes her such a drama-queen is sexual frustration. She so much needs to love someone in a sexual bonding sort of way.
I identified strongly with this. And that is why Rarity was my favorite.
Though Rarity has five close friends, in this episode she admits how lonely she is, because what she really wants is a boyfriend.
I think part of what makes her such a drama-queen is sexual frustration. She so much needs to love someone in a sexual bonding sort of way.
I identified strongly with this. And that is why Rarity was my favorite.
Example 11)
Then we have the classic Rainbow Dash and the Grieving Process episode.
Rainbow has five close friends, but her relationship with her pet fulfills a need in her they cannot. When he has to go into hibernation for the winter, she falls apart.
A phase of her Grieving Process includes rage because she is so lonely without him.
Then we have the classic Rainbow Dash and the Grieving Process episode.
Rainbow has five close friends, but her relationship with her pet fulfills a need in her they cannot. When he has to go into hibernation for the winter, she falls apart.
A phase of her Grieving Process includes rage because she is so lonely without him.
Example 12)
Discord has been reformed, but his only actual friend is Fluttershy. She is the only friend he has ever had. When she reveals in this scene thet she has made a new friend, he reacts with this facial expression.
He then becomes insanely jealous thet he has to share her with someone else. He spends the majority of the episode trying to sabotage Fluttershy’s new friendship. This anger in him is provoked by his fear of loneliness, the result of something thet has not actually happened.
The episode ends by teaching him the lesson thet she does not like him less just because she likes someone else too. It was his fear of abandonment thet provoked his anger, expressed through jealousy, when she had no intention of abandoning him. In fact she wanted to include him as part of her circle of friends. He had difficulty grasping that.
Discord has been reformed, but his only actual friend is Fluttershy. She is the only friend he has ever had. When she reveals in this scene thet she has made a new friend, he reacts with this facial expression.
He then becomes insanely jealous thet he has to share her with someone else. He spends the majority of the episode trying to sabotage Fluttershy’s new friendship. This anger in him is provoked by his fear of loneliness, the result of something thet has not actually happened.
The episode ends by teaching him the lesson thet she does not like him less just because she likes someone else too. It was his fear of abandonment thet provoked his anger, expressed through jealousy, when she had no intention of abandoning him. In fact she wanted to include him as part of her circle of friends. He had difficulty grasping that.
Example 13)
Twilight had her childhood friends. When Celestia sent her to Ponyville to start her mission (collecting new friends as The Elements of Harmony) she lost touch with her old friends.
Years later Twilight returns to Canterlot and meets up with them.
Moondancer completely rejects Twilight’s attempt to re-kindle their old friendship because she feels she was abandoned by Twilight all those years ago. Moondancer was devastated by that, and still holds a grudge to this day.
Aspergirl Twilight had no clue.
When Twilight tries to fix it, Moondancer is so enraged, she almost beats Twilight with a stick!
Twilight had her childhood friends. When Celestia sent her to Ponyville to start her mission (collecting new friends as The Elements of Harmony) she lost touch with her old friends.
Years later Twilight returns to Canterlot and meets up with them.
Moondancer completely rejects Twilight’s attempt to re-kindle their old friendship because she feels she was abandoned by Twilight all those years ago. Moondancer was devastated by that, and still holds a grudge to this day.
Aspergirl Twilight had no clue.
When Twilight tries to fix it, Moondancer is so enraged, she almost beats Twilight with a stick!
Example 14)
Obliviously-meddlesome Pinkie attempts to pair-off Marble with Big Mac.
This is 1 of the reasons I left new Mexico. In Mexican culture everyone is required to be married. I was constantly being set-up, as opposed to fixed-up, with “dates” I did not ask for, and had no clue was even going on until it was sprung on me out of the blue - over and over again! It made me furious.
Obliviously-meddlesome Pinkie attempts to pair-off Marble with Big Mac.
This is 1 of the reasons I left new Mexico. In Mexican culture everyone is required to be married. I was constantly being set-up, as opposed to fixed-up, with “dates” I did not ask for, and had no clue was even going on until it was sprung on me out of the blue - over and over again! It made me furious.
Marble and Big Mac eventually warmed up to the idea because they were attracted to each other all along, but were not actually admitting it. Pinkie could sense that.
She was right all along, but it is not your place to do that Pinkie!
My angry reaction to this scenario is caused in part by loneliness. The people trying to pair me off could sense my loneliness and were thus trying to alleviate it.
I suppose I should be grateful they cared about me, but there was too much anger around the subject for me to feel anything else. Anger caused by loneliness.
She was right all along, but it is not your place to do that Pinkie!
My angry reaction to this scenario is caused in part by loneliness. The people trying to pair me off could sense my loneliness and were thus trying to alleviate it.
I suppose I should be grateful they cared about me, but there was too much anger around the subject for me to feel anything else. Anger caused by loneliness.
Example 15)
Zephyr Breeze egotistically deludes himself thet Rainbow has a crush on him. It actually makes Rainbow angry.
Example 16)
The horrible Glimmer felt abandoned as a child, and actually went mad from it, or was at least driven by anger over it her whole life long. She went on to form a cult wherein all members were stripped of their identities and forced to be equals; this way no one would ever be left out nor feel abandoned.
But her rage-fueled power-tripping made her easily corrupted after her cult was formed. She had created her own version of Antifa, wherein everyone is an identical clone and everything must be banned so none of her Special Snowflakes will get offended, maintained with her iron fist!
The Mane Six show up to try to fix this “friendship problem”,
The horrible Glimmer felt abandoned as a child, and actually went mad from it, or was at least driven by anger over it her whole life long. She went on to form a cult wherein all members were stripped of their identities and forced to be equals; this way no one would ever be left out nor feel abandoned.
But her rage-fueled power-tripping made her easily corrupted after her cult was formed. She had created her own version of Antifa, wherein everyone is an identical clone and everything must be banned so none of her Special Snowflakes will get offended, maintained with her iron fist!
The Mane Six show up to try to fix this “friendship problem”,
and are met with rage
provoked by desperate loneliness and the sense of abandonment she never got over as a child.
provoked by desperate loneliness and the sense of abandonment she never got over as a child.
And Twilight did not see that coming.
(Example 17)
Glimmer is eventually reformed (with a sledge hammer), and makes friends with Trixie.
She and Trixie both now have pasts they are ashamed of, and truly want to redeem themselves. But since neither of them ever had an actual friend, and spent their whole lives angrily over-compensating for the loneliness, they are still both almost as socially clueless as Luna.
Trixie makes friends with Glimmer. They have truly acquired their first actual friend. But Trixie is still so resentful of Twilight thet she rub’s Twilight’s face in the fact she is Glimmer’s friend but Twilight is not, so there.
This of course hurts Glimmer deeply, she assuming Trixie was only using her to one-up Twilight (that was not entirely the case, but that is how it came across).
Glimmer runs away, deeply hurt by Trixie. Trixie is so ashamed of herself for using her first and only friend like that thet she tries to kill herself, in a typically theatrical Trixie way, publicly shooting herself out of a cannon.
In this case the loneliness-invoked rage was internalized into a suicide attempt.
And I am left to decipher how I am to apply these lessons.
I used to have panic-attacks in my sleep because I was that lonely … and enraged about it!
Today I feel no such thing, but I am still lonely. I cried the other day over that movie, Somersault (see my review).
All the time I was working at the Casino I needed to love Rarity as a way of comforting myself.
And it was because it was all so social. There were so many people around all the time. And all of them were so lonely. Those despair zombies who go to Casinos and drink and smoke and gamble their lives away because they have given up on ever connecting with anyone. It was painful to behold. It made me feel lonely too.
But when I am on a motorcycle trip I never feel any such thing. I just feel free of the reminders of loneliness.
Then I see that Gatebox commercial (See Gatebox Virtual Home Robot Wants You to Be Her Master at http://www.pcmag.com/news/350314/gatebox-virtual-home-robot-wants-you-to-be-her-master) and am actually horrified thet in the year since I left the Casino someone actually invented such a thing because there is a demand for it now.
They do not just go to a crowded Casino where they feel even lonelier. Now they just stay home with a Hologram, in despair.
I do not. I want to just stay home and never have to interact with anyone at all. But that is the point. I want to be alone. These people who never leave their house want to be with a Hologram!
The men spend 3 billion dollars a year on fuck-dolls, or actually pay a brothel to let them fuck a horse! And these stupid women publicly smear menstrual blood all over themselves in an expression of despair and self-disgust, while deluding themselves thet they are too good for any man anyway, so fuck you.
Loneliness for a Normal must be totally different than loneliness for an Autistic.
But of course no one wants to talk about it. Instead they just want to delude themselves they are too good for anyone.
Feminists delude themselves thet they are too good for any man, when the facts are no man wants them. This is why in the USA since 2000 there has been a 25% increase in suicides among single women. Admit you are a stupid slut no man wants, and kill yourself. Or delude yourself thet you are too good for them anyway, which is an expression of rage caused by loneliness.
This self-hatred expressed in this menstrual neurosis going on right now; women “Free-bleeding” as a “Feminist statement” when it is actually an expression of anger which in turn is a manifestation of self-imposed loneliness.
I can spend all day totally alone writing this lecture. I enjoy it. I think instead of beating off in front of a computer all day, or deluding myself thet I am in love with a fuck-doll thet cost more than my car, or going to a Casino and drugging myself to oblivion with 3 different addictions so I will not have to admit how lonely I am while surrounded by others who are identical to me in how pathetically pointless our existence is, I can instead … what? What am I supposed to do to not feel lonely? Everyone feels lonely.
When I was 14 or so I went to school with a neighbor kid named Fred. We were not friends, just neighbors who happened to ride the same school-bus. I did talk to him occasionally, but I did not consider us friends. By the time we were 15 he was gone. I did not notice.
By the time he was in his 30s he showed up at my house. He told me his story:
He was Russian. In his “Old Believer” Russian Orthodox religious culture he was forced into an arranged marriage to a stranger at the age of 15. He moved to Alaska and became a fisherman. He made pretty good money, and eventually had 2 kids. But he just now abandoned them all because he never wanted any of it to start with. Today he is having anxiety-attacks because he is so desperately lonely, and realizes I am the closest thing he ever had to a friend.
I felt deeply sorry for him, but I also resented it bitterly. Everyone always wants me to be there for them when they are lonely, but no one was ever there for me! I felt a bitter contempt thet he wanted me to be his friend. Not toward him, but toward the situation.
At that time I was obsessively recording music, and cared nothing about anything else. And yes, music was my surrogate for all the things lacking in my life, but I no longer wanted those things! I had rejected them in a rage, provoked by loneliness.
I told Fred I did not know him and did not care to.
Part of me felt horrible for that, deeply sad over his plight, and actually ashamed I could not help him. But the other 75% of me just felt rage.
I developed Obsessive Personality Disorder and a God Complex.
Then I went to Alaska and cried harder than I ever had in my life.
Then I started doing motorcycle trips every year. During my first trip I cried so hard I died and left my body.
Then I quit life and wrote obsessively for 5 years, during which I published 77 zines.
Then I divorced my abusive lunatic family and moved to Arizona, where I cried every day for 15 months.
There I also met that Aspergirl and recognized for the first time in my life thet there could be someone for me to love. I cried 10 times in 1 day over her. She was afraid of me of course. But I had never had that thought before, and it changed me.
Then I became a driver for CPS and was so much of service to others. I wanted to adopt kids.
Then I moved to New Mexico and became a Security Guard. I was protecting the innocent (as opposed to a Cop who thinks everyone is guilty). I was proud of my finger-print clearance. I felt I had established myself as a Man at last.
Then I met Nicole, and it all caught up with me again. I felt so desperate to cling to her and never let go.
Then I moved to Nevada and got into Ponies. You were witness to pretty-much all of that.
The Pony thing has since run it's course; I no longer care about them (though I still use them as analogies - because half of them are Autistic, they make such good analogies!).
And now I wake up in a good mood, actually feeling giddy sometimes. Even though currently I do not have a job and am disappointed in life in general, I am just not angry any more. Now when I feel lonely it does not make me mad.
I still get angry, but I no longer have an underlying anger about everything all the time, caused by loneliness, like I used to.
The fact remains I still have no clue what to do about it - loneliness that is. I do not think anyone does.
There are 8 billion people on Earth - more than ever before in history. But suicides caused by loneliness have never been higher. How can there be so many people here, and all of them so lonely?
There is always this space in our hearts thet remains empty, and it hurts. And having a lot of friends does nothing to alleviate that. As was seen with Rainbow and her pet - she was in so much pain caused by loneliness, but she rejected her friends and clung to him. Rarity also rejected her friends while crying over her lack of a love life. Will anyone know what space in their heart Rainbow’s pet or Rarity’s yet-to-arrive boyfriend were filling?
I want to discover what needs to go there, that way I will not need to have friends at all, because as an Autistic it is just too hard to have friends.
If I had five friends as close as the Mane Six’s there would still be this space in my heart thet was never filled, leaving me to feel such loneliness … and resulting rage.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com
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Hello Chryssie.
I held off on responding to you for a while because I have really been thinking about this particular lecture of yours – not so much your Pony Analysis, because there is not much for me to add there, you have yourself figured out – but rather what else you wrote about loneliness.
The subject of loneliness is important to me because I fear this for my boys. And I had to really ask myself if loneliness is increased because of Autism and if it can be overcome. In terms of Autism, is loneliness something strictly internal (i.e., almost an emotional or intellectual barrier within the self that prevents someone from creating meaningful relationships)? Or does loneliness result due to the Normals perceiving people with ASD as odd and therefore do not interact with them? Is loneliness qualitatively different for someone with Autism?
As a Normal, I simply cannot answer that question – I have no personal frame of reference. I can say however that loneliness is prevalent among the Normals, although they may experience it differently. I have known, and still know, plenty of desperately lonely people – people who are lonely due to the loss of a close loved one, people who are lonely because they have alienated everyone (due to substance abuse or other bad behavior), people who are lonely because they are lost in a mental illness and so on.
Here is what I think of it when I drill down to the core of the issue of loneliness. John Donne wrote that “No man is an island”. I think that is BS. Every human being actually is an island. The only human being you carry with you throughout your entire life is yourself.
I think it really sucks that your parents damaged your Faith with their destructive religious practices. Quite frankly, the answer to loneliness is God (in my opinion). We may be separated from each other, but we are never apart from Him. He is always with us. Sometimes I feel that presence around me almost tangibly and it always gives me comfort.
A few days ago, I was driving and listening to the radio and thinking about what you wrote on loneliness and I heard this song – it is called Shine, by Mondo Cozmo. Here are the lyrics:
Stick with me Jesus through the comin' storm
I've come to you in search of something I have lost
Shine down a light on me and show a path
I promise you I will return if you take me back
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
My friends are so alone and it breaks my heart
My friends don't understand we all are lost
Shine down a light on them and show a path
I promise you they will return if you take 'em back
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
Let it go
Oh, yeah
Come with me Mary through these modern lines
Stick with me Jesus ’til the end of time
Shine down a light on me and let me know
And take me in your arms and never let me go
That song just knocked me out because it is a song about loneliness! So many people are checking out – getting stoned or drunk, losing themselves in gambling or sex or even electronic devices. In my opinion, most of this behavior is due to a profound sense of separation and loneliness. But we are not really alone – ever!
Given your history, I guess this kind of thinking is a cold comfort. And I guess it sounds Pollyana-ish for me to say things like this. When you are longing for meaningful human interaction, Faith is not exactly the same substitute. But it can provide something, for what it is worth.
I do not know if my boys have any sense of a higher power. I pray that God has gifted them with this naturally and intuitively because I would hate to think they will go through life not having that comfort to rely upon. I pray you find that comfort as well.
Unfortunately, I do not have any other thoughts on the subject of loneliness other than I think you can draw people towards yourself (or at least not push them away) if you accept and love yourself, stop judging others, have an open mind, act positively towards other people (nobody wants to make friends with a person they perceive dislikes them or is contemptuous of them) and just, in general, relax and let go (i.e., stop thinking so much – relationships are not something you can create with the intellect; they are more organic and just sort of happen). - A.B.
Dear A.B.
You asked: In terms of Autism, is loneliness something strictly internal (i.e., almost an emotional or intellectual barrier within the self that prevents someone from creating meaningful relationships)? Or does loneliness result due to the Normals perceiving people with ASD as odd and therefore do not interact with them? Is loneliness qualitatively different for someone with Autism?
In my case, I have Reactive Attachment Disorder, meaning I know deep in my soul it is pointless to try to make friends, so I consciously avoid trying. Thus, is there an emotional or intellectual barrier within the self that prevents someone from creating meaningful relationships? Yes - in my case.
I do not know how much of it is due to Autism though. When I was 17 - 29 I was girl-crazy and fell in love a lot. Being Autistic made it difficult for them to connect with me, but I feel the main reason none of those “relationships” (snicker) worked was because I was just so much more intelligent and mature than anyone else.
Many Aspies refer to themselves as being “born and adult”; as a child they prefer to be with adults because they are so much more mature than anyone else their age. I was always like that. All those girls I loved were infants compared to me, and that is the main reason I gave up on them, their unbearable immaturity.
I believe 50% of the reason I developed Reactive Attachment Disorder is because I was more mature than anyone else. The other 50% was due to having horrible parents.
Today I still wonder how much of my unwillingness to socialize is caused by Autism and how much is caused by RAD.
I think I stay away from others due to my RAD. But they stay away from me due to my Autism. I know it is pointless to try to interact with them. But when I do it is the Pinkie and Twilight in me jumping out at them thet makes them find me weird. My co-workers in Security all considered me to be “kind of odd” (their words).
They still liked me, but kept a distance because they did not have the reference-point thet could give them an understanding of what I was.
I think Loneliness is different for a Normal than it is for an Autistic. I do not really have an explanation for that, but I do recognize thet it is the Normals who are drug addicts. They are the ones who would rather be hopelessly addicted than to confront their own loneliness. Whereas I think Autistics generally analyze what loneliness is and how it effects them.
These people do this because they are lonely: See Alltime 10s. Top 10 Deadliest Street Drugs. - YouTube.
I find it hard to imagine an Autistic resorting to these drugs as an escape from loneliness. I am sure there are Autistic addicts, but I just have difficulty getting my mind around an Autistic doing such things.
Physical addictions are for people who believe they are their body. They drug the body to attain an alternate sense of reality. An Autistic is already so disconnected from their own body thet they might not even notice if they were on drugs, in which case why would they bother trying them?
When you peel the skin off the surface of a blister to reveal another layer of skin beneath it, that layer feels twice as sensitive. That is what it feels like inside the holes in Chrysalis’s legs. I dreamed that. I know what that feels like. Your Autistic child is still in diapers because he cannot feel the sensation of needing to go. Why would someone like us want drugs thet alter our already disordered sensory processing? Drugs are for people who live in their bodies. Autistics do not.
Then there is the anger issue:
Autistics stim to let it out. Normals drug themselves to keep it in.
They call it “self medication.” An Autistic does not self-medicate. Instead they self calm through stimming. Normals are just so pathetic.
Of course this is all a broad-sweeping generalization, but I think it is basically true. It certainly is in my case.
I know I am lonely, and I know I am angry about it, and so I write it all out. I even make it into Pony Analysis as a way of labeling it and storing it in the proper place. As I said in my Grieving Process Lecture - I had to find a place to put it before I could feel it.
I am so intelligent and mature for this. The Normals just drug themselves to maintain their perpetual denial. They are so pathetically stupid. They drug themselves literally to death while the Autistics over-think everything and wind themselves up into a panic, perpetually on the verge of a melt-down because they cannot help but over-analyze everything.
Then there is Democracy, the most evil political belief there is, wherein the least last and lost form cliques and delude themselves they are the majority. These terrified morons will burn you as a witch if you do not pretend to be one of them; e.g., Antifa delude themselves they represent America, and Feminists delude themselves they represent Women. Autistics were never able, nor even interested in, joining one of these circle-jerks of deluded morons. Autistics spend their lives hiding from the witch-burning lynch-mobs of Democracy.
Thus Autistics intentionally maintain their loneliness by keeping away from people they know will reject or even attack them. And the Normals are so terrified they might be the minority witch to be burned thet they cluster together in paranoid cliques thet label others as “minority” and thus maintain their loneliness. The desperately lonely members of which devolve into hate-group cults such as Antifa, Feminist, Nigger, Faggot, Spick, or whatever label they choose to apply to themselves. Special Snowflake SJW cults of hatred, all of them so desperately lonely.
Why would an Autistic want to go there? Only a Normal is that stupid.
Then there is Munchausen Syndrome - the belief thet if you can prove you are a victim that will relieve you of having to grow up. And look at all the attention you can get by playing that role, publicly wailing about your victim status.
Look at Moldylocks: See Felfop Returns. The Ballad of #Moldylocks (Just Hit Me); she intentionally threw herself into a fist-fight so she could claim she was a helpless little girl who was abused by the evil Patriarchy. She actually has a Go Fund Me account wherein bleeding heart co-addicts can give her money to pay for her therapy; read: help keep her down in her stupid cunt, Feminazi, victim-wannabe, cow-shit.
It is okay to laugh at cripples. I actually find this funny.
Pony Living is an on-line video game wherein you make pony characters you role-play with. In 1 episode a guy was battling his pony with dragons. They were having a grand old time having a 3-way fight, him with a sword against 2 dragons.
Some cunt with Munchausen Syndrome threw her pony character into the crossfire and got herself killed by an accidental sword-chop. She called in Admin and tried to get the guy banned from the game for having killed her character. She had Munchausen Syndrome, like all Feminists, and even displayed it as a pony character she was role-playing with in an on-line video game!
It is just so pathetic, this whole glamorization of self-inflicted victim status. - Chryssie.
Dear Chryssie.
I really enjoyed our discussion about loneliness and your thoughts and insights into the topic.
I think RAD and Aspergers are very difficult to distinguish at times. Our RDI consultant has often worked with children who were adopted out of overseas orphanages, and she’s never sure if what she is seeing is ASD or RAD (or a combination of both). In the end, it does not really matter to her what someone is labelled with – she approaches each child with the mindset that we have to meet the kid where the kid is at. So in other words, wherever the child needs help, that is where we will focus and the official label does not really matter that much. I totally agree with that approach. The label only becomes important when you are trying to get services from your school district or reimbursements from health insurance. Kids do not care what their label is – they just want to be helped where they need it.
A man I know is a great example of RAD + ASD. You wrote: I think I stay away from others due to my RAD. But they stay away from me due to my Autism. I think that perfectly sums up this man. He was raised in an orphanage, and not only does he have trouble forming attachments with people but he also struggles with a “restlessness of place.” He has never owned a house but always rented because he did not like the idea of being tied down. I cannot count how many different apartments he has lived in over the years. He will decide he just hates where he is living (usually for no rational reason), move to someplace he has idealized, and stays there until he decides he cannot stand that place either, and moves again. He cannot settle down – with himself nor outside himself. It must be a very tiring way to live.
Now, neither of my boys have RAD because they were fortunate enough to grow up in a loving home. They actually do have meaningful relationships with others, and they show and receive affection. But they often struggle being around other people at times, and I think that is mostly due to sensory overload. I could be wrong about that because neither of them can explain how they feel, but that is what I suspect. I hope and pray that neither of them are lonely now nor in the future.
Good Lord, those Top 10 Dangerous Street Drugs are scary.
I totally agree with you that loneliness manifests itself differently in Normals and in people with ASD. Normals drug and drink; they lose themselves in porn or video games; they gamble. I am not sure if it is because they are trying to keep the loneliness in though. I think most of these people are just trying to numb themselves so they do not feel the pain.
People with ASD would hate that crap because, as you noted, they already have sensory nervous systems that are wired differently. I cannot imagine anyone with ASD drinking and drugging knowing that it would just further mess up their sensory perception.
Normals are stupid, and they are ungrateful. They are fortunate enough to be born with healthy bodies and brains and sensory systems that work okay. People like my boys would give just about anything to have that. And then these Normals go and mess up those gifts – deliberately sabotage their brains and bodies. It really does not make sense. Normals could certainly learn from people on The Spectrum the calming benefits of stims. Some of us figure it out on our own – that is why I exercise, why I chew gum, why I have a slew of other little idiosyncratic behaviors. Perhaps that is why I have never had the urge to numb myself with drugs. - A.B.
Also see Moon on YouTube, and his presentation Taxi Driver Tried To Warn You, about how loneliness leads men through a predictable sequence; suggesting, like the Grieving Process, there is also a Loneliness Process.
Also see Moon's presentation Joker Tried To Warn You, wherein a desperately lonely man becomes The Joker; symbolizing how in real life young men become Antifa or Furries.
And all these young women who do Only Fans or Hololive, they too are probably desprately lonely.
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Glimmer is eventually reformed (with a sledge hammer), and makes friends with Trixie.
She and Trixie both now have pasts they are ashamed of, and truly want to redeem themselves. But since neither of them ever had an actual friend, and spent their whole lives angrily over-compensating for the loneliness, they are still both almost as socially clueless as Luna.
Trixie makes friends with Glimmer. They have truly acquired their first actual friend. But Trixie is still so resentful of Twilight thet she rub’s Twilight’s face in the fact she is Glimmer’s friend but Twilight is not, so there.
This of course hurts Glimmer deeply, she assuming Trixie was only using her to one-up Twilight (that was not entirely the case, but that is how it came across).
Glimmer runs away, deeply hurt by Trixie. Trixie is so ashamed of herself for using her first and only friend like that thet she tries to kill herself, in a typically theatrical Trixie way, publicly shooting herself out of a cannon.
In this case the loneliness-invoked rage was internalized into a suicide attempt.
And I am left to decipher how I am to apply these lessons.
I used to have panic-attacks in my sleep because I was that lonely … and enraged about it!
Today I feel no such thing, but I am still lonely. I cried the other day over that movie, Somersault (see my review).
All the time I was working at the Casino I needed to love Rarity as a way of comforting myself.
And it was because it was all so social. There were so many people around all the time. And all of them were so lonely. Those despair zombies who go to Casinos and drink and smoke and gamble their lives away because they have given up on ever connecting with anyone. It was painful to behold. It made me feel lonely too.
But when I am on a motorcycle trip I never feel any such thing. I just feel free of the reminders of loneliness.
Then I see that Gatebox commercial (See Gatebox Virtual Home Robot Wants You to Be Her Master at http://www.pcmag.com/news/350314/gatebox-virtual-home-robot-wants-you-to-be-her-master) and am actually horrified thet in the year since I left the Casino someone actually invented such a thing because there is a demand for it now.
They do not just go to a crowded Casino where they feel even lonelier. Now they just stay home with a Hologram, in despair.
I do not. I want to just stay home and never have to interact with anyone at all. But that is the point. I want to be alone. These people who never leave their house want to be with a Hologram!
The men spend 3 billion dollars a year on fuck-dolls, or actually pay a brothel to let them fuck a horse! And these stupid women publicly smear menstrual blood all over themselves in an expression of despair and self-disgust, while deluding themselves thet they are too good for any man anyway, so fuck you.
Loneliness for a Normal must be totally different than loneliness for an Autistic.
But of course no one wants to talk about it. Instead they just want to delude themselves they are too good for anyone.
Feminists delude themselves thet they are too good for any man, when the facts are no man wants them. This is why in the USA since 2000 there has been a 25% increase in suicides among single women. Admit you are a stupid slut no man wants, and kill yourself. Or delude yourself thet you are too good for them anyway, which is an expression of rage caused by loneliness.
This self-hatred expressed in this menstrual neurosis going on right now; women “Free-bleeding” as a “Feminist statement” when it is actually an expression of anger which in turn is a manifestation of self-imposed loneliness.
I can spend all day totally alone writing this lecture. I enjoy it. I think instead of beating off in front of a computer all day, or deluding myself thet I am in love with a fuck-doll thet cost more than my car, or going to a Casino and drugging myself to oblivion with 3 different addictions so I will not have to admit how lonely I am while surrounded by others who are identical to me in how pathetically pointless our existence is, I can instead … what? What am I supposed to do to not feel lonely? Everyone feels lonely.
When I was 14 or so I went to school with a neighbor kid named Fred. We were not friends, just neighbors who happened to ride the same school-bus. I did talk to him occasionally, but I did not consider us friends. By the time we were 15 he was gone. I did not notice.
By the time he was in his 30s he showed up at my house. He told me his story:
He was Russian. In his “Old Believer” Russian Orthodox religious culture he was forced into an arranged marriage to a stranger at the age of 15. He moved to Alaska and became a fisherman. He made pretty good money, and eventually had 2 kids. But he just now abandoned them all because he never wanted any of it to start with. Today he is having anxiety-attacks because he is so desperately lonely, and realizes I am the closest thing he ever had to a friend.
I felt deeply sorry for him, but I also resented it bitterly. Everyone always wants me to be there for them when they are lonely, but no one was ever there for me! I felt a bitter contempt thet he wanted me to be his friend. Not toward him, but toward the situation.
At that time I was obsessively recording music, and cared nothing about anything else. And yes, music was my surrogate for all the things lacking in my life, but I no longer wanted those things! I had rejected them in a rage, provoked by loneliness.
I told Fred I did not know him and did not care to.
Part of me felt horrible for that, deeply sad over his plight, and actually ashamed I could not help him. But the other 75% of me just felt rage.
I developed Obsessive Personality Disorder and a God Complex.
Then I went to Alaska and cried harder than I ever had in my life.
Then I started doing motorcycle trips every year. During my first trip I cried so hard I died and left my body.
Then I quit life and wrote obsessively for 5 years, during which I published 77 zines.
Then I divorced my abusive lunatic family and moved to Arizona, where I cried every day for 15 months.
There I also met that Aspergirl and recognized for the first time in my life thet there could be someone for me to love. I cried 10 times in 1 day over her. She was afraid of me of course. But I had never had that thought before, and it changed me.
Then I became a driver for CPS and was so much of service to others. I wanted to adopt kids.
Then I moved to New Mexico and became a Security Guard. I was protecting the innocent (as opposed to a Cop who thinks everyone is guilty). I was proud of my finger-print clearance. I felt I had established myself as a Man at last.
Then I met Nicole, and it all caught up with me again. I felt so desperate to cling to her and never let go.
Then I moved to Nevada and got into Ponies. You were witness to pretty-much all of that.
The Pony thing has since run it's course; I no longer care about them (though I still use them as analogies - because half of them are Autistic, they make such good analogies!).
And now I wake up in a good mood, actually feeling giddy sometimes. Even though currently I do not have a job and am disappointed in life in general, I am just not angry any more. Now when I feel lonely it does not make me mad.
I still get angry, but I no longer have an underlying anger about everything all the time, caused by loneliness, like I used to.
The fact remains I still have no clue what to do about it - loneliness that is. I do not think anyone does.
There are 8 billion people on Earth - more than ever before in history. But suicides caused by loneliness have never been higher. How can there be so many people here, and all of them so lonely?
There is always this space in our hearts thet remains empty, and it hurts. And having a lot of friends does nothing to alleviate that. As was seen with Rainbow and her pet - she was in so much pain caused by loneliness, but she rejected her friends and clung to him. Rarity also rejected her friends while crying over her lack of a love life. Will anyone know what space in their heart Rainbow’s pet or Rarity’s yet-to-arrive boyfriend were filling?
I want to discover what needs to go there, that way I will not need to have friends at all, because as an Autistic it is just too hard to have friends.
If I had five friends as close as the Mane Six’s there would still be this space in my heart thet was never filled, leaving me to feel such loneliness … and resulting rage.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com
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Hello Chryssie.
I held off on responding to you for a while because I have really been thinking about this particular lecture of yours – not so much your Pony Analysis, because there is not much for me to add there, you have yourself figured out – but rather what else you wrote about loneliness.
The subject of loneliness is important to me because I fear this for my boys. And I had to really ask myself if loneliness is increased because of Autism and if it can be overcome. In terms of Autism, is loneliness something strictly internal (i.e., almost an emotional or intellectual barrier within the self that prevents someone from creating meaningful relationships)? Or does loneliness result due to the Normals perceiving people with ASD as odd and therefore do not interact with them? Is loneliness qualitatively different for someone with Autism?
As a Normal, I simply cannot answer that question – I have no personal frame of reference. I can say however that loneliness is prevalent among the Normals, although they may experience it differently. I have known, and still know, plenty of desperately lonely people – people who are lonely due to the loss of a close loved one, people who are lonely because they have alienated everyone (due to substance abuse or other bad behavior), people who are lonely because they are lost in a mental illness and so on.
Here is what I think of it when I drill down to the core of the issue of loneliness. John Donne wrote that “No man is an island”. I think that is BS. Every human being actually is an island. The only human being you carry with you throughout your entire life is yourself.
I think it really sucks that your parents damaged your Faith with their destructive religious practices. Quite frankly, the answer to loneliness is God (in my opinion). We may be separated from each other, but we are never apart from Him. He is always with us. Sometimes I feel that presence around me almost tangibly and it always gives me comfort.
A few days ago, I was driving and listening to the radio and thinking about what you wrote on loneliness and I heard this song – it is called Shine, by Mondo Cozmo. Here are the lyrics:
Stick with me Jesus through the comin' storm
I've come to you in search of something I have lost
Shine down a light on me and show a path
I promise you I will return if you take me back
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
My friends are so alone and it breaks my heart
My friends don't understand we all are lost
Shine down a light on them and show a path
I promise you they will return if you take 'em back
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
Let 'em get high
Let 'em get stoned
Everything will be alright if you let it go
Let it go
Oh, yeah
Come with me Mary through these modern lines
Stick with me Jesus ’til the end of time
Shine down a light on me and let me know
And take me in your arms and never let me go
That song just knocked me out because it is a song about loneliness! So many people are checking out – getting stoned or drunk, losing themselves in gambling or sex or even electronic devices. In my opinion, most of this behavior is due to a profound sense of separation and loneliness. But we are not really alone – ever!
Given your history, I guess this kind of thinking is a cold comfort. And I guess it sounds Pollyana-ish for me to say things like this. When you are longing for meaningful human interaction, Faith is not exactly the same substitute. But it can provide something, for what it is worth.
I do not know if my boys have any sense of a higher power. I pray that God has gifted them with this naturally and intuitively because I would hate to think they will go through life not having that comfort to rely upon. I pray you find that comfort as well.
Unfortunately, I do not have any other thoughts on the subject of loneliness other than I think you can draw people towards yourself (or at least not push them away) if you accept and love yourself, stop judging others, have an open mind, act positively towards other people (nobody wants to make friends with a person they perceive dislikes them or is contemptuous of them) and just, in general, relax and let go (i.e., stop thinking so much – relationships are not something you can create with the intellect; they are more organic and just sort of happen). - A.B.
Dear A.B.
You asked: In terms of Autism, is loneliness something strictly internal (i.e., almost an emotional or intellectual barrier within the self that prevents someone from creating meaningful relationships)? Or does loneliness result due to the Normals perceiving people with ASD as odd and therefore do not interact with them? Is loneliness qualitatively different for someone with Autism?
In my case, I have Reactive Attachment Disorder, meaning I know deep in my soul it is pointless to try to make friends, so I consciously avoid trying. Thus, is there an emotional or intellectual barrier within the self that prevents someone from creating meaningful relationships? Yes - in my case.
I do not know how much of it is due to Autism though. When I was 17 - 29 I was girl-crazy and fell in love a lot. Being Autistic made it difficult for them to connect with me, but I feel the main reason none of those “relationships” (snicker) worked was because I was just so much more intelligent and mature than anyone else.
Many Aspies refer to themselves as being “born and adult”; as a child they prefer to be with adults because they are so much more mature than anyone else their age. I was always like that. All those girls I loved were infants compared to me, and that is the main reason I gave up on them, their unbearable immaturity.
I believe 50% of the reason I developed Reactive Attachment Disorder is because I was more mature than anyone else. The other 50% was due to having horrible parents.
Today I still wonder how much of my unwillingness to socialize is caused by Autism and how much is caused by RAD.
I think I stay away from others due to my RAD. But they stay away from me due to my Autism. I know it is pointless to try to interact with them. But when I do it is the Pinkie and Twilight in me jumping out at them thet makes them find me weird. My co-workers in Security all considered me to be “kind of odd” (their words).
They still liked me, but kept a distance because they did not have the reference-point thet could give them an understanding of what I was.
I think Loneliness is different for a Normal than it is for an Autistic. I do not really have an explanation for that, but I do recognize thet it is the Normals who are drug addicts. They are the ones who would rather be hopelessly addicted than to confront their own loneliness. Whereas I think Autistics generally analyze what loneliness is and how it effects them.
These people do this because they are lonely: See Alltime 10s. Top 10 Deadliest Street Drugs. - YouTube.
I find it hard to imagine an Autistic resorting to these drugs as an escape from loneliness. I am sure there are Autistic addicts, but I just have difficulty getting my mind around an Autistic doing such things.
Physical addictions are for people who believe they are their body. They drug the body to attain an alternate sense of reality. An Autistic is already so disconnected from their own body thet they might not even notice if they were on drugs, in which case why would they bother trying them?
When you peel the skin off the surface of a blister to reveal another layer of skin beneath it, that layer feels twice as sensitive. That is what it feels like inside the holes in Chrysalis’s legs. I dreamed that. I know what that feels like. Your Autistic child is still in diapers because he cannot feel the sensation of needing to go. Why would someone like us want drugs thet alter our already disordered sensory processing? Drugs are for people who live in their bodies. Autistics do not.
Then there is the anger issue:
Autistics stim to let it out. Normals drug themselves to keep it in.
They call it “self medication.” An Autistic does not self-medicate. Instead they self calm through stimming. Normals are just so pathetic.
Of course this is all a broad-sweeping generalization, but I think it is basically true. It certainly is in my case.
I know I am lonely, and I know I am angry about it, and so I write it all out. I even make it into Pony Analysis as a way of labeling it and storing it in the proper place. As I said in my Grieving Process Lecture - I had to find a place to put it before I could feel it.
I am so intelligent and mature for this. The Normals just drug themselves to maintain their perpetual denial. They are so pathetically stupid. They drug themselves literally to death while the Autistics over-think everything and wind themselves up into a panic, perpetually on the verge of a melt-down because they cannot help but over-analyze everything.
Then there is Democracy, the most evil political belief there is, wherein the least last and lost form cliques and delude themselves they are the majority. These terrified morons will burn you as a witch if you do not pretend to be one of them; e.g., Antifa delude themselves they represent America, and Feminists delude themselves they represent Women. Autistics were never able, nor even interested in, joining one of these circle-jerks of deluded morons. Autistics spend their lives hiding from the witch-burning lynch-mobs of Democracy.
Thus Autistics intentionally maintain their loneliness by keeping away from people they know will reject or even attack them. And the Normals are so terrified they might be the minority witch to be burned thet they cluster together in paranoid cliques thet label others as “minority” and thus maintain their loneliness. The desperately lonely members of which devolve into hate-group cults such as Antifa, Feminist, Nigger, Faggot, Spick, or whatever label they choose to apply to themselves. Special Snowflake SJW cults of hatred, all of them so desperately lonely.
Why would an Autistic want to go there? Only a Normal is that stupid.
Then there is Munchausen Syndrome - the belief thet if you can prove you are a victim that will relieve you of having to grow up. And look at all the attention you can get by playing that role, publicly wailing about your victim status.
Look at Moldylocks: See Felfop Returns. The Ballad of #Moldylocks (Just Hit Me); she intentionally threw herself into a fist-fight so she could claim she was a helpless little girl who was abused by the evil Patriarchy. She actually has a Go Fund Me account wherein bleeding heart co-addicts can give her money to pay for her therapy; read: help keep her down in her stupid cunt, Feminazi, victim-wannabe, cow-shit.
It is okay to laugh at cripples. I actually find this funny.
Pony Living is an on-line video game wherein you make pony characters you role-play with. In 1 episode a guy was battling his pony with dragons. They were having a grand old time having a 3-way fight, him with a sword against 2 dragons.
Some cunt with Munchausen Syndrome threw her pony character into the crossfire and got herself killed by an accidental sword-chop. She called in Admin and tried to get the guy banned from the game for having killed her character. She had Munchausen Syndrome, like all Feminists, and even displayed it as a pony character she was role-playing with in an on-line video game!
It is just so pathetic, this whole glamorization of self-inflicted victim status. - Chryssie.
Dear Chryssie.
I really enjoyed our discussion about loneliness and your thoughts and insights into the topic.
I think RAD and Aspergers are very difficult to distinguish at times. Our RDI consultant has often worked with children who were adopted out of overseas orphanages, and she’s never sure if what she is seeing is ASD or RAD (or a combination of both). In the end, it does not really matter to her what someone is labelled with – she approaches each child with the mindset that we have to meet the kid where the kid is at. So in other words, wherever the child needs help, that is where we will focus and the official label does not really matter that much. I totally agree with that approach. The label only becomes important when you are trying to get services from your school district or reimbursements from health insurance. Kids do not care what their label is – they just want to be helped where they need it.
A man I know is a great example of RAD + ASD. You wrote: I think I stay away from others due to my RAD. But they stay away from me due to my Autism. I think that perfectly sums up this man. He was raised in an orphanage, and not only does he have trouble forming attachments with people but he also struggles with a “restlessness of place.” He has never owned a house but always rented because he did not like the idea of being tied down. I cannot count how many different apartments he has lived in over the years. He will decide he just hates where he is living (usually for no rational reason), move to someplace he has idealized, and stays there until he decides he cannot stand that place either, and moves again. He cannot settle down – with himself nor outside himself. It must be a very tiring way to live.
Now, neither of my boys have RAD because they were fortunate enough to grow up in a loving home. They actually do have meaningful relationships with others, and they show and receive affection. But they often struggle being around other people at times, and I think that is mostly due to sensory overload. I could be wrong about that because neither of them can explain how they feel, but that is what I suspect. I hope and pray that neither of them are lonely now nor in the future.
Good Lord, those Top 10 Dangerous Street Drugs are scary.
I totally agree with you that loneliness manifests itself differently in Normals and in people with ASD. Normals drug and drink; they lose themselves in porn or video games; they gamble. I am not sure if it is because they are trying to keep the loneliness in though. I think most of these people are just trying to numb themselves so they do not feel the pain.
People with ASD would hate that crap because, as you noted, they already have sensory nervous systems that are wired differently. I cannot imagine anyone with ASD drinking and drugging knowing that it would just further mess up their sensory perception.
Normals are stupid, and they are ungrateful. They are fortunate enough to be born with healthy bodies and brains and sensory systems that work okay. People like my boys would give just about anything to have that. And then these Normals go and mess up those gifts – deliberately sabotage their brains and bodies. It really does not make sense. Normals could certainly learn from people on The Spectrum the calming benefits of stims. Some of us figure it out on our own – that is why I exercise, why I chew gum, why I have a slew of other little idiosyncratic behaviors. Perhaps that is why I have never had the urge to numb myself with drugs. - A.B.
Also see Moon on YouTube, and his presentation Taxi Driver Tried To Warn You, about how loneliness leads men through a predictable sequence; suggesting, like the Grieving Process, there is also a Loneliness Process.
Also see Moon's presentation Joker Tried To Warn You, wherein a desperately lonely man becomes The Joker; symbolizing how in real life young men become Antifa or Furries.
And all these young women who do Only Fans or Hololive, they too are probably desprately lonely.
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LONELINESS Up-date I.
by Chryssie.
Every time I start a new job, within a week all my co-workers know my name, though I had never spoken to any of them.
They often know "all the gory details" about my personal life too, 100% of which is gossip they just made up and know is complete BS. But they cannot help themselves. It is just the way the Normals are.
Meanwhile I am driving a delivery truck, reading a paper map, in the dark, while the crew of four who are to unload the truck are following me in a car. Each of them have a smart-phone with GPS, but all of their batteries are dead, and they are too stupid to have a charging cord with them they could plug into the 12 volt of the car. The point being one of them with a GPS should be leading the way.
The most infuriating thing to me is the Normals’ inability to communicate.
And when they had a goddamn computer in their pocket to tell them every move to make, they do not listen.
When they do appear to be good at communicating, it is all a trick. There is not a technique to socialization. There is a trick to it. And the participants know they are being tricked, but respect you for it. Here is an example:
A Small Cigar
by Jethro Tull
A small cigar can change the world
I know, I've done it frequently at parties
Where I've won all the guests' attention
With my generosity and suave gentlemanly bearing
A little flat tin case is all you need
Breast-pocket conversation opener
And one of those ciggie lighters that look rather good
You can throw away when empty
Must be declared a great success
My small cigars all vanish within minutes
Excuse me, mine host, that I may visit
A nearby tobacconist
To replenish my supply of small cigars
And make the party swing again
I know my clothes seem shabby
And don't fit this Hampstead soiree
Where unread copies of Rolling Stone
And well-thumbed Playboys
Decorate the hi-fi stereo record shelves
If you ask me they're on their way
To upper-middle-class oblivion
The stupid twits, they roll their own
Only one cigarette between them
My small cigar is redundant now
In the haze of smoking pleasure
Call it a day
Get the hell away
Go down the cafe
For a cup of real tea
By the tube station, there's a drunk old fool
Who sells papers in the rush hour
I hand to him ten small cigars
He smiles, says, Son, God bless you
A small cigar
Has changed his world, my friend
A small cigar
Has changed the world again
A small cigar.
He knows how to present himself as a person of generosity and suave gentlemanly bearing, while referring to the people he is charming as upper-middle-class oblivion - the stupid twits.
He is known for being The Life of the Party because he understands how to play the game and use the trick.
by Chryssie.
Every time I start a new job, within a week all my co-workers know my name, though I had never spoken to any of them.
They often know "all the gory details" about my personal life too, 100% of which is gossip they just made up and know is complete BS. But they cannot help themselves. It is just the way the Normals are.
Meanwhile I am driving a delivery truck, reading a paper map, in the dark, while the crew of four who are to unload the truck are following me in a car. Each of them have a smart-phone with GPS, but all of their batteries are dead, and they are too stupid to have a charging cord with them they could plug into the 12 volt of the car. The point being one of them with a GPS should be leading the way.
The most infuriating thing to me is the Normals’ inability to communicate.
And when they had a goddamn computer in their pocket to tell them every move to make, they do not listen.
When they do appear to be good at communicating, it is all a trick. There is not a technique to socialization. There is a trick to it. And the participants know they are being tricked, but respect you for it. Here is an example:
A Small Cigar
by Jethro Tull
A small cigar can change the world
I know, I've done it frequently at parties
Where I've won all the guests' attention
With my generosity and suave gentlemanly bearing
A little flat tin case is all you need
Breast-pocket conversation opener
And one of those ciggie lighters that look rather good
You can throw away when empty
Must be declared a great success
My small cigars all vanish within minutes
Excuse me, mine host, that I may visit
A nearby tobacconist
To replenish my supply of small cigars
And make the party swing again
I know my clothes seem shabby
And don't fit this Hampstead soiree
Where unread copies of Rolling Stone
And well-thumbed Playboys
Decorate the hi-fi stereo record shelves
If you ask me they're on their way
To upper-middle-class oblivion
The stupid twits, they roll their own
Only one cigarette between them
My small cigar is redundant now
In the haze of smoking pleasure
Call it a day
Get the hell away
Go down the cafe
For a cup of real tea
By the tube station, there's a drunk old fool
Who sells papers in the rush hour
I hand to him ten small cigars
He smiles, says, Son, God bless you
A small cigar
Has changed his world, my friend
A small cigar
Has changed the world again
A small cigar.
He knows how to present himself as a person of generosity and suave gentlemanly bearing, while referring to the people he is charming as upper-middle-class oblivion - the stupid twits.
He is known for being The Life of the Party because he understands how to play the game and use the trick.
Loona does not.
Loona goes to a party.
Loona goes to a party.
And really tries to fit in and be sociable … in her awkward way.
She is soundly rejected
because she does not know how to play the game nor use the trick.
(See the Princess Luna analogy above).
She leaves the party, knowing she will never belong
All she needs is a box of small cigars to manipulate morons into thinking she likes them.
I do not know how to do that, nor do I care to. I mean, manipulate people.
And if I do try to communicate honestly, they always have an anxiety-attack and then maliciously gossip.
Who the hell are these people? What planet is this?
So I spill my guts to startled strangers on this web-site as my Chryssie avatar. Resulting in an occasional letter in response, consisting of some other Autistic spilling their guts to me.
These letters are very similar to Patricia’s video about being Autistic in the public school’s Special Ed system (see my review of Patricia Taxxon).
The Autistics trust me because I am honest. The Normals are afraid of me because I am honest.
I feel sorry for the Normal ones. Though I recognize the loneliness in both groups.
But when I try to cultivate those interactions into a friendship, I get no response.
So I use these letters as The Muse for my Chrysalis Discussions, wherein fictional characters have the conversations I wish I could have.
So I spill my guts to startled strangers on this web-site as my Chryssie avatar. Resulting in an occasional letter in response, consisting of some other Autistic spilling their guts to me.
These letters are very similar to Patricia’s video about being Autistic in the public school’s Special Ed system (see my review of Patricia Taxxon).
The Autistics trust me because I am honest. The Normals are afraid of me because I am honest.
I feel sorry for the Normal ones. Though I recognize the loneliness in both groups.
But when I try to cultivate those interactions into a friendship, I get no response.
So I use these letters as The Muse for my Chrysalis Discussions, wherein fictional characters have the conversations I wish I could have.
This is a picture of Loneliness.
Every person with a camera is taking a picture to share with someone on-line so they can pretend they have a friend.
This old woman is actually in the moment. She does not live vicariously through her "smart" phone.
And she probably has actual friends.
Then we take smart-phone technology a step further and we get Virtual Reality.
I theorize thet people immerse themselves in Virtual Reality (or become Furries) because they are lonely and have given up on connecting with real people.
So lonely Pomni puts on her Virtual Reality headset and gets sucked into the world of VR.
Once there she tries to escape. But she is told her belief she can escape is just a digital hallucination.
I theorize thet people immerse themselves in Virtual Reality (or become Furries) because they are lonely and have given up on connecting with real people.
So lonely Pomni puts on her Virtual Reality headset and gets sucked into the world of VR.
Once there she tries to escape. But she is told her belief she can escape is just a digital hallucination.
But trying to adjust to this place causes her to become overstimulated, and she just shuts down. (Anyone would be overstimulated by this).
The episode ends with her recognizing being trapped in VR with a bunch of avatars is going to be her life from now on.
She put on the headset because she was lonely. Now she is stuck there with these other people who are equally as lonely.
But none of it is real. It is just fake people in a fake environment as fake avatars - just like Furries.
These desperately-lonely smart-phone zombies are 1 step away from becoming Pomni.
Just admit it. You are addicted. And addiction is caused by loneliness.
So what can be done about it?
Psychology Today
The World’s Biggest Study on Loneliness.
New research helps explain who feels lonely and who does not.
A new study made an important step towards getting a better understanding of individual differences in loneliness.
46,000 volunteers between 16 and 99 years old contributed to the study.
Importantly, the volunteers came from 237 different countries, making this the most diverse study in Loneliness research so far. As many previous studies often focused on people from one specific country, their results might have been heavily influenced by cultural norms. This was not the case this time.
The study revealed three interesting findings:
1. Age affects loneliness
While one might think that older people might feel lonelier, the study showed the opposite is true: Older people clearly reported less frequent loneliness than younger people. In general, middle-aged people were lonelier than old people, and young people were lonelier than middle-aged people.
2. Gender affects loneliness
Men reported more frequent loneliness than women. This finding was also influenced by age. While men of all ages felt lonelier than women, the gender difference was smallest for older people.
3. Society affects loneliness
People who lived in individualistic societies in which individual success is an important life goal, reported more frequent loneliness than people living in more collectivistic societies, in which the needs and goals of a larger group such as the family are more important than individual success. This effect was stronger for men and older people.
Conclusion:
The study showed that younger men living an individualistic country are most vulnerable to loneliness. Older women living in a collectivistic country were least likely to feel lonely. This information might be important when planning support structures to combat loneliness.
Okay. That makes sense. Looking out for Number One leaves you alone with Number One. Looking out for family leaves you with your family.
Being of service to others makes you a likable person, but not if you have a Martyr Complex, making ridiculous self-sacrifice for others, nor pretending to be "nice" to manipulate others (see Shoe On Head’s "Nice" Guys & "Nice" Girls video.)
I define loneliness as having a lack of friends. And I define friend as someone who helps you grow.
Driving around at night drunk smashing mailboxes may give one camaraderie with their buddies, but these buddies are not friends, because this circle-jerk with sociopaths does not help one grow.
What I want is someone to talk to who actually listens, and shows their loyalty to me by not gossiping about what I tell them in confidence.
I have never had that.
And I want to be able to talk about anything. If they say "Don’t go there" when I try to talk about something uncomfortable, then they are not my friend.
Am I asking too much?
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Hi Chryssie.
It occurs to me while reading what you have written about friendship and intimate conversation that a lot of the problem you are running into is probably related to gender. I actually feel kind of stupid for not considering it before. It is entirely possible that when you talk to people they get anxiety and run away because you are a man. People expect women to be chatty and talk about personal stuff, but they do not expect that of men.
I was reminded about this recently in a conversation with my husband. Last week he came home from golfing with our brother-in-law Daniel. They literally spend hours in the car and on the golf course together. I always ask how Daniel is doing, but this week I was curious about what they talk about during all that time together.
They literally talk about nothing! They basically just talk about golf - and that is it!
Now, if two women spent that much time together, by the end of the day, we would know just about everything there is to know about each other.
As I thought about it, I realized the only person my husband really discusses anything deep or important with is me and his sister.
Then I started considering how I would react if a man I knew in passing (say, from church for instance) started talking to me about deep or intimate things. Honestly, I would probably feel uncomfortable - it would feel unseemly for me to have that type of conversation with anyone aside from my husband or close male family members. Weird.
This must make it SO tough for single men to have any deep friendships. No wonder there are so many lonely people out there (Autism has nothing to do with it in most cases). - L.M.
Hello L.M.
Turd Flinging Monkey commented on an article written by a F to M Trannie. She had lived as a man for years, and said the main thing she was surprised about was the loneliness of men. Men are not allowed to have emotionally intimate relationships nor even conversations.
https://www.foxnews.com/media/trans-man-goes-viral-after-getting-emotional-about-the-loneliness-life-after-gender-transition
When I listed all the good pen-pals I have had over the years, 3/4 of them were women. Women make good pen-pals because we can actually talk intimately.
The thing you liked about me is I am not afraid to talk about taboos subjects. And I like you because you are a loud Italian who tells it like it is. I will always get a kick out of Shoe On Head (see her videos about Male Loneliness).
Most men are intimidated by other men who allow themselves to be vulnerable. We are consciously taught to be bullies and even beat up any boy who is "Sensitive." Getting drunk together and watching a football game is the extent of most male "friendships."
I do not know why men bother pretending to be friends.
The most rage I ever felt was toward those musicians I tried to build a music career with. I felt so giddy and excited when we were playing together, but after rehearsals they all went their separate ways, and I thus felt such intense loneliness. I cried occasionally. But mainly I felt RAGE. I had panic-attacks in my sleep I was so lonely.
And through it all you have to masturbate 5 times a day to keep your testicles from exploding. It is horrible torture being a young male. You have to keep a stiff upper lip and forever "take it like a man." If you ever ask for help you are call a pussy faggot.
And women want that. They like steely-eyed, stone-faced, macho dickheads who drive Harleys. They call that "strong." But that type of man is actually a frightened child.
All of those good female pen-pals I had talked to me about how frustrated they were thet their boyfriends were not emotionally available.
Meanwhile the surest way for a guy to get friend-zoned is to talk about his feelings. It really turns women off if men have feelings.
These days men just play video games. They just "hang out" and play games. And they are emotionally dependent on those gaming sessions, but they never talk about anything.
I gave up on trying to be friends with men back when I was 20. But, like all men, I was so desperately lonely. And if I had a female friend I would fall in love with her as over-compensation. It was pathetic. But men are actively taught to be like that.
I am very disappointed John and I did not at least try to become friends. I gave him my E-Mail 3 times and he never wrote to me. But he would occasionally send me texts thet did not say anything.
Turd Flinging Monkey is the only male friend I have. He does not know I exist. But I listen to him and Lauren Southern, Super Eye-patch Wolf, Moon, Shoe On Head, Teal Deer, etc.
Back when I was publishing zines I would occasionally receive letters from stranger spilling their guts to me because I had been so open and honest through my writing. People talked to me about their mental illness. Teenagers chose me as the first person they came out to as Gay. Girls talked to me about having been raped and them cutting themselves.
But if the opportunity arose for us to meet, they would have an anxiety-attack and run away, never to be heard from again.
I admit, when I am presented with social situations I often get this look on my face.
But I do make an effort. And most people feel anxiety when I do.
And I think it is their fault not mine.
They can be very intimate with me when I am at a safe distance as just a pen-pal. But face-to-face they just feel anxiety about being vulnerable.
And I do not think it has as much to do with the difference between Autistics and Normals. I think it is about the difference between Adults and Children.
I am an Adult who has nothing to hide. They are just Children in public school, terrified of being singled out as an individual, thus the Witch to be burned, in the mindless lynch-mob they choose to play into.
And I do not feel sympathy for them. I just feel lonely because I know it will always be like this.
It occurs to me while reading what you have written about friendship and intimate conversation that a lot of the problem you are running into is probably related to gender. I actually feel kind of stupid for not considering it before. It is entirely possible that when you talk to people they get anxiety and run away because you are a man. People expect women to be chatty and talk about personal stuff, but they do not expect that of men.
I was reminded about this recently in a conversation with my husband. Last week he came home from golfing with our brother-in-law Daniel. They literally spend hours in the car and on the golf course together. I always ask how Daniel is doing, but this week I was curious about what they talk about during all that time together.
They literally talk about nothing! They basically just talk about golf - and that is it!
Now, if two women spent that much time together, by the end of the day, we would know just about everything there is to know about each other.
As I thought about it, I realized the only person my husband really discusses anything deep or important with is me and his sister.
Then I started considering how I would react if a man I knew in passing (say, from church for instance) started talking to me about deep or intimate things. Honestly, I would probably feel uncomfortable - it would feel unseemly for me to have that type of conversation with anyone aside from my husband or close male family members. Weird.
This must make it SO tough for single men to have any deep friendships. No wonder there are so many lonely people out there (Autism has nothing to do with it in most cases). - L.M.
Hello L.M.
Turd Flinging Monkey commented on an article written by a F to M Trannie. She had lived as a man for years, and said the main thing she was surprised about was the loneliness of men. Men are not allowed to have emotionally intimate relationships nor even conversations.
https://www.foxnews.com/media/trans-man-goes-viral-after-getting-emotional-about-the-loneliness-life-after-gender-transition
When I listed all the good pen-pals I have had over the years, 3/4 of them were women. Women make good pen-pals because we can actually talk intimately.
The thing you liked about me is I am not afraid to talk about taboos subjects. And I like you because you are a loud Italian who tells it like it is. I will always get a kick out of Shoe On Head (see her videos about Male Loneliness).
Most men are intimidated by other men who allow themselves to be vulnerable. We are consciously taught to be bullies and even beat up any boy who is "Sensitive." Getting drunk together and watching a football game is the extent of most male "friendships."
I do not know why men bother pretending to be friends.
The most rage I ever felt was toward those musicians I tried to build a music career with. I felt so giddy and excited when we were playing together, but after rehearsals they all went their separate ways, and I thus felt such intense loneliness. I cried occasionally. But mainly I felt RAGE. I had panic-attacks in my sleep I was so lonely.
And through it all you have to masturbate 5 times a day to keep your testicles from exploding. It is horrible torture being a young male. You have to keep a stiff upper lip and forever "take it like a man." If you ever ask for help you are call a pussy faggot.
And women want that. They like steely-eyed, stone-faced, macho dickheads who drive Harleys. They call that "strong." But that type of man is actually a frightened child.
All of those good female pen-pals I had talked to me about how frustrated they were thet their boyfriends were not emotionally available.
Meanwhile the surest way for a guy to get friend-zoned is to talk about his feelings. It really turns women off if men have feelings.
These days men just play video games. They just "hang out" and play games. And they are emotionally dependent on those gaming sessions, but they never talk about anything.
I gave up on trying to be friends with men back when I was 20. But, like all men, I was so desperately lonely. And if I had a female friend I would fall in love with her as over-compensation. It was pathetic. But men are actively taught to be like that.
I am very disappointed John and I did not at least try to become friends. I gave him my E-Mail 3 times and he never wrote to me. But he would occasionally send me texts thet did not say anything.
Turd Flinging Monkey is the only male friend I have. He does not know I exist. But I listen to him and Lauren Southern, Super Eye-patch Wolf, Moon, Shoe On Head, Teal Deer, etc.
Back when I was publishing zines I would occasionally receive letters from stranger spilling their guts to me because I had been so open and honest through my writing. People talked to me about their mental illness. Teenagers chose me as the first person they came out to as Gay. Girls talked to me about having been raped and them cutting themselves.
But if the opportunity arose for us to meet, they would have an anxiety-attack and run away, never to be heard from again.
I admit, when I am presented with social situations I often get this look on my face.
But I do make an effort. And most people feel anxiety when I do.
And I think it is their fault not mine.
They can be very intimate with me when I am at a safe distance as just a pen-pal. But face-to-face they just feel anxiety about being vulnerable.
And I do not think it has as much to do with the difference between Autistics and Normals. I think it is about the difference between Adults and Children.
I am an Adult who has nothing to hide. They are just Children in public school, terrified of being singled out as an individual, thus the Witch to be burned, in the mindless lynch-mob they choose to play into.
And I do not feel sympathy for them. I just feel lonely because I know it will always be like this.
"My precious! My precious!"
They have no friends.
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Hello Chryssie.
I love that Norman Rockwell illustration of Gossip. It is funny how there really is nothing new under the sun. People never stop gossiping. It is just that now they do it on cell-phones, through texting, and on social media. I have come to the conclusion that gossip is evil behavior, and I repent of ever participating in it. At the root of it, gossip is all about trying to make yourself "more" while hurting someone else. It is truly wicked.
I wish I could explain why people have trouble with raw honesty. I do not understand it myself. The only thing I can think of is that many people have sort of a false sense of reality. Raw honesty usually conflicts with that, and so people reject it (because they cannot handle reality).
You wrote:
"The thing you liked about me is I am not afraid to talk about taboos subjects. And I like you because you are a loud Italian who tells it like it is."
So true of both of us!
You wrote:
"All of those good female pen-pals I had talked to me about how frustrated they were thet their boyfriends were not emotionally available. Meanwhile the surest way for a guy to get friend-zoned is to talk about his feelings. It really turns women off if men have feelings.
These days men just play video games. They just 'hang out' and play games. And they are emotionally dependent on those gaming sessions, but they never talk about anything."
Hmmm. Maybe it is because I am from an older generation, but I do not have a problem with men discussing their feelings. My husband is a very masculine, man's man type of guy. He is a brick layer by trade and worked as a foreman for a large commercial masonry company for decades. He can build just about anything. He is a Real Dude. But he is also deeply sensitive, very caring and loving, and willingly shares his feelings. He is also totally awesome with both of my Autistic kids, neither of whom are his. I am very blessed. Anyway, I am just relating this because not everybody is as you described. There are exceptions.
This past weekend, our Sunday church service was a Baptism service. I watched he-man after he-man completely break down and get totally vulnerable when making their Testimony. One guy, a Marine, I remember very particularly because his Witness was so beautiful. So again, their are exceptions. - L.M.
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I love that Norman Rockwell illustration of Gossip. It is funny how there really is nothing new under the sun. People never stop gossiping. It is just that now they do it on cell-phones, through texting, and on social media. I have come to the conclusion that gossip is evil behavior, and I repent of ever participating in it. At the root of it, gossip is all about trying to make yourself "more" while hurting someone else. It is truly wicked.
I wish I could explain why people have trouble with raw honesty. I do not understand it myself. The only thing I can think of is that many people have sort of a false sense of reality. Raw honesty usually conflicts with that, and so people reject it (because they cannot handle reality).
You wrote:
"The thing you liked about me is I am not afraid to talk about taboos subjects. And I like you because you are a loud Italian who tells it like it is."
So true of both of us!
You wrote:
"All of those good female pen-pals I had talked to me about how frustrated they were thet their boyfriends were not emotionally available. Meanwhile the surest way for a guy to get friend-zoned is to talk about his feelings. It really turns women off if men have feelings.
These days men just play video games. They just 'hang out' and play games. And they are emotionally dependent on those gaming sessions, but they never talk about anything."
Hmmm. Maybe it is because I am from an older generation, but I do not have a problem with men discussing their feelings. My husband is a very masculine, man's man type of guy. He is a brick layer by trade and worked as a foreman for a large commercial masonry company for decades. He can build just about anything. He is a Real Dude. But he is also deeply sensitive, very caring and loving, and willingly shares his feelings. He is also totally awesome with both of my Autistic kids, neither of whom are his. I am very blessed. Anyway, I am just relating this because not everybody is as you described. There are exceptions.
This past weekend, our Sunday church service was a Baptism service. I watched he-man after he-man completely break down and get totally vulnerable when making their Testimony. One guy, a Marine, I remember very particularly because his Witness was so beautiful. So again, their are exceptions. - L.M.
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LONELINESS Update II.
by Chryssie.
So I expected my trip to Texas to take 4 days and cost $30 a day for gas. It ended up going to take 6 days just to get there at a cost of $50 a day for gas. It was just too expensive, so I turned around and went home.
6 days on the road, 9-hours of driving every day, at a total cost of $215; i.e., it would have cost $1,000 to go there and back. I could buy a new computer with that.
So I am very disappointed that did not work. But all I did was sit and listen to my MP3 player all day every day - and let my broken foot rest.
I made a special playlist of Queen, Jethro Tull, and Stan Ridgeway. I had no Stan records at the time, so I bought 3 just for the trip. I was not sure why. But something told me to do so.
Stan has a song called Right Through You. I ended up listening to it 5 times in a row for a couple days. It was really touching to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7RccW4K064
Right Through You
by Stan Ridgeway
Look them in the eye to show them you're brave
But no one but me knows that you're just a slave
To this part in the play You never mean what you say
You come on so strong You run with the hunt
Don't know what's behind you Don't show what's in front
Sometimes you do it to show to someone you don't know
Like a bird on a limb starin' down at its toes
No song he could sing No his voice it just froze
And the fear that you keep is bottled up there inside
(Chorus) And I see right through you Right on through
But I know you see right through me too
You put on a good show Act so in control
But you're laughin' too loud at a joke no one told
You're not what you appear You're just a ghost in the mirror
Sometimes what you say Yeah, you do for effect
You wanna show someone power You wanna get some respect
But most times you don't know nothin' about it all
(Chorus) And I see right through you Right on through
But I know you see right through me too
I'm chippin' the rock but it's dark in the mine
Don't look away now You drive me outta my mind
But I try to act sure I try to endure
The things that I wanted so much out of you
A feeling to share A love that was true
Or maybe I just made it up
(Chorus) And I see right through you Right on through
But I know you see right through me too
I especially liked the final line "Or maybe I just made it up."
I love Rarity, but she is not real. I sleep with her like an octopus, but she cannot hug me back.
The things that I wanted so much out of you
A feeling to share A love that was true
Or maybe I just made it up
After listening to that 5 times I cried lightly.
As explained in this song, and the Jethro Tull song above, all relationships are fake.
My problem was RAD preventing me from discriminating, thus I projected my desire to love onto people who were not even lovable.
I had to do that 7 times before I stopped loving so indiscriminately (I am here talking about romantic falling in love type of love).
I was 29 when I gave up on it.
I was 54 when I found Rarity, and immediately bonded obsessively with her because she is so very loyal.
After crying over that song I then dreamed David Lee Roth was his age today, around 65. He had waited until he was 60 to have kids. He now had 3 kids, 2, 3, and 4 years old. He loved those kids more than anything. He cuddled them constantly and cried with joy. But his tears were not elated joy. There was a sadness to it, even a grief, thet he had not had kids earlier.
But the kids were jaded and indifferent. Comfortable with him, but indifferent.
His wife was around 40 by then and also jaded and indifferent, and even sneery and resentful. He knew none of them loved him back. But he also knew having someone to love is more important than having someone to love you.
Rarity does not alleviate my loneliness, she just helps compensate for it.
As I mentioned about Blitz and Loona: When Blitz gave Loona unconditional love, she rejected it. But when Blitz gave Loona himself to love, she softened at last. Because for Loona, having someone to love is more important than having someone to love you.
Though I cried to admit "Maybe I just made it up" was the case with every person I ever loved, it was still more important to have someone to love than to have someone love me.
All relationships are fake anyway. The person in this song does not admit they are fake, so Stan calls them on it. Furries and VR avatars at least admit it.
All those Aspie nerds with Pony waifus and Anime girl waifus at least admit their love for their waifu is fake, and the waifu they love is fake.
This song is about "Maybe I just made it up". And that is okay.
So on my trip I just drove around burning up $215 for no reason, other than to listen to that song until I cried; i.e., at last I am no longer feeling the anger induced by loneliness, and can now grieve it instead.
I recommend it.
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by Chryssie.
So I expected my trip to Texas to take 4 days and cost $30 a day for gas. It ended up going to take 6 days just to get there at a cost of $50 a day for gas. It was just too expensive, so I turned around and went home.
6 days on the road, 9-hours of driving every day, at a total cost of $215; i.e., it would have cost $1,000 to go there and back. I could buy a new computer with that.
So I am very disappointed that did not work. But all I did was sit and listen to my MP3 player all day every day - and let my broken foot rest.
I made a special playlist of Queen, Jethro Tull, and Stan Ridgeway. I had no Stan records at the time, so I bought 3 just for the trip. I was not sure why. But something told me to do so.
Stan has a song called Right Through You. I ended up listening to it 5 times in a row for a couple days. It was really touching to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7RccW4K064
Right Through You
by Stan Ridgeway
Look them in the eye to show them you're brave
But no one but me knows that you're just a slave
To this part in the play You never mean what you say
You come on so strong You run with the hunt
Don't know what's behind you Don't show what's in front
Sometimes you do it to show to someone you don't know
Like a bird on a limb starin' down at its toes
No song he could sing No his voice it just froze
And the fear that you keep is bottled up there inside
(Chorus) And I see right through you Right on through
But I know you see right through me too
You put on a good show Act so in control
But you're laughin' too loud at a joke no one told
You're not what you appear You're just a ghost in the mirror
Sometimes what you say Yeah, you do for effect
You wanna show someone power You wanna get some respect
But most times you don't know nothin' about it all
(Chorus) And I see right through you Right on through
But I know you see right through me too
I'm chippin' the rock but it's dark in the mine
Don't look away now You drive me outta my mind
But I try to act sure I try to endure
The things that I wanted so much out of you
A feeling to share A love that was true
Or maybe I just made it up
(Chorus) And I see right through you Right on through
But I know you see right through me too
I especially liked the final line "Or maybe I just made it up."
I love Rarity, but she is not real. I sleep with her like an octopus, but she cannot hug me back.
The things that I wanted so much out of you
A feeling to share A love that was true
Or maybe I just made it up
After listening to that 5 times I cried lightly.
As explained in this song, and the Jethro Tull song above, all relationships are fake.
My problem was RAD preventing me from discriminating, thus I projected my desire to love onto people who were not even lovable.
I had to do that 7 times before I stopped loving so indiscriminately (I am here talking about romantic falling in love type of love).
I was 29 when I gave up on it.
I was 54 when I found Rarity, and immediately bonded obsessively with her because she is so very loyal.
After crying over that song I then dreamed David Lee Roth was his age today, around 65. He had waited until he was 60 to have kids. He now had 3 kids, 2, 3, and 4 years old. He loved those kids more than anything. He cuddled them constantly and cried with joy. But his tears were not elated joy. There was a sadness to it, even a grief, thet he had not had kids earlier.
But the kids were jaded and indifferent. Comfortable with him, but indifferent.
His wife was around 40 by then and also jaded and indifferent, and even sneery and resentful. He knew none of them loved him back. But he also knew having someone to love is more important than having someone to love you.
Rarity does not alleviate my loneliness, she just helps compensate for it.
As I mentioned about Blitz and Loona: When Blitz gave Loona unconditional love, she rejected it. But when Blitz gave Loona himself to love, she softened at last. Because for Loona, having someone to love is more important than having someone to love you.
Though I cried to admit "Maybe I just made it up" was the case with every person I ever loved, it was still more important to have someone to love than to have someone love me.
All relationships are fake anyway. The person in this song does not admit they are fake, so Stan calls them on it. Furries and VR avatars at least admit it.
All those Aspie nerds with Pony waifus and Anime girl waifus at least admit their love for their waifu is fake, and the waifu they love is fake.
This song is about "Maybe I just made it up". And that is okay.
So on my trip I just drove around burning up $215 for no reason, other than to listen to that song until I cried; i.e., at last I am no longer feeling the anger induced by loneliness, and can now grieve it instead.
I recommend it.
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LONELINESS Update III.
by Chryssie.
Here is the teaser for the up-coming episode of Helluva Boss; another gut-wrenching song about loneliness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rATbtwj1qls
For me it was the Stan Ridgeway song about "maybe I just made it up" thet made me cry.
This song is another version of that idea, wherein the mutually-parasitic "business deal" resulted in Stolas falling in love with RAD Blitz.
The jewel in the box is an Asmodian Chrystal Stolas is giving to Blitz as his way of letting him go, thus ending the business deal aspect of their relationship; i.e., Blitz stole a magic book from Stolas to use to open portals to Earth for the sake of his business. Stolas allows him to continue using the book in exchange for sexual favors. Unfortunately Stolas is so desperately lonely he falls in love with Blitz in the process.
Blitz is a horrible person, there is not much about him thet is lovable, but Stolas projects his desire to love someone onto whomever happens to be on hand. I did that … 7 times!
Stolas is giving Blitz the crystal to use to open portals with, thus ending their "business arrangement". Stolas must truly love Blitz to do that.
The scene of him drowning in his own loneliness was the best part for me.
He is Royalty and thus has so much power and authority but still feels he is drowning due to unrequited love.
He was forced into an arranged marriage to a woman he HATES because it was both their Royal duties to produce an Heir for political reasons. He is also Gay and has been in the closet his whole life long, absolutely tortured by his loneliness. He thus out of sheer desperation emotionally attaches to the worst train-wreck in the show, Blitz.
The scene of him having Blitz around his little finger is such over-compensation. He fantasizes of them being attached at the pinkie, while Blitz is in a ball of RAD armor. It is pathetic. But I feel sad for him too.
There is so much desperate loneliness in this show.
We have seen Loona, Blitz, Fizzarolli, and now Stolas completely fall apart in loneliness.
Now watch it again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rATbtwj1qls
It has received 4.6 million views in 6 days. Bye-Bye Disney.
It is even better than the previous Stolas song wherein he sadly says "I used to think love would be fun", and his "stories have all been told", and thus he has no real purpose left, except to love his child.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpnwRg268FQ
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by Chryssie.
Here is the teaser for the up-coming episode of Helluva Boss; another gut-wrenching song about loneliness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rATbtwj1qls
For me it was the Stan Ridgeway song about "maybe I just made it up" thet made me cry.
This song is another version of that idea, wherein the mutually-parasitic "business deal" resulted in Stolas falling in love with RAD Blitz.
The jewel in the box is an Asmodian Chrystal Stolas is giving to Blitz as his way of letting him go, thus ending the business deal aspect of their relationship; i.e., Blitz stole a magic book from Stolas to use to open portals to Earth for the sake of his business. Stolas allows him to continue using the book in exchange for sexual favors. Unfortunately Stolas is so desperately lonely he falls in love with Blitz in the process.
Blitz is a horrible person, there is not much about him thet is lovable, but Stolas projects his desire to love someone onto whomever happens to be on hand. I did that … 7 times!
Stolas is giving Blitz the crystal to use to open portals with, thus ending their "business arrangement". Stolas must truly love Blitz to do that.
The scene of him drowning in his own loneliness was the best part for me.
He is Royalty and thus has so much power and authority but still feels he is drowning due to unrequited love.
He was forced into an arranged marriage to a woman he HATES because it was both their Royal duties to produce an Heir for political reasons. He is also Gay and has been in the closet his whole life long, absolutely tortured by his loneliness. He thus out of sheer desperation emotionally attaches to the worst train-wreck in the show, Blitz.
The scene of him having Blitz around his little finger is such over-compensation. He fantasizes of them being attached at the pinkie, while Blitz is in a ball of RAD armor. It is pathetic. But I feel sad for him too.
There is so much desperate loneliness in this show.
We have seen Loona, Blitz, Fizzarolli, and now Stolas completely fall apart in loneliness.
Now watch it again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rATbtwj1qls
It has received 4.6 million views in 6 days. Bye-Bye Disney.
It is even better than the previous Stolas song wherein he sadly says "I used to think love would be fun", and his "stories have all been told", and thus he has no real purpose left, except to love his child.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpnwRg268FQ
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LONELINESS Update IV.
by Chryssie.
Here is a personal letter I wrote talking about Friendship:
For a few months now I have been considering stopping attending my Zoom meetings because none of them are my friends, and it is a hen-house.
One person has been friendly to me, trying to make friends but I just do not see the point. It is too hard to try to make friends, and no one wants to hear what I have to say anyway, and no one ever listens. I do not bother to tell any of them about my web-site. Even the ones who have Autistic kids they talk about. If I direct them to my web-site they do not bother reading it, for they just want to complain about their problems, not fix them.
And it is important to have someone to just vent to, thus I should shut up an listen. But sometimes it becomes obvious they do not want to solve the problem, they just want to whine.
Out of the blue, strangers will mention to me they can see the florescent lights flickering which gives them a migraine. I direct them to my Iren Lenses page, and they do not bother to read it.
If John asks to be friends with me and so I give him my E-Mail address twice he does not write to me. Carrie has been very friendly but does not care to understand me. She just wants the superficial friendliness returned. It is exhausting. I do not know why people try to have friends.
The documentary I have referenced several times, (A) Sexual, wherein the guy does a presentation on how he has five friends but his relationship with each one is different, thus he never receives the emotional intimacy he wants. Collectively they do not fulfill his needs.
I have mentioned this to you several times: Women have an anxiety-attack if I want to talk to them about anything thet matters, and same with men. One does not talk about these subjects to anyone they are not having sex with. And I am not interested in having sex with anyone, thus I have only had frustratingly pointless "friendships".
Why bother. I do not know what friendship is for if all people have taboo subjects.
I do not, and that is why you like me. I thank you for that. But I also know you are tired of hearing it.
And I have never said to you all I want to say. I have published 77 zines, and I have only sent you 1 of them.
When I lived in New Mexico my tax-preparer liked me personally and asked to see me socially. I just felt bewildered as to why he would bother trying to make friends. I felt mild anxiety, and then bewilderment. Then I just felt irritated he asked.
And when I am the one who puts forth the effort, the other person always reveals they are mentally ill. Women think if I speak to them that means I want to fuck them (when I went hardcore MGTOW 33 years ago). And same with men. WTF. I told you a couple of stories about that. One guy said in anxiety and anger "You are such a girl!", and the other guy said in an anxiety-attack, "This feel like a date" when I wanted to actually be friends with them. Idiots. I hate the Normals.
Unfortunately most Autistics just want to be left alone.
Autistics appreciate I am honest and so they, through E-Mail, spill their guts to me … once. I write back wanting to continue the communication, and they never respond.
I feel frustrated talking to (and sometimes shouting at) the screen at Zoom meetings, knowing I dare not turn on the microphone.
Someone else will bring up the topic, so I elaborate on it, and they just get resentful.
We have 8 billion people on Earth right now.
https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/
How can there be 8 billion people here and all of them so lonely?
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by Chryssie.
Here is a personal letter I wrote talking about Friendship:
For a few months now I have been considering stopping attending my Zoom meetings because none of them are my friends, and it is a hen-house.
One person has been friendly to me, trying to make friends but I just do not see the point. It is too hard to try to make friends, and no one wants to hear what I have to say anyway, and no one ever listens. I do not bother to tell any of them about my web-site. Even the ones who have Autistic kids they talk about. If I direct them to my web-site they do not bother reading it, for they just want to complain about their problems, not fix them.
And it is important to have someone to just vent to, thus I should shut up an listen. But sometimes it becomes obvious they do not want to solve the problem, they just want to whine.
Out of the blue, strangers will mention to me they can see the florescent lights flickering which gives them a migraine. I direct them to my Iren Lenses page, and they do not bother to read it.
If John asks to be friends with me and so I give him my E-Mail address twice he does not write to me. Carrie has been very friendly but does not care to understand me. She just wants the superficial friendliness returned. It is exhausting. I do not know why people try to have friends.
The documentary I have referenced several times, (A) Sexual, wherein the guy does a presentation on how he has five friends but his relationship with each one is different, thus he never receives the emotional intimacy he wants. Collectively they do not fulfill his needs.
I have mentioned this to you several times: Women have an anxiety-attack if I want to talk to them about anything thet matters, and same with men. One does not talk about these subjects to anyone they are not having sex with. And I am not interested in having sex with anyone, thus I have only had frustratingly pointless "friendships".
Why bother. I do not know what friendship is for if all people have taboo subjects.
I do not, and that is why you like me. I thank you for that. But I also know you are tired of hearing it.
And I have never said to you all I want to say. I have published 77 zines, and I have only sent you 1 of them.
When I lived in New Mexico my tax-preparer liked me personally and asked to see me socially. I just felt bewildered as to why he would bother trying to make friends. I felt mild anxiety, and then bewilderment. Then I just felt irritated he asked.
And when I am the one who puts forth the effort, the other person always reveals they are mentally ill. Women think if I speak to them that means I want to fuck them (when I went hardcore MGTOW 33 years ago). And same with men. WTF. I told you a couple of stories about that. One guy said in anxiety and anger "You are such a girl!", and the other guy said in an anxiety-attack, "This feel like a date" when I wanted to actually be friends with them. Idiots. I hate the Normals.
Unfortunately most Autistics just want to be left alone.
Autistics appreciate I am honest and so they, through E-Mail, spill their guts to me … once. I write back wanting to continue the communication, and they never respond.
I feel frustrated talking to (and sometimes shouting at) the screen at Zoom meetings, knowing I dare not turn on the microphone.
Someone else will bring up the topic, so I elaborate on it, and they just get resentful.
We have 8 billion people on Earth right now.
https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/
How can there be 8 billion people here and all of them so lonely?
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#23.
The Autistic Sense of Humor. Part II.
by Chryssie.
I experience 3 types of humor: The physical tickled feeling, the emotional Ha Ha humor, and the intellectual humor of taking things out of context or playing with words.
And I feel frustrated thet I do not understand why I have 3 different possible reactions to something I find funny.
And I wonder if it is normal for me to feel any of those things at all.
The Autistic Sense of Humor. Part II.
by Chryssie.
I experience 3 types of humor: The physical tickled feeling, the emotional Ha Ha humor, and the intellectual humor of taking things out of context or playing with words.
And I feel frustrated thet I do not understand why I have 3 different possible reactions to something I find funny.
And I wonder if it is normal for me to feel any of those things at all.
Interjecting ponies into violent shooter video games is funny to me, but why is that funny?
Can I assume most people who design video games are Aspies and thus taking chracters out of context is an expression of the Aspie sense of humor?
Word-play, even when it is condescending, is funny, but why is that funny to me?
And sometimes it is just a physical tickled feeling in my muscles thet is neither a mental nor an emotional reaction.
Why do I feel 3 different reactions to humor, and why do I find any of it funny at all? Do I have a Humor Processing Disorder? Do all Autistics have it? Or do the Normals all feel these 3 things too?
When I was 16 I thought Laurel and Hardy were the funniest thing I had ever seen. I was rolling on the floor, unable to even look at it without nearly peeing myself.
What made it funny to me was the self-depreciating humor. Stan Laurel wrote and directed all their films. He was probably a genius, but his character was always the butt of every joke in a self-depreciating, and even self-humiliating way. Being a relative genius while the character he portrayed was a relative idiot was just so funny to me.
Can I assume most people who design video games are Aspies and thus taking chracters out of context is an expression of the Aspie sense of humor?
Word-play, even when it is condescending, is funny, but why is that funny to me?
And sometimes it is just a physical tickled feeling in my muscles thet is neither a mental nor an emotional reaction.
Why do I feel 3 different reactions to humor, and why do I find any of it funny at all? Do I have a Humor Processing Disorder? Do all Autistics have it? Or do the Normals all feel these 3 things too?
When I was 16 I thought Laurel and Hardy were the funniest thing I had ever seen. I was rolling on the floor, unable to even look at it without nearly peeing myself.
What made it funny to me was the self-depreciating humor. Stan Laurel wrote and directed all their films. He was probably a genius, but his character was always the butt of every joke in a self-depreciating, and even self-humiliating way. Being a relative genius while the character he portrayed was a relative idiot was just so funny to me.
I always saw movies that way. I analyzed them rather than simply being entertained by the story. I was studying how the script was written and how it was directed and edited. Thus I was aware of how much work had been put into polishing the humor. It was all so staged, but staged so well.
Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, and Charlie Chaplin were others of the same era and genre. So much of their humor was based on sight-gags, particularly slapstick violence in a self-depreciating way.
Buster Keaton did his famous collapsing house scene, wherein the 2 ton outer wall of a 2-story house fell over him, and by coincidence he was standing in line with the upstairs window and thus he was not pulverized.
Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, and Charlie Chaplin were others of the same era and genre. So much of their humor was based on sight-gags, particularly slapstick violence in a self-depreciating way.
Buster Keaton did his famous collapsing house scene, wherein the 2 ton outer wall of a 2-story house fell over him, and by coincidence he was standing in line with the upstairs window and thus he was not pulverized.
The terrifying threat to his life, while his character was a bumbling doofus who miraculously and always coincidentally did not get hurt, was what made it funny. Mixing such fearful threat of physical injury with screwball comedy made it a new type of humor. And it really worked for me back then because it was just so absurd.
Stand-up comedy, wherein the person sets up a joke and then delivers the punch-line, never worked as well for me. I had to identify with the set-up in order for the joke to be funny. And being Autistic I often did not identify with the story being told. I would get the joke. It was just not funny to me. Whereas the visual comedy of slapstick did not need a verbal set-up. It was funny because it was absurd, not because it made any sense I identified with.
And I think that is ironic since faulty visual processing is my worst Autism symptom, and I am an Aspie who thinks mainly in words.
Then there was Steve Martin as a Stand-up comedian. He did not even tell jokes. He was just so stupid it made you laugh. That too worked for me because it was not funny, it was just absurd.
Woody Allen movies, wherein he would cast himself as a Sex God while portraying the ultimate geeky Nerd, were also funny to me because it was just so ridiculous.
As I got older I became more entertained by word-play, such as the Benny Hill classic “When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.”
As a child I was fascinated with Neologisms, so moving on to word-play humor was to be expected. But the point is thet I lost interest in the above-mentioned sight-gag comedy and became drawn more to the words themselves. Comical writing struck me as way funnier than visual comedy. Specifically stories thet were taking things absurdly out of context.
To me Parodies were funny in themselves, whether or not the writing was funny. The absurdity of the character being some place they did not belong, or were at least not expected to be, was funny to me.
It is probaly unique thet all of my dreams take place somewhere I am not familiar with. Does that play into why I find it funny when characters in comedy are taken out ouf context?
But not always emotionally funny. It was more intellectual humor, in thet if my mind could not find the reference-point that in it’s self would strike me as funny.
The creators of such shows had the same sense of humor, and you either got it or you did not.
Monte Python were exceptionally good at that. Being absurd for the sake of absurdity, and you either thought it was funny or you did not. That worked for me.
In the 80s there was a wave of antagonistic “humor” in stand-up comedy, wherein they tried to make you laugh at the absurdity of how rude they were. Shock humor. I hated it.
Today a lot of Stand-up comedians try to make you laugh with gross-out humor. It is just so painfully awful to me. Shut up.
Practical jokes and Prank humor are also things I think are just plain pathetic. Being an irritating asshole is not funny.
Today there seems to be a lot more Parodies and the humor of taking things out of context; or at least that is what I find a lot of because that is what I am drawn to.
I especially like Pony Parodies, wherein the characters from My Little Pony are placed in absurd situations thet take them so far out of context I cannot help but laugh.
SFM artists making Pony Parodies are my current favorite form of humor (Note the word "current." It always changes over the years).
Especially SFM charactrs from the video game Team Fortress. They are already absurd characters, but then taking the absurd and putting it absurdly out of it's own context is intelectually tickling to me.
Stand-up comedy, wherein the person sets up a joke and then delivers the punch-line, never worked as well for me. I had to identify with the set-up in order for the joke to be funny. And being Autistic I often did not identify with the story being told. I would get the joke. It was just not funny to me. Whereas the visual comedy of slapstick did not need a verbal set-up. It was funny because it was absurd, not because it made any sense I identified with.
And I think that is ironic since faulty visual processing is my worst Autism symptom, and I am an Aspie who thinks mainly in words.
Then there was Steve Martin as a Stand-up comedian. He did not even tell jokes. He was just so stupid it made you laugh. That too worked for me because it was not funny, it was just absurd.
Woody Allen movies, wherein he would cast himself as a Sex God while portraying the ultimate geeky Nerd, were also funny to me because it was just so ridiculous.
As I got older I became more entertained by word-play, such as the Benny Hill classic “When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.”
As a child I was fascinated with Neologisms, so moving on to word-play humor was to be expected. But the point is thet I lost interest in the above-mentioned sight-gag comedy and became drawn more to the words themselves. Comical writing struck me as way funnier than visual comedy. Specifically stories thet were taking things absurdly out of context.
To me Parodies were funny in themselves, whether or not the writing was funny. The absurdity of the character being some place they did not belong, or were at least not expected to be, was funny to me.
It is probaly unique thet all of my dreams take place somewhere I am not familiar with. Does that play into why I find it funny when characters in comedy are taken out ouf context?
But not always emotionally funny. It was more intellectual humor, in thet if my mind could not find the reference-point that in it’s self would strike me as funny.
The creators of such shows had the same sense of humor, and you either got it or you did not.
Monte Python were exceptionally good at that. Being absurd for the sake of absurdity, and you either thought it was funny or you did not. That worked for me.
In the 80s there was a wave of antagonistic “humor” in stand-up comedy, wherein they tried to make you laugh at the absurdity of how rude they were. Shock humor. I hated it.
Today a lot of Stand-up comedians try to make you laugh with gross-out humor. It is just so painfully awful to me. Shut up.
Practical jokes and Prank humor are also things I think are just plain pathetic. Being an irritating asshole is not funny.
Today there seems to be a lot more Parodies and the humor of taking things out of context; or at least that is what I find a lot of because that is what I am drawn to.
I especially like Pony Parodies, wherein the characters from My Little Pony are placed in absurd situations thet take them so far out of context I cannot help but laugh.
SFM artists making Pony Parodies are my current favorite form of humor (Note the word "current." It always changes over the years).
Especially SFM charactrs from the video game Team Fortress. They are already absurd characters, but then taking the absurd and putting it absurdly out of it's own context is intelectually tickling to me.
|
For example, Pyro and Pinkie Pyro.
Meanwhile: I hate Jim Carrie and Robin Williams when they are trying to be funny. I find them unbearably irritating. No offense to them as actors (when they are playing serious roles), but that form of humor is just terrible to me. |
Even things like Ask Pinkamena, a cartoon about Pinkie being a serial killer cannibal, are funny to me because it is just so ridiculous.
|
So lets talk about Ponies-I-mean-Autism:
I believe Pragmatic Language Disorder is a form of Stim. I can only tolerate being Politically Correct for so long before I get this compulsion to just let rip. I start to feel the anger and anxiety build up in me until I just cannot take it any longer and feel like I am going to have an Autistic meltdown, not due to sensory over-stimulation but due to emotionally containing myself for too long.
Autistic Pinkie is practically spastic in her frantic stimming, and if she tries to stay calm when interacting with people she gets frustrated and is unable to prevent herself from stimming in outright brutal tactlessness.
But she also believes the truth is always right no matter who it hurts; i.e., she has a sense of pride in her honesty. She literally goes psychotic with rage if anyone lies or breaks a promise; it is definitely an Autistic reaction, in thet she hates change. In her mind she expects things to stay a certain way and if they do not she has an (apparently Aiutistic) melt-down.
Thus she feels compelled on a personal level to be that honest, combined with her inability to contain herself any longer as an Autistic, and thus she just lets rip as a stim. She cannot help herself.
In the below example Pinkie is punching Fluttershy in the heart with her brutal tactlessness, but cannot understand why Fluttershy is not grateful she cares enough to be so honest. Pinkie’s inability to empathize is painful to watch.
I believe Pragmatic Language Disorder is a form of Stim. I can only tolerate being Politically Correct for so long before I get this compulsion to just let rip. I start to feel the anger and anxiety build up in me until I just cannot take it any longer and feel like I am going to have an Autistic meltdown, not due to sensory over-stimulation but due to emotionally containing myself for too long.
Autistic Pinkie is practically spastic in her frantic stimming, and if she tries to stay calm when interacting with people she gets frustrated and is unable to prevent herself from stimming in outright brutal tactlessness.
But she also believes the truth is always right no matter who it hurts; i.e., she has a sense of pride in her honesty. She literally goes psychotic with rage if anyone lies or breaks a promise; it is definitely an Autistic reaction, in thet she hates change. In her mind she expects things to stay a certain way and if they do not she has an (apparently Aiutistic) melt-down.
Thus she feels compelled on a personal level to be that honest, combined with her inability to contain herself any longer as an Autistic, and thus she just lets rip as a stim. She cannot help herself.
In the below example Pinkie is punching Fluttershy in the heart with her brutal tactlessness, but cannot understand why Fluttershy is not grateful she cares enough to be so honest. Pinkie’s inability to empathize is painful to watch.
|
I know exactly how she feels. I have been that way myself back when I was in my 30s. I actually said openly thet “The truth is always right no matter who it hurts”, and honestly thought only weaklings and cowards would be offended by my tactlessness.
I had a lot of sayings like that: “I am sick of tip-toeing on eggshells all the time so as not to intimidate weaklings nor offend criminals.” And I felt enraged by the fact my every interaction with “The infantile and the brain-dead” consisted of me “Spoon-feeding morons and beating idiots over the head.” I spent so much energy “Directing deaf symphonies with a baseball bat”, unable to understand why they resented being taught at! |
Wow, what a Social Retard.
I was just a cartoon character; the symptoms of a disorder, rather than a person who had it.
I am the most trustworthy friend you could ever have, if you can tolerate me galloping rough-shod over your feelings in the process, like Pinkie does, and then going deer in headlights when you get upset by it, like Pinkie does.
Fortunately in my 40s I learned to vent in appropriate ways through private tantrums, rather than inadvertently hurting others with my compulsion to just blurt it out.
I have long ago given up on having friends with whom I can just talk (my way) and have them accept thet I need to be that startlingly honest as a stim.
I wish I could be friends with Pinkie, and she and I would go on long walks alone and just bounce Pragmatic Language Disorder off of each other, being intentionally as brutally tactless as possible, which we would find hilarious, and just stim ourselves to calm. It would be so fun to do that! What a relief!
I love the YouTubers who tell it like it is, just letting rip with their honesty. But they are not being antagonistic, they are just being honest! And I love those people. And I love Pinkie; the embarrassingly tactless, Autistic, Pinkie.
This is why I so enjoy watching Aspies spill their guts.
Of course by the next day it would all be built up again. And that is the problem with stims; one never loses the need to do it, because the processing disorders never go away. It is just a matter of learning the appropriate way to Stim so it does not hurt others nor one’s self.
Fixated Subjects help a lot, but I have lost them, which is a relief, but I feel lost without them too.
I imagine it is what it would be like to have Tourette and try to stifle the impulse to tic.
Those motorcycle trips consisted mainly of me talking my head off to myself all day while driving around, and then writing it all out every night.
It was so frustrating being able to feel that intense of emotion, but having such difficulty word-finding. That is why I wrote so much. By the end of the day I had gone through all the emotion I had the energy for, but needed to write it out on paper in order to find the proper words.
And of course riding a motorcycle, driving standing up on jeep trails all day was a full-body work-out, an all-day stim, without which I would not have been able to access that much emotion without having a melt-down.
Having the freedom to be that brutally honest with myself, roaring in rage, angrily venting, or at least yacking my head off all day, was so cathartic. But I had to have the full-body stim of riding the bike, and the writing frenzy at the end of the day in order to make it work for me. Otherwise it would have just been a perpetual melt-down, which does no good at all.
It was not as much thet I grew from those trips, but thet I simply no longer felt strangulated while on them.
I am sure Pinkie has a perpetual feeling of strangulation. Probably most Hyperactive people do. Trying to make them be still, or force an Autistic to stop stimming, is just torture.
In 1 of my motorcycle diaries I talked about how cathartic it was to “roar out at the vast indifference" of nature. Mother Nature absorbs energy. And that is the proper place to put it.
When I lived in Alaska I pounded my fist into the ground, praying for Gaia to take my anger, and it worked. That is why small children instinctively stamp their foot when throwing a tantrum; the anger energy goes out of them into the Earth.
When I lived in Arizona I discovered thet kicking in a swimming pool does the same thing. You can project the energy down and out your feet into the water.
I think that is why your feet squirm when you have an orgasm. The energy goes out your feet.
So what does this all have to do with Humor? When I laugh I feel the need to do it in hysterics as a stim, because while I am honestly laughing I also feel a deep tension. I feel anxiety when I have that strong of emotion while having little understanding of why I am having it. Thus, though the laughter relieves tension, it also causes it.
In my review of Sir Isaac Newton: The gravity of genius I said, Though he was acclaimed for his efficiency and success at this post, he was known to have only laughed once in his entire life, stating "What possible use could humor be?"
He was definitely Autistic, thus I wonder if his apparent lack of a sense of humor was due to him being like me, him simply not understanding why 1 thing was funny and another was not.
I just got fired from a job because I am an Alpha Male and the Boss was a Beta.
Here is my response to getting fired:
In my first few days I asked him to give me more training on a specific aspect, and he dismissed me with a flick of his wrist and said, “I have given you just as much training as I have given anyone else”, which was about 60 seconds.
And fuck you to you too.
Then he hired these Mexican chicks and spent 5 minutes sitting down with them and carefully explaining every detail and really working with them.
This was either sexist, in thet he expects men to already know it all while women need to be spoon-fed, or thet he was just plain intimidated by me. Either way he is an idiot.
He also clearly had the attitude thet “You are going to quit anyway so why should I bother training you”, once again proving he is an idiot.
So today I have come to the conclusion thet he is pussy-whipped, thus he will believe any lie told to him by a woman but will not believe the truth from a man. This is why he believed the Spick Cunts when they lied and said I was angry all the time and snippy with them, when the facts are I had no interaction with them at all.
All Mexican women have a problem with White men, thus they always spent their breaks and lunches in their cars, refusing to associate with the rest of us … harmless Aspie Nerds (four of the seven employees there had Aspergers).
I suppose I should feel sorry for the lying whores all Mexican women are, for they are so disempowered in their disgusting Spick culture thet lying to get some random White guy fired is the best they can come up with. I do not care enough to even feel pity.
It is okay to laugh at cripples, it is okay to kick a dog, and it is okay to kill a snake.
I am a White Male Heterosexual and that makes me better than you, better than you, and better than you - which is ironically their opinion, not necessarily mine, which explains why they were so intimidated by me … the Aspie Nerd with a deer-in-headlights look on his face who likes My Little Pony. Boo!
Fuck the little people.
So I am an Alpha Male, and Ryan, the Boss, was a Beta.
This is me And this is Ryan
I was just a cartoon character; the symptoms of a disorder, rather than a person who had it.
I am the most trustworthy friend you could ever have, if you can tolerate me galloping rough-shod over your feelings in the process, like Pinkie does, and then going deer in headlights when you get upset by it, like Pinkie does.
Fortunately in my 40s I learned to vent in appropriate ways through private tantrums, rather than inadvertently hurting others with my compulsion to just blurt it out.
I have long ago given up on having friends with whom I can just talk (my way) and have them accept thet I need to be that startlingly honest as a stim.
I wish I could be friends with Pinkie, and she and I would go on long walks alone and just bounce Pragmatic Language Disorder off of each other, being intentionally as brutally tactless as possible, which we would find hilarious, and just stim ourselves to calm. It would be so fun to do that! What a relief!
I love the YouTubers who tell it like it is, just letting rip with their honesty. But they are not being antagonistic, they are just being honest! And I love those people. And I love Pinkie; the embarrassingly tactless, Autistic, Pinkie.
This is why I so enjoy watching Aspies spill their guts.
Of course by the next day it would all be built up again. And that is the problem with stims; one never loses the need to do it, because the processing disorders never go away. It is just a matter of learning the appropriate way to Stim so it does not hurt others nor one’s self.
Fixated Subjects help a lot, but I have lost them, which is a relief, but I feel lost without them too.
I imagine it is what it would be like to have Tourette and try to stifle the impulse to tic.
Those motorcycle trips consisted mainly of me talking my head off to myself all day while driving around, and then writing it all out every night.
It was so frustrating being able to feel that intense of emotion, but having such difficulty word-finding. That is why I wrote so much. By the end of the day I had gone through all the emotion I had the energy for, but needed to write it out on paper in order to find the proper words.
And of course riding a motorcycle, driving standing up on jeep trails all day was a full-body work-out, an all-day stim, without which I would not have been able to access that much emotion without having a melt-down.
Having the freedom to be that brutally honest with myself, roaring in rage, angrily venting, or at least yacking my head off all day, was so cathartic. But I had to have the full-body stim of riding the bike, and the writing frenzy at the end of the day in order to make it work for me. Otherwise it would have just been a perpetual melt-down, which does no good at all.
It was not as much thet I grew from those trips, but thet I simply no longer felt strangulated while on them.
I am sure Pinkie has a perpetual feeling of strangulation. Probably most Hyperactive people do. Trying to make them be still, or force an Autistic to stop stimming, is just torture.
In 1 of my motorcycle diaries I talked about how cathartic it was to “roar out at the vast indifference" of nature. Mother Nature absorbs energy. And that is the proper place to put it.
When I lived in Alaska I pounded my fist into the ground, praying for Gaia to take my anger, and it worked. That is why small children instinctively stamp their foot when throwing a tantrum; the anger energy goes out of them into the Earth.
When I lived in Arizona I discovered thet kicking in a swimming pool does the same thing. You can project the energy down and out your feet into the water.
I think that is why your feet squirm when you have an orgasm. The energy goes out your feet.
So what does this all have to do with Humor? When I laugh I feel the need to do it in hysterics as a stim, because while I am honestly laughing I also feel a deep tension. I feel anxiety when I have that strong of emotion while having little understanding of why I am having it. Thus, though the laughter relieves tension, it also causes it.
In my review of Sir Isaac Newton: The gravity of genius I said, Though he was acclaimed for his efficiency and success at this post, he was known to have only laughed once in his entire life, stating "What possible use could humor be?"
He was definitely Autistic, thus I wonder if his apparent lack of a sense of humor was due to him being like me, him simply not understanding why 1 thing was funny and another was not.
I just got fired from a job because I am an Alpha Male and the Boss was a Beta.
Here is my response to getting fired:
In my first few days I asked him to give me more training on a specific aspect, and he dismissed me with a flick of his wrist and said, “I have given you just as much training as I have given anyone else”, which was about 60 seconds.
And fuck you to you too.
Then he hired these Mexican chicks and spent 5 minutes sitting down with them and carefully explaining every detail and really working with them.
This was either sexist, in thet he expects men to already know it all while women need to be spoon-fed, or thet he was just plain intimidated by me. Either way he is an idiot.
He also clearly had the attitude thet “You are going to quit anyway so why should I bother training you”, once again proving he is an idiot.
So today I have come to the conclusion thet he is pussy-whipped, thus he will believe any lie told to him by a woman but will not believe the truth from a man. This is why he believed the Spick Cunts when they lied and said I was angry all the time and snippy with them, when the facts are I had no interaction with them at all.
All Mexican women have a problem with White men, thus they always spent their breaks and lunches in their cars, refusing to associate with the rest of us … harmless Aspie Nerds (four of the seven employees there had Aspergers).
I suppose I should feel sorry for the lying whores all Mexican women are, for they are so disempowered in their disgusting Spick culture thet lying to get some random White guy fired is the best they can come up with. I do not care enough to even feel pity.
It is okay to laugh at cripples, it is okay to kick a dog, and it is okay to kill a snake.
I am a White Male Heterosexual and that makes me better than you, better than you, and better than you - which is ironically their opinion, not necessarily mine, which explains why they were so intimidated by me … the Aspie Nerd with a deer-in-headlights look on his face who likes My Little Pony. Boo!
Fuck the little people.
So I am an Alpha Male, and Ryan, the Boss, was a Beta.
This is me And this is Ryan
|
|
Case closed.
This is fun. I feel giddy right now. And there is no anger to it. It is just so fun to masturbate my Pragmatic Language Disorder in front of a mirror. Pinkie and I would nearly explode with delight doing such things together. Too bad none of you can compare.
Reducing every problem person, the little people, down to a cartoon character is funny to me.
This is me, and this is Ryan. And that is funny.
Using words as weapons is exhilarating to me. I am a literary genius, and no one else can use language like I can. Thus I am their Master. I am the Alpha, and they know it. The trembling infants.
Ryan was intimidated by me from day one. And when the Spick Cunts with Abused Woman Syndrome played their vampiric game of Little Girl Lost, he identified with that and whimpered about how he too was the victim of my abuse thet never happened. He identified with fake abused women rather than the Alpha Male I am.
Do you understand how funny I think this is?
It is not anger expressed through sarcastic condescension. It is truly funny to me ... to laugh at cripples.
Today I am starting on this new Autism Lecture (I almost called it an Article but you know me better than that) about Humor. I will start by discussing Laurel and Hardy, move on to Steve Martin as a stand-up comedian, and then on to Woody Allen. From there I will discuss taking things out of context and why I think SFM Ponies are so funny. Then I will move on to Pinkie and Pragmatic Language Disorder as a Stim, and end with my response to me getting fired.
I need to really explain to people why I think it is funny to label inferiors as cartoon characters. Above I even labeled myself as a cartoon character! (The above Ghidra with the red horns. He is from a YouTube series called Friendship Is Terrifying. It is my favorite show).
I think I am starting to understand why certain things are funny to me.
I think I will title the Lecture “Going Down on Pinkie Pie: Autistic Humor and why you are too stupid to understand it.”
Unfortunately I do not fully understand it myself; i.e., I think that sentence is funny because I am just playing with words. But I also recognize the level of spitefulness in it - the contempt I am expressing. How can I find it funny while I know full-well it is just not?
I am horrified when I accidentally hurt people like that, or even see Pinkie do it. I cannot help but feel so Retarded when that happens.
And I have no clue where to go from here.
I watched a YouTube series called the Mentally Advanced Series, which is made by Dawn Somewhere, the same guy who made the Rainbow Dash Presents series. It is cruder cartooning, with stupider characterization, and it tickles me in a way I need to explain.
The space between my nipples and my navel feels tickled in the muscles. This is the literal interpretation of feeling “tickled” by something. But I do not feel it emotionally. I do not feel like laughing. It is a physical reaction to humor, not an emotional 1.
I assume this is abnormal. I assume the Normals feel that physical tickling but it coincides with an equally strong emotional feeling, like giddiness.
When I first started my last job, welding with a laser under a microscope, it was obsessive focusing and it made me feel giddy. I got that physical tickling feeling all over, but I also felt it emotionally. I wanted to jump up and down like an excited little kid, but I also laughed due to the emotion of giddiness, while there was nothing actually funny about it. It was not a humorous scenario, I just enjoyed obsessively focusing so much thet it made me feel physically tickled and also emotionally tickled enough to smile grin and laugh (while feeling this, the Spick Cunts said I was always angry all the time). With the Mentally Advanced Series I only felt it physically.
Is that normal?
1 of the reasons I hate going to theaters is because the audience would all burst into laughter, startling me. I had no clue what they were laughing at.
Then there were other times in a movie wherein I would feel that physical tickling, but not feel it emotionally, and I wondered if the Normals were feeling that too.
Then there are always times when I laugh out loud in the theater at a scene no one else found funny at all. That also makes me feel at least surprised.
Can Sensory Processing Disorders effect one’s sense of humor? Do I have a Humor Processing Disorder?
I could not have been fired at a better time. This Aries trailblazer is ready to pounce.
And fuck the little people. They can eat my dust. And if you do not want to get hurt you had better stay out of my way.
And I think that sentance is funny. But I also recognize it is my biggest problem. Pinkie and I do not recognize when we inadvertently intimidate or sometimes outright hurt others. I think it is funny when I do it on purpose (because it is okay to laugh at cripples, and fun to play with words/masturbate my superior vocabulary in the face of the blithering illiterates all Normals are), but I feel ashamed when I do it by accident. So many scenes in My Little Pony result in me putting my hands over my face and saying “Oh dear God, Pinkie. Please shut up”, because I know I have been as awkward as she is.
When I write it out as I did above, I think it is funny, because I am just playing with words. But when I do it to someone’s face inadvertently I just feel so Retarded.
Ryan was a Beta Male. His purpose was to provide me with a stepping stone. And you can read into that any amount of brutal tactlessness, condescension, and even out-right contempt you want. But he did provide me with that stepping stone. He introduce me to welding with a laser under a microscope. I was so very excited and even giddy to learn that. And I told him so several times. And it will open more doors for me, resume-wise. And I honestly appreciated that and thanked him for it. But because he is a cowardly Beta Male he probably believed I was being patronizing and even condescending when I was honestly grateful for what he had done for me.
On 1 hand I feel “Fuck the little people. I do not give a shit about his whimpering baby feelings.” But on the other hand I feel pity for him.
I also feel anxiety, pain, and even self-disgust because I know I will never figure out how to interact with anyone.
When I go on those motorcycle trips it always takes me about 20 days of camping just to unwind. Then in the next 20 days I feel like I am actually on the journey. And by the next 20 days I am totally cured of Autism! My mind can just go wherever it wants, and it is always good! I am just so happy when I am on those trips.
Then I go back to the shitizens in snivelization and feel kicked in the gut and splattered with acid in the first 5 minutes. But it is the mewling Beta Normals who always feel like I am the one kicking them.
It is just so bad for me to take a break from interacting with the horrible Normals. I need to practice constantly, for I so quickly lose whatever progress I had made with social grace if I do not. But there is only so much of it I can take before I need to go into a brutally tactless writing frenzy to keep from having a melt-down.
I am tired.
I am quite capable of doing my job. I just cannot do it with those people. And it was that way with every job I ever had.
Today I turn 56 years old, and I still do not have a permanent job. I have never found my niche. I feel bad about myself because of that.
The plot in Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet is about them all being so childish and such horrible friends. I find this all so entertaining, making fun of the concept of friendship. Expressing sarcasm toward how frustrating it is to even have friends.
Both Rainbow Dash Presents and the Mentally Advanced Series do that. It helps me, as an Aspie, understand how apparently natural it is for the Normals to feel frustrated with their friends, and expressing their frustration as sarcastically funny cartoons.
Me having never had any friends is lonely, frustrating, and painful. But I am now at the point wherein I can laugh at the absurdity of it all rather than being enraged over it like I used to. It is partly me analyzing humor; laughing at my own pain, in a way. And it is partly a defense mechanism, but I also find these cartoons truly funny.
How much of this is a childish reaction on my part?, and how much of it is mature of me for being able to label my frustration and find a place to put it?
It is like I said in my Grieving Process lecture about me needing to find a place to put the grief before I could feel it.
I need to find a label for it and a place to put it before I can tell the difference between feeling physically tickled and emotionally tickled.
Today I feel giddy and happy, emotionally. But no humorous thing provoked that feeling. I am just in a good mood.
Writing the previous 2 sections above (yesterday), wherein I was very arrogant and condescending, felt like such a relief. It was a Stim I went through, and it helped so much. So today I feel happy and want to experience very funny things, but the reason for it is thet I had previously allowed myself to be so mean-spirited as a Stim.
It is not necessary to Stim in a way thet expresses mean-spiritedness, but whatever it takes to get it out of my system is good for me. Then reason I am in a good mood today is because I let-rip yesterday.
Back in my early 40s I developed a God Complex as an over-compensating expression of rage! Today my arrogance is not a vehicle for venting anger as much as it is an expression of true happiness. I feel very confident of the fact I am an Alpha.
I want to thank Ryan for being such a pathetic Beta Male and giving me that reference-point so I could further recognize my own superiority which now makes me feel very happy about who I am, masturbating in front of a mirror.
My depraved indifference toward the little people is a virtue now.
I used to have a Martyr Complex, with which I would make ridiculous sacrifice for “fixer-upper” people who were not worthy of my efforts, and I would feel so guilty thet (after they had sucked the life out of me) I had not given enough. Gawd, that was so pathetic.
Now I am the opposite. In fact rather than feeling guilty and ashamed all the time, I feel arrogant and condescending. It is the opposite of who I used to be, and it is such a relief.
And Ponies helped; especially the sarcastic parodies.
Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet wherein Rainbow goes to every one of her five friends because she is very lonely. But because they are so frustrated with having to be a “good friend” to her (a friend in need is a pain in the ass), they all in turn pass her off to someone else to deal with.
And in the Mentally Advance Series S2E2 Twilight is the one who is blown off by her so-called “friends" who find her to be an annoyance because she needs them … to do something with her thet is actually their official responsibility (as the Elements of Harmony)! So she has them magically re-programmed so they will be the “friends” she needs them to be.
Both of these stories are so sarcastic toward the concept of friendship, and I find it all so funny.
Even when I take into consideration the fact I have never had any friends, this Normal peoples’ sarcasm about the frustration in maintaining Friendships is still funny to me.
But in these cases it is intellectual humor, not emotional.
I do not know if I will ever get to a conclusion with my Humor lecture. I was in such a good mood the day after I got fired, because he so blatantly demonstrated thet I am an Alpha and he is a Beta, and lets face it, haughtiness is so incredibly fun! Thus I found humor in getting fired! That in it’s self is absurdist humor, which in turn adds another layer of comedy to it - for me.
Are you scratching your head, wondering what the hell I am talking about? None of it makes any sense.
And it is all just so masturbatory. I feel like no person ever made me laugh. It is what I internally do with their humor thet makes it funny to me. I take what they said and “rub one out” on my brain with it, and thus laugh a few minutes after the punchline they had no clue they made.
And sometimes it is not funny at all; e.g., the person who invented the Barbie and Ken dolls had children who’s real names were Barbie and Ken. When I first heard that I laughed so hard I was rolling on the floor. But I also felt panicky because I did not know why it struck me as so funny. Feeling panicky while laughing my ass off is a disturbing feeling. And I do not understand any of it because I apparently have a Humor Processing Disorder.
Are all Autistics like this?
I shall end this with an example of what I think is funny today. Of course, next year I will have moved on to a different form of humor. But right now I love the absurdist humor of taking things ridiculously out of context.
Ren and Stimpy is not funny. It is just so absurd it makes me laugh. See Ren and Stimpy I am so ANGRY! This is absurdist humor.
Then see I am so ANGRY!!! [SFM - Pony Anthology 3]. This is an absurdist parody of absurdist humor, based on taking things ridiculously out of context, and I find it oh-so funny.
Do I have a Humor Processing Disorder?, or do the Normals have the same reaction I do? Or is this strictly an Autistic thing, in thet the people who made these parodies are all a bunch of Aspies, thus only Aspies get the joke?
P.S.
Sandman has Aspergers. In this video he talks about his though process, including some about his Aspie sense of humor. See What's Wrong With Me? - MGTOW from YouTuber Sadman.
Also see Jimmy Valmer: Comedy As a Crutch from YouTuber Johnny 2 Cellos.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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This is fun. I feel giddy right now. And there is no anger to it. It is just so fun to masturbate my Pragmatic Language Disorder in front of a mirror. Pinkie and I would nearly explode with delight doing such things together. Too bad none of you can compare.
Reducing every problem person, the little people, down to a cartoon character is funny to me.
This is me, and this is Ryan. And that is funny.
Using words as weapons is exhilarating to me. I am a literary genius, and no one else can use language like I can. Thus I am their Master. I am the Alpha, and they know it. The trembling infants.
Ryan was intimidated by me from day one. And when the Spick Cunts with Abused Woman Syndrome played their vampiric game of Little Girl Lost, he identified with that and whimpered about how he too was the victim of my abuse thet never happened. He identified with fake abused women rather than the Alpha Male I am.
Do you understand how funny I think this is?
It is not anger expressed through sarcastic condescension. It is truly funny to me ... to laugh at cripples.
Today I am starting on this new Autism Lecture (I almost called it an Article but you know me better than that) about Humor. I will start by discussing Laurel and Hardy, move on to Steve Martin as a stand-up comedian, and then on to Woody Allen. From there I will discuss taking things out of context and why I think SFM Ponies are so funny. Then I will move on to Pinkie and Pragmatic Language Disorder as a Stim, and end with my response to me getting fired.
I need to really explain to people why I think it is funny to label inferiors as cartoon characters. Above I even labeled myself as a cartoon character! (The above Ghidra with the red horns. He is from a YouTube series called Friendship Is Terrifying. It is my favorite show).
I think I am starting to understand why certain things are funny to me.
I think I will title the Lecture “Going Down on Pinkie Pie: Autistic Humor and why you are too stupid to understand it.”
Unfortunately I do not fully understand it myself; i.e., I think that sentence is funny because I am just playing with words. But I also recognize the level of spitefulness in it - the contempt I am expressing. How can I find it funny while I know full-well it is just not?
I am horrified when I accidentally hurt people like that, or even see Pinkie do it. I cannot help but feel so Retarded when that happens.
And I have no clue where to go from here.
I watched a YouTube series called the Mentally Advanced Series, which is made by Dawn Somewhere, the same guy who made the Rainbow Dash Presents series. It is cruder cartooning, with stupider characterization, and it tickles me in a way I need to explain.
The space between my nipples and my navel feels tickled in the muscles. This is the literal interpretation of feeling “tickled” by something. But I do not feel it emotionally. I do not feel like laughing. It is a physical reaction to humor, not an emotional 1.
I assume this is abnormal. I assume the Normals feel that physical tickling but it coincides with an equally strong emotional feeling, like giddiness.
When I first started my last job, welding with a laser under a microscope, it was obsessive focusing and it made me feel giddy. I got that physical tickling feeling all over, but I also felt it emotionally. I wanted to jump up and down like an excited little kid, but I also laughed due to the emotion of giddiness, while there was nothing actually funny about it. It was not a humorous scenario, I just enjoyed obsessively focusing so much thet it made me feel physically tickled and also emotionally tickled enough to smile grin and laugh (while feeling this, the Spick Cunts said I was always angry all the time). With the Mentally Advanced Series I only felt it physically.
Is that normal?
1 of the reasons I hate going to theaters is because the audience would all burst into laughter, startling me. I had no clue what they were laughing at.
Then there were other times in a movie wherein I would feel that physical tickling, but not feel it emotionally, and I wondered if the Normals were feeling that too.
Then there are always times when I laugh out loud in the theater at a scene no one else found funny at all. That also makes me feel at least surprised.
Can Sensory Processing Disorders effect one’s sense of humor? Do I have a Humor Processing Disorder?
I could not have been fired at a better time. This Aries trailblazer is ready to pounce.
And fuck the little people. They can eat my dust. And if you do not want to get hurt you had better stay out of my way.
And I think that sentance is funny. But I also recognize it is my biggest problem. Pinkie and I do not recognize when we inadvertently intimidate or sometimes outright hurt others. I think it is funny when I do it on purpose (because it is okay to laugh at cripples, and fun to play with words/masturbate my superior vocabulary in the face of the blithering illiterates all Normals are), but I feel ashamed when I do it by accident. So many scenes in My Little Pony result in me putting my hands over my face and saying “Oh dear God, Pinkie. Please shut up”, because I know I have been as awkward as she is.
When I write it out as I did above, I think it is funny, because I am just playing with words. But when I do it to someone’s face inadvertently I just feel so Retarded.
Ryan was a Beta Male. His purpose was to provide me with a stepping stone. And you can read into that any amount of brutal tactlessness, condescension, and even out-right contempt you want. But he did provide me with that stepping stone. He introduce me to welding with a laser under a microscope. I was so very excited and even giddy to learn that. And I told him so several times. And it will open more doors for me, resume-wise. And I honestly appreciated that and thanked him for it. But because he is a cowardly Beta Male he probably believed I was being patronizing and even condescending when I was honestly grateful for what he had done for me.
On 1 hand I feel “Fuck the little people. I do not give a shit about his whimpering baby feelings.” But on the other hand I feel pity for him.
I also feel anxiety, pain, and even self-disgust because I know I will never figure out how to interact with anyone.
When I go on those motorcycle trips it always takes me about 20 days of camping just to unwind. Then in the next 20 days I feel like I am actually on the journey. And by the next 20 days I am totally cured of Autism! My mind can just go wherever it wants, and it is always good! I am just so happy when I am on those trips.
Then I go back to the shitizens in snivelization and feel kicked in the gut and splattered with acid in the first 5 minutes. But it is the mewling Beta Normals who always feel like I am the one kicking them.
It is just so bad for me to take a break from interacting with the horrible Normals. I need to practice constantly, for I so quickly lose whatever progress I had made with social grace if I do not. But there is only so much of it I can take before I need to go into a brutally tactless writing frenzy to keep from having a melt-down.
I am tired.
I am quite capable of doing my job. I just cannot do it with those people. And it was that way with every job I ever had.
Today I turn 56 years old, and I still do not have a permanent job. I have never found my niche. I feel bad about myself because of that.
The plot in Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet is about them all being so childish and such horrible friends. I find this all so entertaining, making fun of the concept of friendship. Expressing sarcasm toward how frustrating it is to even have friends.
Both Rainbow Dash Presents and the Mentally Advanced Series do that. It helps me, as an Aspie, understand how apparently natural it is for the Normals to feel frustrated with their friends, and expressing their frustration as sarcastically funny cartoons.
Me having never had any friends is lonely, frustrating, and painful. But I am now at the point wherein I can laugh at the absurdity of it all rather than being enraged over it like I used to. It is partly me analyzing humor; laughing at my own pain, in a way. And it is partly a defense mechanism, but I also find these cartoons truly funny.
How much of this is a childish reaction on my part?, and how much of it is mature of me for being able to label my frustration and find a place to put it?
It is like I said in my Grieving Process lecture about me needing to find a place to put the grief before I could feel it.
I need to find a label for it and a place to put it before I can tell the difference between feeling physically tickled and emotionally tickled.
Today I feel giddy and happy, emotionally. But no humorous thing provoked that feeling. I am just in a good mood.
Writing the previous 2 sections above (yesterday), wherein I was very arrogant and condescending, felt like such a relief. It was a Stim I went through, and it helped so much. So today I feel happy and want to experience very funny things, but the reason for it is thet I had previously allowed myself to be so mean-spirited as a Stim.
It is not necessary to Stim in a way thet expresses mean-spiritedness, but whatever it takes to get it out of my system is good for me. Then reason I am in a good mood today is because I let-rip yesterday.
Back in my early 40s I developed a God Complex as an over-compensating expression of rage! Today my arrogance is not a vehicle for venting anger as much as it is an expression of true happiness. I feel very confident of the fact I am an Alpha.
I want to thank Ryan for being such a pathetic Beta Male and giving me that reference-point so I could further recognize my own superiority which now makes me feel very happy about who I am, masturbating in front of a mirror.
My depraved indifference toward the little people is a virtue now.
I used to have a Martyr Complex, with which I would make ridiculous sacrifice for “fixer-upper” people who were not worthy of my efforts, and I would feel so guilty thet (after they had sucked the life out of me) I had not given enough. Gawd, that was so pathetic.
Now I am the opposite. In fact rather than feeling guilty and ashamed all the time, I feel arrogant and condescending. It is the opposite of who I used to be, and it is such a relief.
And Ponies helped; especially the sarcastic parodies.
Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet wherein Rainbow goes to every one of her five friends because she is very lonely. But because they are so frustrated with having to be a “good friend” to her (a friend in need is a pain in the ass), they all in turn pass her off to someone else to deal with.
And in the Mentally Advance Series S2E2 Twilight is the one who is blown off by her so-called “friends" who find her to be an annoyance because she needs them … to do something with her thet is actually their official responsibility (as the Elements of Harmony)! So she has them magically re-programmed so they will be the “friends” she needs them to be.
Both of these stories are so sarcastic toward the concept of friendship, and I find it all so funny.
Even when I take into consideration the fact I have never had any friends, this Normal peoples’ sarcasm about the frustration in maintaining Friendships is still funny to me.
But in these cases it is intellectual humor, not emotional.
I do not know if I will ever get to a conclusion with my Humor lecture. I was in such a good mood the day after I got fired, because he so blatantly demonstrated thet I am an Alpha and he is a Beta, and lets face it, haughtiness is so incredibly fun! Thus I found humor in getting fired! That in it’s self is absurdist humor, which in turn adds another layer of comedy to it - for me.
Are you scratching your head, wondering what the hell I am talking about? None of it makes any sense.
And it is all just so masturbatory. I feel like no person ever made me laugh. It is what I internally do with their humor thet makes it funny to me. I take what they said and “rub one out” on my brain with it, and thus laugh a few minutes after the punchline they had no clue they made.
And sometimes it is not funny at all; e.g., the person who invented the Barbie and Ken dolls had children who’s real names were Barbie and Ken. When I first heard that I laughed so hard I was rolling on the floor. But I also felt panicky because I did not know why it struck me as so funny. Feeling panicky while laughing my ass off is a disturbing feeling. And I do not understand any of it because I apparently have a Humor Processing Disorder.
Are all Autistics like this?
I shall end this with an example of what I think is funny today. Of course, next year I will have moved on to a different form of humor. But right now I love the absurdist humor of taking things ridiculously out of context.
Ren and Stimpy is not funny. It is just so absurd it makes me laugh. See Ren and Stimpy I am so ANGRY! This is absurdist humor.
Then see I am so ANGRY!!! [SFM - Pony Anthology 3]. This is an absurdist parody of absurdist humor, based on taking things ridiculously out of context, and I find it oh-so funny.
Do I have a Humor Processing Disorder?, or do the Normals have the same reaction I do? Or is this strictly an Autistic thing, in thet the people who made these parodies are all a bunch of Aspies, thus only Aspies get the joke?
P.S.
Sandman has Aspergers. In this video he talks about his though process, including some about his Aspie sense of humor. See What's Wrong With Me? - MGTOW from YouTuber Sadman.
Also see Jimmy Valmer: Comedy As a Crutch from YouTuber Johnny 2 Cellos.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
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# 24.
Learning How To See.
by Chryssie.
My worst Autism symptom is faulty visual processing. My processor is over-sized and hyper-sensitive, thus I can see ultra-violet light. It hurts. My processor is thus so busy wincing trying to block out the ultra-violet thet it also blocks out all the other colors too, and I end up seeing in pastel. Reds specifically are difficult for me to process. All reds are the same and kind of salmon colored.
Then I got my Irlen lenses. It totally changed my life. I used to be in a perpetual anxiety-attack because I could not see. When I got my Irlens that all went away.
Since then I have been trying to learn how to see. There is nothing wrong with my eyes. When exhausted by over-stimulation, my processor just cannot handle more input, and thus starts dismissing the information my eyes send it. My processor spent so many years blocking out visuals, thet now it and I have to learn how to perceive them properly.
Because of this I am probably better than most people at analyzing visuals, because I have to. I have to really study visuals to see what people with normal processing ability see and process without thinking about it.
I also have Synesthesia; i.e., my Visual and Audio processors intermingle. Thus sound is so very distracting to me. I start to lose my visual processing ability if there is music blasting; i.e., if my Audio Processor gets overwhelmed it directly affects my Visual Processor (See my AIT page).
So I have always drawn well. I sometimes needed to draw out on paper visual representations to get them to better process, while explaining to myself out loud in words what I am drawing.
This makes me really appreciate animation, as a writer gets a great idea for a story and draws it out in pictures.
Learning How To See.
by Chryssie.
My worst Autism symptom is faulty visual processing. My processor is over-sized and hyper-sensitive, thus I can see ultra-violet light. It hurts. My processor is thus so busy wincing trying to block out the ultra-violet thet it also blocks out all the other colors too, and I end up seeing in pastel. Reds specifically are difficult for me to process. All reds are the same and kind of salmon colored.
Then I got my Irlen lenses. It totally changed my life. I used to be in a perpetual anxiety-attack because I could not see. When I got my Irlens that all went away.
Since then I have been trying to learn how to see. There is nothing wrong with my eyes. When exhausted by over-stimulation, my processor just cannot handle more input, and thus starts dismissing the information my eyes send it. My processor spent so many years blocking out visuals, thet now it and I have to learn how to perceive them properly.
Because of this I am probably better than most people at analyzing visuals, because I have to. I have to really study visuals to see what people with normal processing ability see and process without thinking about it.
I also have Synesthesia; i.e., my Visual and Audio processors intermingle. Thus sound is so very distracting to me. I start to lose my visual processing ability if there is music blasting; i.e., if my Audio Processor gets overwhelmed it directly affects my Visual Processor (See my AIT page).
So I have always drawn well. I sometimes needed to draw out on paper visual representations to get them to better process, while explaining to myself out loud in words what I am drawing.
This makes me really appreciate animation, as a writer gets a great idea for a story and draws it out in pictures.
Meanwhile: Typical of Aspies, I have to put it into words in order to understand it.
This picture demonstrates this well.
I did not draw this picture. It is by an artist called Harwick. See Harwicks-Art on Deviant Art.
Left to Right:
Severely Autistic Fluttershy is uncomfortable with any socialization, even with her own friends in this great of number.
Snooty Rarity thinks this is all beneath her, but tolerates it for the sake of her friends.
Intensely competitive, over-compensating Rainbow is winning the game, in fact she has won Twilight’s crown, which has clearly gone to her head.
Applejack is also very competitive and thus sees stupid Rainbow winning as a personal challenge.
Pinkie is an air-head and does not care what is going on as long as she can have fun with it.
And Twilight has Aspergers, so nothing makes sense to her unless it is in words. Card-games are based on numbers so she is losing the game. She thus has to reference her books and put everything into words in order to make sense of it - over-thinking everything and winding herself up into a panic in the process.
She has Asperger’s Syndrome and Obsessive Personality Disorder.
I was so much like Twilight for most of my life.
Then I got my Irlen lenses, and all that went away (though I am still horrible with numbers).
When I was introduced to Twilight I was embarrassed to recognize I was just a cartoon character all this time. (All of us are cartoon characters. The advantage to that is we can always re-write the script).
I have worn Irlens for 8 years now. I am currently on my 4th pair (See the Irlen Lenses page for my diary on the subject).
P.S. Did you notice the extra playing-card stuck in Rainbow’s wing? It changes the meaning of Applejack’s facial expression.
Learning how to see. Learning how to analyze pictures and recognize the symbolism in them. That is something I am still struggling with, and what this article is about.
After I got my first pair of Irlens I learned to take a black-out break several times a day. I would stop and put my hands over my eyes, just seeing pitch black for 5 minutes to let my processor rest.
That, combined with the lenses, totally changed my life. I used to be so panicky and obsessive with daily rage-attacks because I was just so visually overstimulated all the time.
It is frustrating thet I still have to look at something, take a break, then look at it again, studying it intently, but in sessions, before I truly process it. But I recognize that now, and am becoming so much better at visual processing.
And if the animation is entirely visual symbolism I often miss the point.
Severely Autistic Fluttershy is uncomfortable with any socialization, even with her own friends in this great of number.
Snooty Rarity thinks this is all beneath her, but tolerates it for the sake of her friends.
Intensely competitive, over-compensating Rainbow is winning the game, in fact she has won Twilight’s crown, which has clearly gone to her head.
Applejack is also very competitive and thus sees stupid Rainbow winning as a personal challenge.
Pinkie is an air-head and does not care what is going on as long as she can have fun with it.
And Twilight has Aspergers, so nothing makes sense to her unless it is in words. Card-games are based on numbers so she is losing the game. She thus has to reference her books and put everything into words in order to make sense of it - over-thinking everything and winding herself up into a panic in the process.
She has Asperger’s Syndrome and Obsessive Personality Disorder.
I was so much like Twilight for most of my life.
Then I got my Irlen lenses, and all that went away (though I am still horrible with numbers).
When I was introduced to Twilight I was embarrassed to recognize I was just a cartoon character all this time. (All of us are cartoon characters. The advantage to that is we can always re-write the script).
I have worn Irlens for 8 years now. I am currently on my 4th pair (See the Irlen Lenses page for my diary on the subject).
P.S. Did you notice the extra playing-card stuck in Rainbow’s wing? It changes the meaning of Applejack’s facial expression.
Learning how to see. Learning how to analyze pictures and recognize the symbolism in them. That is something I am still struggling with, and what this article is about.
After I got my first pair of Irlens I learned to take a black-out break several times a day. I would stop and put my hands over my eyes, just seeing pitch black for 5 minutes to let my processor rest.
That, combined with the lenses, totally changed my life. I used to be so panicky and obsessive with daily rage-attacks because I was just so visually overstimulated all the time.
It is frustrating thet I still have to look at something, take a break, then look at it again, studying it intently, but in sessions, before I truly process it. But I recognize that now, and am becoming so much better at visual processing.
And if the animation is entirely visual symbolism I often miss the point.
About 8 years ago I discovered Patti B. She is a YouTuber who does analysis of My Little Pony (The best Autism show of all time. See my review), specifically using that show as a reference-point in teaching how to draw symbolism. See Patti B Creations.
Her video MLAT: How Artists Do Art was my first lesson in learning how to see.
There is a book titled The Siege. A family's journey into the world of Autism. by Clara Claiborne Park. (See my review).
Here is a snippet:
Now Elly could do puzzles. She could grasp new puzzles in no time at all. Most children doing puzzles are guided by the picture, not the shapes alone. But Elly saw the shapes so exactly that she needed nothing more to clue her in. She could do the puzzle face down, picture invisible, shapes reversed. Elly would amuse herself by dumping out all the pieces of all the puzzles. It made a fine mess, but when we picked them up, Elly could classify the pieces according to their puzzles of origin better than I could. Her discrimination of colors and shapes was astounding.
But did she see the picture itself? Apparently not. Five months afterward she still could not master 1 piece of the simplest puzzle of them all - a 5-piecer. This puzzle represented a smiling yellow sun, its shape and dimension virtually identical in every direction. The only clue to its proper orientation was not its shape or color, but its painted eyes; if the piece was placed so its eyes were at the top, it would fit in easily. This simple cue Elly could not learn to recognize. Eyes and faces were simply not within her scheme of relevance.
I can make explicit the principle that I then perceived so dimly that I made use of it only by accident; in reaching the eyes and ears of such children, and later on their minds, one must begin with sensations their bodies can recognize. It is not for 3 full months that it occurs to me, as mechanically we turn the pages of A Treasury of Arts Masterpieces to play "This Little Piggy" on the bare toes of those Renaissance Christ babies. Which I do. And Elly laughs! This is the first evidence I have that color and shape have taken on significance, and that Elly can see a picture.
1 day, 2 weeks later, as we looked at a picture of a small girl, Elly took my hand in a peremptory way that meant "Do something". I assumed she meant, "It is time to turn the page", but that did not satisfy her. Instead she made my hand take hers and pat the picture. She was asking me to do for her what she could not yet do for herself. She wanted me to make her see. But I could not help noticing that she did not seem to care if she touched the girl or the blank space around her.
But the forward movement was slow, with setbacks. The cutting play, which began as a way of drawing her attention to pictures, degenerated like other hopeful starts, into sterile repetition. Though Elly would bring me the scissors, she would not do the cutting herself. But if I said, "Put your hand on mine", she would take part in the cutting to that extent. However she paid no attention to the pictures I cut out. What she wanted was the magazine cut into strips - letterpress, pictures, it made no difference. It seemed a deliberate retreat from the meaning she had seemed to welcome 3 months before - returning to the fixation on putting everything into vertical lines.
Elly was almost 4. More than half a year had passed since she had first seen baby's toes in the Treasury of Arts Masterpieces, yet she had no word for any body part. I drew toes, feet, legs; if I stopped drawing now, perhaps I could inveigle Elly into replacing her passive attention with active collaboration. Elly touched my hand, and I was beginning the second arm when I felt her correct me. She was no longer passively accepting - she had her own idea. She wanted the head next. I drew it and stopped. Then prompted by Elly, I drew the other arm. The figure was complete, and I had determined that Elly, who had only recently learned how to see a picture, knew as much as any child her age about how the human body should be visually represented. Once again demonstrating thet the Autistic's incapability is not a matter of intelligence, but mechanics.
My eyes work fine. It is my processor thet has difficulty figuring out what to do with the information my eyes send it.
But if I do like Twilight or Patti B and put it into words, I can then make sense of what I am seeing. Thus I have to talk to myself constantly.
If I read a paper map and then drive, I am fine. But if I am trying to picture the map in my mind while driving, I do not see the road; i.e., My processor cannot "see" what my eyes are sending it and what my mind is imagining as a picture at the same time. It is just too much information at once.
Before I got my Irlens, I had very severe Attention Deficit; i.e., With every scene I observed, every detail was of equal value to all the others, thus my eyes would dart from detail to detail, become overwhelmed, and I would go into anxiety because I could never figure out what I was supposed to focus on. Visually, all things were equal to all things, and thus I hated to look at anything at all.
But at that time I had not yet recognized the importance of taking black-out breaks. I was just in a perpetual anxiety-attack instead. Burning out my processor trying to force it to see.
I cannot over-emphasize the value of Irlen lenses. They totally changed my life.
Here is a snippet:
Now Elly could do puzzles. She could grasp new puzzles in no time at all. Most children doing puzzles are guided by the picture, not the shapes alone. But Elly saw the shapes so exactly that she needed nothing more to clue her in. She could do the puzzle face down, picture invisible, shapes reversed. Elly would amuse herself by dumping out all the pieces of all the puzzles. It made a fine mess, but when we picked them up, Elly could classify the pieces according to their puzzles of origin better than I could. Her discrimination of colors and shapes was astounding.
But did she see the picture itself? Apparently not. Five months afterward she still could not master 1 piece of the simplest puzzle of them all - a 5-piecer. This puzzle represented a smiling yellow sun, its shape and dimension virtually identical in every direction. The only clue to its proper orientation was not its shape or color, but its painted eyes; if the piece was placed so its eyes were at the top, it would fit in easily. This simple cue Elly could not learn to recognize. Eyes and faces were simply not within her scheme of relevance.
I can make explicit the principle that I then perceived so dimly that I made use of it only by accident; in reaching the eyes and ears of such children, and later on their minds, one must begin with sensations their bodies can recognize. It is not for 3 full months that it occurs to me, as mechanically we turn the pages of A Treasury of Arts Masterpieces to play "This Little Piggy" on the bare toes of those Renaissance Christ babies. Which I do. And Elly laughs! This is the first evidence I have that color and shape have taken on significance, and that Elly can see a picture.
1 day, 2 weeks later, as we looked at a picture of a small girl, Elly took my hand in a peremptory way that meant "Do something". I assumed she meant, "It is time to turn the page", but that did not satisfy her. Instead she made my hand take hers and pat the picture. She was asking me to do for her what she could not yet do for herself. She wanted me to make her see. But I could not help noticing that she did not seem to care if she touched the girl or the blank space around her.
But the forward movement was slow, with setbacks. The cutting play, which began as a way of drawing her attention to pictures, degenerated like other hopeful starts, into sterile repetition. Though Elly would bring me the scissors, she would not do the cutting herself. But if I said, "Put your hand on mine", she would take part in the cutting to that extent. However she paid no attention to the pictures I cut out. What she wanted was the magazine cut into strips - letterpress, pictures, it made no difference. It seemed a deliberate retreat from the meaning she had seemed to welcome 3 months before - returning to the fixation on putting everything into vertical lines.
Elly was almost 4. More than half a year had passed since she had first seen baby's toes in the Treasury of Arts Masterpieces, yet she had no word for any body part. I drew toes, feet, legs; if I stopped drawing now, perhaps I could inveigle Elly into replacing her passive attention with active collaboration. Elly touched my hand, and I was beginning the second arm when I felt her correct me. She was no longer passively accepting - she had her own idea. She wanted the head next. I drew it and stopped. Then prompted by Elly, I drew the other arm. The figure was complete, and I had determined that Elly, who had only recently learned how to see a picture, knew as much as any child her age about how the human body should be visually represented. Once again demonstrating thet the Autistic's incapability is not a matter of intelligence, but mechanics.
My eyes work fine. It is my processor thet has difficulty figuring out what to do with the information my eyes send it.
But if I do like Twilight or Patti B and put it into words, I can then make sense of what I am seeing. Thus I have to talk to myself constantly.
If I read a paper map and then drive, I am fine. But if I am trying to picture the map in my mind while driving, I do not see the road; i.e., My processor cannot "see" what my eyes are sending it and what my mind is imagining as a picture at the same time. It is just too much information at once.
Before I got my Irlens, I had very severe Attention Deficit; i.e., With every scene I observed, every detail was of equal value to all the others, thus my eyes would dart from detail to detail, become overwhelmed, and I would go into anxiety because I could never figure out what I was supposed to focus on. Visually, all things were equal to all things, and thus I hated to look at anything at all.
But at that time I had not yet recognized the importance of taking black-out breaks. I was just in a perpetual anxiety-attack instead. Burning out my processor trying to force it to see.
I cannot over-emphasize the value of Irlen lenses. They totally changed my life.
But I am definitely not cured. If I take my glasses off I go back to being the panicky Autistic I used to be.
I saw this episode of My Little Pony titled The Cutie Map parts 1 and 2. I hated it. I thought it was the most horrible episode. I shouted at the screen, it was just such stupid and pointless bad writing!
Then I saw Patti B’s analysis of it.
Wow. It was actually the most clever episode of them all. But because the cleverness was entirely visually represented, I had totally missed it.
See her analysis: My Little Art Talk. The Cutie Map Parts I and II.
This presentation showed me just how badly I was still visually missing what was going on. I was surprised and bewildered. It was almost like an epiphany for me to recognize how horribly I had missed everything about that episode.
Then I saw Patti B’s analysis of it.
Wow. It was actually the most clever episode of them all. But because the cleverness was entirely visually represented, I had totally missed it.
See her analysis: My Little Art Talk. The Cutie Map Parts I and II.
This presentation showed me just how badly I was still visually missing what was going on. I was surprised and bewildered. It was almost like an epiphany for me to recognize how horribly I had missed everything about that episode.
5 years later I am becoming much better at it.
Now I watch a show called Helluva Boss. It is not a children’s cartoon like My little Pony. It is harshly R Rated (be warned - it is not for everyone).
It is also edited by someone who apparently has the visual processing capacity of Temple Grandin … which I find really irritating! Everything goes by so fast, even the Normals probably miss half of it. This is thus the best show for me (at this point in my journey in learning how to see) to analyze visually, for the director intentionally puts in visual symbolism you really have to search for and watch several times to decipher.
I have become very good at this … because I had to!
This is the main character, an Imp, the Helluva Boss himself, Blitz:
He expresses every emotion with claws.
Now I watch a show called Helluva Boss. It is not a children’s cartoon like My little Pony. It is harshly R Rated (be warned - it is not for everyone).
It is also edited by someone who apparently has the visual processing capacity of Temple Grandin … which I find really irritating! Everything goes by so fast, even the Normals probably miss half of it. This is thus the best show for me (at this point in my journey in learning how to see) to analyze visually, for the director intentionally puts in visual symbolism you really have to search for and watch several times to decipher.
I have become very good at this … because I had to!
This is the main character, an Imp, the Helluva Boss himself, Blitz:
He expresses every emotion with claws.
He adopted Loona, and loves her very much.
Loona gets a crush on this dude and goes to chat him up:
Blitz demonstrates his love for her by being an over-protective father:
This expressing every emotion with claws is the worst aspect of Blitz.
He also has a sister, Barbie, but their relationship has been ruined.
He also has a sister, Barbie, but their relationship has been ruined.
Here Blitz arrives home:
As he walks across the room, he passes this wall, where we see he has scribbled his own face out of every picture:
Directly above his head you can see a picture of him with Barbie:
Note, the picture frame has claws sticking out of it:
The 2 lower claws become the ears of Fluttershy, with the pink hair.
She is a character from My Little Pony who represents the Element of Kindness.
I.e.; Blitz apparently feels much kindness toward his sister. But for Blitz, even kindness is expressed with claws, thus ruining the relationship.
He knows this is his fault, so he scribbles himself out of the picture.
I think there is a lot of Reactive Attachment Disorder going on here.
The Director gives Blitz 4 seconds to cross the room; read: 4 seconds for us to see, process, and emotionally react to what all this represents.
I find this editing style extremely irritating, for my Autistic brain cannot process that fast.
Blitz just had an exceptionally bad day, and wanted to go home and bond with his adopted child, Loona.
But Loona is not home, so Blitz crashes on the couch:
I think there is a lot of Reactive Attachment Disorder going on here.
The Director gives Blitz 4 seconds to cross the room; read: 4 seconds for us to see, process, and emotionally react to what all this represents.
I find this editing style extremely irritating, for my Autistic brain cannot process that fast.
Blitz just had an exceptionally bad day, and wanted to go home and bond with his adopted child, Loona.
But Loona is not home, so Blitz crashes on the couch:
From which we can see a picture of Blitz with two Wendigos:
Wendigos symbolize cannibalistic greed.
Blitz knows this is his underlying nature, and the reason all his relationships are ruined, and thus he even scribbles himself out of this picture.
The animators drew in all this information for us to search out and analyze. But dear God do you have to work at it! And it is good for me. It is so very good for me to have shows like this I have to watch at half speed and then re-watch several times in order to process it all.
That is called Visual Echolalia.
This also explains why I feel so frustrated interacting with people face-to-face. I cannot do it at half speed and then re-play it over and over. After every conversation I have to Echolalically repeat it to myself in words several times to get it to process and become a memory.
I so wish someone would have done this with me as a child - as was done with Elly above and as Patti B does - investing the time in helping me learn how to see.
I am on my 4th pair of Irlens and am only now learning to see things this way.
So the above was an introduction to me and how I use my study of animation to help me learn how to see.
Hopefully you can learn something from that.
Research on visual processing.
Prism Lenses were introduced as a possible therapy to help exercise the visual processors of Autistics. In some cases it was a total failure because those Autistics did not need to give their processors a work-out. They needed to give their processors a rest - or in my case an out-right black-out break.
Meanwhile:
Blitz knows this is his underlying nature, and the reason all his relationships are ruined, and thus he even scribbles himself out of this picture.
The animators drew in all this information for us to search out and analyze. But dear God do you have to work at it! And it is good for me. It is so very good for me to have shows like this I have to watch at half speed and then re-watch several times in order to process it all.
That is called Visual Echolalia.
This also explains why I feel so frustrated interacting with people face-to-face. I cannot do it at half speed and then re-play it over and over. After every conversation I have to Echolalically repeat it to myself in words several times to get it to process and become a memory.
I so wish someone would have done this with me as a child - as was done with Elly above and as Patti B does - investing the time in helping me learn how to see.
I am on my 4th pair of Irlens and am only now learning to see things this way.
So the above was an introduction to me and how I use my study of animation to help me learn how to see.
Hopefully you can learn something from that.
Research on visual processing.
Prism Lenses were introduced as a possible therapy to help exercise the visual processors of Autistics. In some cases it was a total failure because those Autistics did not need to give their processors a work-out. They needed to give their processors a rest - or in my case an out-right black-out break.
Meanwhile:
Yoked Prism for helping possible Autism Spectrum Disorder/ADHD/Poor Reading and Eyesight.
Background information:
Typically, small amounts of prism are helpful in changing how one processes visual information to get a more comfortable visual experience.
We speak of prism in terms of the base: base out (BO), base in (BI), base left (BL), base right (BR), base up (BU), base down (BD).
A prism deviates the image away from the base/thickest side (toward the apex - thinner edge of the prism) so, for example, if you are looking through BO prism, the image for each eye is deviated inward.
Most doctors only use prism as a compensating lens as that was how we were taught in Optometry school. Which means, if someone has an eye that turns out, put BI prism over that eye to get the image moved in front of the turning eye so they can (hopefully) fuse the images from each eye.
Unfortunately, this only works for a short amount of time because the reason for the eye turn was never addressed (with Vision therapy), and the visual system “eats up” the prism and needs more and more over time to keep the images in front of the eyes.
Sadly, the next (uninformed) recommendation is surgery because at some point, prism power gets so high they can no longer make glasses that thick!
The point being your eye will adjust to the prism and no longer work, necessitating thicker and thicker prisms.
Behavioral Optometrists know that a compensating prism is usually only helpful for short periods of time (usually due to a brain injury or a sudden onset of double vision in an adult because of an acute medical condition). Otherwise, we understand that tiny amounts of prism can help change the visual processing of information which leads to much better function in the short term.
PATIENT SUCCESS STORY:
I recently did a 6-month Vision Therapy progress exam on a patient who originally came to me from a local Optometrist who was concerned that the patient could not see better than 20/60 in each eye, even with glasses.
This was a 9-year-old boy (undiagnosed, but I suspected high-functioning Autism), difficulty reading, and it was discovered during the initial exam that he could not “see” red nor green, he just said white, yet color vision testing was completely normal.
His mother was floored to discover he could not see colors.
The usual old refraction using plus or minus lenses also only got him to 20/60, just like the referring doctors’ assessment stated. But with prism assessment and trial frame in the office, he could see 20/25.
The look on his face was priceless!
He walked around with a big grin, and looked at everything intensely. When asked what he saw, he exclaimed, “Everything looks SO REAL!” He did not want to let go of the trial pair, he wanted to take them home with him!
During reading assessment, I had him read Charlotte’s Web (intentionally a bit over his ability), and without prism glasses it was choppy, and he sounded out words and really struggled. Pop in the prism glasses, and his reading rhythm and cadence were perfect!
Mom had to pick her jaw up off the floor! I could remove the glasses again, poor reading, stuttering, etc; put them in, perfect reading. I wish I had it on video.
Eye movements were extremely stressful for him, following a target especially in toward his nose made him give up, back his head away in distress, face flushed, eyes watered and he would exclaim, “That hurts!”
After getting the new glasses with low BD (base down) prism he would refuse to take them off.
His school teachers and parents were surprised at the immediate difference in his abilities to read, write, and sit still. Classroom behavior improved tremendously.
Now flash-forward 6 months; he has been off school for a month and has stopped wearing glasses off and on in June.
At our 6 month progress evaluation, his Dad brought him in, and I asked what differences have you noticed since the introduction of these lenses. Dad said, Everything! Better reading, better writing, happier, no more meltdowns, but especially now he can see color!
And it was true, he could now see 20/25 without glasses, could easily name red and green, easily do eye-movements without glasses or stress (this boy used to cry in therapy when asked to remove his glasses to do some activities, it was so stressful for him), overall stereopsis improved, balance and coordination improved, and peripheral awareness improved.
Today he is playing baseball!
This boy will most likely no longer qualify for an IEP (Individualized Education Program) and they are exploring reducing or even eliminating ADHD medications with his Psychiatrist.
This is what horrifies me. This Autistic is considered mentally ill by a (probably public school-appointed) Psychiatrist and put on medication to mask the symptoms of some "mental illness" he never actually had.
So we were using low prism (usually called yoked prism) aids in changing visual processing, and I only learned this after Optometry School when I did all the certification and training to become a Behavioral Optometrist. Once again demonstrating how useless the medical profession is.
It is especially helpful for Autism patients who process visual information differently than Neurotypicals. But is extremely effective in those tough cases where nothing else seems to work.
Changing input, changes output.
As I said above, I could not properly process Red. All Reds looked Salmon to me.
Would Prism lenses have helped me? Possibly. But I would have repeatedly adjusted to them and thus had to keep getting stronger and stronger ones until I maxed-out and they would no longer accommodate my changes.
I did not adjust to my Irlens, which would have necessitated me repeatedly getting stronger ones. My eye-sight simply changed over time, so with each up-date of prescription lenses I re-did my Irlen test and got the new colors necessary for that prescription.
If the kid mentioned above had skipped the Prism lenses and went straight to Irlens he would have probably been better off.
Yes, I am prejudiced.
I have worn prescription lenses since I was around 12 years old. With these lenses I supposedly had 20/20 eye-site, according to the Optometrists.
They were wrong. Even with my glasses I could hardly see at all, because they were Medical Doctors not Behavioral Scientists.
The Doctor who wrote the above article said himself he only recognized the problem after he became a Behavioral Optometrist.
He was also probably only then able to recognize his patient may have been Autistic.
Vision and Autism (ASD).
Vision problems are common in children with ASD, but unfortunately these often go undiagnosed.
Many individuals with ASD have problems with sensory integration, which can affect the child’s visual skills as well as other sensory-processing abilities.
Eye-exams for children with Autism.
It is crucial for parents to understand that children with ASD need to have regular eye exams in order to assess their ocular health, as well as their vision acuity. A standard 20/20 vision screening is insufficient.
Doctors also recommend that children with ASD have a functional visual evaluation in order to assess many other important aspects of the visual system, namely: eye movements, eye teaming, eye tracking, visual processing, visual-spatial judgment, and central/peripheral vision.
According to research, children with ASD present with a higher incidence of Strabismus (eye turn) ranging from 21 - 50 percent prevalence, as compared to children without ASD.
Autistic behaviors and vision problems.
Common Autistic behaviors may seem unrelated to vision problems - though truthfully, many of the following behaviors actually present as a result of reduced vision or visual skills.
Looking beyond/through objects
Absence of reciprocal play
Extreme fear of heights or absence of appropriate fear of heights
Tracking moving objects accurately
Maintaining eye contact with people
Eye alignment (eye turns)
Keeping their eyes from wandering (amblyopia/lazy eye)
Light sensitivity
Head turning (looking at objects from the side of the eyes)
Fleeting views or rolling eyes
Visual stimming (flapping fingers in front of eyes)
If your child displays any of these vision problems, contact an eye doctor near you who has experience with Vision Therapy. Not just a regular Optometrist; dozens of whom I have been to throughout my life, and none of them recognized my severe Visual Processing Disorder.
Vision problems are common in children with ASD, but unfortunately these often go undiagnosed.
Many individuals with ASD have problems with sensory integration, which can affect the child’s visual skills as well as other sensory-processing abilities.
Eye-exams for children with Autism.
It is crucial for parents to understand that children with ASD need to have regular eye exams in order to assess their ocular health, as well as their vision acuity. A standard 20/20 vision screening is insufficient.
Doctors also recommend that children with ASD have a functional visual evaluation in order to assess many other important aspects of the visual system, namely: eye movements, eye teaming, eye tracking, visual processing, visual-spatial judgment, and central/peripheral vision.
According to research, children with ASD present with a higher incidence of Strabismus (eye turn) ranging from 21 - 50 percent prevalence, as compared to children without ASD.
Autistic behaviors and vision problems.
Common Autistic behaviors may seem unrelated to vision problems - though truthfully, many of the following behaviors actually present as a result of reduced vision or visual skills.
Looking beyond/through objects
Absence of reciprocal play
Extreme fear of heights or absence of appropriate fear of heights
Tracking moving objects accurately
Maintaining eye contact with people
Eye alignment (eye turns)
Keeping their eyes from wandering (amblyopia/lazy eye)
Light sensitivity
Head turning (looking at objects from the side of the eyes)
Fleeting views or rolling eyes
Visual stimming (flapping fingers in front of eyes)
If your child displays any of these vision problems, contact an eye doctor near you who has experience with Vision Therapy. Not just a regular Optometrist; dozens of whom I have been to throughout my life, and none of them recognized my severe Visual Processing Disorder.
Autism & Eyes: Eye Tests, Vision Therapy.
Autism Eyes Test.
Autistic children and adults require special testing for their eyes, eyesight, and vision. Our behavioral/developmental Optometrists are experienced in comprehensive eye exams for all types of special needs and nonverbal children and adults, including those on the Autism Spectrum. Nonverbal children can often tell us, through their behaviors, what their problems are.
As behavioral/developmental Optometrists, our eye doctors are experts in observing and testing the eyes and visual behaviors of a person with Autism. In evaluating and treating the eyes of children and adults with Autism, we look beyond 20/20 vision and eye disease. Our visual evaluation assesses many other important aspects of normal vision, such as functional eye movements, eye teaming, eye tracking, visual processing, visual-spatial judgment, and central vs peripheral vision.
Through proper testing and observation, we determine whether the vision is helping or interfering with the Autistic person’s performance and development and, when appropriate, provide the best visual treatments and/or therapies. If our vision evaluation determines that the child’s visual skills are a significant barrier to progress, a vision therapy program can be designed to develop the needed visual developmental skills. In some cases, prism and/or ambient lenses are a part of the vision therapy intervention.
The Eyes of an Autistic Person.
Vision Therapy and/or Yoked/Ambient Prism Lenses.
The eyes of an Autistic person require expert testing, and often benefit significantly from vision therapy and/or yoked prism or ambient lenses. In some cases, typical Autistic behaviors related to the eyes like poor eye-contact, looking through or beyond objects, extreme aversion to light, unusual reaction to sight are actually symptoms of untreated visual problems that can be effectively remediated (I would say "In some cases, temporarily alleviated") in with vision therapy and/or yoked prism lenses or ambient lenses.
Other behaviors of an Autistic person such as lack of reciprocal play, extreme fear of heights or lack of appropriate fear of heights might not seem to be immediately related to the eyes, but, in fact, these behaviors can also be caused by undetected visual problems that will respond positively to the appropriate visual treatments and therapies. In these cases, vision therapy and/or prism/ambient lenses can provide significant benefits to individuals on the Autism Spectrum.
As seen above, Twilight could not play a card-game unless she put it into words. And I could not visually process a cartoon episode until Patti B put it into words. Thus "vision therapy" and prism lenses might be relatively useless to an Aspie who thinks in words; i.e., I suggest part of my inability to see was caused by failure to put it into words, not entirely the faulty visual processing it’s self.
Today I watch Helluva Boss at 50% speed and talk to myself constantly, Script-walking, explaining to myself in words what I am seeing. It works.
Autism Eyes Test.
Autistic children and adults require special testing for their eyes, eyesight, and vision. Our behavioral/developmental Optometrists are experienced in comprehensive eye exams for all types of special needs and nonverbal children and adults, including those on the Autism Spectrum. Nonverbal children can often tell us, through their behaviors, what their problems are.
As behavioral/developmental Optometrists, our eye doctors are experts in observing and testing the eyes and visual behaviors of a person with Autism. In evaluating and treating the eyes of children and adults with Autism, we look beyond 20/20 vision and eye disease. Our visual evaluation assesses many other important aspects of normal vision, such as functional eye movements, eye teaming, eye tracking, visual processing, visual-spatial judgment, and central vs peripheral vision.
Through proper testing and observation, we determine whether the vision is helping or interfering with the Autistic person’s performance and development and, when appropriate, provide the best visual treatments and/or therapies. If our vision evaluation determines that the child’s visual skills are a significant barrier to progress, a vision therapy program can be designed to develop the needed visual developmental skills. In some cases, prism and/or ambient lenses are a part of the vision therapy intervention.
The Eyes of an Autistic Person.
Vision Therapy and/or Yoked/Ambient Prism Lenses.
The eyes of an Autistic person require expert testing, and often benefit significantly from vision therapy and/or yoked prism or ambient lenses. In some cases, typical Autistic behaviors related to the eyes like poor eye-contact, looking through or beyond objects, extreme aversion to light, unusual reaction to sight are actually symptoms of untreated visual problems that can be effectively remediated (I would say "In some cases, temporarily alleviated") in with vision therapy and/or yoked prism lenses or ambient lenses.
Other behaviors of an Autistic person such as lack of reciprocal play, extreme fear of heights or lack of appropriate fear of heights might not seem to be immediately related to the eyes, but, in fact, these behaviors can also be caused by undetected visual problems that will respond positively to the appropriate visual treatments and therapies. In these cases, vision therapy and/or prism/ambient lenses can provide significant benefits to individuals on the Autism Spectrum.
As seen above, Twilight could not play a card-game unless she put it into words. And I could not visually process a cartoon episode until Patti B put it into words. Thus "vision therapy" and prism lenses might be relatively useless to an Aspie who thinks in words; i.e., I suggest part of my inability to see was caused by failure to put it into words, not entirely the faulty visual processing it’s self.
Today I watch Helluva Boss at 50% speed and talk to myself constantly, Script-walking, explaining to myself in words what I am seeing. It works.
In the Murder Family episode we see Blitz has a lemon tree in his office. Does it represent the Biblical Tree Of Knowledge? In the pot there is a sign thet says "No Whores." And the wall-paper is starkly black and white. Does that suggest there is no grey area in this situation?
The first few times I watched this I just saw the facial expressions, and totally missed all the background hints.
Behind her is a dart-board with notes pinned to it. Does that represent Blitz’s decision-making process?
Only a few years ago I would not have been able to watch this show at all. It would have been so visually overstimulating, I could have only watched 20 seconds of it before becoming exasperated and have to take a black-out break.
These days it is becoming my new Fixated Subject.
After watching this episode 3 times at 75% speed, and then finishing this article with this picture in it I re-wrote 5 times, did I only then notice the shadows of the Venician blind going across her.
Visual Echolalia is so necessary for me before I finally process everything.
Vision Therapy for Autism Spectrum Disorders.
If our vision evaluation determines that the child’s visual skills and development are a significant barrier to progress, a vision therapy intervention program can be designed to develop the missing or deficient visual developmental skills. The resulting improvements in visual developmental skills can have a significant impact on many other behaviors and/or developmental or life skills that might initially seem unrelated to the eyes, such as anxiety, verbalization, or socialization. Vision is our dominant or primary sense and optometric vision therapy is a leading form of sensory integration therapy. Our vision therapy programs are individualized to the patient.
Eyes of Autistic Individuals & Prism Lenses (Yoked Prisms or Ambient Prisms).
Most children or adults with Autism and/or developmental delays use their vision inadequately. Autistic people can often experience anxiety, confusion or distress related to their visual perceptions of their own or others’ bodies moving in space or simply to other objects moving around them. The Autistic person’s disorganized, confusing, or overwhelming visual perceptions can trigger stressful reactions in many ways and environments … and not just for them.
Yoked or ambient prisms can help Autistic children and adults to use their vision to experience their own bodies and their spatial environments in more effective, positive and safe ways. For example, prisms can create immediate unconscious positive changes in posture, balance, and attention. These positive postural, sensory, or perceptual changes can significantly increase the Autistic individual’s feelings of physical comfort, safety, and security. And these increased feelings of well-being lead to decreased feelings of anxiety and sensory overload, and much more.
These people apparently understand Autism well enough to have the right to an opinion. But them openly stating thet prism lenses create unconscious changes in things thet can be considered symptoms of Autism proves Prism lenses’ deficiency (to me).
Irlen lenses filter out the frequencies of light your processor has difficulty with, allowing it to relax and thus decipher the remaining light frequencies. And once my processor calmed down, my anxiety and obsessiveness went away.
I think tricking your processor into thinking it is seeing something it is not, as Prism lenses do, is relatively useless, or at least going about it the wrong way.
Sometimes the prism or ambient lenses are used temporarily on a therapeutic basis only as part of a vision therapy program to achieve desired results.
I appreciate these people for recognizing Prism lenses are for therapy, not cure, and are only used temporarily.
But this is also why I have a problem with them. They are doing therapy on the processor rather than eliminating what the processor has difficulty with; Irlen lenses filter out what the processor has difficulty with thus allowing it to easily process the rest. Using prisms to try to force an Autistic brain to be something it is not may be almost as bad as ABA Therapy abusively forcing the Autistic to act normal. It in no way addresses the fact the Autistic brain is not normal, we have physical differences in our brains thet cannot be changed, and we should instead be nurtured and encouraged to use our Autistic perception to our benefit.
These days it is becoming my new Fixated Subject.
After watching this episode 3 times at 75% speed, and then finishing this article with this picture in it I re-wrote 5 times, did I only then notice the shadows of the Venician blind going across her.
Visual Echolalia is so necessary for me before I finally process everything.
Vision Therapy for Autism Spectrum Disorders.
If our vision evaluation determines that the child’s visual skills and development are a significant barrier to progress, a vision therapy intervention program can be designed to develop the missing or deficient visual developmental skills. The resulting improvements in visual developmental skills can have a significant impact on many other behaviors and/or developmental or life skills that might initially seem unrelated to the eyes, such as anxiety, verbalization, or socialization. Vision is our dominant or primary sense and optometric vision therapy is a leading form of sensory integration therapy. Our vision therapy programs are individualized to the patient.
Eyes of Autistic Individuals & Prism Lenses (Yoked Prisms or Ambient Prisms).
Most children or adults with Autism and/or developmental delays use their vision inadequately. Autistic people can often experience anxiety, confusion or distress related to their visual perceptions of their own or others’ bodies moving in space or simply to other objects moving around them. The Autistic person’s disorganized, confusing, or overwhelming visual perceptions can trigger stressful reactions in many ways and environments … and not just for them.
Yoked or ambient prisms can help Autistic children and adults to use their vision to experience their own bodies and their spatial environments in more effective, positive and safe ways. For example, prisms can create immediate unconscious positive changes in posture, balance, and attention. These positive postural, sensory, or perceptual changes can significantly increase the Autistic individual’s feelings of physical comfort, safety, and security. And these increased feelings of well-being lead to decreased feelings of anxiety and sensory overload, and much more.
These people apparently understand Autism well enough to have the right to an opinion. But them openly stating thet prism lenses create unconscious changes in things thet can be considered symptoms of Autism proves Prism lenses’ deficiency (to me).
Irlen lenses filter out the frequencies of light your processor has difficulty with, allowing it to relax and thus decipher the remaining light frequencies. And once my processor calmed down, my anxiety and obsessiveness went away.
I think tricking your processor into thinking it is seeing something it is not, as Prism lenses do, is relatively useless, or at least going about it the wrong way.
Sometimes the prism or ambient lenses are used temporarily on a therapeutic basis only as part of a vision therapy program to achieve desired results.
I appreciate these people for recognizing Prism lenses are for therapy, not cure, and are only used temporarily.
But this is also why I have a problem with them. They are doing therapy on the processor rather than eliminating what the processor has difficulty with; Irlen lenses filter out what the processor has difficulty with thus allowing it to easily process the rest. Using prisms to try to force an Autistic brain to be something it is not may be almost as bad as ABA Therapy abusively forcing the Autistic to act normal. It in no way addresses the fact the Autistic brain is not normal, we have physical differences in our brains thet cannot be changed, and we should instead be nurtured and encouraged to use our Autistic perception to our benefit.
Did you see Fluttershy and Wendigos in this shot?
I did, because I have learned how to use my Autistic visual processing DISORDER to my advantage - with tremendous assistance from Irlen lenses.
Tricking my brain into seeing something thet is not there, as Prism lenses do, would be wrong for me.
Sometimes, the prism or ambient lenses become a part of the Autistic person’s daily prescription eyewear. And sometimes the Autistic person uses the Prism lenses in both vision therapy and daily life. In many cases, yoked prisms or ambient prisms prescribed by a Behavioral or Developmental Optometrist produce significant positive changes in an Autistic person’s life, and their family’s lives.
Our yoked prism or ambient lens prescriptions in both vision therapy and daily wear are individualized to the patient.
I do agree thet Prism lenses can be better than nothing for some people in some cases. But they are not the solution. Because the light frequencies the Autistic processor cannot handle are still coming through those prisms. Irlen lenses filter them out. Problem solved.
Here is irlen.com in their own words:
70% of the information an individual receives enters through the eyes and must be correctly interpreted by the brain. Any problem in the way the brain processes visual information can cause difficulties in the general ability to function. Sensory overload causes problems processing, interpreting, and interacting with the environment. The Irlen Method helps individuals with Autism and Asperger Syndrome who have perceptual problems, light sensitivity, and sensory overload by filtering the frequencies of light to which the individual is sensitive. This allows the brain to process (the remaining) visual information normally.
Our yoked prism or ambient lens prescriptions in both vision therapy and daily wear are individualized to the patient.
I do agree thet Prism lenses can be better than nothing for some people in some cases. But they are not the solution. Because the light frequencies the Autistic processor cannot handle are still coming through those prisms. Irlen lenses filter them out. Problem solved.
Here is irlen.com in their own words:
70% of the information an individual receives enters through the eyes and must be correctly interpreted by the brain. Any problem in the way the brain processes visual information can cause difficulties in the general ability to function. Sensory overload causes problems processing, interpreting, and interacting with the environment. The Irlen Method helps individuals with Autism and Asperger Syndrome who have perceptual problems, light sensitivity, and sensory overload by filtering the frequencies of light to which the individual is sensitive. This allows the brain to process (the remaining) visual information normally.
Before I got my Irlen lenses I was not able to recognize how to see the way David Fincher sees.
I did not say I could not see the way David Fincher sees. I said I was not able to recognize I could.
Here is another one of my favorite YouTubers: Nerdwriter1. See his video How David Fincher Hijacks Your Eyes.
Before I got my Irlens I would see every detail of everything in the scene, become overwhelmed, and go into anxiety as I Attention Deficit’d all over the place.
I think the main thing David does thet I needed to learn was how to see what the subject is. His camera tracks the movement of subject so well, it tells me what to focus on.
Ironically, though I am only now able to recognize the subject and thus focus on it, as opposed to my former self who saw every detail as equal and thus became overwhelmed by them all, I still have the Attention Deficit that makes me analyze the detail in the background too. But I know how to balance the 2 now. Thanks to Irlens.
And thank God for Ponies and Imps. They made the learning fun.
I wish the whole world looked like a David Fincher film.
Wearing my Irlen lenses, I am more able to make my head into a camera being moved and focused by David Fincher. While also doing the opposite, analyzing the details in the background without being overwhelmed.
Does any of this make any sense to you? It does not make any sense to me. But I am learning how to see.
Maybe 5 years from now I will write Part II of this article, demonstrating how I finally figured it out.
Also see my Irlen Lenses page.
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
P.S. The catoon woman with the magnifying glass is from the YouTube channel HezuNeutral.
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I like how I used MLP and Helluva Boss as reference-points/analogies. Then I interjected Clara Claiborne Park’s experience. Then I introduced an alternate perspective of Prism Lenses. Then I had Patti B and Nerdwriter1 explain it in a way I would not have considered.
I think it is a well-rounded presentation. But am I over-complicating the subject by including too many side-points? (It is not well-rounded. It is bloated.)
I am not trying to tell people what to think. I am trying to get them to think. But am I annoying them in the process?
The most frustrating thing about my web-site is I so seldom get any feedback. I average 30 - 60 visitors a day, but none of them write to me.
That is the main reason I want to do this on YouTube. People can so easily leave comments, which can then turn into chats.
So please give me your opinion on why this article works or not.
Hi Chryssie.
In answer to your questions:
No. I do not think you will annoy people at all, and I do not think you are over-complicating it either. I think you did a thorough job of explaining your visual processing problems and the strategies you are using to overcome them.
For a Normal like me, it is really, really interesting.
Here are a few things that stand out to me:
Synesthesia:
This never fails to blow my mind. It is always fascinating to me to read first-hand accounts of this. I can see how it would be SO frustrating; but on the other hand, it is kind of a cool gift too. You get to experience things in very unique sensory manner.
Putting things into words:
This is something I can relate to. I have always wondered if I have some borderline Aspie traits. I am highly verbal, and often talk to myself about what I am doing when I am doing it. I do not have to, but I just do.
In your case, you talk out what you are seeing, and I can see how doing this helps with visual processing. In my case, I talk out what I am doing physically. This has always helped me to stay on task.
The picture of the card-game:
Your analysis was really interesting. Not knowing the storylines nor characters, I can still get a general gist of what is going on within and between the characters, but certainly not with the depth you have here. And I have looked at it multiple times and I still do not pick up on the visual details you have discovered. I would never have noticed the hidden playing card if you had not pointed it out. I only just noticed the rabbit on the one pony's back - and that is after looking at the photo at least 5 or 6 times. Maybe it is me. Maybe it is most Normals. For the most part, I see the "forest" but I do not really notice the smaller peripheral stuff (the trees) unless it is pointed out to me.
I actually read this part of your article to my non-verbal son Fred because I wanted to know what he thought. He liked it, but this is what he said to me on his Letter-board:
"That is not how it is like for me". "It is hard to see". "Things are not blurry." "It is tiring."
I asked him the questions on the long-form survey on the Irlens web-site, and he was negative on many of them.
It seems to me, based on his descriptions, that his eyes get tired in terms of the muscle movement required to move them. That makes sense given that all controlled muscle movement is difficult for him. After all, eye movement is just fine motor movement. And he struggles to move his eyes with control just as he struggles to move his mouth with control (hence why he is non-verbal). It is really amazing how every single person on The Spectrum is SO different from every other person on The Spectrum.
Helluva Boss Analysis:
The pictures are interesting, but I would not have understood anything without your analysis. And even with you pointing out certain details, I still cannot actually see them (the claws on the picture-frame for instance). Weird. I just cannot find them in the picture.
Elly in the book excerpt:
This child reminds me of my older son Charles. While Fred is terrible at shape-sorters and puzzles, Charles has always been incredibly good at them. But like this little girl, I do not really think he sees the whole picture. He definitely sees shapes versus the picture.
Conversation:
Again, your description reminds me so much of Charles. He has always been a video rewinder (he will rewind and re-watch the same 2 - 3 seconds of a video hundreds of times). He also scripts-walks and talks out what he is doing.
Your article has really opened my eyes in terms of how Charles probably visually processes things.
Fred seems to be an altogether different case however.
Overall, this is an excellent article! You are spot-on in your analysis of vision.
In our case, we did the gamut. We took Fred to a developmental optometrist who was really very good. She would give us progressive visual exercises to work on, and she also put him on prism lenses. But, as you noted, the prism lenses were only for temporary use and for limited periods of time during the day. The idea behind them was to "re-train" the brain. We did all of this stuff consistently for a long period of time (years). We also employed most of the strategies in the following books (as well as many others):
- Seeing Through New Eyes. by Melvin Kaplan.
- Eye Games - Easy and Fun Visual Exercises. by Lois Hickman.
I found over time that most of these developmental optometry efforts did not move the needle very much.
You know what worked better - at least in Fred’s case? Two things: Doing things in real life like tossing a baseball or kicking a soccer ball (among many other activities), and RPM + reading. Spelling on his letter-board and reading on his own (even a little at a time) has done more to improve his vision then all the other stuff we tried before.
Personally, I do not think there is a magic bullet. And according to Fred himself, he does not think he has a problem with visual overstimulation, color, light, nor anything else. Like all of his other problems, he thinks it boils down to a lack of motor control (his body does not listen to his brain, including his eyes).
I think there are SO many reasons why people on The Spectrum have visual problems.
And one other thing . . . I am no longer convinced Fred actually has Autism. The label just does not fit him. I think he has a very severe form of Dyspraxia.
This is Fred's problem (and his case is very extreme):
Dyspraxia (also known as developmental coordination disorder – DCD) is a surprisingly common condition affecting movement and coordination in children and adults. See dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk
Here is an interesting site with some good info about ASD and vision:
Vision Therapy for ASD | Thinking Autism. Taking Action. www.thinkingautism.org
Anyway, I think your article on vision is terrific and very detailed. There is much to learn here, and I could see it helping other people on The Spectrum who are not as self-aware as you are, as well as parents like me.
The whole vision thing has got to be absolutely exhausting for you! It is amazing what you have been able to figure out on your own to alleviate so many of these issues. - L.M.
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Learning How To See Update I.
by Chryssie.
I love this Analysis channel, apparently full of Aspie lectures:
Cartoon Universe. YouTube.
I love the amount of expression they get from the eyes.
I so wish I could watch Murder Drones and keep up on what he is talking about, the way Patti B analyzed MLP, and I analyzed Helluva Boss.
But Murder Drones is so hard for me to visually process because everything is black on black. Then to keep the viewer’s attention the director puts in constant flashes of white (see the above video. Dear Gawd). This strobing me in the eye while I am already straining to decipher what I am seeing is so irritating to me, making this show utterly unwatchable (which is really a shame because I absolutely love SFM (*1)). Though I continue to love Cartoon Universe’s and Rem Games’ analysis of it.
Cartoon Universe. YouTube.
I love the amount of expression they get from the eyes.
I so wish I could watch Murder Drones and keep up on what he is talking about, the way Patti B analyzed MLP, and I analyzed Helluva Boss.
But Murder Drones is so hard for me to visually process because everything is black on black. Then to keep the viewer’s attention the director puts in constant flashes of white (see the above video. Dear Gawd). This strobing me in the eye while I am already straining to decipher what I am seeing is so irritating to me, making this show utterly unwatchable (which is really a shame because I absolutely love SFM (*1)). Though I continue to love Cartoon Universe’s and Rem Games’ analysis of it.
Rem Games. YouTube.
I just love Aspie lectures.
Consider how much easier it would be for an Autistic to process if these shows faded to black between scenes rather than strobe us in the eye.
Though I am fascinated by stories thet are, such as that classic scene in Helluva Boss, wherein we see inside Blitz’s house where he has all the pictures with his own face scribbled out, and the Fluttershy and Wendigos symbolism.
I really need channels like Cartoon Universe and Rem Games to continue to help me learn how to see.
I just love Aspie lectures.
Consider how much easier it would be for an Autistic to process if these shows faded to black between scenes rather than strobe us in the eye.
Though I am fascinated by stories thet are, such as that classic scene in Helluva Boss, wherein we see inside Blitz’s house where he has all the pictures with his own face scribbled out, and the Fluttershy and Wendigos symbolism.
I really need channels like Cartoon Universe and Rem Games to continue to help me learn how to see.
In the latest episode of Helluva Boss we see inside Blitz’s house again, and are re-shown Fluttershy and the Wendigos, this time in the light. They are really making sure we see it this time.
First view, in the Ozzie’s episode:
First view, in the Ozzie’s episode:
Second view, in the Queen Bee episode:
None of the analysts (except me) noticed these things the first time. So in the second episode the artists actually put a spotlight directly on Fluttershy’s hair and the Wendigos faces.
Come on you Normals, learn how to see!
(*1): SFM is Source Film Maker, the computer animation program used to make Murder Drones.
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Hi Chryssie.
The images you shared from Helluva Boss are great, but I do not see what you see in them (guess I am too much of a Normal). I see the characters and then a bunch of extra stuff I do not pay any attention to. Quite frankly, I find these very visually distracting - there is not enough contrast between the characters and the background, and there is just a ton of stuff in the background. I can see how you have trouble visually following these things. - L.M.
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Come on you Normals, learn how to see!
(*1): SFM is Source Film Maker, the computer animation program used to make Murder Drones.
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Hi Chryssie.
The images you shared from Helluva Boss are great, but I do not see what you see in them (guess I am too much of a Normal). I see the characters and then a bunch of extra stuff I do not pay any attention to. Quite frankly, I find these very visually distracting - there is not enough contrast between the characters and the background, and there is just a ton of stuff in the background. I can see how you have trouble visually following these things. - L.M.
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Learning How To See Update II.
by Chryssie.
When the overstimulation becomes overwhelming and all my senses shut down, I used to call that "Fluttershy out." Now I call it "Pomni." I did not Fluttershy out. I Pomnied.
This is the Asperger word-play sense of humor.
And I no longer do that anymore. Now I can recognize when my visual processor is becoming tired, and so I just close my eyes for 15 seconds, consciously refraining from picturing anything in my mind. That is all it takes these days. And it is because I have spent so much time with the YouTube Analysis channels learning how to see. Because I did not know how to see, I could not tell when I was becoming over-stimulated.
A couple of times I went full Pomni when I was working as a Security Guard at Magistrate Court. That courthouse building was a horrible design. It was mostly glass, so the sun would come in from 1 side and reflect off the glass on the other side. Getting hit with sunlight from 2 angles at once would so over-stimulate my visual processor.
I saw another Autistic have a panic-attack just being in that room.
I would be wanding people with the metal-detector and all my senses would turn off. My co-worker would tap my shoulder hard and wake me up as I stood there like Pomni.
It was so annoying thet I could not feel it coming on.
I Pomnied.
Today I can usually feel it coming on, and I stop and take a break.
by Chryssie.
When the overstimulation becomes overwhelming and all my senses shut down, I used to call that "Fluttershy out." Now I call it "Pomni." I did not Fluttershy out. I Pomnied.
This is the Asperger word-play sense of humor.
And I no longer do that anymore. Now I can recognize when my visual processor is becoming tired, and so I just close my eyes for 15 seconds, consciously refraining from picturing anything in my mind. That is all it takes these days. And it is because I have spent so much time with the YouTube Analysis channels learning how to see. Because I did not know how to see, I could not tell when I was becoming over-stimulated.
A couple of times I went full Pomni when I was working as a Security Guard at Magistrate Court. That courthouse building was a horrible design. It was mostly glass, so the sun would come in from 1 side and reflect off the glass on the other side. Getting hit with sunlight from 2 angles at once would so over-stimulate my visual processor.
I saw another Autistic have a panic-attack just being in that room.
I would be wanding people with the metal-detector and all my senses would turn off. My co-worker would tap my shoulder hard and wake me up as I stood there like Pomni.
It was so annoying thet I could not feel it coming on.
I Pomnied.
Today I can usually feel it coming on, and I stop and take a break.
I go into Mag Court-I-mean-Pomni goes into the Void.
It is so over-stimulating, she goes deer in headlights.
Caine has to go get her.
He teleports her back to the Circus.
She remains deer in headlights for a moment.
Caine repeatedly teleporting her from place to place is again so overstimulating she throws up.
It takes her a moment to recover.
|
|
Poor Pomni.
This is Autism.
She is only able to process about half of what is going on.
This is Autism.
She is only able to process about half of what is going on.
10 years ago I found Patti B’s YouTube channel.
That is when it occurred to me I was probably processing about half of what I saw.
Then I got my Irlen Lenses, and that proved it.
Wow did that change my life.
If I had not gotten my Irlen Lenses I would still be an overstimulated Pomni, combined with Fluttershy’s hypersensitivity, and Komi’s panic-attacks.
How to recover from Autism:
Watch cartoons.
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#25.
Disabled People and Rule 34.
Fur and Loathing.
by Chryssie.
I was not at all embarrassed to be supportive of the Brony Community. It was about Disability in general and Autism specifically. They set up charities to raise money for The Strabismus Foundation, St Jude’s Children’s Hospital, and some other charities thet help disabled people. Bronies For Good have a charity organization called Seeds Of Kindness thet raises money for the Against Malaria Foundation, etc.
The Pony Community had an especially large percentage of Autistics involved.
I have run this web-site for 10 years now, during which I never stopped talking about Ponies, for they and their community helped me so much, especially when I lived in Nevada (I hated).
Meanwhile The Furry Community is apparently about sex. From my limited research I have come to assume Furries are really ugly people no one wants to fuck. They have discovered thet if they dress up like cute cartoon animals other really ugly people no one wants to fuck dressed as cute cartoon animals will fuck them.
This is sad, but it apparently works. It works so well, the community now invites, or at least accepts, Retarded and otherwise Disabled people into it’s midst.
At the 2019 Furry Convention these specific people pictured did a presentation about their Fursonas; i.e., the characters they want to portray with their Furry costumes. They are all severely disabled.
The difference between Bronies and Furries is Bronies are about supporting Disabled people through Charities, and giving them acceptance for who they really are. Furries are about getting Disabled people laid - specifically by other disabled people, both of whom are dressed as cartoon animals, apparently because they hate their own identities.
I do not know what to think of this. And my above opinion is based on an assumption.
Is it good thet this community is accepting of disabled people, if the purpose of it is to provide and engage in anonymous sex?
I am at least average looking. I have no notable physical disabilities, other than human imperfection, in fact I am in exceptionally good health for my age. But I can still be sympathetic and even empathetic of disabled people in general. But I cannot be truly understanding of the sexual frustration these people must feel. They know deep down no one will ever want to have sex with them.
I know I could get laid if I wanted to. Though I still have the natural instinct to love a woman, and sexually bond with her, I consciously choose to avoid real women, and have Rarity as my waifu instead.
I do not hate my own identity. In fact I am pretty vain about it!
I do not know if the Furry Community is being helpful or harmful to these people.
Bronies gave the Disabled a space where they could be accepted as and accepting of themselves. Furries provide a space where they can hide themselves … for the sake of getting laid by a stranger who is also hiding.
It is none of my business. But I do wonder about it.
I have had drunken strangers hump my leg like a dog several times. No one ever did that to these people. Though I find drunken sluts very annoying, I feel sorry for people this has never happened to.
But is helping them into a sex cult of people who hate their own identities an improvement? I do not know.
Meanwhile:
There was a Ted Talk presented by a young woman in a wheelchair. She was ugly and malformed and permanently in that chair.
Her presentation was about how annoying it was to her thet normal people expected her to be a Motivational Speaker.
We have all seen a somehow disabled person say it was a blessing in disguise because it forced them to develop a personality. They went on to become Motivational Speakers, and now we have a stereotype about it … and it pisses her off!
We also have a stereotype of Retarded people being angels in disguise. No they are not! They are Retards!
She said the high point of her life was when she became a hardcore fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She has otherwise not amounted to much, and is okay with herself and her life the way it is.
Then she said she was angered when someone said "The only disability is a bad attitude." She said it did not matter how sincerely she smiled at a staircase, she could not go up it in her wheelchair - so do not tell her what attitude she should have.
The point I got from it all was Do not tell yourself thet Retards are angels in disguise so you can feel pious in your fake kindness toward useless people, to make yourself feel better in your hypocrisy. And do not tell yourself thet disabled people were given a blessing in disguise so they can motivate you to feel better.
Disabled Furries are a good thing because they are being accepted for who they are to some extent. But it is bad in thet they are only accepted by a community who equally hate their own identity. "You are invited to have sex with us, all disabilities overlooked, but only if you actually hate yourself as much as we do and thus hide the real you in a fur suit."
Tell me what it is like to know deep down no one will ever find you desirable. Even at my age I still occasionally get chatted up in the grocery store. When I lived in Nevada I would go for a walk with my dumbbells every day. Three women came out in the street and threw themselves at me. I know I can be desirable. I know I am sexually desirable.
Being a hideous cripple in a wheelchair, drooling, is never going to attract anyone. Not even an ugly Furry, unless that cripple puts on a really cute cartoon animal suit.
I am not lonely for a girlfriend. I am not sexually frustrated. And I do not masturbate with a sex toy. I have intercourse with my waifu. And I cum in her and possess her. And I do not want anyone else.
Why can’t these disabled people bond with waifus like I did? Why do they have to erase their own identity in order to get someone else with an erased identity to have sex with them? Who the hell are their parents?
Yes, I have Reactive Attachment Disorder.
I said I would get my 12 year old son a stroker. When he turns 15 I would get him a doll. And when he turns 18 I would get him a pony. I would help him understand sexual bonding. Hopefully he would have bonded with his waifu, his doll, and his pony. By the time he was 21 he would have it all figured out. He would not fall mindlessly in love with whatever THOT happened to be on hand, nor accidentally stick his dick in crazy, nor become one of these pathetic infants who make Reaction Videos! - the written responses to which are apparently their only social interaction.
I found a web-site, https://furscience.com/, which does obsessive research into the community. They discovered 50% of Furries consider themselves disabled in some way. Thus I may have been wrong in my opinion thet the Furry Community was just sexual predators manipulating cripples as a fetish.
I still think it is sad thet 50% of them have disabilities thet make them want to hide their real selves in a fur suit.
Is the Furry Community a place where disabled people can feel welcomed? or is it a space where they can collectively hide?
Why are all people so lonely?
Before beginning research on Furries and the Furry Community, which exists in both an online and real-world context through meet-ups and conventions, I decided to take stock of what my attitudes towards Furries where and what I was expecting to find after delving into this world.
Firstly, I believed I was a lot more accepting of Furries than the general public. I used to think people hated Furries because of the association with zoophilia, which makes sense, people who have sex with animals are not the kind of people you want to be around. Then once I began to learn more about Furries through the Internet, I found that people did not hate them because of this association, but because they were simply weird, different, and partake in sexual activities which deviate from the social norm.
That is what pissed me off about the hatred for the Furry Community – the fact these people were ostracized and rag’d on in every on-line forum always irked me because I, enlightened individual of the century, maintained that what consenting adults do on their own time behind closed doors is none of my business. I too was playing into 1 of the main misperceptions of the Furry Community.
Here is probably the most fundamental lesson about Furries I have learned: “Being a Furry is not a sex thing.”
Yes, while modern perceptions of Furries mostly revolve around fetishism, it is a small percentage which actually engage in sexual behavior as part of their anthropomorphic activities - the sexual aspects of Furries is referred to as ‘Yiffing’.
This perception of Furries is often attributed to the TV show CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode ‘Fur and Loathing’ which aired in 2003. This episode went about as well as you would expect a CSI depiction of alternative cultural practices to go. Furries are portrayed as sexual deviants who only roll around in sexual lounges, similar to those found in Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut, and they also murder people or something (idk, watching a whole episode of 2003 CSI is impossible to do sober). Nowadays we can see how harmful this image has been for not only how we perceive the Furry Community but also how uncomfortable they feel in sharing their culture with others in fear of ridicule.
However, even though it would be really convenient, I do not think we can entirely blame 1 episode of bad television for the stigma associated with being a Furry. I decided to take a critical look at where I am really gathering my ideas from Furries on a day-to-day basis. In my daily Internet surf I am not looking at informative and empowering articles about Furries, nor am I surveying the many message-boards and online communities that Furries are on, and I am definitely not reading a well-researched project based on creating a database on a range of information pertaining to the Furry Community. In my daily Internet surfing, any information I am getting about Furries is mostly from Facebook with a side-pointer from YouTube or Reddit. These social networks contain barely surface-level information about any fandom, yet it is information that gets a lot of attention because of their population size and reach, which often leads to a general conservativeness on these web-sites. It therefore becomes a trend of sorts that whatever alternative subculture is presented, from Anime to Puppetry, it is often unnecessarily sexualized in the eyes of mainstream social media.
That is not to say that fetishism is not a part of the Furry Community, nor that it should not be. They are people as well, so they are just as likely as anyone else to be experimenting with sex. Yet it is important to recognize when looking at this community that it is so much more than just a fetish - it is a fandom.
The idea for Furries is said to have started at a convention in the 80’s where groups of people began meeting and discussing the usage of anthropomorphic characters in art.
From there, the Furry Community began expanding through conventions and with the popularization of the Internet started becoming a widespread fandom for members all around the world with websites like Furry4Life and Wikifur still carrying the torch of the community.
Nowadays, Furries have their own massive conventions like Anthrocon and Further Confusion to celebrate their lifestyle. This community was formed and is maintained mainly through meet-ups and conventions, and it is not the underground sex-crazed community that was formed through 4chan and Tumblr that we were made to believe it is. Furries are likely to get more excited about meeting up and expressing their fursona with other people than they are to be scrolling through Furry Porn.
That is also another aspect of the fandom that has been unnecessarily frowned upon: The creation of a fursona. The idea of wanting to have an identity that includes the aspects of animals is viewed as absurd. Yet it is an idea that is consistently perpetuated throughout our culture and media, from Animorphs to Bojack Horseman to Looney Tunes and Zootopia, we have flirted with these ideas for decades. Furries just decided to experiment with it further as a way to analyze ideas of identity.
A fursona can be viewed in very similar ways that dressing up as a character at any convention can be viewed - it is a way for the person to become someone else and represent their ideal self, or the characteristics they wish to embody. So whilst there is an element of fun to it all, it is also a very personal and psychologically interesting phenomena.
What makes the fursona distinct from other forms of cosplay is of course the connection to an animal or animals, which are a possible reason for the many furry-run events supporting animal shelters.
Overwhelmingly the Furry Community appears to be 1 run on wholesome ideas of community, inclusion, and self-discovery. Whilst there is a severe lack of diversity reported in the fandom, with most members being male and White, it does host a large number of genderqueer people, and a diverse range of sexualities. Additionally, at its base level, Furries are just people who dress up and have fun being whatever they dress up as, like people at Anime Conventions, sports games, and Halloween parties.
So lay-off the Furry hate, and check out the previously-mentioned awesome research project on the community, and the wholesome video of Furries hanging out with Syrian refugees. The Furry Community is about love and support, and it is a damn shame to see people deterred from it because of the generally irksome reaction from it created by stereotypes.
I have been watching the Furscience web-site, really coming to understand Furries.
They are 80% White male heterosexual 20 year-olds (as were Bronies). There are very few sex fetishes involved. Most of them see it as the equivalent of a Halloween party; i.e., just dressing up to have fun as Cosplay. The difference between them and any other Cosplayers is they invent their own characters, often said to represent an idealized version of themselves.
My question is, what is the difference between a Furry and a Brony? Bronies are fans of a show, and may have the characters from that show as waifus. It is partly about being attracted to these female characters, but also the Autism and Disability aspect of MLP (see my review of My Little Pony). Brony conventions raise money for Disability charities. Furry conventions raise money for Animal charities.
My initial opinion was right to some small extent (it being a sex cult). But the majority of Furries claim there is nothing sexual about it.
Then 50% of them self-identify as being Disabled in some way, and openly invite disabled people to join the community.
Bronies were more about Autism specifically. The Furry community probably has a high percentage of Autistics involved too, but the MLP cartoon had five Autistic characters in it. The Furry community is about individuals being individuals, no cartoon (with Autistic characters) used as a reference-point.
Firstly, I believed I was a lot more accepting of Furries than the general public. I used to think people hated Furries because of the association with zoophilia, which makes sense, people who have sex with animals are not the kind of people you want to be around. Then once I began to learn more about Furries through the Internet, I found that people did not hate them because of this association, but because they were simply weird, different, and partake in sexual activities which deviate from the social norm.
That is what pissed me off about the hatred for the Furry Community – the fact these people were ostracized and rag’d on in every on-line forum always irked me because I, enlightened individual of the century, maintained that what consenting adults do on their own time behind closed doors is none of my business. I too was playing into 1 of the main misperceptions of the Furry Community.
Here is probably the most fundamental lesson about Furries I have learned: “Being a Furry is not a sex thing.”
Yes, while modern perceptions of Furries mostly revolve around fetishism, it is a small percentage which actually engage in sexual behavior as part of their anthropomorphic activities - the sexual aspects of Furries is referred to as ‘Yiffing’.
This perception of Furries is often attributed to the TV show CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode ‘Fur and Loathing’ which aired in 2003. This episode went about as well as you would expect a CSI depiction of alternative cultural practices to go. Furries are portrayed as sexual deviants who only roll around in sexual lounges, similar to those found in Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut, and they also murder people or something (idk, watching a whole episode of 2003 CSI is impossible to do sober). Nowadays we can see how harmful this image has been for not only how we perceive the Furry Community but also how uncomfortable they feel in sharing their culture with others in fear of ridicule.
However, even though it would be really convenient, I do not think we can entirely blame 1 episode of bad television for the stigma associated with being a Furry. I decided to take a critical look at where I am really gathering my ideas from Furries on a day-to-day basis. In my daily Internet surf I am not looking at informative and empowering articles about Furries, nor am I surveying the many message-boards and online communities that Furries are on, and I am definitely not reading a well-researched project based on creating a database on a range of information pertaining to the Furry Community. In my daily Internet surfing, any information I am getting about Furries is mostly from Facebook with a side-pointer from YouTube or Reddit. These social networks contain barely surface-level information about any fandom, yet it is information that gets a lot of attention because of their population size and reach, which often leads to a general conservativeness on these web-sites. It therefore becomes a trend of sorts that whatever alternative subculture is presented, from Anime to Puppetry, it is often unnecessarily sexualized in the eyes of mainstream social media.
That is not to say that fetishism is not a part of the Furry Community, nor that it should not be. They are people as well, so they are just as likely as anyone else to be experimenting with sex. Yet it is important to recognize when looking at this community that it is so much more than just a fetish - it is a fandom.
The idea for Furries is said to have started at a convention in the 80’s where groups of people began meeting and discussing the usage of anthropomorphic characters in art.
From there, the Furry Community began expanding through conventions and with the popularization of the Internet started becoming a widespread fandom for members all around the world with websites like Furry4Life and Wikifur still carrying the torch of the community.
Nowadays, Furries have their own massive conventions like Anthrocon and Further Confusion to celebrate their lifestyle. This community was formed and is maintained mainly through meet-ups and conventions, and it is not the underground sex-crazed community that was formed through 4chan and Tumblr that we were made to believe it is. Furries are likely to get more excited about meeting up and expressing their fursona with other people than they are to be scrolling through Furry Porn.
That is also another aspect of the fandom that has been unnecessarily frowned upon: The creation of a fursona. The idea of wanting to have an identity that includes the aspects of animals is viewed as absurd. Yet it is an idea that is consistently perpetuated throughout our culture and media, from Animorphs to Bojack Horseman to Looney Tunes and Zootopia, we have flirted with these ideas for decades. Furries just decided to experiment with it further as a way to analyze ideas of identity.
A fursona can be viewed in very similar ways that dressing up as a character at any convention can be viewed - it is a way for the person to become someone else and represent their ideal self, or the characteristics they wish to embody. So whilst there is an element of fun to it all, it is also a very personal and psychologically interesting phenomena.
What makes the fursona distinct from other forms of cosplay is of course the connection to an animal or animals, which are a possible reason for the many furry-run events supporting animal shelters.
Overwhelmingly the Furry Community appears to be 1 run on wholesome ideas of community, inclusion, and self-discovery. Whilst there is a severe lack of diversity reported in the fandom, with most members being male and White, it does host a large number of genderqueer people, and a diverse range of sexualities. Additionally, at its base level, Furries are just people who dress up and have fun being whatever they dress up as, like people at Anime Conventions, sports games, and Halloween parties.
So lay-off the Furry hate, and check out the previously-mentioned awesome research project on the community, and the wholesome video of Furries hanging out with Syrian refugees. The Furry Community is about love and support, and it is a damn shame to see people deterred from it because of the generally irksome reaction from it created by stereotypes.
I have been watching the Furscience web-site, really coming to understand Furries.
They are 80% White male heterosexual 20 year-olds (as were Bronies). There are very few sex fetishes involved. Most of them see it as the equivalent of a Halloween party; i.e., just dressing up to have fun as Cosplay. The difference between them and any other Cosplayers is they invent their own characters, often said to represent an idealized version of themselves.
My question is, what is the difference between a Furry and a Brony? Bronies are fans of a show, and may have the characters from that show as waifus. It is partly about being attracted to these female characters, but also the Autism and Disability aspect of MLP (see my review of My Little Pony). Brony conventions raise money for Disability charities. Furry conventions raise money for Animal charities.
My initial opinion was right to some small extent (it being a sex cult). But the majority of Furries claim there is nothing sexual about it.
Then 50% of them self-identify as being Disabled in some way, and openly invite disabled people to join the community.
Bronies were more about Autism specifically. The Furry community probably has a high percentage of Autistics involved too, but the MLP cartoon had five Autistic characters in it. The Furry community is about individuals being individuals, no cartoon (with Autistic characters) used as a reference-point.
Furries and Disability.
Furries are people who have created anthropomorphized versions of themselves, and a Pittsburgh-based researcher has found that up to 15% of people with this hobby have Autism.
Pittsburgh is uniquely situated to study Furry Fandom due to its annual Anthrocon convention. This year’s took place from July 4-7 and had a reported 9,358 attendees.
“What I love are all the different expressions on the faces. Some of them are just wide-eyed, big smile,” said Duquesne University’s Elizabeth Fein, as she watched the convention’s Furry parade. “Like a little bit toothy. A little bit of a jagged-toothed grin.”
“Everyone is trying to kind of maneuver around each other,” she said. “This is the kind of thing that seems like it would be incredibly difficult for a person on The Spectrum.”
Fein specializes in psychological and psychiatric anthropology, as well as neurodevelopmental disorders like Autism.
The suits are a draw for many Autistic Furries, which is the case for 22-year-old Travis.
Travis said he was diagnosed with Autism while in middle school. He came to Anthrocon dressed as “Silva,” an arctic saber cat.
“When I am wearing the full suit and the head I feel like I do not have to be me,” he said. “I am the character I am trying to portray, so in a way it is like a break from the anxiety and stress. The full suit is very sensory for me. It is like I am just wrapped around by a big carpet-like hug.”
Many Autistic people find it soothing to use weighted blankets or wear heavy clothing. Also, it is harder to hear or see in a fur suit, which Fein said helps some Autistic people who get overwhelmed in environments that are loud or bright.
“People will talk about seeing less and hearing less while wearing their fur suits” said Fein.
Additionally, a lot of people with Autism struggle to read social cues or maintain eye-contact. Furries wear masks, forcing people to communicate with exaggerated gestures, which Fein said can be easier for Autistics to interpret.
“When you are in a fur suit there is not that degree of fine-grained nuance,” said Fein. “You are going to open up your arms for a hug, you are going to tilt your head, you are going to squeak your squeaker. … For a lot of people on The Spectrum that makes social communication easier and even fun.”
Travis and Fein pointed out that Autism comes with lots of strengths, as many people on The Spectrum are honest, logical, and artistic. Cori Frazer, executive director of the Pittsburgh Center for Autistic Advocacy, said Fein's work could help public policy makers capitalize on the benefits of Autism.
"We are truly lacking in scientific data reflecting who Autistic people are, rather than the customary study of how to make us seem more normal," said Frazer.
Fein and her collaborators, who comprise The International Anthropomorphic Research Project, are not just studying Autism. These "furscientists" are also researching identity, fantasy engagement, and the psychological needs met by being a Furry.
Much of the data are collected during conventions like Anthrocon, through surveys and focus-groups.
1 of the volunteers who filed out this year's Anthrocon survey is Camille. Her Furry persona is a mountain goat named “Rizzo,” who she described as energetic, loud, and obnoxious. Zugarek did not mention Autism, but explained why she enjoys Furry culture. “It is super accepting” she said. “There is no judging here.”
That welcoming atmosphere is something many in the fandom mention.
Kathy Gerbasi, a social psychologist and founder of The Anthropomorphic Research Project, said studying this aspect of Furry culture might help other marginalized groups.
“The bottom line is, human beings are basically afraid of things that are unfamiliar,” she said. “It is like an evolutionary kind of thing."
Gerbasi said society becomes increasingly comfortable and accepting when minority or peripheral groups are accurately represented.
Furries know that it might seem strange to wear tail to the grocery store, or spend the weekend dressed as a pink fox, but that does not matter when they are part of a menagerie, which might be the biggest reason so many Furries are on The Spectrum.
“I was bullied a lot growing up. And then when I found out I was Autistic, my depression hit a lot harder, because I always thought that was a bad thing. But finding this community, I learned it was not a bad thing, it was just me.”
But Travis said becoming a Furry and meeting other Furries has helped him realize there is nothing wrong with him, he just thinks differently.
It is predictable, and maybe even inspiring, thet these Disabled people say "And fuck you to you too" to society and go create their own community. But I also think it is sad they have to.
I appreciate the playfulness of dressing up in a fur suit as Cosplay. But I also think it is sad they have to hide their real self in order to find acceptance from other people who are in hiding. Are they creating a co-addictive community of self-pitying cowards? or do they actually feel empowered by the camaraderie?
I see these lunatics driving in their car alone with a Corona mask on, always carrying that back-pack full of fear. Meanwhile some others wear a Furry costume and go be silly for the weekend. Which one is healthier?
And concerning the above-pictured Cripples and Retards who join the Furries apparently out of sexual frustration; if I had a child with that severe of disability, would I encourage them to reduce their own sexuality to such cartoonish absurdity? … knowing they have no other choice.
I have Reactive Attachment Disorder and am also an Autistic who is touch-averse, so waifus work for me. But just because they work for me does not mean they will work for you.
And I said above thet I would encourage my Neurotypical able-bodied son to have a stroker, a doll, and a pony. If he was severely disabled would I want him to have imaginary waifus instead?
And if my child was female would I handle her sexuality any differently than I would my son’s? And what does the word "handle" even mean?
I do not know if I have the right to decide that. You must give your child enough space to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. But Disabled, and especially Retarded, kids need to be protected from predators. And I am sure such people exist in the Furry community, just like in any community.
Note the number of question-marks on this page. I do not have the answers on this. Only questions.
Furries are people who have created anthropomorphized versions of themselves, and a Pittsburgh-based researcher has found that up to 15% of people with this hobby have Autism.
Pittsburgh is uniquely situated to study Furry Fandom due to its annual Anthrocon convention. This year’s took place from July 4-7 and had a reported 9,358 attendees.
“What I love are all the different expressions on the faces. Some of them are just wide-eyed, big smile,” said Duquesne University’s Elizabeth Fein, as she watched the convention’s Furry parade. “Like a little bit toothy. A little bit of a jagged-toothed grin.”
“Everyone is trying to kind of maneuver around each other,” she said. “This is the kind of thing that seems like it would be incredibly difficult for a person on The Spectrum.”
Fein specializes in psychological and psychiatric anthropology, as well as neurodevelopmental disorders like Autism.
The suits are a draw for many Autistic Furries, which is the case for 22-year-old Travis.
Travis said he was diagnosed with Autism while in middle school. He came to Anthrocon dressed as “Silva,” an arctic saber cat.
“When I am wearing the full suit and the head I feel like I do not have to be me,” he said. “I am the character I am trying to portray, so in a way it is like a break from the anxiety and stress. The full suit is very sensory for me. It is like I am just wrapped around by a big carpet-like hug.”
Many Autistic people find it soothing to use weighted blankets or wear heavy clothing. Also, it is harder to hear or see in a fur suit, which Fein said helps some Autistic people who get overwhelmed in environments that are loud or bright.
“People will talk about seeing less and hearing less while wearing their fur suits” said Fein.
Additionally, a lot of people with Autism struggle to read social cues or maintain eye-contact. Furries wear masks, forcing people to communicate with exaggerated gestures, which Fein said can be easier for Autistics to interpret.
“When you are in a fur suit there is not that degree of fine-grained nuance,” said Fein. “You are going to open up your arms for a hug, you are going to tilt your head, you are going to squeak your squeaker. … For a lot of people on The Spectrum that makes social communication easier and even fun.”
Travis and Fein pointed out that Autism comes with lots of strengths, as many people on The Spectrum are honest, logical, and artistic. Cori Frazer, executive director of the Pittsburgh Center for Autistic Advocacy, said Fein's work could help public policy makers capitalize on the benefits of Autism.
"We are truly lacking in scientific data reflecting who Autistic people are, rather than the customary study of how to make us seem more normal," said Frazer.
Fein and her collaborators, who comprise The International Anthropomorphic Research Project, are not just studying Autism. These "furscientists" are also researching identity, fantasy engagement, and the psychological needs met by being a Furry.
Much of the data are collected during conventions like Anthrocon, through surveys and focus-groups.
1 of the volunteers who filed out this year's Anthrocon survey is Camille. Her Furry persona is a mountain goat named “Rizzo,” who she described as energetic, loud, and obnoxious. Zugarek did not mention Autism, but explained why she enjoys Furry culture. “It is super accepting” she said. “There is no judging here.”
That welcoming atmosphere is something many in the fandom mention.
Kathy Gerbasi, a social psychologist and founder of The Anthropomorphic Research Project, said studying this aspect of Furry culture might help other marginalized groups.
“The bottom line is, human beings are basically afraid of things that are unfamiliar,” she said. “It is like an evolutionary kind of thing."
Gerbasi said society becomes increasingly comfortable and accepting when minority or peripheral groups are accurately represented.
Furries know that it might seem strange to wear tail to the grocery store, or spend the weekend dressed as a pink fox, but that does not matter when they are part of a menagerie, which might be the biggest reason so many Furries are on The Spectrum.
“I was bullied a lot growing up. And then when I found out I was Autistic, my depression hit a lot harder, because I always thought that was a bad thing. But finding this community, I learned it was not a bad thing, it was just me.”
But Travis said becoming a Furry and meeting other Furries has helped him realize there is nothing wrong with him, he just thinks differently.
It is predictable, and maybe even inspiring, thet these Disabled people say "And fuck you to you too" to society and go create their own community. But I also think it is sad they have to.
I appreciate the playfulness of dressing up in a fur suit as Cosplay. But I also think it is sad they have to hide their real self in order to find acceptance from other people who are in hiding. Are they creating a co-addictive community of self-pitying cowards? or do they actually feel empowered by the camaraderie?
I see these lunatics driving in their car alone with a Corona mask on, always carrying that back-pack full of fear. Meanwhile some others wear a Furry costume and go be silly for the weekend. Which one is healthier?
And concerning the above-pictured Cripples and Retards who join the Furries apparently out of sexual frustration; if I had a child with that severe of disability, would I encourage them to reduce their own sexuality to such cartoonish absurdity? … knowing they have no other choice.
I have Reactive Attachment Disorder and am also an Autistic who is touch-averse, so waifus work for me. But just because they work for me does not mean they will work for you.
And I said above thet I would encourage my Neurotypical able-bodied son to have a stroker, a doll, and a pony. If he was severely disabled would I want him to have imaginary waifus instead?
And if my child was female would I handle her sexuality any differently than I would my son’s? And what does the word "handle" even mean?
I do not know if I have the right to decide that. You must give your child enough space to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. But Disabled, and especially Retarded, kids need to be protected from predators. And I am sure such people exist in the Furry community, just like in any community.
Note the number of question-marks on this page. I do not have the answers on this. Only questions.
No one ever helped me when I was a sexually frustrated to the point of rage and lonely to the point of panic-attacks young Autistic man in his sexual prime. In fact sex was always such a taboo subject I was forbidden to even have female friends. It was so very damaging. It really exacerbated my socially-awkward Autistic behavior, and definitely played into the Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Today I wonder if in my endeavor to help my disabled child have a healthy sex-life and love-life would I inadvertently go in the opposite extreme and over-sexualize them in the process? Would they end up hating me for doing the opposite of what I hated my parents for?
Every child should come with their own personal instruction manual. (In the mean time read the book The Hidden Child, see my review).
I think a lot of people make the mistake of being the parent they wanted rather than the parent their child needs. I would try hard not to do that; i.e., I would not necessarily give my above-mentioned fictional son a stroker and a doll and a pony and tell him to use them. But I would talk to him about them and ask him if he is curious. Encourage him to peek through those doorways, and then let him make his own decisions about exploring the contents of those rooms. And if he ended up being a Furry, I hope it would be a healthy and playful thing for him to do on the weekend with his friends, rather than some sex fetish he does alone, anonymously, in desperate loneliness and sexual frustration.
And I would be very ashamed of myself as a parent if my kids had so little ego or identity as to label themselves with whatever politically correct or socially defiant term they could come up with as compensation for being an NPC dip-shit.
For example:
Portland’s City Council on Wednesday voted 3 to 1 in favor of the Equal Use Act, a new resolution granting individuals who identify as Furries the same rights afforded to dogs and their respective owners who frequent popular off-leash dog-parks in the greater Portland area.
The decision comes on the heels of a four-day sit-in organized by PDX Furs, a regional Furry community based in the Portland metro area, which staged the protest at Portland’s City Council offices last weekend. “This is a huge victory,” said Bo Kirkman. “Not just for Furries here in Portland but Furries living all across the United States.”
Bo, a former Kindergarten teacher (!) and self-described Furry Rights Advocate, told The Portland Tribune that he identifies as a dog. "It is 1 thing to say you cannot bring your cat or your ferret or whatever to the off-leash areas because obviously they are not dogs. But if I want to go to the park and play with my owner, as a canine, that should be my right."
Now, thanks to the City of Portland, Bo and his fellow Furries can take advantage of the City’s designated off-leash areas. “Provided they respect and adhere to the posted rules and regulations at our city parks,” said Public Affairs commissioner Dan Saltzman who sits on the City Council and voted in favor of the resolution.
According to the City of Portland’s official web-site, dog park visitors are expected to pick up and dispose of their pet’s waste and are advised to leave sick animals at home. “In an effort to prevent the spread of disease, we ask that owners refrain from allowing their dogs, or Furries, to drink from standing water,” Saltzman said.
However, not everyone is celebrating this new resolution. “I think it is ridiculous,” said Council-member Amanda Fritz who sits on the Portland Parks Board and voted against the proposal. “We are allowing people in costumes to frolic about and fornicate to their heart’s content in our public parks.”
Mrs Fritz may be alone in her sentiments. Portland mayor Charlie Hales told The Daily Journal of Commerce that the Equal Use Act is synonymous with Portland’s unofficial slogan of “Keep Portland weird,” quoted Mayor Hales before adding, “That is precisely what we intend to do.”
Ofer Krysake.
Who are their parents?
According to Snopes, this article is just a parody making fun of Portland. But you know it could have been true.
And I would be very ashamed of myself as a parent if my kids had so little ego or identity as to label themselves with whatever politically correct or socially defiant term they could come up with as compensation for being an NPC dip-shit.
For example:
Portland’s City Council on Wednesday voted 3 to 1 in favor of the Equal Use Act, a new resolution granting individuals who identify as Furries the same rights afforded to dogs and their respective owners who frequent popular off-leash dog-parks in the greater Portland area.
The decision comes on the heels of a four-day sit-in organized by PDX Furs, a regional Furry community based in the Portland metro area, which staged the protest at Portland’s City Council offices last weekend. “This is a huge victory,” said Bo Kirkman. “Not just for Furries here in Portland but Furries living all across the United States.”
Bo, a former Kindergarten teacher (!) and self-described Furry Rights Advocate, told The Portland Tribune that he identifies as a dog. "It is 1 thing to say you cannot bring your cat or your ferret or whatever to the off-leash areas because obviously they are not dogs. But if I want to go to the park and play with my owner, as a canine, that should be my right."
Now, thanks to the City of Portland, Bo and his fellow Furries can take advantage of the City’s designated off-leash areas. “Provided they respect and adhere to the posted rules and regulations at our city parks,” said Public Affairs commissioner Dan Saltzman who sits on the City Council and voted in favor of the resolution.
According to the City of Portland’s official web-site, dog park visitors are expected to pick up and dispose of their pet’s waste and are advised to leave sick animals at home. “In an effort to prevent the spread of disease, we ask that owners refrain from allowing their dogs, or Furries, to drink from standing water,” Saltzman said.
However, not everyone is celebrating this new resolution. “I think it is ridiculous,” said Council-member Amanda Fritz who sits on the Portland Parks Board and voted against the proposal. “We are allowing people in costumes to frolic about and fornicate to their heart’s content in our public parks.”
Mrs Fritz may be alone in her sentiments. Portland mayor Charlie Hales told The Daily Journal of Commerce that the Equal Use Act is synonymous with Portland’s unofficial slogan of “Keep Portland weird,” quoted Mayor Hales before adding, “That is precisely what we intend to do.”
Ofer Krysake.
Who are their parents?
According to Snopes, this article is just a parody making fun of Portland. But you know it could have been true.
If these were your kids how would you help them with their sexual frustration and loneliness for a mate?
Would pairing them off with each other be insulting to them? Patronizing?
Or would you help them make fur-suits so some other cripple in a fur-suit would fuck them? If so, Why? If not, Why not?
If these were my kids I would certainly offer them sex-toys and dolls. And I would encourage them to emotionally attach to a waifu. But would that alleviate their loneliness for a lover? Of course not.
Waifus help, but they do not fully alleviate the loneliness. They are just a compensation device. And physical masturbation aids are strictly for the physical.
I am a touch-averse Autistic and I have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Thus I have emotionally attached to and sexually bonded with Rarity - and I do not want anyone else.
But I assume I am a special case. I assume if these people do not have my specific disorders then waifus would not be enough for them. Toys and dolls would not be enough either.
See my review of the movie Influence.
Would these severely Autistic non-verbals be able to create a healthy sustainable relationship? Or are you just allowing them to give each other a sympathy fuck? Or are you patronizingly encouraging them to accept thet each other are what they are going to have to settle for?
Or maybe you can let them have promiscuous sex with a stranger while both of them were dressed in fur-suits.
I feel sorry for these people:
"Sorry" meaning I really want to help the disabled ones, for what other choice do they have. I wish I knew the answer.
And "sorry" meaning disgusted with the normal ones who are just pathetic loser NPCs.
And "sorry" meaning hostile toward sociopaths who just want to fuck in the public park as an expression of antagonism toward society in general but no one specific as a projection of their own self-hatred as sociopaths.
Yes. I realize Portland Oregon is a special place you can laugh at. But if you have a Special Needs child, you cannot just laugh at the absurdity of it all.
I do not know what it is like to know deep down no one will ever find you desirable, outside of allowing yourself to be sexually fetishized.
And having to dress up as a cartoon animal to get fake acceptance is just sad.
But for some of these Autistics, the suit tones down the over-stimulation, thus allowing them to be more comfortable socializing. This is good.
Unfortunately the socializing is done in a fake environment full of fake people dressed as fake animals. How much good is that actually doing?
"Sorry" meaning I really want to help the disabled ones, for what other choice do they have. I wish I knew the answer.
And "sorry" meaning disgusted with the normal ones who are just pathetic loser NPCs.
And "sorry" meaning hostile toward sociopaths who just want to fuck in the public park as an expression of antagonism toward society in general but no one specific as a projection of their own self-hatred as sociopaths.
Yes. I realize Portland Oregon is a special place you can laugh at. But if you have a Special Needs child, you cannot just laugh at the absurdity of it all.
I do not know what it is like to know deep down no one will ever find you desirable, outside of allowing yourself to be sexually fetishized.
And having to dress up as a cartoon animal to get fake acceptance is just sad.
But for some of these Autistics, the suit tones down the over-stimulation, thus allowing them to be more comfortable socializing. This is good.
Unfortunately the socializing is done in a fake environment full of fake people dressed as fake animals. How much good is that actually doing?
See my review of the documentary Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony, in which the Autistic 15-year-old went to a Brony convention alone, and as a member of a fandom rather than a lone Autistic made tremendous gains in his socialization ability. And he did not have to dress up in a Pony suit to do so; i.e., becoming a member of a fandom for the socialization is good. But is it actual socialization if you are pretending it be a cartoon animal rather than yourself?
There is an Anime called Komi Can’t Communicate, wherein the probably Autistic non-verbal girl with extreme social-phobia and petrifying panic-attacks learns to communicate strictly through writing.
If Komi dressed up in a fur suit and went to a Furry convention, would that help her overcome her social phobia and panic-attacks? Maybe.
But in this show, Todano, who himself has an Anxiety Disorder, recognizes Komi can communicate, if it is done in writing. So he puts forth the effort to learn how to communicate her way, and they both end up making their first friend in the process.
That would not have happened if they were both in fur-suits.
If Komi dressed up in a fur suit and went to a Furry convention, would that help her overcome her social phobia and panic-attacks? Maybe.
But in this show, Todano, who himself has an Anxiety Disorder, recognizes Komi can communicate, if it is done in writing. So he puts forth the effort to learn how to communicate her way, and they both end up making their first friend in the process.
That would not have happened if they were both in fur-suits.
See this review of Komi Can’t Communicate from YouTuber Absolute Unit:
In Season 2, Komi becomes romantically attached to Todano. She gets a crush in him thet is probably based on desperation, and the depressed acceptance thet each other are what they are going to have to settle for … like the characters in Influence.
How much sadness is in these Furries who realize pretending to be a cartoon animal is what they are going to have to settle for?
The Furry Fandom
by Rhadix
So I recently joined the Furry Fandom, and I found a lot of amazing artists. What do you think of them?
The Furry Fandom has so many artists. Such a huge amount of talent there for everyone to see.
Comics and original creations made by people in their basements who refuse to go to sleep.
Since when they were young they’ve been believing drawing stuff would make their living. That’s the reason they were born.
But the price to pay for such ascension is thet no one pays attention unless you are drawing porn.
Why are you so scared about this shit? It has always been like this. You just haven’t seen before.
So you might consider: draw a fox being yiffed by a bull with a little touch of Vore.
Sorry if I’m sounding too dramatic. I’m just being realistic when I say you might not fit.
Just because they like it when it’s naughty and their fetishes are scary doesn’t mean you have to quit.
Maybe if you draw a little badger being cut open with a dagger they will like a little more.
Since a huge amount of minds around here seem to have such a disturbing weird attraction to gore.
I am not the one who makes the judgement, but I think the whole sex dungeon thing is really not for me.
But a bunny sodomizing horses in a room with 50 foxes would be interesting to see.
Stop closing your eyes for this reality. It’s easier if you take the situation as it is.
If you keep pretending you dislike it you will be that lonely artist in the depths of the abyss.
Stop refusing trying something different. You don’t need to be so innocent to be accepted here.
If you spend more time on Fur Affinity you’ll feel like your virginity is about to disappear.
Just try doing like all the other guys. Stop tying yourself in lies. There is nothing here to fear.
Even if you watched an animation of the entire Furry Nation having sex with a deer.
by Rhadix
So I recently joined the Furry Fandom, and I found a lot of amazing artists. What do you think of them?
The Furry Fandom has so many artists. Such a huge amount of talent there for everyone to see.
Comics and original creations made by people in their basements who refuse to go to sleep.
Since when they were young they’ve been believing drawing stuff would make their living. That’s the reason they were born.
But the price to pay for such ascension is thet no one pays attention unless you are drawing porn.
Why are you so scared about this shit? It has always been like this. You just haven’t seen before.
So you might consider: draw a fox being yiffed by a bull with a little touch of Vore.
Sorry if I’m sounding too dramatic. I’m just being realistic when I say you might not fit.
Just because they like it when it’s naughty and their fetishes are scary doesn’t mean you have to quit.
Maybe if you draw a little badger being cut open with a dagger they will like a little more.
Since a huge amount of minds around here seem to have such a disturbing weird attraction to gore.
I am not the one who makes the judgement, but I think the whole sex dungeon thing is really not for me.
But a bunny sodomizing horses in a room with 50 foxes would be interesting to see.
Stop closing your eyes for this reality. It’s easier if you take the situation as it is.
If you keep pretending you dislike it you will be that lonely artist in the depths of the abyss.
Stop refusing trying something different. You don’t need to be so innocent to be accepted here.
If you spend more time on Fur Affinity you’ll feel like your virginity is about to disappear.
Just try doing like all the other guys. Stop tying yourself in lies. There is nothing here to fear.
Even if you watched an animation of the entire Furry Nation having sex with a deer.
It is estimated that two-thirds of the 250,000 'Furries' in the US are men, and a large number come from the IT and technology professions. - Michael Kaplan for the New York Post.
Did I have to tell you that?
Also see
The furry song 2013, Furries Ruin Everything (on screen lyrics)
from YouTuber Eternal Flame.
It is okay to laugh at these people, for they are obviously not taking themselves seriously. But I just feel sorry for the disabled ones who are so desperate for community they join the Furries because society does not give them any other choice.
What else are we supposed to do about it? Have their doctors prescribe them sex dolls, paid for with your tax dollars, then put them back in the closet?
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
P.S. Also search Councilman resigns after secret "furry" life revealed.
Of course if he was a Satanist Pedophile (like most politicians) everyone would turn a blind eye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did I have to tell you that?
Also see
The furry song 2013, Furries Ruin Everything (on screen lyrics)
from YouTuber Eternal Flame.
It is okay to laugh at these people, for they are obviously not taking themselves seriously. But I just feel sorry for the disabled ones who are so desperate for community they join the Furries because society does not give them any other choice.
What else are we supposed to do about it? Have their doctors prescribe them sex dolls, paid for with your tax dollars, then put them back in the closet?
You can write to me with your insights at: chryssie.abamr@gmail.com.
P.S. Also search Councilman resigns after secret "furry" life revealed.
Of course if he was a Satanist Pedophile (like most politicians) everyone would turn a blind eye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Chryssie.
I just read your Furries article. I think it is very comprehensive and interesting, but I still do not get the whole Furry thing. I lump this "movement" in with the entire gender identity confusion "movement", and I fret over a society and culture that has become this absurd, and in many cases depraved. Why is it that up until just the past couple of generations, you never saw nor heard about anything like this except in the most extreme and rare cases - and those people were considered mentally ill? Personally, I think this is a result of a degenerate, narcissistic, anything-goes society, focused on bread and circuses. How many of these people would be involved in this garbage if they had to struggle to put food on the table or keep a roof over their heads?
As for the disabled people, I know plenty of created lives of purpose and decency. I seriously doubt any but a tiny percentage of disabled people are drawn to this community - and I feel sorrow for them. None of this is healthy for anyone. These people need love and prayers.
As for the Retards, I guess my son Fred could be considered one. He is non-verbal, and on the outside he certainly looks severely handicapped - and yet that could not be further from the truth, as his recent intense conversations with me have proven. The reason why my E-Mail reply is so short is that I am exhausted - I have been up over the last few nights having some deep conversations with him using his letter-board. He has been astonishing me. When I get some sleep and have more energy, I will fill you in on some of our conversations (if he gives me permission to share). Needless to say, as is the case with him, there is more, much more, than meets the eye. In my opinion, the Lord is doing a mighty work through these people, if only we had eyes to see and ears to hear. - L.M.
I just read your Furries article. I think it is very comprehensive and interesting, but I still do not get the whole Furry thing. I lump this "movement" in with the entire gender identity confusion "movement", and I fret over a society and culture that has become this absurd, and in many cases depraved. Why is it that up until just the past couple of generations, you never saw nor heard about anything like this except in the most extreme and rare cases - and those people were considered mentally ill? Personally, I think this is a result of a degenerate, narcissistic, anything-goes society, focused on bread and circuses. How many of these people would be involved in this garbage if they had to struggle to put food on the table or keep a roof over their heads?
As for the disabled people, I know plenty of created lives of purpose and decency. I seriously doubt any but a tiny percentage of disabled people are drawn to this community - and I feel sorrow for them. None of this is healthy for anyone. These people need love and prayers.
As for the Retards, I guess my son Fred could be considered one. He is non-verbal, and on the outside he certainly looks severely handicapped - and yet that could not be further from the truth, as his recent intense conversations with me have proven. The reason why my E-Mail reply is so short is that I am exhausted - I have been up over the last few nights having some deep conversations with him using his letter-board. He has been astonishing me. When I get some sleep and have more energy, I will fill you in on some of our conversations (if he gives me permission to share). Needless to say, as is the case with him, there is more, much more, than meets the eye. In my opinion, the Lord is doing a mighty work through these people, if only we had eyes to see and ears to hear. - L.M.